Island of Second Chances

by Cara Lockwood

  “Really? That’s great. You should.” Mark grinned. “It’s about time you guys make up.”

  Only I’ll be the one to apologize—again.

  “I’ve got to run out to get some resin for the boat, but I’ll be back,” Mark said. “Want me to get you something for your stomach?”

  “Uh...no, I’ll be fine.” I hope.

  “You sure?”

  Laura nodded. Mark grabbed his keys and left, leaving her on the couch. She watched him go, admiring the broadness of his shoulders and his long, lean step. He made her heart beat a little bit faster. She wondered if she were going to have a boy and if he’d look as handsome as his father one day.

  She stared at her phone. What were the chances Maddie would even pick up?

  Laura dialed her number and her sister answered on the second ring.

  “God, Laura. Are you okay? I only got the text from you since the hurricane and I’ve been worried sick.”

  “You have?” Maddie’s text messages sure didn’t give the impression she was losing sleep over the bad weather on the island. They’d been terse and to the point.

  “Absolutely! I was about to board a plane and come see you, but flights are outrageous and—”

  “I’m fine, Maddie. The storm wasn’t that crazy, and I was here with Mark and—”

  “Mark is the sailor?”

  “Yes.”

  Silence filled the line. Laura could tell there was still tension between them, about what had been said and not said the last time they talked. Laura had promised herself not to be the one to apologize this time, and yet, seeing Edward and Mark feud and then make up had left her feeling like maybe she ought to extend an olive branch.

  “Maddie, I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.” There, that was true enough. She wasn’t sorry for what she’d said, exactly. All of it was absolutely true. But she was sorry if it made Maddie upset.

  Maddie sighed. “I know. I’m sorry, too. It’s hard for me to say, but you’re an adult and you should make your own decisions. I know you hate it when I tell you what to do, but it’s only because I love you. I care about what happens to you, and I don’t want you to be hurt.” Maddie let out a deep breath. “After your miscarriage, I know you were so heartbroken. When I saw you in that hospital, I thought I might even lose you and...and I just couldn’t stand that thought. Not...after Mom.”

  Tears welled up in Laura’s eyes as she clutched the phone harder. “I’m sorry, Maddie.”

  “I’m sorry, too. I just want you to take care of yourself, okay? You’re not supposed to go first. I am. Why are we talking so much about death anyway?” Maddie complained. They laughed a little together, as they both choked back tears.

  “You started it,” Laura teased and Maddie chuckled once more.

  “That I did.” Maddie let out a long sigh. “Are you okay? I mean, really okay? This...sailor. He’s being good to you?”

  Now, the tears welled up in Laura’s eyes once more. “He’s being wonderful.” That’s not the problem.

  “So why do you sound so sad?”

  Laura walked out on Mark’s patio and slumped into a deck chair. She stared out to the ocean, watching the waves roll in on the pristine sandy beach. She was in paradise, she was pregnant and she was finally starting to believe that maybe, just maybe, she’d been forgiven for her past sins, and yet, somehow she was still not happy.

  She hated to admit to her sister that she was pregnant. She knew Maddie would get on her high horse and talk about how she was being irresponsible again and about how she needed to be more of an adult. But at the same time, Laura had been bottling up this secret for so long, she didn’t know how much longer she could keep the news to herself.

  “Well...will you promise not to scold me? Promise not to say I told you so?”

  Maddie sighed, already seeming to try not too hard to hide the what-now tone. “Of course.”

  “We had one time when we—didn’t use protection. Maddie...” Laura sucked in a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”

  The confession was met with a long pause on the other end of the line. Laura’s stomach clenched. Would the lecture begin now? Would Maddie tell her all the ways she was messing up her life? Again?

  “Oh, Laura. I’m so happy for you. A baby is what you’ve always wanted. How far along?”

  “Nine or ten weeks. I think.” Laura felt stunned. Her sister was actually happy for her? This might be a first. “But...I thought you’d be mad. I’m not married and haven’t been dating Mark that long and—”

  “Do you love him?” Maddie interrupted.

