Confessions

by Sasha Campbell

  “Or what?”

  A sinister smile curled her lips. “Or you’ll be sorry.”

  Rising, I sashayed over in her direction, until I was standing a few feet away. “Little girl, I don’t scare that easy. So unless you want to lose your food stamps for real for real, I advise you to get outta my face.”

  Cowardly, she backed away, then started laughing. At least she had sense enough to turn on her heel and leave. As I watched her move down the hall, I wondered if she was the one who had left that message on my windshield.

  30

  Nikki

  I spent a lovely week in Las Vegas with my husband, then kissed him good-bye and watched him board his plane, heading back to join his unit in Iraq. I cried most of the flight home. It had been two days and I was missing him like crazy and counting the days until his return.

  To help pass the time, I buried myself in my work at the bookstore. It had been a considerably long day and I couldn’t wait to get home and take a hot bubble bath and relax before Donovan called me around nine.

  I pulled into the driveway, then moved up the porch and put the key in the lock. The second I opened the door, Rudy came to greet me. What in the world? He was supposed to be in the kennel. I grabbed an umbrella from the closet close to the door and carried it through the house, as I followed the smell of pork chops into the kitchen. I stepped cautiously into the room and found Kenyon standing at the stove with a spatula in his hand. As soon as he spotted me, he gave me a warm, welcoming smile.

  “Hey, baby. Dinner will be ready as soon as the potatoes are done.”

  I looked at Kenyon as if he was crazy. “How the hell you get in here?”

  “I used my key,” he replied with a shrug. “When I drove by the bookstore and saw you were still there, I thought maybe you’d be getting in late and I wanted to make sure my baby had a good hot meal after a long day.” He was smiling and looking like his cooking in my kitchen was the most natural thing in the world.

  I couldn’t believe this shit. “Kenyon, we’re not together anymore.”

  “Sweetheart, listen.” He paused and took a deep breath. “I know you’re confused, but I’m here for you…. That’s never gonna change. Soooo…why don’t you run upstairs? A bubble bath is waiting for you.” He walked over and had the nerve to try to kiss me. I jumped away from him.

  “I want you to leave now!”

  “No, you don’t,” he said, then turned and moved back to the stove. “I’m not finished cooking yet.” Rudy ran over to Kenyon and jumped on his leg. “See? Rudy wants me here.”

  I was so mad, I could hardly speak. “I don’t care what Rudy wants. I want you outta here!”

  At first he looked surprised by my behavior, then Kenyon dropped the spatula and came over and put his hands on my shoulders. “Baby, why are you acting like this?”

  I jerked away from his touch. “Quit calling me baby! I’m not your baby!”

  Holding up his hands in surrender, he replied, “Okay, okay. I’m sorry. It’s gonna take me a while to get used to calling you Nikki.”

  “Rudy, come over here,” I called, but my dog didn’t budge. “I said come here!” He still didn’t move. I rolled my eyes at Kenyon. “Listen…I’ve already told you Donovan and I are saving our marriage.”

  He turned his nose up. “I don’t know why you’re wasting your time when you know it’s not gonna work. You love me.”

  “I love my husband.” Talking to him was like speaking to a brick wall.

  Kenyon shook his head. “But you love me too.”

  It took everything I had to control my voice when what I wanted to do was scream at the top of my lungs. “Kenyon, I care about you, but what we had is nothing like my relationship with Donovan. We’ve been together most of my life. That means more to me than our two-month relationship.”

  He moved toward me. “Where was he when Big Mama died? Huh? I was here by your side doing everything I could to support you. You opened up your home and your family to me, and now you wanna take it all away.”

  I couldn’t believe it. He looked as if he was seconds away from crying. What was even worse was I actually felt sorry for him. “I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me, and I’ll never forget it, but my husband will be home soon and we plan to make our marriage work.”

  Moving closer, he forced a weak smile. “I understand, but in the meantime until he gets back, I wanna be with you. We’re good together. I don’t wanna make love to any woman but you.”

  Why did he have to bring up sex? True, our connection was powerful and explosive, and nothing like I have experienced with any other man. But with him whining, the last thing in the world I would want was for him to touch me. “I’m not gonna ask you again to get outta my house. If I do, I’m calling the police.”

  “Baby, why? You know I would never do anything to hurt you. All I want is the best for you.”

  I propped a hand to my hip. “Then leave me alone so my husband and I can work out our marriage.”

  His smile was sad as he shook his head. “I can’t do that, because I love you too, and I already know it isn’t gonna work between the two of you. You and I talked about everything together, things you couldn’t talk to him about…and our sex life is wonderful. We fit perfectly together and you know it.”

  Did he realize his begging was such a turnoff? “All I know is you better get out my house. I don’t care how things were between us. That’s the past. Our relationship is over.” From the puzzled look on his face, I could see talking to him was a big waste of time. He was totally clueless.

  “Let’s just sit down and eat, and when we’re done if you still want me to leave I will.”

  “I don’t want your food!”

  He flinched at the tone of my voice. “Nikki, I haven’t done anything to you. I was there for you when you wanted me. I haven’t tried to do anything but love you. So why do you suddenly hate me so much?”

