Island of Second Chances

by Cara Lockwood

  Just a little farther, he thought, and then they’d be safe at home.

  “You really think I’m ready?” Laura asked, sounding unsure. “For the race, I mean.”

  Mark wasn’t certain, but he also knew that really didn’t matter. They were going to try their best. That’s all they could do. “Well, you’re going to race whether you’re ready or not, so I guess we’ll find out on race day.”

  “Not exactly an inspiring talk, Mr. Grumpy Pants,” Laura joked.

  “I just call ’em like I see ’em,” he said. “And given how little you knew about sailing even a week ago, I’d say you’re amazingly ready.”

  “You do?”

  Mark nodded, keeping his attention focused on the road ahead. How could he explain to her that working with her on the boat felt like they were engaged in a kind of waltz, that they worked together as well on the boat as they did in the bedroom. Reading each other’s minds, instinctively knowing where to put their bodies. Garrett was almost unnecessary. The two worked together like they had one mind.

  “We’re a good team,” he said. “I mean, a really good team. Elle and I could never...I mean, we could never sail. We tried, but she never listened to me, and her instincts were all wrong.”

  “Really?” Laura perked up at this.

  “It’s true.” He risked a glance at her and saw her beam from the compliment. “You’re like no other woman I’ve ever met.”

  Laura reached over and covered his hand, which was resting on the gearshift.

  “You’re like no man I’ve ever met, either.”

  “That’s a good thing, isn’t it?” he joked, and Laura laughed. Then, Laura spotted a drugstore on the corner.

  “Hey, can we stop?” She pointed through the windshield.

  Mark pulled into the small parking lot. “Sure. Want me to come in?”

  “No. I just wanna grab something really quick. Women’s stuff.” She gave him a peck on the cheek and opened her door.

  “Take my coat to keep you dry,” he said, handing her his rain slicker. She took it, held it over her head like a tent and ran into the store.

  * * *

  LAURA STEPPED INTO the small, brightly lit drugstore, biting her lower lip. She was going to get a pregnancy test. All the symptoms, the missed period...she owed it to herself to take it. Put the unease to rest. She was 99 percent sure she wasn’t pregnant. One night? She doubted it could happen.

  She grabbed a pregnancy test and then a box of tampons. Wishful thinking? Maybe, but if she wasn’t pregnant, it meant that she would get her period eventually. Besides, the tampons in the opaque bag would neatly hide the pregnancy test box.

  She checked out under the watchful eye of the clerk, feeling the heat rise in her face. Laura would find a way to take this...later. When Mark was sleeping, maybe.

  She ran back through the rain to his truck.

  “Want to come to my place for a drink?” he asked.

  “Only if we do more than drink,” she teased as they pulled off the highway onto the exit leading to their condo building. As he steered into the parking lot, he squeezed her hand a little tighter. He pulled into a parking space and cut the engine.

  Together, they ran to the shelter of the patio overhang, giggling as Mark pulled her into his arms and kissed her. Rain ran down the storm gutters in rivulets, splashing on the ground near them as they stayed dry beneath the overhang. The kiss turned more passionate as he opened his mouth, his tongue flicked hers, soft and inviting. They kissed for who knows how long, the rain pelting down in the dark around them. Eventually, Mark pulled away.

  “Why don’t we just skip that drink?” he offered.

  Laura, feeling her heart hammering in her chest, her hands still wrapped around the drugstore bag, just nodded.

  “The way you look right now, you’re so beautiful,” he said. “Makes me want to kiss you again.”

  “Then do it,” she murmured.

  Chapter Eighteen

  THE RAIN SCOURED the island for two straight days, turning some of the roads into streams as the deluge continued. Tourists stayed inside, and Mark and Laura found themselves landlocked, unable to take the boat out for a sail. Laura actually didn’t mind. The two hibernated inside, cooking simple meals and just relaxing together.

