“Noooo,” Natalie said, drawing the word out. Even she knew it was a weak retort.
“Oh yes.” Audrey inclined her head to the door. “You could just cover her in whipped cream and lick it off. Might be more subtle.”
Natalie swallowed, a little surprised that she’d been so obvious. Okay, lesson learned. Something to work on. But at the same time, this was confirmation that maybe it wasn’t just her projecting and it ran both ways. She decided to seize this opportunity and learn what her friends had observed. “Explain yourselves.”
Helen fielded this one. “You’re both all swoony looking and hyperaware of the other person and where she is in the room. Is she into girls and we never knew it? Or is she just into you?”
Natalie balked. “Who said she’s into either?”
Helen pointed back and forth between Natalie and an imaginary Ana on the couch. “Well, first of all, the little stares she snuck at you said you’re her greatest fantasy come to life. That might have been the tip-off.”
“That was my tip-off,” Audrey tossed in to Helen.
Natalie covered her face with her hands and fell backward onto the couch. “It’s one of those things I can’t explain, okay? She’s not at all my type. She’s all serious and pretentious and maddening, but—”
“You want to kiss her face off because of it?” Audrey asked.
“A little,” Natalie sighed. “Okay, a lot. But I’m not going to, because (A) I’m seeing someone else, and (B) even if I weren’t, Ana’s terrifying. Anything with her would be…intense. I don’t think it’s possible to do casual when it comes to Anastasia Mikhelson.”
“No, I’m with you on that.” Helen joined Natalie on the couch. “But she’s different since you’ve been around. Less intense, actually. She’s…blossomed into a…”
“Human being,” Audrey supplied. “And a likable one, which is jaw dropping. I actually like Ana Mikhelson. Frozen and I are friends now. Words I never thought I’d utter.”
Helen stared thoughtfully at Natalie. “This girlfriend of yours, how serious are we talking? Are you in love with her?”
Natalie marinated on the question. The same one Ana had asked her not too long ago. “We have fun together, and I care about her. It felt serious for a time. But truthfully? The distance has drawn a big arrow sign over the fact that we seem to be doing okay without each other.”
“So what’s the plan?”
Natalie stood, a little uncomfortable with the subject matter. “There is no plan. Morgan is coming for the opening next week, and Ana and I will trade off doing the show until it closes.”
“That simple, huh?” Helen asked. “As in nothing could possibly go wrong with that plan?”
“Yeah,” Natalie said, feeling less confident than she sounded. “That simple.”
Chapter Eight
Ana tossed her towel into her dance bag in frustration and pulled her hair from the knot at the back of her neck and gave her head an angry shake. What the hell was that? She’d had bad rehearsals before. They happened all the time, but this one set a new record and shined a spotlight on all the ways she sucked at this part.
Embarrassing. That’s what it had been, and in front of the entire cast.
They’d focused on the climax of the piece that day, which begins with a tortured Mira’s solo and then crescendos into a partnered dance where Titus joins her and the characters battle until their passion unites them as one.
“Try it again, Ana. The character has to feel something,” Roger had yelled at her from his chair in the house. She could still hear his words echoing through the expanse of the theatre. “How was that any different from the time before?” he said when she’d finished. “Get out of your head, Ana. This isn’t math, it’s poetry.”
She slammed her dance bag down on the bench and leaned against the cement wall.
“It’s not that bad.” She opened her eyes to see Natalie standing near her in the wings. She was packed up and ready to go, her dance bag slung over her shoulder, jeans on over her leotard.
“Did you just sit through the same rehearsal I did? He loves everything you do and hates me.”
“That’s only because you took the time to set me on the right track, show me all the ways I was screwing up. Maybe I can return the favor now.”
Okay, so that was an interesting proposition. Perhaps Natalie could help. Regardless, Ana was out of ideas and willing to try anything. “What did you have in mind?”
“Meet me in studio four. Let’s play around.”
Seriously, what did she have to lose?
