by Skye Turner
I nod. “I have. I’m seeing someone. Or… I was. I don’t know how she’ll take what’s happened here.”
And for the first time I realize that I really care about what she thinks. I’ve been a complete ass to her over her assumptions and I swore she didn’t know me. Yet, yesterday I asked her to be in a relationship with me and this morning I left her to come here… and I’ve just fucked someone else…
She was right after all.
You’re a bastard, J.
She’s looking at me with wide, glazed eyes and her hand is over her mouth. “I’m sorry.”
She’s sorry? For what?
“Why are you sorry?”
She smiles sadly and picks at her napkin. “For this. For me. For being weak. And for possibly ruining your chance at true happiness.”
Standing up, I round the table and kneel on the floor in front of her. I take her hands. “You listen to me. Never say that. You are not weak. And I will always be here for you. Always.”
She stares at me for a long time before she cups my face. Leaning down, she softly presses her cold lips to mine. It feels… different. As she pulls back, she says, “We have to stop this, J. I have to stop this. I can’t come running to you whenever anything happens in my life that spooks me.
“This is the end of this. The end of us. We are an enigma when we’re together, J. Together, we’re cosmic, and it’s amazing, but when we aren’t… We both go on with our lives. Love shouldn’t be like that.
“One of us finally has to be the one to say it’s enough. It has to be enough. I love you, and because of that… this can’t continue. I love you enough to know that I’m holding you back.
“You’re the first boy I ever loved, J. The first man I loved. You saved me. You saved me, but in saving me you lost yourself. I’m so sorry for that.
“I love you. I will always love you, but this… this has to end. If it doesn’t… if we continue, we’ll never move forward. We’ll never truly live.
“You and I had our moment, but that was a long time ago and it seems like a different life now. We’ve worked hard to bury that life. We’ve tried to leave that life behind, but as long as we continue… like this, it will always have us in its grasp.
“I love you, but I’m no longer in love with you.” A tear rolls down her cheek. “And you aren’t in love with me.”
“I love you so much, and because I love you… I’m letting you go. This is the end. It has to be the end. We can’t keep doing this. We hurt other people because we hold onto the ‘what-if’… we always say ‘if things were different,’ but it’s an excuse. Things could be different if we really wanted them to be… yet, we don’t. We don’t change.
“We can’t keep hurting other people and we can’t keep holding each other back… This is goodbye… to us.”
She’s right. We can’t keep doing this. I actually care about AJ. SHE uses me as an excuse not to fall in love with these guys she dates. We both use the other as a crutch… We have for years. We have to stop.
For either of us to be happy… we have to let go of the past. We have to let go of this part of… us.
Nodding, I cup her cheeks and cradle her hands. “You’re right. This can’t happen again.”
Another tear trails down her cheek before it splashes onto our joined hands. We both watch it as it rolls down our hands and hits the floor. The symbolism is not lost on either of us.
She smiles and wipes her eyes. “Ok, then.” She traces my jaw bone. “You’re going to have to tell her, J. Everything. About now and about the past… if you want any kind of real relationship, you’re going to have to tell her.”
I know. I’ve already realized this fact and that scares the shit out of me.
*
Avangeline
I’ve had the best day with Julee. We have the best talks. We always have. She’s been one of my best friend’s for as long as I can remember. After lunch she’s talked me into heading to the salon with her. She has an appointment and since we’re having a girl’s day, she’s dragging me along.
We decide to take my Tahoe and I’ll just drop her back at her car later. As we navigate traffic, she plays with the radio until she finds a song she likes.
As we’re stopped at a red light, I feel her staring at me. Turning my head, I catch her smirk. “What?”
She chuckles. “Have you ever waxed?”
“Waxed what?”
She laughs. “You know. Waxed your vajayjay.”
What the ever living fuck?
I roll my eyes. “Nope. I can keep my shit groomed all by myself.”
She snickers. “Mine is smooth as a baby’s bottom.”
