Confessions

by Sasha Campbell

  I stared at him over the rim of my wineglass while I took a sip, then shrugged. “I’m fine with our marriage the way it is…for now. I thought we both understood each other. I thought you supported my dream.”

  “I do support your dreams. But I am a man and I get lonely sometimes. It would be nice to come home and find you there to hold…and talk to. Sometimes, on the weekend, I like to see a movie or go to dinner…and it would be great to have someone to do that with.”

  “We can do that this weekend.”

  He gave me a sad look that was easy to read. He was clearly disappointed. “You don’t get it, do you?”

  I slammed the glass down on the counter. “No, you don’t get it! You just don’t wait until two days before closing on a house to change your mind. I agree, maybe we do need to sit down and talk about our marriage, but we’ve already committed to this house. I’ve poured out thousands in earnest money, inspections, appraisals…this is crazy!”

  He waved his hand in the air, dismissing me, then turned his back. “I already told you, I’m not buying the house.” With that he left, slamming the door behind him.

  I couldn’t remember the last time I had ever seen him that stubborn, let alone disagreeing with something I wanted. And I wanted this house so bad. It looked like Trinette. It smelled like Trinette. It even spelled T-r-i-n-e-t-t-e. The house was so close I could already see myself pulling up in my circle driveway. Leon was the only thing standing in my way.

  I called Nikki again. She didn’t sound happy to hear from me. “Netta, I’m getting ready to go on the air in thirty minutes.”

  “Okay, call me later.” I hung up and dialed my cousin Peaches, who I hadn’t spoken to in months. She is happily married with two kids. I allowed her a few minutes to brag about her family before I changed the subject and told her what happened.

  “Peaches, Leon’s never said anything to me before about being lonely and wanting someone there.”

  Silence met the phone.

  “What, Peaches?”

  “I…I think Leon might be seeing someone else.”

  “What?”

  “I’m serious. That’s the classic sign. Here it is Valentine’s weekend and he’s tripping. I bet you the female he’s fooling with saw those loan papers lying around and started tripping…probably even gave him an ultimatum.”

  I took a moment to think about what she said. It had to be the answer. Just four days ago, Leon was just as excited about the new house as I was. Now he refused to even go and take a look. My stomach started to churn at the idea.

  “Netta, girl, you better throw that pussy on him and save your marriage. Kayla’s crying…I gotta go.” She hung up.

  I poured myself another glass of wine, thought about what Peaches had said and waited for Leon to return. It was past ten and I had already finished half the damn bottle and was lying on the couch when he walked in, looking as if he had stopped and had a few drinks himself.

  I rolled my eyes at him. “I thought you were bringing a pizza.”

  He rested his weight against the doorjamb. “I was, but then I decided I needed a drink and went over my boy Aaron’s house.”

  My eyes glared at him. I was sure he felt the heat. “If you came to Missouri to break my heart, why did you even bother to come? You could have done that over the phone.”

  “I came to see my wife. So we could talk about her living with her husband again.”

  I was so angry I stormed up to the bathroom and drew myself a hot bath, then climbed in. I was so mad that tears were streaming down my face. How dare Leon do this to me.

  Sure, he was right, we needed to talk about our marriage, but not then. Not while everything was going the way I wanted. The perfect job was almost at my fingertips, and the house would put me where I needed to be. I had already planned a family barbecue for Memorial Day. I couldn’t wait to let my family see just how good I was living. But in a matter of hours Leon had ruined everything. That night was the first time in my marriage I was scared shitless. What in the world could possibly happen next?

  19

  Nikki

  “Oooh-weee! We’re back, and if you missed the show, you’ve missed an evening of straight-up drama! Let me tell you…you’ve definitely missed something. This is Ms. Nikki, and caller, you’re on the air.”

  “Ms. Nikki, this is Shaunda, and I got a problem.”

  I adjusted my microphone. “Go ahead, Shaunda, we’re listening.”

  “Well…uh…I just found out last month I’m pregnant, and before I had a chance to decide what I’m gonna do, my boyfriend proposed.”

