I stopped feeling sorry for myself and threw myself into overdrive. While I raced around putting on the finishing touches to my hair and make–up, I kept worrying over things like what we were going to talk about. Will we have much to say to each other without bringing up Johnny? Will it go okay? Am I going to be boring? I’m going to boring! I was starting to work myself up again, which I knew was insane, but without having spent too much time alone with him—apart from the whole Johnny experience—I couldn’t help but worry.
I paused while I glanced one last time in my mirror and took a deep breath. Hopefully he thought of me as more than just a friend. I was pretty sure he did, especially since he already admitted so, but I wasn’t sure if I’d read too much into it. Like it or not, I was starting to fall for him.
~21~
Confessions
As I sat on the couch anxiously awaiting Barry’s arrival, my legs began shaking. That craving for a cigarette sprung forward, reminding me about my hidden addiction. In the past, I leaned on them for support, but some time had passed since my last one. A smile appeared, realizing I no longer needed the security they provided because I had Barry and Nicole’s friendship.
I opened my purse and moved my wallet and some papers out of the way until I found my last pack hiding at the bottom. On impulse, I snatched them up and briskly walked toward the kitchen. Placing the pack down on the counter, I stared at it for a minute. The golden color of the carton appeared bright and shiny with the half–torn cellophane wrapper catching the fluorescent lighting. It was tempting, having it sit there. My lack of willpower overcame me as I took one out. While rolling it between my fingers, I placed it underneath my nose. With a deep breath, I inhaled the fresh scent of the tobacco leaves.
The aroma was almost intoxicating, it smelled that good. I relished the moment as the sweet scent lingered in my nose. Closing my eyes, I smiled.
After a few seconds, I let out a sigh and placed it back down with the others. I balled my hand into a fist, and started punching on top of them, repeatedly. I kept smashing them until they were nothing more than a huge pile of tobacco leaves and crinkled paper. Satisfied with my accomplishment, I scooped the mess up and threw it into the trashcan.
There, I thought to myself, that should take care of it. Taking great pride for making a conscious decision to no longer be dependent on those little death sticks, I yelled out a loud “Yeah!”
The doorbell rang the second after my triumph, which started the heat rising on my cheeks. It wasn’t likely he heard me yell, but if he did, I hoped he didn’t think that declaration was for him coming up the path. God, if so, I’d be embarrassed. A small chuckle escaped at the thought as I hurried to let him in.
All my apprehension from earlier seemed to vanish the second I opened the door. Barry was standing in front of me with his mouth drawn into a sexy, mischievous grin. My heart fluttered at the sight, and I had to refrain from jumping into his arms. When his warm, hazel eyes connected with mine, the tenderness in them about brought me to my knees. At that moment, I knew we’d be fine.
“Miss Reiner, are you ready to go?” he asked in the most ridiculously debonair voice. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to be serious, but he definitely couldn’t pull that off.
“Let me grab my jacket,” I answered, laughing quietly to myself. I think I was safe. He must not have heard my triumphant declaration.
Once we settled in the car, we talked the entire time. I really didn’t know why I was so worried earlier. Every time we’d been together our conversations have been effortless. He was the easiest person for me to talk to. Besides, he’d seen me through my worst times and still wanted to be around me. It was amazing, really.
We started heading out of town, which puzzled me.
“Where are we going?” I questioned.
“We’re going to Harrisburg to a restaurant that used to be one of my mom’s favorite places.”
“Oh, that’s nice.” Harrisburg was a couple of towns away, about a forty–minute drive. When he discussed taking me out, I didn’t factor leaving town. Which was quite silly on my part considering we live close to a major city, the possibilities were endless.
If it used to be one of his mother’s favorite places, I wondered why it wasn’t now. I really didn’t know too much about her, other than that her name was Jillian, and he never mentions her. It occurred to me that I didn’t even know what she looked like. I haven’t met his mother yet, and she was never over at his grandma’s house.
“Barry, when am I going to meet your mom?” I blurted out, more out of curiosity than anything else. I was usually never this forward, but I couldn’t stop myself from asking.
“Um…Soon,” he said dismissively.
Finding his reaction strange, I couldn’t help but wonder why he acted like he didn’t want me to meet her. Was he ashamed of me after all? That certainly didn’t correlate with how he treated me alone or at school. He had no problem with me being over at his grandma’s house either.
Puzzled, I decided to let it drop. I didn’t want it spoiling our first date, and it was pointless to worry anyway. I was sure he had a valid reason, and I’d just have to wait to find out.
The date ended up being one of the best nights of my life. The restaurant he took me to was fantastic. It was a bit on the pricey side, but had an aura of romance to it. The atmosphere captivated me. Never having been on any kind of date before, I wasn’t sure what to expect. But I never could have dreamt something that romantic. He probably ruined it for himself because nothing was ever going to top this evening.
The dinner was by candlelight and even though the place was crowded, it seemed like we were the sole occupants. I wasn’t sure if it was the positioning of the tables, the soft lighting, or the combination of both, but you couldn’t see or hear other conversations around you. It was easy to devote all of my attention to Barry. I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
The waitress came around; it seemed, at the best time. I wasn’t sure if she planned it that way or if it was by chance, but either way, it was impeccable timing on her part.