I groan. “Oh my God. Seriously, I do not care about your whoo hah, Jules! I don’t need to know all your business!”
I glance over and see her face. She has that look on her face… I’m scared.
“I’m making you an appointment, too. They love me. They’ll fit you in.”
“The fuck you are. I am not waxing my shit, Jules. What the hell?”
“I bet James likes to lap at smooth pussies. And he can watch and actually see his big dick disappear as he fucks you into oblivion.”
I cringe. “You’re a sailor trapped in a bombshell’s body!”
She laughs as we stop at another red light. I glare at her. She blows me a kiss. “Ok, now seriously. Why are you so adamant you’re not waxing? You don’t have to take everything off. Leave a landing strip.”
“Why do you care what my vagina looks like, Julee?”
“I don’t care, but I bet James does.”
“Oh my God. It’s not the fucking Amazon down there. You don’t need a bush hog! It’s trimmed neatly and he doesn’t seem to complain!”
“Just try it.”
“What are we… in junior high again?! What’s with the peer pressure?”
She rolls her eyes at me. “Stop being so dramatic. Ok, so tell me why you won’t.”
Fine! I’ll tell you, you weird ass nosey bitch.
“Look, I’m not too keen on stripping naked and lying spread eagle on a table so some Swedish chick named Olga can wax my lips and rip my fucking nub off.”
Julee dies laughing. I ignore her and drive. When I think she’s done, she starts again. She’s holding her stomach, she’s laughing so hard. She finally wipes her eyes and grins at me. The utter delight on her face makes me want to punch her.
I can’t help but laugh. “You’re a bitch.”
She leans over and bats her eyes at me while still laughing. “Yeah, I know. But you love me.”
I grunt.
“Besides, the waxer is Heidi, not Olga, and she’s not Swedish.”
My groan ends in a chuckle. I know what that means… I’m getting my shit waxed. Lord help me.
* * *
Much later, I drop Julee off at her car and agree to come out to Roonie’s to see the band. They’re playing again tonight. I have no plans, so I agree.
The club is packed when I arrive and I spend the entire night hanging out and drinking too much Fireball with Julee while flAme RioT rocks the place. I congratulate Julee and Larkin on their engagement and laugh as Gambit wields groupies left and right. He’s such a manwhore. Julee, Larkin, and I watch him try to escape one overzealous fan for about fifteen minutes. Finally, I feel sorry for him and help him break free from the very drunk, very… ah… healthy… woman spilling out of a tube top who has him crushed against the wall as she tries to grope him and stick her tongue in his mouth.
He takes a deep breath as I pull him free and act like a jealous girlfriend. It takes a bit for it to break through the drunken haze girlfriend has going on, and when it finally does, she looks us both over and offers us a threesome. The disgust on my face must register because she shrieks and throws a beer at us both before plowing through the crowd, knocking a few people down in her wake.
Gambit and I laugh hysterically and security leads her from the club.
It’s a great night. I don�
��t even think about James… well, not too much.
Chapter Nineteen
James
I was able to book a late night flight back to Baton Rouge. I called Hugo before I boarded at LAX and told him to meet me at the airport. I need to talk to him about what happened in L.A. and I also need to tell him I plan on spilling my secrets to AJ…
I’ve decided I’m going to tell her. Even if she walks away and decides I’m too much like her ex-husband after all, or even worse… I owe her the truth. I owe her my secrets. She shared hers with me.
Mine are much darker though…
* * *
I don’t have to wait for Hugo. He’s there when I come down the escalator. I didn’t check any bags, so we head straight out to the car to avoid anyone bothering me. I got a few curious looks on the plane, but I have two days’ worth of scruff on my face and a ball cap, so I don’t exactly look like James Black right now.
As we get into the car, he asks me how my trip was. He looks worried. Laying my head back, I ask him to wait until we reach my apartment to talk about anything.
He turns up the radio in answer. Good, I don’t want to talk right this second anyway.