  “Yes.” Laura had no doubts about that.

  “Does he love you?”

  She swallowed hard. “Yes, I think so.”

  “Then what’s the problem? Get married. Start a family. This is great news!” Laura could feel Maddie beaming through the phone. “I told you that you’d get pregnant again. Didn’t I tell you that this would happen?”

  “Hey—I said no I-told-you-so’s.”

  Maddie laughed a little.

  “But there’s another problem,” Laura said. “I haven’t told him. About the baby.”

  Now Maddie made a sound of exasperation. “What? Why not?”

  “First of all, I don’t even know if I can carry a baby to term. I might lose this one, too.”

  Maddie sniffed. “So, you’re just going to wait until the delivery to tell him? He might notice before then.”

  “And he lost a son and told me he doesn’t want more children.”

  “So? He might change his mind once he knows he’s going to have one,” Maddie said matter-of-factly. She had an answer for everything. She always had.

  “It’s not that simple.”

  “Tell me why it’s not.” Laura could almost envision Maddie standing with her hands on her hips, daring her to try.

  “It’s just...he plans to win this sailing race and then sail around the world. It’s not like he can do that if he’s got a wife and new baby.” This was the hard truth that Laura didn’t even like admitting to herself.

  “He doesn’t want commitment, then,” Maddie said.

  “I don’t think so.” Laura bit her lip. She didn’t know where he stood, actually. She wasn’t sure.

  “You have to change his mind.” Maddie made it sound so easy, like all Laura had to do was snap her fingers and it would be done.

  “How am I supposed to do that?”

  “Use your wiles. Women have been doing that since the beginning of time.”

  Laura rubbed her stomach even as a seagull swooped down and landed on the roof of Mark’s workshop. It stared at her with beady eyes.

  “You make it sound like all I need to do is throw on some sexy lingerie, and he’ll ask me to marry him.”

  “Might not be a bad plan,” Maddie joked.

  “Thanks. You’re a huge help.” Laura rolled her eyes.

  “That’s what I’m here for,” Maddie said. “But seriously, Laura. Talk to him. You’ve got to at least try.”

  Laura heard Mark arriving back home then and quickly wrapped up her call with Maddie. Her heart sped up a little. She knew she had to talk to Mark, but how would she even tell him?

  Mark came into the condo and unloaded a few bags of groceries.

  “Got you some of this,” he said, holding up a pink bottle. “Might help your stomach.”

  “Oh, thanks.” It was sweet of him to try, but she knew it wouldn’t help. “Mark...” she began. Then he glanced at her with his loving dark eyes.

  “Yes?”

  “There’s something I need to tell you.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  MARK WAITED FOR Laura to finish her thought. She seemed anxious all of a sudden, nervous even as she fidgeted with the hem of her T-shirt. What was the big news? Mark felt his muscles tense.
Was she telling him she was leaving?

  He knew at some point, she’d have to go home, and with the rescheduled race in just a couple of days, he knew it shouldn’t be that much longer before she’d break the news to him. How much longer could she live on savings? She’d now moved into his condo, giving up the rent on hers, but still. She’d have to think about her financial future soon. But he wasn’t ready to hear it. He might never be ready.

  “Is it bad news?”

  She hesitated. “It might be.”

  “Then, why not tell me while we walk,” he said, not quite sure he wanted to hear bad news. Not yet. Not when the race was in front of them, not when it was such a gorgeous day outside.

  She nodded, and when he took her hand, she let him as they walked outside into the bright sunshine. Mark kicked off his flip-flops, and since Laura was already barefoot, they proceeded to the warm sandy beach.

  The ocean ran up on the beach, leaving a trail of sudsy white water. Their feet sank in the wet sand, leaving footprints behind them. Mark held Laura’s hand, feeling her soft, delicate skin, thinking not for the first time how well they fit together in all ways. He never would’ve thought there’d be a woman out there so perfectly made for him, but Laura was it. Suddenly, he badly didn’t want to hear her news. Her news that she’d be leaving him.

