A Long Way From Home

by Cathy Glass

  ‘No, love. We’ve been through that.’ Which she accepted. She snuggled down and I tucked in the covers, remembering only too clearly all those nights I’d been up repeatedly returning her to her bed, but it was an investment that had paid off.

  ‘Night, love, see you in the morning,’ I said. As usual Anna didn’t reply so I came out, drawing the door to behind me.

  The following morning, Tuesday, when I took Anna into school, I checked with Miss Rich that she knew of the change in arrangements for Wednesday – that Anna was being collected by her parents. She did. Elaine had telephoned the school and spoken to Mrs Taylor. Miss Rich also said that the educational psychologist would begin an assessment of Anna the following week. That was positive, although I knew it could take many months before her report would be complete and available. However, not only would her recommendations help to identity Anna’s learning difficulties, but they would also give directions on what further support was needed for her in the classroom so she could return to school full-time.

  Anna didn’t mention the therapist or her parents again, so on Wednesday morning I reminded her of what was happening that afternoon.

  ‘Don’t care,’ she said, but deep down I knew she did. It was another symptom of her condition that she couldn’t show love or concern, and appeared cold and uncaring. I was hoping the therapist would address that too.

  Wednesday was also 1 June, signalling the start of the summer months, and the weather obliged by turning very warm – a heat wave, the like of which surprises us in the UK every year. The children went to school in their summer uniforms and I was pleased to be able to wear a cotton dress and sandals. The birds were singing and the flowers blooming, and everyone I met was in a very good mood. What a difference clear blue skies and sunshine make! Some days there is precious little of them.

  I took Anna into school and confirmed with Miss Rich that her parents would be collecting her and bringing her back to me later, then I said goodbye and returned home. After a cup of coffee I set about the list of jobs I had to do and made good progress. Not having to leave at 1.30 to collect Anna gave me nearly an extra two hours, although Anna was never far from my mind. I wondered what sort of day she was having at school and if the change in her routine and the prospect of seeing her parents and the therapist had unsettled her. It was nearly six months since she’d last seen her father.

  At 4.45 Adrian, Paula and I were sitting on the patio in the shade and enjoying a cool drink when through the open patio doors we heard the front doorbell ring. They knew that Anna had a hospital appointment and her parents would be bringing her home. I’d also told them that her parents might come in, so we needed to keep the living room reasonably tidy. Adrian and Paula stayed where they were as I went to answer the front door. A man I recognized from the photo in Anna’s room stood alone in the porch. ‘Cathy Glass?’

  ‘Yes. Hello, you must be Ian.’

  He shook my hand, but it seemed more out of politeness than warmth.

  ‘Where’s Anna and Elaine?’ I asked, looking past him.

  ‘They’re waiting in the car, just up there,’ he said, pointing to the road behind my neighbour’s hedge. Tall, with broad shoulders, he was wearing grey trousers and a white shirt, left open at the neck. The heat of the day beat down into the porch and his expression was serious.

  ‘Are they coming in now?’ I asked, but even as I spoke fear gripped me.

  ‘No. Anna’s not coming in,’ he said. ‘We’re taking her home with us.’

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Missing Her

  I stared at Ian and he looked back. ‘What do you mean?’ I asked.

  ‘I’m sorry this has come as a shock for you, but we’re taking Anna home. I’ve just phoned the social worker and told her, and that we’ve come here to collect some of her clothes.’

  ‘But Lori hasn’t phoned me,’ I said.

  ‘She won’t have had time. Can you pack what Anna needs, please, so we can get her home?’

  I hesitated. I’m not good at making snap decisions; I need time to weigh up the pros and cons, but I didn’t have the luxury of time now. Had Anna been the subject of a care order then I would have called the police, as Ian and Elaine would have had no legal right to remove her from my care, but that wasn’t so with a Section 20.

  ‘You’d better come in,’ I said to Ian, opening the door wider, ‘but I’ll need to speak to Lori first.’

  ‘I understand,’ he said.

  He stood in the hall, clearly as uncomfortable as I was by what was happening. I picked up the phone on the hall table. With unsteady fingers I keyed in Lori’s number and thankfully she answered straight away. ‘It’s Cathy.’