  But it was hard not to think about the future, about when the rain let up, about the impending race. Then there was what could happen after the race. What if they did win and Mark sailed around the world without her? What if they lost? Would that mean she could somehow keep Mark? But how? Relocate to St. Anthony’s? How would she earn a living?

  Worse, she hadn’t had a chance to discreetly take the pregnancy test. Mark was with her all the time, even in the shower. The unused test sat hidden beneath some of her clothes in one of his drawers. She’d need to do it. Soon. She’d had one chance in the bathroom but she chickened out at the last minute. Laura had to find the resolve to do it.

  The more time passed, the more she told herself it couldn’t be possible that she was pregnant, despite the fact that her period never arrived. And she wasn’t sure how she felt about it. She wanted a baby more than anything, but would a pregnancy scare Mark? And what would she do if she was pregnant and had another miscarriage? The thought made her want to curl up in a fetal position. Laura wasn’t sure she’d ever be ready to survive another blow like that one. Could she risk it?

  It seemed easier not to know. She knew she needed to take the test. Put to rest the nagging doubt. Yet part of her didn’t want to. Didn’t want to face the reality.

  The same part that ran away to St. Anthony’s. It’s what her sister, Maddie, would’ve told her. Time to be an adult.

  “Penny for your thoughts?” Mark asked as he stirred the spaghetti sauce on the stove. He’d opened a jar and then added a few ingredients of his own—sautéed onions and peppers and some ground beef—and now he dipped a wooden spoon in and gave it a little taste.

  “Just thinking about the future,” she admitted, not yet ready to tell Mark about her missed period. She needed to take the test, figure this out once and for all.

  “That’s dangerous,” he said, and she felt a little flutter of nerves in her stomach. Don’t be that girl, she told herself, the one clamoring for clarification, for commitment. Just live in the moment. Just...be.

  “Wondering what happens if we don’t win the race,” she managed.

  Mark held out a spoonful of spaghetti sauce for her to taste. She took it, the sweet, savory flavors hitting her tongue in the perfect combination. “Mmm,” she said. “Delicious.” Her stomach grumbled a little, eager for more. She seemed not to be able to get full these days. Her appetite had more than made a comeback, and her once-loose shorts were getting tight again. But she’d worry about that later. Right now, she was in the moment with Mark, here in his kitchen, feeling...happy.

  “We’ll do fine, whether we win or lose,” he said.

  “But your dream—sailing around the world. I want that for you.” Laura wanted it more than anything, even if it meant being separated from him. If it helped him honor his son, then she wanted it. If there was something she could do, something for her baby who’d never been born, she would, too.

  Mark frowned, lost in thought. “Look, Laura, are you sure you want to do this?” He stopped stirring and looked at her.

  “Of course I do.”

  “It can get dangerous. Things happen in races. Sometimes, boats run into each other. Boats stall. Sailors get thrown overboard. Sometimes it can get dangerous.” Mark studied her. “Once, a few years ago, someone fell overboard and because it was so close to the other boats, he got knocked unconscious by another one behind his. Drowned. It was a freak accident, but still. Sometimes things happen.”

  Laura wasn’t deterred. “I don’t care.”

  “Tomorrow it will be far more stressful than it
has been so far,” Mark warned her. “Not nearly as relaxed as it’s been in practice.”

  “I figured.”

  “Sometimes things get intense,” Mark said. “Are you ready for that?”

  “Definitely,” she said, thinking about how much she’d enjoyed putting her hands to work since she’d been on the island and how much sailing had been a part of that. She loved helping to steer the boat and feeling like she was part of something bigger than herself. It wasn’t just being on a racing team. It was also being out in nature, on the water and in the wind and sun.

  He grinned, stirring the pot once more and looking thoughtful. “We make such a good team.”

  He’d mentioned this before, but something about his tone took Laura by surprise. Team almost sounded like...couple. She tried not to let her thoughts go there. That was a black hole of insecurity waiting for her.

