The Crusader's Heart

by Kate Forrest

  “Your mother is a brave woman.” Not many women would go against their husband’s wishes, let alone the chief’s wishes. She was bold and determined, but it also spoke to Alex’s mother’s sense of justice and kindness.

  “Aye, she was.”

  Isobel took that to mean she had passed.

  “I never knew it until that day, but I’ve appreciated her for it all the days since,” he said. “Thomas is a Graham as well. The clan is based nearby; I know him from when we both fostered on Skye. He and I became good friends and, as it turns out, he and Katy fell in love. They married just before I left on Crusade. Even though it has been many years since I’ve seen them, they are like my own kin. They’d do anything for me and I for them.”

  “Such friendships are rare,” Isobel noted. In fact, she had never known that kind of friendship. In all her years at court, she had never found a true friend. She could laugh with the other women and make jokes with the men, but she’d never had a confidant. She envied what Alex had with Thomas and Katherine. Still, there was something curious about his story.

  “You said Thomas fostered with you on Skye?” she asked.

  “Aye.”

  “But he is a farmer now. I thought boys only fostered when they were being raised as warriors.”

  “Aye, well, Tom was rather terrible with a blade. In truth, he nearly cut his own limbs off a dozen times or so. Thankfully, he has a gift for growing things. I think his interest in gardening is one of the things that brought him and Katy together.”

  “It is a nice when a couple can share a common bond,” Isobel said. David and Mattie had shared their strong religious faith, but Isobel knew countless couples at court who seemed to share nothing between them. Save for mutual disinterest in one another.

  “Aye, they have something rare,” Alex said. “You’ll not need to worry over that though, will you?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I assume you still intend to take your vows when we reach Iona,” Alex said. “Or was that part of the lie intended to keep the Rood safe?”

  “Yes and no,” Isobel said. Thinking of it created knots in her stomach. “It’s complicated.”

  “Always is,” Alex said, walking on. Isobel joined him. “If you’re willing to tell me, we aren’t lacking for time.”

  “I did say I’d tell you the whole truth.”

  “I believe you did.”

  “David has been preparing me to go to the church for some time,” she began. “He knew once he was gone, I would have no place at court. I was not prepared for marriage, so he felt a nunnery was best. We discussed several choices, but when he learned of a new nunnery being built on Iona, he felt strongly about me going there. I wasn’t prepared to take the vows then; in truth, I still don’t know whether I am. But I did not want David to worry about my future. There was never a set time of when, but we both agreed sometime over the summer would make the best traveling conditions. I was meant to go with several women and guards for protection. David never intended for me to travel alone.”

  “But that all changed when the bishop tried to take the Rood?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why did David not have the bishop arrested?” Alex asked.

  “Several reasons, I think. The bishop is a powerful man with great influence, especially now with the council. David is also powerful, but he relies on the council for support. With his failing health, I think he worried this was something he could not resolve in time. We decided I should take the Rood and go alone to Iona.”

  “And then the king asked me to escort you.”

  “Which wasn’t made known to me until the morning I left.”

  “Preferred to have gone it alone?” Alex questioned.

  “It was enough to see I could survive on my own, but I will admit I was glad of your company after Stirling.”

  “You are strong, Isobel. I dinnae doubt you would have carried on well enough on your own.”

  Isobel was surprised to hear him say such a thing.

  “But the question remains…will you take the vow?”

  “I should,” she said. “And you? What will the crusader do when he returns home?”

  “I will return to my family’s stronghold. My father’s health is failing. Word reached me some months ago that I needed to return, but I could not gain passage home immediately. I’ve had no news of his health since returning to Scotland.”

  “Perhaps he is well again,” Isobel offered.

  Alex nodded, but Isobel could tell he doubted his father had recovered.

  “You reconciled after what happened to Katherine?”

  “I never forgave him, but in time we spoke again,” Alex said, adding, “We are not close.”