  ‘Are they there now?’ she asked tightly.

  ‘Ian is with me in the hall. Anna and Elaine are outside in the car. They want to take Anna home now. Ian said he’d spoken to you. He’s asking me to pack some of Anna’s belongings.’ Ian was staring at the floor.

  ‘I told them I wanted Anna left with you for now but they’re insisting on taking her,’ Lori said. ‘I’m leaving the office now to go to their house. Hopefully I can talk some sense into them, and then return Anna to you later.’

  ‘Do you want me to pack a bag for her?’

  ‘Easier to, but just a small one. I’ll call you later.’

  As I replaced the handset Adrian and Paula came into the hall looking concerned, having heard Ian’s voice.

  ‘Hello,’ Ian said awkwardly to them.

  ‘This is Anna’s father,’ I said. ‘Could you two go and play outside for a while?’

  Appreciating that there was something serious going on that required my full attention and their cooperation, they did as I asked.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Ian said to me.

  I looked at him. ‘Ian, it would be so much better for Anna if she stayed here for now – as Lori suggested. Then, if it’s decided she should return to you, we can do a planned move. It would be far less unsettling for her.’

  He shook his head, a bit like Anna did. ‘We’ve spent enough time apart. I don’t know what I was thinking of going off like that after Christmas. I want us to be together again as a family. I’ve told Lori we can deal with whatever comes.’ I’m sure he genuinely believed that to be so, but they hadn’t been able to ‘deal’ with Anna before.

  ‘Did you see the therapist this afternoon?’ I asked. He nodded. ‘What did she say about Anna going home?’

  ‘We didn’t discuss it. It was a decision Elaine and I made afterwards.’

  ‘Ian, it’s all too quick. Believe me, this isn’t the best way forward for Anna or any of you. She will be even more troubled than before.’

  ‘Please, just do as I ask and pack a bag with what she needs,’ he nearly begged. ‘I’ll collect the rest another time.’ He was very close to tears.

  ‘All right. It’ll take me a few minutes. Do you want to sit down?’ I meant the living room but he sat on the chair in the hall, by the telephone table. ‘Would you like a glass of water?’ He’d gone very pale.

  ‘Yes, please.’

  I quickly fetched him a glass of water from the kitchen and handed it to him. ‘Are you OK?’

  He nodded and rubbed his hand over his forehead. ‘I’m sorry, it’s been a very difficult day. I’ll be better once we’re home and settled.’

  Leaving him in the hall, I went upstairs, took the smallest of Anna’s bags from the top of the wardrobe and set about packing the essentials: her toothbrush, flannel and so forth from the bathroom; her pyjamas, dressing gown, underwear, socks, and a set of casual clothes from her bedroom. She didn’t have a favourite soft toy that she took to bed so I packed one of the teddy bears from her shelf, although I was expecting her to be returned later by Lori. She was wearing her school uniform and I packed another set, then I returned downstairs and passed the bag to Ian.

  ‘Thank you,’ he said, getting up from the chair. ‘I am sorry I’ve caused you so much trouble.’

  ‘It’s no
t me I’m worried about,’ I said.

  He turned towards the door to let himself out, then as an afterthought said, ‘Do you want to say goodbye to Anna?’

  ‘Yes, please.’ I was sure it wouldn’t be goodbye, but I wanted to see Anna to check she was all right and let her know I wasn’t abandoning her. Leaving the front door on the latch, I followed Ian out to his car. He opened the rear door, pavement side. Elaine and Anna were sitting together in the back, still under their seatbelts. Elaine had obviously been crying, her eyes were red, but Anna stared at me, blank and confused.

  ‘Hello, love. Are you OK?’ I asked gently.

  ‘I’m not living here any more,’ she said. I glanced at Elaine, who had the decency to look embarrassed.

  ‘I’ve told the social worker,’ Elaine said. ‘She’s coming to see us later.’

  ‘I know, I’ve just spoken to her. But Elaine, this is not …’ I didn’t get any further.

  ‘Don’t say anything,’ she said, holding up her hand, her eyes filling. ‘It’s difficult enough as it is. I don’t need a lecture.’

  ‘I wasn’t going to lecture you. I just want what’s best for Anna.’