We were sitting across from each other, having just finished our supper. I folded my napkin and placed it gently on the table. As my eyes slowly rose, they interlocked with his. In that moment, a warm sensation ran through me as my pulse rate quickened. I briefly wondered if I’d ever get used to that feeling. His stare was penetrating, yet gentle, making me question what he could be thinking. A little overwhelmed, I had to break eye contact, and look anywhere but at him. With the heat rising in my cheeks, I felt embarrassed by my lack of strength. I smiled as I took a minute to compose myself.
Reaching across the top of the table, he grabbed a hold of my hand. “I love that look,” he said with his sexy, mischievous grin back in place. One of the many smiles I’d grown to adore.
I glanced back at him, and smiled more widely, totally embarrassed. But that time, I held my ground. I continued to hold our eye contact while my cheeks were almost in flames.
“Yeah…That look, right there. You’re such a strong, independent person, but that expression…It shows your soft, caring side.”
“Is that a good thing?” I whispered.
With a tender smile, he answered, “Oh yeah. It’s a good thing.” While interlacing our fingers together, he continued staring.
I didn’t think I’d ever get used to him touching me. The sensation was amazing. That spark that occurred when we touched didn’t fade away. Instead, the connection kept getting stronger. I never realized how physical contact between two people felt. At least the contact with Barry, anyway.
“Thanks,” I said softly.
“You’re welcome.” He leaned forward, and I found myself gravitating to him naturally. “Heather, I really like you a lot. I was smitten by you the first day I saw you move in. Then when you sat in front of me in physics class, I thought I was the luckiest guy,” he chuckled before continuing. “Of course that quickly ended after you ignored me. I
didn’t think you liked me. I thought I was hideous or something. Do you remember? I gave you some notes hoping that would be a way of getting to know you better. But when you took them, you didn’t give me a second glance.”
The blood rushed to my cheeks, which left little doubt about my embarrassment. I smiled wider before saying, “Do I ever. I still feel bad about that, you know. I’m sorry…I just wasn’t used to people treating me normally.”
With a grin, he added, “Ah, that’s all right.” He paused for a second as his smile faded into a serious frown. “Heather, I love you. If it’s too soon, I apologize. But I know what I feel. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, and I believe we have something special. I just wanted you know what I truly felt.”
My breath caught as I gazed into the longing of his eyes. His admission threw me off guard for a second since it was unexpected. Part of me wanted to fill the gap between us, allowing us to embrace while he showered me with passionate kisses. That would have capped off that beautiful scene, but I didn’t. I wasn’t living in a romance novel. Instead, I sat there, replaying the words in my head. My hesitation was making him nervous, and I needed to say something quick. The last thing I wanted him to feel was embarrassment, but the words refused to come. After what seemed like an eternity, my thoughts were coherent enough to speak. While holding his stare, I replied, “Barry, I know my feelings for you run deep. I feel things for you that I’ve never thought were possible. I cherish the time we spend together, and I hope you realize that.” I paused, not knowing what else to add. I stopped short of telling him I love him, but didn’t know why. Do I love him? I know I cared deeply for him, but love? If what I felt was love, then I knew I wasn’t ready to tell him. Not yet, anyway. To express that part of myself scared me, and I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t allow myself to surrender to my emotions just yet. He sat there, expectantly waiting for me to continue, but I remained quiet.
“Well…” He straightened in his chair, while clearing his throat. “I was hoping we could take our relationship to the next level. I know it would drive me crazy if I saw you going out with someone else. So…I guess I’m asking you to make it official. Will you be my girlfriend?”
The way he stumbled around on his words were painful for me to watch. He was cute, sitting there appearing chagrinned. I thought if he knew how I really felt, he wouldn’t be so embarrassed. I really should have expressed myself better, but I just couldn’t. Hopefully, he’d understand.
“Barry, I would like nothing better than to be your girlfriend. There isn’t anybody else I would rather be with.” It wasn’t an “I love you,” but I hoped my acceptance of his proposal would be suffice. The big smile that spread across his face confirmed that he was satisfied with my answer.
The waitress appeared to check on us, timing her arrival perfectly again. Whether it was intentional or not, I appreciated the fact she didn’t interrupt us.
We sat and talked for a while longer before getting ready to leave. After we left, we did go to the movies, but I didn’t pay much attention to it. Instead, I kept concentrating on the fact that his hand held mine the entire time. I would sneak a sideway glance at him and smile. It felt secure sitting next to him, knowing that he truly liked me for who I was.
Once we got back to my house, he walked me to my door. I wanted more than anything for him to come inside, but it was too late for him to stay. Of course he wouldn’t be far, since he was spending the night at his grandmother’s house, but it may as well been Siberia for all it mattered. Any place besides mine was too far.
Not ready for our night to end, I reluctantly told him, “Thanks again for tonight. I had a really good time.”
“Anytime, Miss Reiner…” He leaned down toward me, softly brushing his lips against mine. As he embraced me, we shared a long, lingering kiss.