  Isobel nodded, curious about their strained relationship. “Does he have the love of your clan?”

  “He has men loyal to him. As to the rest, I do not know,” Alex said. “What of your parents? You have spoken little of your past.”

  “There is little to tell. I don’t remember my parents.” Isobel did not want to speak of her painful past. She’d never told it all to anyone before, not even David. Though she liked the crusader, she would not share her sad tale with him. “Was Robbie well recovered?”

  Alex slowed his pace and glanced at her, noting the shift in conversation, but then his pace resumed. “Aye. Katy did a good job sewing up his side. He should be fine.”

  “I’m glad of it,” Isobel said. “I was worried I’d seriously injured him.”

  “Nae. He’ll mend,” Alex said. “I told Robbie we could use a warrior like him on Mull. I think he’ll consider it, though God help him if my sisters ever catch sight of him.”

  “He is handsome,” Isobel admitted, then had to keep from laughing as a deep scowl appeared on Alex’s face.

  “Nae.”

  “I don’t think it’s a matter of opinion, Alex. The man would be considered handsome by anyone.”

  He looked positively disgusted. He’s jealous! The thought delighted her to no end. As handsome as Robbie was, he wasn’t for her. Alex didn’t know that though, and she was enjoying the moment too much to tell him so.

  “That’s not what I was thinking of anyway,” Alex said. “With being in charge of his siblings, including one who is ill, they’d just see him as a project. They’d want to help him.”

  “Would that be so bad?”

  “You haven’t met my sisters. I wouldn’t wish their attention on anyone.”

  “I’m sure they mean well,” Isobel said.

  “I’ve no doubt they do, but their good deeds always end in trouble.” Alex shook his head. “Especially my youngest sister, Flora. I can only imagine what she has gotten up to while I’ve been away.”

  “Perhaps she’ll surprise you.”

  Alex shrugged. “We’re nearly to the village. Remember, if anyone asks, we are married.”

  “Yes, husband,” Isobel said, meaning to make light of things, but somehow she’d sounded perfectly serious. Alex must have noticed, because he stopped walking. Isobel turned to face him. He was looking at her in the most peculiar way.

  “I was practicing,” she offered, trying to make the uncomfortable tension go away.

  “Right,” he said, but there was something strange in his voice. “We best get a move on. All this talking has slowed us down.”

  He then marched ahead of her with the purpose of a warrior going into battle. His behavior couldn’t have been any odder, but Isobel followed along.

  Alex was flustered. Aye, that’s the word for it: flustered. He could not figure out this woman. What was most perplexing was her response to his question about taking the vow on Iona. She’d said, “I should,” not “I will” or “yes” or “I am taking my vow.” Katherine was right. She wasn’t as resolved for the church as he’d previously thought. It changed everything, and yet it changed nothing. Then she’d called him “husband,” and it was like a punch to his chest.

  It felt right, which was wrong. It shouldn
’t feel right. What has this woman done to me? He wasn’t thinking clearly. If he was thinking clearly, he wouldn’t be thinking about her at all. I am on a mission for the king. Finish it and be done with her. She isn’t for me.

  He was allowing himself to become distracted, which could prove deadly. Robbie wouldn’t be the only one the bishop sent. As far as he knew, more men could already be on their way. Alex needed to keep vigilant. They both did for their sake and for the Rood.

  Learning about the Rood was surprising. Of all he could have imagined Isobel keeping secret, it was not that she carried with her the Holy Rood of Scotland. Though few had ever seen it, almost everyone in the Isles knew the tale of how it came to be in the hands of the Scots. That tale originated with David’s mother, Margaret, who came to Edinburgh as a wealthy Saxon princess seeking sanctuary from the newly installed King of England—the Duke of Normandy. Margaret was the granddaughter of Edmund Ironside, King of England, and daughter of the exiled Edward Atheling. With her father exiled, she was born and raised as a princess in Hungary, but her mother wished her for a life of devotion to the Christian faith and so she was taught by Benedictine nuns. Eventually, she and her family returned to England for her brother, Edgar, to claim the English throne. The legend was, when she came to the Isles she possessed part of the True Cross, though how it came to her in Hungary was unknown.

