by Skye Turner
I nod. “It is. Charles has a pretty great thing going here.”
He checks out the lineup of keys to the luxurious cars and SUVs. “I’ll say. Wow, I had no idea.”
My lips are pursed and I sit on one end of the couch as I stare at him. “I don’t think you came to find me to talk about Charles’s business. So, what is it? What’s going on?”
He sits down on the other end of the couch. I immediately notice the space he’s left between us.
I cross my arms over my chest because I’m suddenly cold and I feel exposed in only my light tank top.
He takes in my stance and his hands rest on his knees. “My trip to L.A… I went to see someone.”
“Ok.”
He looks right at me. “A woman.”
O…K…
I’m going to vomit. Don’t you dare, Avangeline. Don’t you dare fucking vomit!
“She called when you were asleep. She said she needed me and I booked a flight.”
I gasp. “You’re involved with someone?”
He shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Yes. No. Not really. It’s complicated.”
It’s COMPLICATED?! Are you fucking kidding me? What’s complicated? Either he’s involved with someone or he’s not.
How is that complicated?!
He continues. “I’ve known her forever. Forever. She’s really important to me. I’ve always been there for her and she needed me. So, I went.”
“You didn’t mention that you needed to go see a friend. Why wouldn’t you just say that was why if she’s just a friend, James?” My voice is rising. I’m trying to stay calm, but I just can’t. This is not happening. This is not happening.
“Because she’s more than a friend. She’s a lover. She was a lover.”
A lover. He left me… IN. HIS. BED… to go to another woman.
This is NOT happening again.
I jump up and put some distance between us. I want to hurt him, so to prevent myself from doing that, I walk across the room.
He watches me. “Did you fuck her, James? Did you leave me after a night of sex and fly to L.A. to fuck her?”
He swallows. “I didn’t leave here to fuck her. But I knew it would more than likely happen.”
“And did it?!”
He nods.
I have to turn away from him. Staring at the wall and seeing nothing, I ask, “Ok, so what? You dallied with me while your girlfriend was in L.A. and then she calls so you just leave me… after asking ME if I was fucking anyone else… to go fuck her?! Is that what you wanted to tell me?”
He’s so quiet. I’m shaking in my humiliation and rage and I never hear him cross the room. His hands are on my shoulders and he tries to turn me to face him. I jerk back from him. “Do not touch me.”
He cringes. “Can you just let me explain?! Please, AJ. I want to explain. You asked me about my secrets once and now… now, I want to tell you.”
I want to cry and I’m having trouble holding it in. My throat is throbbing from holding the sobs there, and the fact that I want to cry over this man, this movie star, just makes me furious.
I shove him. “You want to explain it? Are you fucking serious? What’s to explain, James? You got what you wanted from me. There’s nothing to explain. It is what it is and I knew better. I knew that you were like this! You swore to me I was wrong. But I’m not wrong! I was right. I was right all along!” I spit the last words at him.
He nods. “I know. I deserve all the rage you’re feeling. I told you not to assume anything about me because I wasn’t like your ex-husband and I realize now, I am. I’m sorry.”
He’s SORRY?!
“Please, AJ. Just let me explain. It’s important.”
Fine, if he wants to clear his conscience, then fine. But I’ll never forgive him. I can’t believe I was stupid enough to fall for this not once, but twice in one life.
Walking away from him, I cross the room and put the service counter between us. “Fine… explain!”
Chapter Twenty
James
I hate myself. I am causing someone I really care about extreme pain and I hate myself for it. But I’m going to tell her everything. Once she knows everything, if she walks, at least I know for the first time in my adult life, I was completely honest.
She’s worth my honesty.
This is going about as well as I expected it to. Ok, that’s a lie. This is worse. Much worse.
Are you really surprised, J? You knew this was a possibility.
Yeah, but I was just delusional enough to think it might have a different outcome.
You’re an asshole, J.
I can physically see her shaking and holding in her rage. I’m familiar with that feeling, so I recognize the signs. I’m certain she would pummel me if she had the chance. I’m very glad there are no readily available weapons in this room.
Looking at her beseechingly, I ask, “Can you please come over here?”
She glares at me and slaps her hands onto the counter. “Trust me that is not a good idea. It’s much better if I stay over here.”
I nod in acceptance. She’s probably right. “Ok. Stop me at any time. Ok?!”
She nods forcefully but says nothing.
Taking a deep breath, I go back in my head. “I’m from a really small town in Texas. I have no idea who my parents are and I was a foster kid. I was in and out of different homes from the time I was three until I was about fourteen. That’s when I was placed with a family.” I laugh harshly. “Family. Yeah ok. It was a man and his wife and they had a lot of foster kids. A lot of older foster kids. I thought it was strange because hell, no one wants older kids. They’re too much trouble.
“From the first second in the house, things felt weird to me, but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. Then one day, about two weeks in, the wife starts paying me all of this attention. It was strange. She got super flirty and then her friends started coming by a lot and they also got super flirty. Eventually, they would bring me little gifts and talk about how good looking I was. I turned fifteen and things changed drastically. Things got… sexual with some of the women.