We walk into my apartment and Marie greets me from her bed. I’ve missed her. Dropping everything in the foyer, I head over to see my baby girl. If nothing else good ends up coming out of this Louisiana experience, I’ll always have her.
Don’t think like that. It could be fine…
Yeah right… AJ’s ex-husband cheated on her… you fucked someone else… it’s pretty much the same thing, J.
I sigh and flop against the couch from the floor. Marie sets her head in my lap and I absently scratch her ears. Hugo heads into the kitchen and returns with a bottle of Crown and some glasses.
My brow arches.
He mutters, “I have a feeling we’re both going to need this.”
I nod and he pours me a generous amount before handing me the glass. I take a huge sip and shudder as it burns on the way down. Then, I take another one.
He follows my example and takes a large swallow of his own drink. Looking at me, he states, “Ok, hit me with it…”
Staring at the ceiling, I start. When I’m done, he’s quiet. I look at him and he’s studying me over the rim of his glass. “Ok, so let me get this straight… I knew you were fucking AJ. But now, you’re involved with her. Or you were… but you left her to go back to L.A. where you fell into old habits. That’s over now and now you want to tell AJ that you not only fucked someone else, but about your past… That about the gist of it?”
I nod. “Yup.”
He asks in all seriousness, “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
I stare at him. “Nope. But I have to. She deserves the truth, Hugo.”
Setting his glass down on the table, he addresses me over his steepled fingers. “What if it comes out?”
I’ve thought about that. Even if she tells me to fuck off… which she very well could… I don’t think she would tell anyone.
I trust her.
I trust her. I finally trust someone and I think I just fucked it up.
Fucking awesome.
We drink the rest of the bottle and go over a few different scenarios. Only one of them is the outcome I want, but oh well, I don’t really think that’s up to me at this point.
With bleached bangs and amber eyes on my mind, I pass out on the floor with my puppy.
* * *
Why the fuck are dwarves mining in my head?
Oh, that’s right… Crown Royal is the devil.
As I slowly start to stir and attempt to quiet the demons in my head, I hear an answering groan from across the room. Cracking my eyes open, I see Hugo doing the same. He groans. “Why the hell did we drink so much?”
I point at him and mutter, “Don’t ask me. You brought the bottle and poured the drinks.”
He moans and sits up as he cradles his head. “Never again. This sucks.”
I chuckle and it ends on a groan. “Yeah, we’ve said that before.”
He squints at me and I can see the concern on his face. “You sure you want to do this?”
I nod and gasp as the urge to vomit overtakes me. Breathing deeply until it recedes, I say, “Yeah, I am. I have to.”
He says, “Ok, you know I have your back and support your decision. I just hope the outcome is as you want.”
I look at him. “You think she’s going to tell me to take a walk, don’t you?”
He looks pained. “I don’t know. I know that she’s a tough nut, but it’s going to hurt her… I don’t know what she’ll do with that…”
Yeah, I have the same fear. I’m not certain either.
*
Avangeline
I woke up this morning slightly hung over. It’s not horrible, but the sun beaming in my face is not really helping. James should be back tonight. I don’t have any big plans for the day, though I do plan on heading to wash my baby at the complex. She needs a good scrubbing and cleaning her settles my mind. I can do it in my sleep, but when I clean something that’s mine, and get it looking brand new… it’s a really good feeling.
It’s Sunday, so no one should be around for the most part. I can turn up the music and dance around as I get lost in my task.
Showering, popping some Tylenol, and putting on a light dusting of makeup makes me feel a little more human. I decide to just slip on my jeans and a Saints hoodie since I just plan on cleaning. Making sure my phone is not on silent, I head out the door.
I swing through the drive-thru for a coffee on my way out. As I pull out and sip on my King Cake Latte, the new Bayou Stix song comes on. I turn it up and rock out. I love these guys and I really like that they’re from here, too. Louisiana boys who made it big, yet just recently came home to build a recording studio here in Baton Rouge. I’m really proud of them. Not that I know them personally.