Ten minutes later, that was exactly where they were. Natalie took a spot on the bench in the corner and pulled out her phone. Ana watched as she scrolled through her music. “What are we doing exactly?”
Natalie looked up and smiled. “We’re going to dance.”
“Okay, but that particular variation—”
Natalie stood and placed one finger over Ana’s lips. “We’re not dancing the show.”
“We’re not?”
“God, no. Freestyle.”
“I don’t necessarily see how that’s productive.”
“You don’t have to. Leave it to me. This is the fun part. I’m going to play a song and you’re going to dance to it. Use what you’re feeling right now and just go.”
“I don’t think I can do that. I don’t freestyle.”
“Bullshit. You just don’t want to. You hate letting go and you overthink everything like it’s your job. Want me to go first? Will that help?”
Ana made a sweeping gesture with her arm, inviting Natalie ahead of her because she wasn’t comfortable with this whole exercise. “By all means.”
Natalie nodded once, plugged her phone into the portable speaker, and selected a song with a touch of the screen. Ana watched as Natalie took off across the floor in a series of movements not at all reminiscent of ballet. Whoa. For the next three minutes she watched in awe of the woman in front of her, so fearless in everything she did. There wasn’t any restraint, any self-awareness in the way Natalie circled from the waist and tossed her head back, leaping once and then again, spinning when she felt the need to spin. Ana’s breath caught in her throat at the beauty, skill, and sheer inhibition in front of her now. What she wouldn’t give to be that free.
The music cut out and Natalie walked back to her as if it were the most natural thing in the world. “You’re up, Russian.”
“I don’t know how to do what you just did,” Ana said defensively and crossed her arms.
“Of course you don’t. That was all me. But you’ll make it your own and the result will be all you. You’re one of the best dancers in the country, aren’t you? Time to prove it.”
Ana stared at her, taken back by the comment, the challenge, but familiar enough with Natalie not to be totally offended. If anything, the thrown gauntlet had inspired her competitive side. “Wow. Okay. Fine. If that’s how you want to play it, stand back.” Ana moved to the center of the room, deciding to have fun with this assignment if it killed her. She struck a dramatic pose, which pulled a laugh from Natalie.
“Oh, now that’s a ‘fuck you’ stance if I’ve ever seen one.”
“Put the music on, California. I don’t have all night.”
“Yes, Queen.” Moments later, Ana put herself to the test, doing everything in her power not to restrict her body, her mind, or her feelings. She let the music carry her and pushed herself further and further as the song, some sort of grunge rock, played to its conclusion. Ana was out of breath, but feeling lighter, as if she’d released a huge amount of tension. “How was that?” she asked.
“Color me impressed,” Natalie said, joining her on the floor. “Where did you go? Tell me where your head was.”
“I didn’t go anywhere per se. In fact, I tried not to think too much.”
Natalie nodded. “Did you know that George Balanchine once said that music was the most important thing in his ballets? Music first followed by artistry. Technique
took a distant third.”
“He did say that. What’s your point?”
Natalie took a step into Ana, energized. “Think about it. He wanted the audience listening closely to the music and feeling something,” she placed her hand over Ana’s heart, “right here. I can feel your heart beating.” Silence reigned in the studio, and Ana’s eyes fluttered closed and she swallowed against the sensation of Natalie’s hand on her chest. Natalie’s voice dipped to quiet. “Now I want to know what it’s saying. And so does everyone who watches you, Ana, because you’re that good. You figure out how to tell them the story and there will be no stopping you. You’re the best dancer I’ve ever seen.”
“Do you really believe that?”
“I do. Now you just have to learn how to emote. There’s a moment when you take your place on that stage when we’re all on the edges of our seats waiting to see what it is you’re going to do.” Natalie dropped her hand and took a step back. Ana instantly lamented the loss of contact. “Do you remember that day in rehearsal where you slayed it? Got everyone all excited with how awesome you were?”
Ana ran her fingers through her hair. “And then never pulled it off again? Yeah, sounds familiar.”