“I thought it was weird… Why would grown women want to screw a fifteen-year-old boy?! But then again, I didn’t look fifteen. I filled out and worked on the farm, so I was built and toned.” I look at her. She’s staring at me with her mouth hanging open.
“One day after a few years with the family, a new foster child came to the house. A girl, Rose. She was scared to death, but she was beautiful. Probably the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. Her hair was long and fire red. She had the most expressive green eyes I’d ever seen. She was young. Only fourteen, but her body already resembled a woman’s. I was immediately drawn to her. Everything in me wanted her… Wanted to protect her. Something screamed at me to take care of her.
“I’d seen how the husband treated the girls. I didn’t like the way he was looking at her and I decided then and there he was not going to touch her.
“As time went on, I got older and filled out more. Women threw themselves at me. Married, single, old, young… As I was growing, so was Rose. She was stunning in her beauty. The husband watched her hungrily, but he left her alone for the most part. He made comments he shouldn’t have made. Inappropriate comments that should never be said to a woman, especially a teenager.
“He was always watching her… leering… from day one. I stayed close to her and she became attached to me. I protected her.
“I turned eighteen and was still screwing all these women. I was a stud. I could legally leave the home, but I couldn’t force myself to do it. I couldn’t leave Rose alone. I was the only thing stopping the husband from touching her. I knew it.
“On the night of her sixteenth birthday, I overheard the couple talking about her and how they couldn’t wait for the price they were going to fetch for her.
“They were discussing her like she was a possession, AJ. They were selling her virginity… They were selling sex
with all of us. They had been for years.
“That’s when I realized what had been going on. I was livid. How could these people do this to all these kids? How could this happen and no one know?! What kind of sick, twisted people would pay to have sex with kids!?
“Over the years, I’d developed feelings for Rose, as more than a protector… and I was determined that no one was going to harm her. Ever. If it was the last thing I did, what had happened to me, to all of us kids, was not going to happen to her.
“I didn’t know it at the time, but she overheard them, too. Her anguished cry made me turn. She was standing there, as white as a sheet, with tears running down her face, shaking in terror at the thought of them selling her to some disgusting pig who wanted to deflower her.
“She begged me to take her virginity to save her from them. Rationalizing they couldn’t sell what wasn’t there.
“I was reluctant. I was dirty… tarnished… and she was so pure and innocent, but I loved her, so I did. I took her virginity. We were in love and we became lovers.
“By that time, I’d realized what the women were doing anyway. They didn’t care about me. They were paying for sex with me. I was a prostitute. At first, I didn’t even know it, but once I realized, I turned it around on them. I didn’t stop. I used them. I took their gifts and stole things from them and the couple regularly. I manipulated them as they thought they were manipulating me.
“I planned on taking Rose and leaving with her. We were going to start over.
“One night a few months after her birthday, the husband caught us in the barn. We were having sex and he stumbled in. He was furious and he pulled me off of her before I could move. She was naked and exposed and the look in his eyes was disgusting. He called her vile and shameful names.
“Then, he undid his belt and pulled his pants down. She screamed and tried to scramble away and he hit her. I flew at him in a rage. No way was he going to rape her. He hit me again and knocked me down, then he slammed a board into my back. I was in so much pain. I couldn’t move. I wanted to black out, but I knew if I did, that was it. He was going to rape her. I couldn’t let him do that, so using everything I had, I got up.
“The pain was excruciating and I almost passed out every time I moved. I got to him and pulled him off, but I was too weak. He laughed as I fell again. Then, he stood over me with a pitch-fork… for the hay. He was going to kill me. He was about to bring it down in my chest. I saw it. He wanted to kill me.
“I heard an explosion. His eyes went wide with shock and he looked down. His chest was gaping open.
“Rose had grabbed the shotgun that was in the barn to keep the coyotes away. She shot him to keep him from killing me.
“The wife came running out of the house to see what the gun blast was from. When she saw me stumbling to stand, Rose naked, her husband’s pants undone, and then the blood, she went crazy. She started screaming and before we realized it, she pointed a revolver at Rose. The hate in her eyes was unmistakable.
“She screamed at both of us and then she cocked the gun and went to pull the trigger. Everything was in slow motion. Rose screamed, but then another blast went off. I didn’t know where it came from until I saw the shotgun in my hands.
“I killed her before she could kill Rose.”
AJ’s face is completely white; I’m certain mine doesn’t look much different. “We killed them both. And then we left…
“We left and never looked back…”
When I’m done, I feel like sleeping for days on end. I look at AJ and she’s simply staring at me. Her skin has no color and she’s gripping the counter to hold herself up.
Is she just going to stare at me? She has to say something. She’s going to say something, right?
*
Avangeline
Oh my God… Oh my God…
Is he serious?
Dear God… he was taken advantage of and they were going to sell that girl and then that horrible man was going to rape her?
Oh my God.
I feel like screaming. I need to vomit.
I see why he didn’t want to tell me his secrets.