  ‘So do we,’ she said sharply.

  The boot closed with a thud; Ian had stowed away Anna’s bag. He went to the driver’s door. What could I say to Anna? It wasn’t goodbye, but I couldn’t say see you later, as that was likely to confuse her more and antagonize Elaine and Ian.

  ‘Take care, love,’ I said. Instinctively I reached in and put my arms around her. To my amazement she didn’t pull back but hugged me – our very first hug as she was being taken away – and a lump rose in my throat.

  ‘Bye, Cathy,’ she said in a small voice, relaxing her arms. ‘Say goodbye to Adrian and Paula. I’ll miss them.’ Another first and an indication of just how upset and vulnerable she must have been feeling. It broke my heart.

  ‘Time to go,’ Ian said from the front.

  ‘Take care,’ I said to Anna. Straightening, I closed the car door.

  Ian started the engine but then had to reverse before he had enough room to pull out. As he did I looked at Anna through the glass in her side window and a tear rolled down her cheek. The first tears of sorrow she’d ever shown me as the enormity of what was happening hit her. Before, her tears had been from rage at not getting her own way. Elaine and Ian had acted on impulse, believing they were doing the right thing, but had caused their daughter more upset and turmoil, although I’m sure they didn’t see it that way.

  The car pulled away. I returned indoors and straight away telephoned Jill. She was on another call and a colleague said she’d ask her to phone back as soon as she’d finished. Adrian and Paula, having heard the front door shut, appeared in the hall again, looking even more worried.

  ‘Where’s Anna?’ Adrian asked.

  ‘Her parents have taken her home with them for now. Don’t worry, the social worker will sort it out, although I might be on the phone for a while.’ I glanced at my watch. ‘I’ll put some dinner in the oven, and I’d like you two to be really big and amuse yourselves quietly.’

  ‘Did Anna want to go with them?’ Adrian asked.

  ‘I don’t know, but it wasn’t the right thing to do – to just take her. Her social worker will bring her back later.’ Anna wasn’t the only one to be unsettled by suddenly being removed. Adrian and Paula had experienced many changes during our years of fostering but none as abrupt as this.

  I didn’t get as far as the kitchen before the telephone rang. It was Jill returning my call.

  ‘Anna’s parents have taken Anna home,’ I said. ‘Lori is going there now to talk to them and then return Anna later.’

  ‘When did this happen?’

  ‘Just now. Her parents collected her from school and took her to therapy as arranged, but then suddenly decided that they wanted to be together as a family. Ian phoned Lori and then they stopped by here to collect her things.’

  ‘Have you spoken to Lori?’

  ‘Yes. I phoned her straight away. She said to just pack a small bag. Elaine and Anna didn’t come in, but I saw them in the car.’

  ‘The poor kid. She didn’t need this right now. She was just starting to settle with you.’

  ‘I know, but there was nothing I could do.’

  ‘I’m not blaming you. So Lori is going to contact you once she’s seen the parents?’

  ‘Yes. That’s what she said.’

  ‘OK. I’m on call tonight so will you phone me when you hear from Lori? I’ll need to speak to her too.’ The agency provided emergency out-of-hours cover every day of the year. A child being taken from a foster carer without notice was an emergency.

  I made a quick dinner with enough for Anna, and once it was ready I called Adrian and Paula to the table. Everyone was very subdued and I didn’t have much of an appetite, although Adrian and Paula ate. Chicken nuggets and chips was an occasional treat when I didn’t have time to cook a proper meal. After we’d finished they returned to the garden while, with one eye on the clock, I cleared away. I was on tenterhooks waiting for the phone to ring or even the front doorbell to go if Lori didn’t phone before bringing Anna home. Social workers have so much on their minds sometimes they forget to call the foster carer to say they’re on their way with an approximate time of arrival. Then at 6.30 Jill telephoned to see if I’d heard anything, which I hadn’t.

  ‘Me neither,’ she said. ‘I’ve left Lori a voicemail message asking her to phone me as soon as she is able. If she calls you first can you let me know?’

  ‘Yes.’

  The phone didn’t ring again until nearly 7.30, when I was in Paula’s room reading her a bedtime story. I left her and took the call on the extension in my bedroom. It was Lori.