  “Why do I get the feeling there is more to this story?”

  She sighed with exasperation. “Because…there is. It’s not his baby or…at least I don’t think it is.”

  I fidgeted with excitement on the seat. “Okay, you’re gonna have to back up and start over. Are you saying you’re pregnant by another man?”

  “Yes…or at least I think so. See, my boyfriend and I been together for almost two years. Well…three months ago we had a big fight and I ended our relationship. While we were apart, this dude started working at the Quik Trip with me. And one thing led to another and, well, we ended up sleeping together.”

  “Oh, boy!” Now we were getting to the juicy part. “Let me guess—you didn’t use protection?”

  “No. I didn’t. I was hurting and wasn’t thinking. And I had no idea my boyfriend was going to come back a month later and propose.”

  “So what are you gonna do, ’cause inquiring minds wanna know.”

  Shaunda hesitated. “I planned to terminate the pregnancy, but my boyfriend found out, and I panicked and told him the baby was his.”

  I smacked my lips. “Then what happened?”

  “Well, Terrence confronted me at work and wanted to know if the baby was his, and I couldn’t lie to him. He wants to be a part of his baby’s life, and I don’t know what I’m gonna do.”

  “What do you wanna do? That’s the question. We’re getting ready for a commercial break, then we’ll be back and maybe someone out there can help Shaunda figure out what to do.”

  I turned off the microphone and reached for my soda. All that talking made me thirsty, and it had been one hilarious evening. I needed a good laugh.

  I still hadn’t returned to the store, but I needed to be on the air. I realized I needed my job and my man to help me move on.

  There was still a minute before we went back on the air when Tristan came into the studio. “Nikki, you need to pick up line two.”

  I gave him a suspicious look. “Who is it? And it better not be Mr. Loser.”

  He shook his head, trying to keep a straight face. “Better.” Tristan swung on his heel and headed back to his desk. I hate when he does that.

  I pushed line two. “Hot 97, and you got Ms. Nikki on the line.”

  “Yeah, this is Darren…Shaunda’s fiancé.”

  Oh, shit! This was about to get good. “Hello, Darren, welcome to the show. Don’t go away, and I’ll be right back.” I waited until Tristan signaled we were back on the air and switched on my microphone.

  “This is Truth Hurts and you’re listening to Nikki Truth. We’re on the air with Shaunda. Before commercial break she was sharing her big problem. She’s pregnant and her fiancé is not the father, but he thinks he is. At the same time the other man knows about the baby and is planning to be a part of his child’s life. Oooh-weee, I got my own head spinning just thinking about it! Shaunda, does Terrence know you’re back with your fiancé?”

  “Yeah, he knows, and he still wants to be in his child’s life.”

  “Sounds like a good man to me. There are a lot of men who won’t stand up and be a man.”

  “I know, and that’s what makes this so hard,” she said, voice heavy with emotion.

  “Answer this…do you love your fiancé?”

  “Yes,” she said without hesitation. “I love him with all my heart, but I just don’t know how to tell him the trut
h.”

  “Hold on, we have a caller on the line who would like to speak. Caller, you still there?”

  “Yes, I’m here, and I would like to say something.”

  Shaunda gasped. “Darren, is that you?”

  “Yeah, Shaunda, it’s me. Why couldn’t you tell me the baby wasn’t mine?”

  “I-I didn’t know how.”

  “It wouldn’t matter, I love you regardless.”

  “Well, listeners, there you have it. Isn’t love grand? We’re outta time, so I’ll allow the two of them to work out their problems off the air. In the meantime, this is Nikki Truth with Hot 97 WJPC, saying good night.” I turned off the microphone and raised my arms in the air. Another fabulous night.

  Twenty minutes later, I was walking out to my car when I spotted Kenyon sitting on my hood.

  “I thought maybe you might wanna share a bottle of wine before you go to bed?” His large hands took my face and held it gently.