“Now, that was a performance. Something had distracted you. You said you’re not sure what it was, but I think you know.”
“You do, huh?” Ana reflected on the very specific thing that had carried her through that performance.
“I do. What was it? We can use it.”
“I’d rather not go into it. In fact, it was very—”
“What are you afraid of exactly?” Natalie’s eyes flashed and Ana took a defensive step back.
“I’m not afraid.”
“Then tell me.”
“It’s not going to change anything.”
“So it can’t hurt to tell me.”
“Fine. It was you. Happy?” Natalie’s eyes widened, but only briefly as Ana continued. “Everything about you drove me crazy that day. You were late. You were chatty. You were…beautiful. You still are.” Natalie’s lips parted in surprise at that last part. Ana had no idea where she’d derived the courage to confess what she just had. Maybe this little exercise had loosened more than just her dancing inhibitions.
Natalie opened her mouth and closed it before settling on a sentence. “I didn’t realize you’d—”
“Hey, it’s okay. Let’s not make it awkward. We don’t have to talk about it.”
“No, we don’t,” Natalie said solemnly. “Try it again. For me? The ending variation.”
Natalie hadn’t pulled away. She hadn’t run screaming from the room at Ana’s admission and that was something, wasn’t it? Her dignity had survived.
“You want me to think of you while I dance?”
Natalie nodded. “It worked the last time.”
“And you’re going to watch?”
“If you’ll let me.”
Ana walked to the center of the room. She mentally removed each and every proverbial barricade and let her thoughts, feelings, and emotions, everything inspired by Natalie, flood through her. The end result left Ana feeling bare and on display. However, when the music started, she held nothing back. She didn’t tap into the anger as she had for Natalie that first time. Instead she focused on the feelings that had taken root and only seemed to grow with each passing day she and Natalie spent together. That, coupled with the fact that she could feel Natalie’s gaze on her while she danced, had the whole thing happening in a bit of a blur. One thing was for sure, she gave all of herself to the performance. As a result, she lost track of technique, pacing, and even what day of the week it was, which contributed to her surprise when she spun her way across the floor and into Natalie, who caught her and held her there, looking every bit as surprised as Ana felt.
“Whoa,” Natalie said quietly. “I’ve got you.”
The air around them hung heavy and Ana felt the flush hit her cheek. “Thanks.”
Ana briefly registered faraway voices in the hall. Still, neither of them moved. Instead, they stood there. Shallow breathing, locked eyes, and the fast-paced thud of their hearts combined to create the most charged moment Ana could remember ever having experienced.
Her hands on Natalie’s shoulders, Natalie’s nestled at her waist.
Ana was transfixed. Natalie looked sexy as hell standing there, her hair tousled around her shoulders, her lips full and parted just a touch. Ana could barely stand it.
But it was when Natalie’s eyes dropped to her mouth that Ana’s stomach clenched in that uncomfortable, wonderful, thrilling way. That’s when she knew: Natalie felt it, too. And that was all it took for her to incline her head and claim Natalie’s mouth in a kiss every bit as gratifying as she’d imagined. More so. Natalie let out a low murmur of satisfaction before slanting her mouth over Ana’s and kissing her back with a ferocity that had Ana grappling for conscious thought, equilibrium, anything to ground her. Instead, she reveled in the softness, the taste, the perfection of Natalie’s mouth. Better than she had imagined. Better than she’d even thought possible. Natalie’s hands moved from the sides of her waist to around it, hauling Ana closer, their curves melding in a manner that sent an erotic bolt right to Ana’s center and had her aching for more. Natalie kissed her eagerly, skillfully, until her lips granted entrance, culminating in a delicious collision of tongues.
Finally.
How had they gone so long without doing this?
Ana eased her hands into Natalie’s hair and heard a sweet surrendering sigh before realizing, distantly, that it had come from her. Upon hearing it, Natalie slowed her movements to stillness and stepped out of Ana’s grasp. She gently took hold of Ana’s wrists and didn’t let go as they each struggled for air. Finally releasing Ana altogether, Natalie gave her head a little shake, as if waking from a dream. “What was that?” she asked.