  Alex recalled the events that led to Margaret seeking sanctuary in Scotland. No doubt it had a great deal to do with politics and power and the Duke of Normandy’s fear of an uprising of support for the young Edgar. What was more of a mystery was how Malcolm Canmore, King of Scots, won over his future bride. One of Margaret’s ladies claimed the princess refused the king a dozen times, but in the end, she took him as her husband.

  He guessed Isobel would know more of the story. He slowed his steps until they walked in unison once more. “I was thinking of all I know of the Rood, and it has me wondering about something.”

  “What is it you want to know?”

  “Why did Margaret marry Malcolm?”

  “She loved him,” Isobel said.

  “She loved him?”

  “Yes.”

  Alex came to a halt; Isobel stopped beside him.

  “That’s the only reason?” Alex was dumbfounded.

  “Is that not reason enough?” Isobel gave him a sideways glance and continued walking.

  “That’s not why people marry,” Alex said, catching up with her. “People marry for land, for coin, or for alliances.”

  “Is that why Thomas and Katherine married?”

  “I’m not talking about them,” Alex said.

  “Are they not people?”

  “I meant to say people in power. Tom and Katy could marry for love. Margaret was a princess. Princesses don’t marry for love.”

  “She did,” Isobel said. “And what about you, Alex? Will you marry for love?”

  The question surprised him, though with Isobel nothing should have surprised him. He’d stopped walking again and found himself standing a foot away from her. Isobel had paused on the trail as well, fixing those violet eyes on him. He wanted to look away from her scrutiny. Even when he was certain his face would give nothing away, the grin in her eyes told him she saw everything.

  “I don’t know,” he said and walked on.

  Isobel was not a romantic. At least, she had never considered herself to be one. She did not believe in the fairy tales Mattie told her as a child, and she had never dreamed of a wealthy nobleman falling in love with her or she with him. But she did believe in love, and she believed that people should marry for love.

  Margaret married Malcolm for love, not for safe sanctuary (as many assumed). David married Mattie for love, not for her dowry (as some assumed). Isobel knew what love looked like between husband and wife. Even so, she understood many people did not marry for love. Still, Alex’s admission saddened her. Is he uncertain because his mission for the king could have spoiled the contract with his intended? Is their journey costing him marriage to the one he loved? She could not stand the idea of being the cause of someone’s unhappiness.

  I don’t even know if the man is in love. I am assuming too much.

  But then she thought of what Katherine had said or, rather, what she almost said. Alex’s clan needed something. It may not be a love match at all. After his talk of people in power not marrying for love, it would make sense. He, a son of a chief, would soon be head of his clan. He would then be in a position of power. “People marry for land, for coin, or for alliances,” he’d said. Which of those did his future bride offer?

  Chapter 15

  Inverarnan

  Isobel sat watching the commotion on the muddy street below the window of their tiny room at the inn. They had arrived a short time ago, and Alex was at the market gathering supplies for the remainder of their journey into Oban.

  A knock sounded at the door. Alex wouldn’t be back so soon.

  “Who is it?”

  “The maid, ma’am. Yer husband asked to send up mead before he left.”

  Isobel opened the door cautiously; a maid with a serving tray greeted her on the other side. The petite woman swept into the room and gently sat the tray on a small wooden table near the hearth.

  “The biscuit bread is fresh. Cook just baked ‘em,” she said and smiled.

  “It smells wonderful,” Isobel said. “Thank you.”

  “Ye are verra welcome,” the maid said but didn’t move for the door.

  “Is there something else?”

  “Nae, ma’am. Sorry. I should be on m’way.” She hurried for the door but paused again.

  Isobel waited expectantly, curious about this woman’s behavior.