  ‘I’m still with the family,’ she said. ‘I’ve agreed that Anna can stay here tonight. It will be less unsettling for her than coming back to you now it’s getting late.’

  ‘Oh, OK.’ Clearly it was Lori’s decision. ‘Is Anna all right?’

  ‘She’s the quietest I’ve ever seen her.’ Which wasn’t the same thing and did nothing for my concerns. ‘I’ll be in touch with you and Jill tomorrow,’ Lori said. ‘Can you tell Jill what’s happening? She left a message.’

  ‘Yes. I will. Is Anna with you now?’

  ‘No, she’s upstairs with Elaine, unpacking her bag.’

  ‘Can you say goodnight to her from me, please?’

  ‘Yes, of course. I’ll speak to you and Jill tomorrow.’

  We said goodbye and I slowly replaced the handset, all manner of thoughts going through my head. I had no idea what had happened to lead to Lori’s decision, although I appreciated that it would have been very late if Lori had returned Anna tonight, especially if she had needed persuading. But on the other hand, surely leaving her there was going to make it more difficult to bring her back to me tomorrow? I tried to picture Anna and Elaine unpacking Anna’s bag, and Elaine seeing her into bed. What would Elaine do when Anna kicked off and refused to stay in her bedroom? Would she be firm or would she and Ian let Anna into their bed and go right back to square one? It was behaviour like this that had led to Anna going into care in the first place.

  I now telephoned my fostering agency and after a few rings Jill answered. ‘Jill, it’s Cathy. Lori has just called and has decided to leave Anna with her parents for tonight as it is getting late.’

  ‘I see. Is she going to return her to you tomorrow then?’

  ‘I assume so, although she didn’t say when. Just that she’d phone.’

  ‘Well, there’s nothing else you can do now so I’ll speak to Lori as soon as I can tomorrow. I’m dealing with two runaways right now, one of whom is only ten. Speak soon.’

  We said a quick goodbye and I returned to Paula’s room to find her fast asleep.

  Downstairs I told Adrian that Anna was spending the night at her home with her parents and would be back tomorrow, which he accepted. Without Anna to see to I had extra time to spend with him and I ma
de the most of it; we chatted and played a board game, although Anna was never far from our thoughts. Adrian mentioned her a few times, clearly concerned for her. That night, when I went up to bed, I stopped off in Anna’s room to close her bedroom window as a storm was brewing after the heat of the day. It was strange and slightly unnerving, standing there surrounded by her belongings with no Anna tucked up in bed, and again my thoughts went to her house and how they were all faring there. Doubtless Lori would tell me when she returned Anna tomorrow. I looked at the framed photographs on the bookshelf of Anna’s parents and her birth mother and then, straightening the duvet, came out.

  It was even stranger the following morning without Anna when I woke Adrian and Paula. There was an unnatural calm and I found I had extra time, as I didn’t have to keep telling Anna what she needed to do or not do. Our routine ran very smoothly, but we missed her. I told Paula as she dressed that Anna had spent the night at her house with her parents.

  ‘I thought I couldn’t hear her,’ she said.

  ‘No, the house is quiet.’

  ‘I can change that!’ Adrian called, having overheard. He then yelled nonsense at the top of his voice for a good minute until I told him enough was enough.

  Anna’s empty chair at the breakfast table was disconcerting, and although there wasn’t the usual constant pressure to make sure she did as I asked, we would much rather have had her there.

  ‘When’s Anna going to come home?’ Paula asked.

  ‘Later today, I think,’ I said.

  ‘I’ll let her play with my doll,’ she offered. I knew which doll Paula was referring to and that this was a very generous gesture. The week before Anna had purposely pulled the arms off the doll and I’d repaired it as best I could. I was aware that when Anna did return it was likely her behaviour would have deteriorated from the upset of all the recent changes.

  It was another fine, sunny day, the storm that had been forecast the night before hadn’t materialized, so, not needing to take Anna to school in the car, Adrian, Paula and I walked to school. Having seen them in, I returned home and began tidying up, all the while listening out for the phone. At 10.15 it rang. ‘Mrs Glass?’ A woman’s voice I didn’t recognize.