  She didn’t seem to want to tell him what was on her mind, either.

  “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” he asked her, staring at the sea. She nodded.

  “What’s it like? On the wide-open ocean?”

  Mark glanced at her. “Like you’re the only person on earth. Like everyone and everything has fallen away and it’s just you and the water. Sometimes, it feels like... I don’t know. This is going to sound silly.”

  “What?”

  “That you’re closer to God.”

  Laura squeezed his hand. “That’s not silly.” She glanced up at him and her bright green eyes caught the sun, bringing out the gold flecks in them. Her cheeks glowed. In fact, her whole face glowed. How was it possible she got prettier every day? He bent down and kissed her then, lightly on the lips.

  “I love you,” he said.

  “I love you, too,” she replied and she leaned into him. He put his arm around her shoulders and they both looked out at the sea. It went on farther than the eye could see.

  “In a couple of days, we’ll be racing on that,” she said.

  “Yes.” And afterward, you’ll leave me. But why was he feeling sad? Wasn’t he planning to leave her first and sail around the world? But...then again, why couldn’t she come along?

  The idea popped into his head and he felt like smacking himself. Why hadn’t he just thought of an easy solution?

  “Laura, there’s something I want to talk about with you, too,” he said, hoping to cut off her bad news.

  She pulled away from his side. “Yes?”

  “You know that all I’ve ever wanted to do since Timothy died was sail around the world. I even...I even wasn’t sure I wanted to come back.”

  She nodded, shading her eyes from the sun. Suddenly, Mark’s palms started to sweat. What if she said no?

  “But now, I think I want that trip to be different. I don’t want it to just be me and Timothy’s ghost.”

  Laura froze, staring at him.

  “Would you...consider coming with me? Just you and me? A year on a boat?” Hope swelled in his chest as he looked at her. Say yes, he willed her. Say yes. “If we win, the winnings will pay for it. If they don’t, I can somehow support us. You won’t have to worry about a thing.”

  Laura looked surprised, then happy and then, inexplicably, sad.

  “Mark. I wish I could...”

  Suddenly, the hope that had been growing in his chest felt flattened like a delicate daisy crushed beneath a steel-toed work boot. He almost didn’t want to hear what came next. Whatever it was would just be an excuse to cover up the fact that she didn’t care about him as much as he cared about her. A commitment of a year seemed too much, he saw with perfect clarity. She wasn’t ready to give him a year.

  “Never mind,” Mark said quickly. “It was a dumb idea.”

  “No, it’s not a dumb idea...it’s—”

  “I mean, it should just be me alone out there anyway. I shouldn’t be celebrating Timothy’s death with a romantic cruise. What was I thinking?” He shook his head. He saw a glimpse of hurt cross her face. “This is why I should just be alone. Why I’m the last person on earth to try to settle down with.”

  “Mark, that’s not—”

  But Mark couldn’t let her explain. Wouldn’t. He didn’t want to hear the platitudes, the excuses. He was broken, and she saw that, and she didn’t want to be with him, not in the way he wanted to be with her.

  “You don’t have to tell me anything. I get it.” He swiped his hand through his unruly hair. “It’s a good thing I’m never going to be a father again. I mean, I’m a mess.” He had hoped the joke would lighten the mood, but for some reason, Laura’s face darkened.

  “Never be a father again? You’re sure?”

  “Positive. I’m one walking screwup. And the last thing anybody needs is for me screwing up someone else’s life.”

  The words seemed to hit Laura like a punch, but he wasn’t sure why. Why was she taking his self-bashing so personally? The warm Caribbean water pooled around their toes, but he hardly felt it. Somehow, he felt like their conversation was like quicksand—the more they fought, the deeper and more stuck they got.

  “What did you want to talk to me about?”

  “Nothing,” Laura said, curt, her feelings somehow hurt, though he didn’t understand why. She was the one who’d rejected him, not the other way around. Why was she upset?