Before turning to walk away, he whispered in my ear, “Goodnight, Heather. Remember I’ll always love you.” He gave me a quick kiss on my cheek and left with me staring longingly after him.
~22~
Reluctance
“What are you doing later on today?” Barry asked as he opened his passenger door for me. School had just gotten out, and he was taking me home, which had been our usual routine since we officially started dating a few weeks back.
As a cold breeze circled through the air, I shivered, wrapping my jacket tighter around me. Although I’d lived in the Midwest my entire life, I’d never gotten used to the cold. “Nothing, just a little homework, I think,” I said as I slid into the passenger seat.
Shutting my door, he rushed around the front of his car, jumped inside, and quickly started it. “Let’s get some heat going so you don’t freeze,” he said jokingly. “I thought maybe you’d like to come over to Grandma’s for a while. Maybe work on our physics assignment together?”
“I think that can be arranged,” I said, smiling back at him. I liked doing our homework together. It made the tedious chore more tolerable and meant I could spend more time with Barry—something I never got tired of.
As we continued the drive home, I peered out the window watching the trees pass by. Their foliage had changed colors, setting the tone for fall. I smiled as the sun shone through the gaps in the trees, making the red and yellow hues crisper. I absolutely loved that time of year. There was comfort to be found in the ever–changing colors. Although it marked the end of a season, and the harshness of winter would deaden everything, the hope lay in the fresh beginnings that spring offered.
That’s how I analyzed my life, waiting for the death of my mundane existence to be able to rebirth into a better beginning. I didn’t expect it to happen this quickly, but I felt as if I’d been given a new chance at living.
I could just sit back and enjoy what was left of the season since our wonderful fall days would be ending. Even though it seemed like the season had just begun, we were already past its peak. Some of the leaves had fallen already, but soon they would be blanketing the earth, as winter approached.
Pulling myself away from the window, I glanced toward Barry. I was glad he asked me to go over to his grandmother’s house because I enjoyed spending time with him. Even if we were just going to be doing homework, we always had a good time when we were together. The one thing that kept nagging at me was the fact that I hadn’t met his mother yet. We always ended up going either to his grandmother’s house, or mine…Never his own. In fact, I still didn’t know where he lived. I tried telling myself it wasn’t a big deal, but the question wore heavily on me. Once, when I was alone with Nicole, I came close to asking her if she knew why he would keep me away from his mom, but I stopped myself. It didn’t feel right prying into his personal business without his consent.
“You’re awful quiet today. What’s going on inside that mind of yours?” he asked.
“Barry, do you realize I don’t know where you live?” I questioned while watching his face carefully. His smile faltered a little before regaining his composure.
Drawing his lips into his half–grin, he answered, “It’s not that exciting.”
I waited for him to elaborate while continuing to watch him. When it was apparent he wasn’t going to add anymore, I half–way joked, “I still would like to know where you go at night when you leave me.”
He drew in a deep breath and released it slowly. “Okay, I’ll drive you past it before we head home.”
As he turned left, his eyes were weighted with worry as he scanned for traffic. Apparently something’s off because he clearly didn’t want me knowing where he lived. Although I found that rather strange, I remained quiet. Part of me wanted to tell him to forget it and just head toward his grandma’s. That would have been the polite thing to do, but my curiosity was piqued. Polite or not, there was no turning back now.
If I knew why, then maybe I wouldn’t press the issue. Not knowing where he lived wasn’t the entire problem. The fact he didn’t want me meeting his mom concerned me. I wondered if he felt I wouldn’t be living up t
o her expectations. Like, I wasn’t good enough, or something. Or maybe he didn’t think she’d understand my abilities or something to that effect. It could just be that he was afraid of what his mom’s reaction would be. Still, I would’ve felt better if he’d let me meet her, or at least explain to me the reason behind his reluctance to have us meet.
While driving, Barry tried to talk, but I could tell he was apprehensive. I acted like I didn’t notice. I went as far as changing the conversation to some silly topic about mating habits of giraffes I saw on the Discovery Channel last night. That resulted in a laugh, but there was still an underlying nervousness to his voice.
Slowing down to a crawl, he pointed over to a one–story house off to my right. Half expecting to see a run–down, weathered home that he’d be embarrassed about, it was instead surprisingly cute. The house was smaller in size, as with most houses on the block, but the vinyl siding seemed fairly new. The yard was nice and neat, properly trimmed. The landscaping was absolutely beautiful with the prettiest flowers I’d ever seen. That house was stunning and eliminated the possibility of him being ashamed. Which only confirmed my suspicion—he didn’t want me to meet his mother.
“This is nice, Barry…Thanks. Don’t you want to go say hi to your mom?” I pressed, trying to be sly.
“Um…She’s probably not home right now,” he said rather anxiously. With one last glance toward his house, he shifted his eyes as he deadpanned, “She usually doesn’t get in until late.”
It was quite obvious he didn’t want to discuss his mother any further. I suppressed a sigh before adding, “Well, thanks for showing me where you live. I think it’s cute, and it is nice knowing where you take off to when you leave me.”
Visions: The Mystical Encounter Series (The Mystical Encounter Series Book 1) Page 15