“I just…I had to,” Ana said, realizing it wasn’t much of an answer at all. Natalie touched her lips as if to hold in the taste of Ana. “I guess I lost my mind for a minute.”
“Well, it was quite a minute.”
Ana had to smile. “It was.” But she was a realist. This was Natalie she was talking about. Not only was Ana’s showbiz rule number one not to get involved with people you worked with (she’d learned that the hard way), but Natalie was her complete opposite in every way, and involved with someone else to boot. Still, there stood Natalie, looking like everything Ana never knew she wanted, and logic didn’t seem to stop Ana from the wanting.
Because God, she wanted.
Was it really that crazy, after all? The idea of her and Natalie?
“We should probably get going,” Natalie said, answering that question. Her gaze brushed the ground uncomfortably.
“Oh, definitely. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to keep you.” Her defenses flared, and she did everything in her power to distance herself emotionally from what she’d just experienced. After all, Natalie clearly wanted her to.
“Ana, wait. Don’t pull away like that. This is not a rejection.”
Ana blew out a breath because it sure as hell felt like one. “Okay. Then what is it?”
Natalie held her gaze. “This is us, taking a moment to regroup. I need a time-out, and maybe you do, too.”
Ana nodded. “A time-out would be great.”
Natalie sighed. “Your voice is doing that calm, polite, closed-off thing, and I don’t want that from you right now. In fact, I can’t stand it.”
“What do you want, then?” It was a legitimate question that had Ana feeling every bit exposed.
“I think that’s what the time-out is for. Do you understand?”
“I understand that you think I’m a horrible idea and need a time-out to figure out how to tell me. I can’t fault you for that, because I probably am.” She attempted to pass Natalie on the way to collect her dance bag, but Natalie sidestepped, blocking her path.
“Stop for a second, please?” She cupped Ana’s face, and at the contact, Ana sof
tened. Ached even. She was in serious trouble here. “That’s not at all what I’m doing. I think we’re…complicated. Give me a chance to sort it out. Please.”
It was the “please” that got her. “Whatever you need.”
“You’ve become important to me, and I want to be as honest with you as I can.”
“And you want time to find that honesty,” Ana stated.
“Something like that.”
Ana nodded. “Okay.”
“As for the ballet, that’s all you have to do,” Natalie said, gesturing to the floor. “What you did a few minutes ago was…overwhelming. In the best way.” She moved to the wall where they’d dropped their bags. “You slayed it. Just remember to, uh…stay on top of your spacing.” She was rattled, that much Ana could tell. This was new, as she’d never seen Natalie rattled about anything.
“I owe you one. That’s for sure.” She joined Natalie, retrieving her bag, and they headed out together as always.
“That’s not true,” Natalie said. “You did the same for me, remember? We’re square.”
“Square,” Ana repeated, knowing things between them felt anything but squared off.
They made their way down the hall and to the front entrance of the building in silence. Natalie was avoiding eye contact, which had Ana doing what she could to right them again. “You’ve come a long way, you know that? You’re different now.”
“In what way?” Natalie asked.
“To start with, you’re here an hour before the rest of us each day, which is just as shocking as it is impressive.”
“Well, I keep hearing this one girl’s voice in my head. Something about putting in the work and not relying on talent alone. So that’s what I’m doing, putting in the work. It’s actually great advice. She’s pretty smart, this girl.”
Ana smiled. “I’ll be sure to pass that on. I hear she’s—”
“Baby!”
They turned at the sound of the shout. A girl with pink strands in her hair and a stocking cap moved toward them, waving frantically. She had to be, what? Twenty-two years old? Twenty-four max?
Natalie stared, seemingly shocked. But then a smile hit and Ana felt like she’d been punched. “Morgan? Wow. How are you here right now?”
First Position Page 12