  “I don’t hate you,” I cried defensively.

  “Then why do you act like you do? I’ve done nothing but love you.”

  I just stood there unsure what to say. He was right. I didn’t have a reason to hate him. He was the victim here, and instead I was acting like I was. It never dawned on me how he was feeling. “I’m sorry. I really don’t hate you, Kenyon. I hope when the dust settles we can at least be friends.”

  Grinning slightly, he replied, “Well…how about we start with you having a seat and eating? Woman, I slaved over that hot stove for you,” he teased.

  Kenyon looked so pitiful and the food looked so good. I released a heavy sigh, then went ahead and slipped off my jacket and took a seat at the kitchen table. My desire for a bath would have to wait until after he’d gone. As soon as I was seated, his smile returned. Probably because I let his needy ass have his way.

  Kenyon reached inside my refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of wine, then reached for a corkscrew. “I bought your favorite. I was at the store and I said, ‘My baby has had a hard day at work. Let me get her a bottle of wine.’”

  I released a heavy sigh. I hate when he talks to himself like that. The sooner I get this over with the better. The second he filled my glass, I brought it to my lips. The way I was feeling, I’d have the rest of that bottle finished in no time.

  “Baby, how was your day?”

  My eyes rolled in the direction of his smiling face. “My name is Nikki, and my day was long and eventful like every Tuesday.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.” Reaching inside the cabinet over the sink, he removed two plates and stepped over to the stove. “If you want I can give you a massage after your bath.”

  I shut my eyes to keep from screaming. I saw why he hadn’t had a woman, because who in their right mind would want him? “No, I’ll be fine. After I eat I’ll take a bath and relax.”

  “But I already ran your water,” he insisted. “Go ahead and take your bath, then we can eat. I’ll wait.”

  See…this is what I got for feeling sorr
y for him. “No! The only reason why I’m not putting you out is because you cooked. So, let’s just eat.”

  “Okay…okay.” He carried over the plates and took a seat across from me. I looked down at the food and had to admit it looked as good as it smelled. “I spoke to my sister Paulette today. She told me to tell you hello.”

  “Next time you speak to her, tell her I said hello.” I hated to say it, but I was going to miss his family more than I was going to miss him.

  Kenyon tried talking with his mouth full. “She planning a surprise birthday party for my oldest sister next month and she wanted to invite you.”

  I shot him a hard look.

  “Baby, please, just think about it. You know how my family feels about you, and Paulette would like to have you there.”

  I shook my head. “I can’t.”

  He stared at me for a moment before he finally spoke. “Just…just think about it, okay? I’m not going without you.”

  I took a bite of my pork chop. It was pretty good. “Why not? That’s your family.”

  “But I can’t show up without you. They’ve never been there for me like you have. I’m serious. My sister’s more interested in you being there than me.”

  I finished eating relatively in silence while he rattled on and on about his day at the office. He was an insurance agent and a natural-born salesman. As soon as I was finished, I carried my plate over to the sink.

  Kenyon sprung from his chair. “Let me have that. Go on and take your bath while I clean the kitchen,” he insisted.

  I shook my head. This dude just didn’t know when to quit. I guess that’s why he works in sales. “Don’t worry about it. I appreciate you cooking.”

  “You know my mama raised me better than that. I believe in cleaning up my mess.” He was too damn persistent.

  Suddenly I felt a migraine coming on. “No, I don’t want you to clean up. I just want you to go.”

  “Why are you treating me like this? I thought we were enjoying dinner as two friends.”

  I’d had more than enough. I held out my hand. “Give me my key.”

  He reluctantly reached inside his pocket and handed it to me. “Will you call me later?”

  “Kenyon, I’m not promising you anything.” Raw hurt glittered in his eyes, but there was no way in hell I was feeling sorry for him.

  “Well, I’ll…uh…I’ll just wait and maybe I’ll hear from you later.”

  I walked to the front door and held it open. “Good-bye, Kenyon.”

  He stepped out onto the porch, then turned around. “If you call and I’m in the shower, just leave a message and I’ll call you right back.”

  I shut the door in Kenyon’s face. He’d be waiting a long time for that call.

  31

  Trinette

  “Daaayum! Who did this?”

  “That’s what I want to know.” I just had my car towed over to Michael’s dealership because I had come out at lunch to discover someone had thrown a brick through my windshield.

  “Do you have any enemies?” he asked.

  “What beautiful woman doesn’t?” People either loved Netta or hated her. That’s just the way it had always been for me.

  “I’ll take care of it. Don’t worry about it.” Michael signaled for me to follow him to his office, and as soon as the door was shut he was all over me. Hell, I know how the game is played. He take care of me. I take care of him. “Damn, I missed you,” he murmured between kisses.

  I rolled my eyes toward the ceiling. I just saw his ass yesterday. He stuck his thick tongue inside my mouth and slobbered me down, but when his hand cupped my breast, I pulled away from his grasp.

  “Michael, come on. This is a place of business. Anyone can walk in.”

  He shrugged. “No, they won’t…. I’m the boss.”