  I had planned on going home and starting a new mystery novel I had bought, but spending time with Kenyon wasn’t a bad exception. The man had a way of growing on you. “Sure, why not?”

  “Okay, I’ll meet you there.” He gave me another slow, drugging kiss, then opened my car door for me and waited until my seat belt was on and my car was started before he moved and climbed into his Lincoln.

  He followed me at a close distance. He was so sweet, but at times he seemed too eager to please. It’s funny that a woman always wants a good man but when she gets one, there are doubts. I guess I just liked a little mystery and excitement, and with Kenyon you just didn’t get that. What you see is what you get. His love was unconditional. I guess I should have felt flattered he loved me, but with so much uncertainty in my life, at times, it was just a bit too much.

  I pulled into the driveway, and Kenyon pulled in right behind me. He was out of his car before I got out, and moved beside me.

  “I was listening to your show when my daughter Rachel called,” he said as I put the key in the door.

  “What was wrong?” I asked.

  His nostrils flared as he spoke. “She had some fool over her house who wouldn’t leave. I had to tell him he needed to go home.”

  It was amazing how he believed in talking and trying to reason. If it had been one of my cousins or Trinette’s brothers, they would have acted first and asked questions later.

  “I’m glad she’s okay,” I said, then opened the door. Kenyon immediately headed to the family room to let Rudy out his kennel. The second the door was opened, he ran to the back door so he could go out and take care of business.

  While they were out back, I moved to my room and changed out of my clothes, then put on a caftan. I reached into the closet on the top shelf for a perfume I hadn’t worn in years I thought Kenyon would enjoy. When I pulled the box down, something fell on my head. I stared down at the picture and collapsed on the floor. It was me holding Mimi in my arms only hours after she had been born. My lip quivered and next thing I knew, I was crying.

  Kenyon stepped in the room, holding two wineglasses. “Here you…” His voice trailed off. “What’s wrong?”

  I shook my head, trying to hold back more tears. “Nothing.”

  “Uh-uh. It’s definitely something.” He set the glasses on my dresser, then scooped me in his arms, carried me over to the bed and took a seat with me on his lap. “Now talk to me.”

  I buried my face against his chest. I tried to block out her precious little face and those amazing chocolate eyes she had inherited from her daddy. “Four years ago, I had a little girl.”

  His eyes widened. “You do? I bet she looks just like you.”

  “She did.” Kenyon’s hand stilled. My lip quivered. “Mimi died right after her second birthday.”

  “Oh, baby, I’m so sorry.” He pulled me close, and I let my tears fall freely. “Do you feel like telling me what happened?”

  “S-She…she was hit by a car.” I started bawling as that afternoon came rushing back. “I was in the backyard with her. She was playing and somehow I…I had drifted off to sleep.” I paused long enough to wipe my eyes. “The gate was open and s-she wandered out the yard and into the street. The sound of brakes screeching and a woman s-screaming woke me up, and I…I came running. I found my daughter…lying in the street.”

  “Oh, baby!”

  Hot tears rolled down my cheeks. “How could a mother fall asleep when she knows her daughter is playing? I was so tired. I had worked at the bookstore all day trying to get ready for opening day and then went to the radio station. Donovan had gone to the shop, and I thought while she played in the yard, I could relax. I had no idea the gate was open.”

  Kenyon stroked my back with a comforting hand. “Sweetie, you can’t beat yourself up about it.”

  “I can’t help it! If I hadn’t fallen asleep she…she would still be alive.”

  For a long time, he simply held me and said nothing, and I appreciated that.

  “I m-miss her so much.” Tears choked my voice.

  “I know you do, baby.” He rubbed my back soothingly. “What can I do to cheer you up?”

  I wiped my eyes and offered him a small smile I wasn’t at all feeling. “How about handing me a glass of that wine?”

  He kissed my lips. “Anything you want.” Reaching over, Kenyon grabbed a glass and handed it to me. “I told you, I’m always here for you.”

  “Thanks.” I took a sip, soothing my dry, aching throat.

  “Do you have a picture of your daughter I could see?”