  “We do, don’t we?” she said, keeping her voice light. She turned away from him and glanced at the television in his living room, running on mute. The local news had a story about the flooding in nearby Smuggler’s Cove. Laura hoped everyone was okay.

  “I really am amazed how quickly you picked up the sailing,” Mark said. “It takes people months, even years, to learn what you’ve done in such a short time.”

  Laura shrugged. “You’re a good teacher,” she said simply, even as she kept her attention on the television. “You think the rain will stop by tomorrow for the race?”

  “The forecast says it will, and there might be a hurricane forming out there, but if it does, everyone says it’ll miss us,” Mark said. “I’ve been monitoring the weather.”

  “Looks like someone up there is looking after you,” she said.

  Mark hesitated as he stirred. He smacked the spoon on the side of the pot. “You know it’s okay if we don’t win,” he said, not meeting her gaze.

  “No!” Laura squeezed his arm. “Don’t say that. We can win. Garrett thinks so, right? So do Gretchen and Tim. Don’t start planning for defeat. That’s what my mom used to say. When she cheered my sister and me on in little league soccer.” Laura remembered those days so vividly. Her mom so loud on the sidelines, jumping out of her folding lawn chair so much she wondered why she even brought it to the games.

  Thinking about her mom and Maddie made Laura remember the spat she’d had with her sister. She still hadn’t heard from Maddie. No texts, no calls, no emails. Laura wasn’t going to be the one to apologize first. Not this time. Even though, at moments like these, she was sorely tempted. But the fact was, Laura still didn’t think she’d done anything wrong. It was time her sister learned to respect her boundaries.

  “Must’ve been a great woman,” he said. “I’m sorry she passed.”

  “She was very unhappy and I hope she’s found the peace she was looking for.” Laura hugged herself. “Maddie never forgave Mom. Not really, for taking her own life. I get that. I’m mad at her, too.”

  “She shouldn’t have left you.” Mark hit the pot with the spoon too hard, and a bit of sauce splattered on the countertop. Laura grabbed a towel and sopped it up. She wondered where the sudden show of emotion came from. “I don’t like the idea of her leaving you...alone.”

  “Well, I had Dad. And Maddie. And I was grown, but I guess, I mean, we still need our parents, even when we’re grown. But yeah, I get what you mean.” Did he care? Was that why he seemed so angry on her behalf?

  Laura stirred the boiling pot of spaghetti, and scooped up a limp noodle. She blew on it and then tasted it. Perfect.

  “Pasta’s ready,” she said. She grabbed pot holders and gingerly took the oversize pot to the stove, where she dumped the pasta into a metal sieve in the sink. Pretty soon, they’d dished out plates and sat to eat at the breakfast bar, sitting shoulder to shoulder. Even a day in had made both of them ravenous, probably because they’d spent most of it out of their clothes.

  Laura found she’d devoured half the plate before she even took her first breath.

  “Boy, you were hungry,” Mark said, not even a quarter of the way into his own meal. “You clearly worked up an appetite today.”

  Mark wiggled his eyebrows, and his reference to their naked wrestling was clear. She felt her face grow hot. “That I did,” she said and giggled.

  As they dug deeper into their meal, Mark grew serious.

  “So how are you feeling about tomorrow?”

  “Good. Why?” Laura spooled pasta around her fork and sent a big bite into her mouth.

  Mark pushed spaghetti around on his plate. “I just want you to know that the race tomorrow, it can get intense. But even if we don’t win—hell, even if we don’t finish—it’s okay.”

  “But what about the prize money? What about you sailing around the world?” Laura was down to her last couple of bites. She had inhaled her food. Normally, she never ate this fast.

  “I’ve been thinking lately that maybe I should think about other options,” Mark admitted.

  It was the first Laura had heard of this. “Why? I thought you wanted to see the world. Be closer to Timothy.”

  “That’s not the only reason why.” Mark’s shoulders stiffened and she could feel the tension in the moment. He put down his fork.