  “You sure?”

  “Positive.” She crossed her arms angrily across her chest and stared out to the ocean. He knew that look and there’d be no talking to her now. Whatever it was she wanted to tell him would have to wait, he thought.

  * * *

  THE DAY OF the race, Mark woke on the couch feeling stiff. Since their disagreement on the beach, Laura had been cold and distant. He’d offered to sleep on the couch and she’d let him, and he was beginning to wonder what he’d said that was so bad. So offensive. She was the one who’d rejected him. So why was she acting like he’d rained on her parade?

  They went about making breakfast silently, Laura calmly eating a cup of yogurt but not saying much to him. She’d been cold but polite, not ignoring him exactly, but not loving on him, either. Mark felt frustrated. He didn’t want their romance to end like this. He could only think it was because he’d mentioned he’d thought about suicide. That’s the only sticking point he could see.

  “Time to go,” Mark said and Laura just nodded, a distant, empty look on her face. He hated that look. He wanted to grab her by the shoulders and pull her into his arms and kiss the life out of her and make her his again, but he didn’t know how. He felt like he should apologize for something, but he had no idea what. Why was she angry after turning him down? Should he never have asked her to sail with him?

  They drove in mostly silence to the dock, with Laura staring quietly out the window, hands in her lap. He wanted to know what she was thinking, but at the same time, he didn’t know how to ask. When they arrived, the parking lot was already crowded as he steered his truck into one of the few remaining spaces.

  Sunshine greeted them outside as they made their way to the marina, where overnight, dozens of sailboats had loaded in for the start of the race.

  Mark stood on the dock, checking out the competition, the marina crowded with sailboats as far as he could see. Beside him, Laura stood solemnly, dressed and ready for a day of racing. Garrett was already on board, getting the sailboat ready.

  Mark recognized the faster boats: the Jetstream, St. Claire, Ciao Bella and, of course, Tanner. He squinte
d but didn’t see Dave or any of his crew. He wondered if Edward would be sailing today. The thought made his stomach tighten. Even if I don’t win, let me beat Edward.

  Crowds of onlookers lined the marina, snaking up around the tall dunes near the beach. They were dotted with folding chairs and people making a day of it, watching the race while picnicking with their families. More onlookers sat in spectator boats, bobbing out in the sea. Thankfully, all the cruise ships were out to sea, and the sea was clear and calm. The swells weren’t too high yet, though the forecast said they could get as high as six feet. Mark hoped for Laura’s sake that the seas remained calm.

  “You ready?” Mark asked her as he helped her aboard the sailboat.

  “As ready as I’ll ever be,” she said, still a little listlessly and not looking him in the eye. He hated that so much had gone wrong between them and he had no idea how to fix it.

  She climbed aboard, her knees immediately adjusting to the sway of the boat beneath her. She inhaled the fresh sea air and greeted Garrett with a grin. Mark so admired her grit and determination. Few men or women he knew would be willing to take on such a challenge.

  “Ahoy,” Garrett said with a wave. “You ready for the big time, kid?”

  “I hope so,” Laura said and giggled nervously. Mark couldn’t help but notice how much friendlier she was with Garrett and felt a flash of envy.

  “You’re going to be great. Don’t sweat it,” Mark said, fully confident in her abilities, though she barely acknowledged the compliment. Mark pulled himself up on the boat, watching as she took up her position on the stern.

  Tim and Gretchen loaded in just after Mark, greeting everyone with hugs, and then got busy stowing their gear.

  “So who’s the fastest competition?” Laura asked Garrett, surveying the other boats.

  “Tanner, you know,” Mark interrupted, not giving Garrett a chance to answer as he nodded in the direction of his brother’s boat. “But probably the next fastest are Ciao Bella there—” he pointed to the white boat with the tall black-and-blue sail “—and St. Claire there, with the red stripe across the white sail? And, probably Jetstream at the far end, the one with the bifurcated red-and-blue sail.”