  I nodded. Instead of retrieving the one from the closet, I moved over to my drawer and reached inside for a five by seven I kept close. I handed it to him and took a seat cross-legged on the bed beside him.

  Mimi had on a yellow dress I had found on clearance at Sears. I had styled her shoulder-length hair in a single ponytail with a matching yellow ribbon. “Tamika was two in that picture. The photographer spent almost a half hour trying to get her to smile. She was such a sweet baby.”

  “She’s beautiful just like her mother.”

  I nodded. “Yes, she is.” We were silent for a long time just staring down at my little girl’s chubby face and beautiful dimpled cheeks. Kenyon eventually handed me the photograph back and planted a kiss on my lips.

  “Thanks for sharing her with me,” he said.

  I was getting teary eyed again. “Thanks for being there for me.”

  “I’ll always be there for you. If you haven’t figured it out, I love you, Nichole Sharice Truth.”

  “And I love you.” I needed him in my life. I just hadn’t realized how much I needed him until now. Trinette was wrong. Kenyon was a good man, and I wanted him in my life. There was nothing psycho about him at all.

  20

  Trinette

  I woke up the following morning around three to the sound of Leon snoring loudly on his side of the bed. How in the world could he sleep at a time like this? My carefully planned-out future was crumbling before my eyes.

  After my bath I had returned to the room to find Leon already under the covers. I sprayed my body with his favorite perfume, Jo Malone’s French Lime Blossom, then dropped the bath towel to the floor and slid under the covers. I had snuggled up to Leon, and when he had reached out for me I realized it was up to Ms. Netta’s powerful pussy to persuade Leon.

  I’d rained kisses down along his chest, stopping long enough to suckle each of his nipples. When he moaned, I had felt in control and rolled him over onto his back. My lips had traveled all the way down to his crotch, and I’d wrapped my fingers around his dick. Just as I was about to deep throat him, Leon had called my name.

  “Netta?”

  “Yes, baby,” I purred as I licked the head.

  “I’m not changing my mind ’bout the house.”

  Stunned, I released him. Leon had simply sighed and wasted no time going back to sleep.

  Hours later I still couldn’t believe my husband had rejected me. I rolled out of bed and reached for my r
obe from off the chaise in the corner, then moved into the living room. It was chilly, so I adjusted the thermostat to seventy-five, then took a seat across my Italian leather couch and closed my eyes.

  I was not sure what I was going to do. My hands were tied. Sex wasn’t even working and that had always been my most powerful weapon. Without it I was vulnerable and defense-less—two things I try never to be. I was also helpless. There was no way I could buy the house by myself. I needed Leon, but regardless of how helpless I was, there was no way in hell I was about to beg a man, even if it was something I wanted. What I couldn’t understand was, why now? Why did Leon wait until two days before we were scheduled to close to change his mind? I didn’t understand that.

  He was being unfair. Leon had the degrees and a career most black men could only dream of having. Why couldn’t I have the same? Why is it when I wanted something there was a problem?

  I was so upset I started crying again and couldn’t stop. All I wanted was a chance to shine. Was there another woman involved? And if so, did I really care? I’d said before, if he found someone else, then good for him. Hell, that way I wouldn’t have to ride his ass the whole weekend we were together or feel guilty when I wasn’t. Some other woman doing my job for me didn’t matter as long as the money kept coming in.

  My nose was stopped up and my eyes were swollen by the time I heard movement in the other room. I blew my nose and waited another ten minutes before Leon finally came down the hall, and my heart stopped. He had his coat on and his suitcase in his hand.

  “I’m going to head back home.”

  My heart practically stopped. “Home? This is your home.”

  Leon shook his head. “No, it isn’t. It’s your home. All the decorating, furniture…none of my clothes are hanging in your closet. This isn’t my home…hasn’t been in a long time.”

  I sat up on the couch. “So what are you gonna do, just walk out and leave me to deal with the realtor and the mortgage company?”

  He moved over and took a seat. “I think you can handle it.”