  What wasn’t he telling her?

  He took a deep breath and turned to face her. He took her hands. “When I first decided to try for the prize money, yes, I wanted to get away and I wanted to sail off to a faraway place and be on the water, where I think Timothy’s spirit is.” He took a deep breath, his dark eyes troubled as they met hers. “But I’ll admit to you that part of me hoped I wouldn’t come back.”

  “What do you mean?” Laura frowned. “You’d settle somewhere else? A different country?”

  Mark shook his head slowly. “No.” He took another breath. “It’s dangerous in some parts of the world, you know. Storms come out of nowhere. Sailboats get lost at sea all the time.”

  Suddenly, Laura’s heart rate sped up. She squeezed his hands. “So you mean you wanted to sink the ship? On purpose?” The weight of the revelation hit her and she leaned against the kitchen counter for support. Was Mark suicidal? She thought about that day at the beach, when he’d gone under and hadn’t come back up right away.

  “I don’t know exactly,” he admitted. “All I know is that since Timothy died, I haven’t found much of a reason to get out of bed in the morning. And I liked the idea of trying to go out in a blaze of glory.”

  “But...” Laura was still processing this. Was he still considering suicide? “Are you serious about this? I mean, really serious? Or is it just a passing thought?”

  Mark dropped her hands and then let out a long breath. “I’ve tried to drown myself,” he said, not meeting her gaze as he studied the wooden spoon sitting on the counter.

  “When?” Laura felt like her heart almost stopped. Her appetite suddenly fled as she studied his profile.

  He sighed. “That day. On the beach. When I went for a swim and you were there.”

  Laura hugged herself, not knowing what to say. “I knew something was wrong that day. How you just walked out there. How you stayed under so long.”

  He nodded. “But I couldn’t do it. My reflexes took over...and...” He held out his hands, palms up.

  “I’m glad you failed,” she said.

  He nodded. “Me, too.”

  She glanced at him, realizing maybe for the first time just how wounded they both were, how much healing they both still had to do. And then she remembered the pregnancy test. She ought to take it. She needed to take it. But first, she needed to know how Mark was.

  “Do you...” She almost didn’t want the answer to this question. She almost didn’t want to know, but she had to ask it. “Do you still want to...” She couldn’t bring herself to say the word die. The idea of him killing himself made her feel panicky. He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t leave her
. He couldn’t do what her own mother did to her—abandon her and leave her wondering if there was something she could’ve done to save him. Left wondering if it was all her fault.

  Mark moved his bar stool closer to hers, so their legs were touching.

  “No,” he said. “I mean, I’m not sure.”

  Not sure. The words hit her like a punch to the stomach. All the air left her lungs.

  “Before you came into my life, I had a plan,” he admitted. “I knew exactly what I was going to do. I was going to race, win the money, sail around the world and then when that was over, I’d either figure out how to put this all behind more or just...not come back. But, you...you changed all that.”

  Laura glanced up at him, saw the earnestness in his dark brown eyes. He took her hand.

  “I used to wake up in the morning and just think about the boat. The boat and Timothy and nothing else.” He reached for her hand and linked his in hers. “But now...”

  She studied their interlaced fingers, her heart pounding in her chest like she’d just run a marathon. She had no idea she’d had this effect on him.

  “But now, I think of you when I wake up. I think of the boat and Timothy...later.” He moved closer to her. “Laura, you changed me. You have.” He put his arms around her and she moved into his embrace. The truth was he’d affected her, too. He’d given her a reason to hope again.

  “You changed me, too.” Laura knew what it felt like to be hopeless. “I came to this island not knowing what I’d find. I ran away from my problems, and in doing so, I found you. You gave me a purpose. You helped me see how my life could go on.” Laura clung to him. She felt a tear slip down her cheek. “You can’t leave me. You’re not allowed to die.”

  Mark chuckled. “I’m not?”

  “No. Because then I’d be suicidal and you’d have my blood on your hands.”