I do love their sound though!
Turning through the iron gates of Top Notch Transport, I stop at the security shack. We have to have a guard shack since Charles keeps so many limos and high dollar vehicles here to drive the clients. Not many drivers own their own vehicles. I think there’s only one other person besides me.
The grey-haired, pot-bellied guard smiles at me and waves me through. He’s been here for as long as I can remember and that’s been a long time.
Still humming along to the music, I hop out and punch the alarm code in before opening the big bay doors to the service area. I prefer to clean my own vehicle, but Charles employs a small army of guys whose jobs are to simply keep everything spotless, so the service area is fully stocked with everything I’ll need.
There’s no one else here, so stripping off my hoodie, I turn up the music and get out my supplies to get my baby beaming.
After a few hours, I sit back and look at the gleaming black paint. I hear something and turn the music down to see what it is.
My cell is ringing on top of the toolbox. Walking over, I pick it up. It’s James.
“Hello.”
“Hey. Where are you right now?”
Where am I right now?
“I’m at work. At the shop. I just detailed my Tahoe. What time are you landing?”
He hesitates. “I’m already here. I landed last night.”
Huh? He landed last night? When? Did he call me and I missed it in the bar?
“I’m sorry. Did you call me? Was I supposed to pick you up?”
“No, I called Hugo. We had some things to discuss.”
“Oh, ok.” I sit down on the couch. “Get your business taken care of in L.A.?”
I hear him sigh through the phone. “Yeah, I did. Listen, about that… Can I come meet you? I want to talk to you.”
My stomach bottoms out. Oh God. That’s not good. That’s never good.
“Um, sure. Well, I’m at Top Notch though. I can come meet you in a bit.”
“No, just give me the address and I’ll have Hugo drop me off.”
I’m go
ing to throw up. What’s so important he needs to come here and can’t give me time to come meet him?!
I rattle off the address and tell him I’ll call down to the guard shack.
Then, I sit and wait. What the hell is going on and why am I panicking? I’m not going to like whatever he has to say.
Ten minutes later, he calls again. “I’m here. Where are you? I’m at the front door.”
I tell him I’ll meet him.
Wiping my palms on my jeans, I fluff my hair in the side mirror of my Tahoe and look at my pale face. My attire leaves something to be desired, but oh well, he came to see me at work. He can deal with it.
As I come from the back, I can see him through the glass of the door. His hands are in his pockets and he’s looking at the vehicles on the lot. I take a minute to observe him. His face is unshaven. He never looks this unkempt. The nerves in my stomach amplify tenfold. When I unlock the door, he turns with a start. Taking off his aviators, he looks at me and smiles as his gaze travels from my feet to my head. Turning, he waves to Hugo and pushes me into the building. He relocks the door and just looks at me.
He’s making me so nervous.
Why is he staring at me?
Self-consciously, I smooth my hair. He walks over to me and grips my chin. Then tilting my face up, he kisses me.
This seems normal. Maybe I was wigging for nothing.
My hands cradle his on my face as we kiss for a long time. Finally he breaks it and leaning back, says, “Hi.”
Looking up at him, I reply curiously, “Hi.”
I’m confused. I don’t know why he’s here. He was supposed to come back tonight, but now he’s here and I look like a servant. He was here last night and didn’t call me.
So, what gives?!
“What’s going on?”
His brow creases. “I need to talk to you.”
I take my hands back and his eyes widen. “Ok. I’m guessing it’s not good. That’s why you came to my work, right?”
His lips are flat and he just looks at me. He looks around. “Is there someplace we can sit down?”
He has to talk to me and we need to sit down. Oh boy. He needs to just spit it out. Whatever it is.
Nodding, I gesture for him to follow me. I head back to the service department and my vehicle. There are some comfy couches in there. He follows me and looks around. He whistles. “Holy shit. This place is huge.”