Dear God…
I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do. I don’t understand what he just told me. I can’t even keep up with the thoughts racing through my own head.
How can people that evil exist in the world?!
Who does that?!
He looks at me. “Are you going to say anything, Avangeline?”
He looks horrible. His face is wearing all of his almost forty years right now.
I swallow. “I don’t know what to say, James.”
He sighs and says wearily, “Jaye.”
What? Jaye?
My confusion is unmistakable. “What do you mean Jaye? What’s Jaye?”
He looks up at me and smiles sadly. “My name. My real name is Jaye. Jaye White.”
Ok, his name was changed after all that. That’s understandable.
Was he ever charged? Does he have a criminal record?
How fitting his name is Jaye.
I nod, though it’s just a reflex. I can’t process all of this.
Just when I think that’s it, he drops the last bombshell on me. “And the woman I went to L.A. to see… Rose… Rose is Scarlet Lockhart… Now you know all of my secrets.”
Rose… his lover… the woman who killed to protect him and he killed to protect… is Scarlet Lockhart… America’s Sweetheart.
The floor rises up to meet me as I black out.
* * *
Something cool is pressing against my face and it takes me a minute to get my bearings.
Was I dreaming? I’m never drinking Fireball again. Oh my God. Wait… someone is wiping my face…
“Avangeline. AJ, are you ok?”
Cracking my eyes open slightly, I peer up at the concern-lined face of James… or should I say Jaye… I can’t deal with this right now. I close my eyes again.
Warm fingertips are tracing my jawline. I can’t have him touch me. I can’t bear for him to touch me. I sit up and rub my head as I realize how bad it hurts. I’m on the couch. How did I get to the couch!?
“You hit your head when you passed out.”
Scooting away from him, I head to the other side of the couch. Then turning, I look at him. His eyes are lined with worry and his skin is pale. He looks so different with all of his facial hair. It’s sexy and completely out of character.
Ha, I guess spilling his guts was weighing heavily on him.
Are you trying to make jokes, Avangeline?
Ha. Nope. I’m just trying not to scream, vomit, or cry.
He reaches out to touch me and I shake my head to stop him. His hand drops.
We stare at each other for about five minutes. The silence in the room is deafening.
Finally, he says, “Can you say something, Avangeline? Anything?”
I look at him and chew my lip as I pick at my nails. “What exactly would you like me to say?”
He leans his head back and then punches the seat. I jump. “Shit, AJ. I don’t know. Something. Anything. Say something. Goddammit! Tell me to fuck off. Tell me you’re disgusted. Ask me why! I don’t know, but say something!”
Standing up, I rub my arms and grab my sweatshirt. I pull it over my head, but nothing is warming me. My soul is ice. “I’m not sure what you want me to say, James. Or Jaye?” I’m in shock, I think. “What should I call you?”
His eyes are bleak. He pinches his nose and blows out a breath through tight lips. “I don’t care. Call me either one.”
“I appreciate you being honest with me. Really, I do. You didn’t have to. And you did. So thank you for that. But as far as what you want me to say… I don’t know. I don’t really have anything to say right now. You just dropped a fucking bomb on me.” I pin him as he watches me helplessly. “No, you dropped two fucking bombs on me. I have to process this. I have to think and right now, my fucking brain doesn’t work. My fucking brain is in s
hock and I don’t know what to do about that.
“What the fuck do I do about that, James?
“I’m sorry if my reaction is not what you were expecting, but I feel like I’m lost at sea without a fucking life raft right now and the waves are overtaking me, so no, I don’t know what to fucking say.”
He nods. “Ok. I’ll call Hugo to come get me.”
He’s going to leave. He’s just going to leave?
My fucking world just tilted on its side and I’m trapped in a current being pulled under and he’s going to just leave?
That does it. I snap. Jumping up, I race to the counter and whirling back, I throw the first thing I grab. It’s a bottle of glass cleaner. It lands near his feet and explodes, soaking his shoes and pants. He looks down but doesn’t react.
That infuriates me and I grab something else. It’s the glass bowl full of candy on the counter. I miss him again, but it shatters to his right. Glass and candy fly everywhere. It’s as if Pandora’s Box was opened and I just throw everything I can get my hands on. By the time I’m done, it looks like a bomb has gone off in here. Debris, paper, and cleaners are everywhere.
I’m breathing deeply as tears course down my face and I just stare at him.
He asks, “You about done?”
I nod and my chin meets my chest.
Yeah, I’m done…
I hear him sigh and walk out. As he reaches the door, he stops. I don’t turn around.
“I’m sorry, Avangeline. For everything.”
His footsteps recede down the hall and I slump to the floor where I curl into a ball as my heart breaks.
* * *
A few hours later, I sweep up the last of the mess and take a look around. I’ll never look at this room the same.
What was once a place that made me happy and where I could be myself will now forever be remembered as the place where I was dumb enough to admit I fell in love with a movie star and had my heart broken… for the second time in a lifetime… only this time… I actually was in love and my heart is like the glass I just cleaned from the floor, shattered. I don’t think it can be repaired.