  “Been a maid here fer going on three years, and I ne’er had a husband request mead fer his lady. Lucky to hae him, ye are,” she said, her heavy accent could not mask her wistful tone.

  Though the maid’s words would be out of turn if Isobel was a princess living in David’s court, she couldn’t help but agree. “He is thoughtful.”

  “And handsome!” the woman gushed. “Oh, nae! I’ve said too much. Begging yer forgiveness. I’ll be on m’way.” With an awkward bow, the maid dashed out the door, banging it closed behind her.

  Isobel shook her head, wondering if Alex had left lovesick maidens across the Mediterranean. That, of course, prompted her to wonder, Have I left anyone lovesick?

  As she sat down by the fire to pour herself a cup of mead, she thought back on the men who could have been considered suitors at court. A few men had taken a liking to her, but they were all motivated for reasons other than genuine interest. Some thought her connection to the king made her a useful pawn. Even though no one knew of the dowry and lands attached to her (something David insisted on keeping private for her own protection), some men sought to use her to gain favor with the king. Others wanted her for her physical attributes. Isobel knew she was attractive. She didn’t boast about it, but it also seemed silly to pretend she didn’t realize her features made her appealing to men. She knew an attractive woman at court who pretended she thought herself ugly to gain flattery. Isobel would have none of it. She did not need the honeyed words of conceited men to know her true value and qualities. Nor had she used her feminine qualities to manipulate others. She honestly didn’t know how, and she didn’t desire anything of the men at court.

  Isobel was sure of many things, but she had to admit life in David’s court had been surprisingly sheltered. She didn’t just mean in the sense of male and female interactions. She did not know much about life in Scotland. There was so much she wanted to learn. Would she be able to learn it all from a nunnery? Nuns were secluded from society; they were not out among the people. She wasn’t even certain if they were allowed to read, and reading was her greatest passion. Leaving Edinburgh had meant parting with David’s priceless collection of books. In choosing the church, she would also forfeit her dreams of travel—of exploring the Isles.

  Two thoughts struck her:
How much of myself must I give up? Should I not yearn for the life of a nun if it is my destiny?

  Isobel had reasoned for a long time that uncertainty was natural. Fear of the unknown and of making a lifelong commitment made her hesitant. That is what she told herself when David spoke of his hopes for her in the church.

  Yet, it had never felt right. Did it make it a sin to take the vows without truly knowing if it was right for her? But what if it felt right in time? What if the sacrifices were worth it? Only time would reveal the truth. The question was if she was willing to move forward with hope for a change of heart later on.

  Sighing, she slumped in her seat. Isobel finally lifted the cup to her mouth and took a sip. The cold drink felt unsatisfying. She reached for the biscuit bread, but it had gone cold. She sat the cup down on the tray and looked back out the window into the gray afternoon sky.

  ****

  Alex returned from the market in time to catch the evening meal being served in the downstairs of the inn.

  “Plenty more for ye and yer wife, MacKinnon,” called the innkeeper.

  “We’ll be down together shortly,” Alex replied, heading for the steps. The smell of roasted mutton followed after him, causing his stomach to growl. He’d spent so long at the market, he’d lost track of time. But his efforts were rewarded in finding exactly what he wanted.

  He knocked on the door to the room he shared with Isobel. Moments later, the door swung open, and Isobel welcomed him back.

  “Did you get all the supplies we’ll need for the journey to Oban?”

  “Aye.” Alex sat his acquisitions down on the floor but kept one item tucked under his arm. “I’m sure it is not as fine as the one you had, but I hope it will do.” He handed the cloth wrapped article to her.

  “Is it a new cloak?” Isobel asked.

  Alex nodded as she carefully unwrapped it. At first, he couldn’t read her expression, but then her lips parted and her eyes widened. Is she shocked by its ugliness? While Alex knew very little of female garments, he thought the cloak was fine.

  “Is it to your liking?” Alex asked. “I’m sure we can trade it for another if it displeases you.”