  I wasn’t the least bit impressed and moved out of his reach. “I need to ask a question,” I said as I took a seat on a leather couch he kept in the corner of his plush office.

  “Sure, baby, what’s on your mind, because I definitely know what’s on mine.” For the first time I felt naked under his lustful gaze.

  “This is serious,” I snapped. That was a man for you. Always got coochie on the brain.

  “Okay…whassup?”

  Okay, now that I had his attention I wasn’t sure how to start. One thing I needed to do was to choose my words carefully. “Does Maureen have access to the cars on your lot?”

  “No, why?”

  “Because someone has been following me. Once in an Altima and just yesterday it was a Jeep. Never the same car, but it always has dealer plates.”

  Michael gave me a weird look. “Why in the world would my wife be following you?”

  Men can be so stupid sometimes. “Why do you think? Maybe she found out we’re messing around.” He started laughing as if it was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard. All that did was piss me off more. I then went on to tell him about the slashed tires and the lipstick on my windshield.

  “So, let me get this straight…you think my wife slashed your tires, wrote on your windshield and borrowed cars from my lot just so she can follow you around without you knowing it her?”

  “People have done worse things before.”

  “Trinette, my wife is clueless. She knows nothing about you and me. I’ve told you before…my game is tight.” Just like a man to think he’s smarter than a woman. I gave him a look that said I wasn’t convinced. “Serious, if Maureen knew, I would be the first person she would confront.”

  I crossed my legs and didn’t bother to respond.

  “What did you decide about the condo?” he asked, changing the subject. Apparently, he didn’t like me accusing his wife of harassing me. “You want to make it our little home for the next year?”

  For what? So Maureen and Chuck could use it while I’m at work? “What would Maureen say about you ‘renting’ the place to me?”

  “She could care less about that place. It’s mine. Not hers.”

  Yeah, like I said, he didn’t know his wife as well as he thought he did. “I’ll pass, but thanks for the offer.”

  “Just think about it, okay? Trinette, baby, you wouldn’t have to want for anything.”

  Probably not, but I would have to be at his beck and call. Available and willing each and every time he was ready. I wasn’t having any of that. “My condo is still on the market. If and when it’s sold, then I will think about it.”

  “Sounds good to me. Now come and give your man some love.”

  I slowly rose from the couch and swayed my hips over to where he was standing. He captured my lips against his, then reached for the buttons of my blouse and unfastened them. “Damn, you got some pretty titties,” he moaned. He unfastened the front clasps, and my breasts sprung free. While he suckled and played, I reached for his belt buckle. Michael knew how to work his magic on my nipples. They were hard, and my body was dying for what he had to offer, although I don’t know why, since he wasn’t working with much.

  As soon as his pants were down, he reached under my skirt and ripped the tights from around my waist.

  “Hey, those cost me fifty dollars!”

  “I’ll buy you another pair,” he murmured against my neck, and slipped my panties down around my ankles. The second I kicked them away, he lay me back against his desk. “Wrap your legs around my waist.”

  Michael slid inside and rocked his hips against me. I looked up at the ceiling, anxious for him to get done, and for some reason my mind wandered to Leon. The last several days I wondered what he was doing. More than anything I wanted him to be happy. Why hadn’t his happiness ever mattered to me before?

  “I’m almost there!” Michael moaned, and then he howled long and hard, and I cried out on cue.

  “Oh, yes, big daddy! That’s it!”

  A few short strokes and he was crying out my name and collapsed on top of me. Michael rained kisses along my neck and shoulder. “Oooh-weee…you got some good shit!”

 
I gave a weak smirk. All I wanted was for him to get up so I could clean off and go home. I opened my eyes and looked over at the window in time to see two of his sales team peering in the window, grinning.

  “What the hell…?” I pushed Michael off of me.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked as he rose.

  Sitting up, I pulled my shirt closed. “Your employees are in the window watching us!”

  He chuckled and reached for his pants. “So…let them look.”

  He might as well have slapped me in the face because his words stung just as hard. I pushed him aside. “I gotta go.”

  “Where are you going? You can’t drive your car.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I’ll catch a cab.”

  He reached for his wallet. “I guess you can afford it.”

  I looked over at the window to see if the two men were still watching when Michael handed me several bills. They weren’t, but just knowing they had been watching had cheapened the encounter. I couldn’t even look Michael in the eyes. All I wanted was to go home. After stuffing the money in my purse, I quickly fixed my clothes.

  “Baby, I should have a new windshield for you tomorrow,” he reassured me with a kiss.

  Nodding, I walked out his office and headed straight for the bathroom to clean myself up and repair my makeup. When I looked into the mirror, I didn’t at all like what I saw.

  I didn’t even bother calling a cab. Instead I started walking and thinking about my life and all the mistakes I had made. Men loved me, but all they ever wanted was sex, and I gave it to them. Most of the time I didn’t even know their last names. As I thought about it, it made me so sick to my stomach I barely made it to a bush before I vomited the contents of my stomach. What in the world had I done? I had taken a gamble, and in the process I had lost the best thing that had ever happened to me.

  32

  Nikki