Lost Wanderer Awakened - Book One of the Airendell Chronicles

by Audra Hart

  Finally, there is the little tyrant. I chuckle to myself, she’s not really a tyrant. But she’s tough. She knows her own mind, and apparently everyone else’s too. She’s only six, but nothing ever surprises my little girl. She has my red hair, well not exactly. Her hair is much darker red than mine. Mine is more a washed out strawberry blond, but Nora’s hair is brilliant, fiery red and beautiful. She has the sweetest little heart-shaped face and upturned nose. She always reminds me of someone, but I can’t ever remember who. She too has my bright green eyes.

  Had. Shit! I was doing it again. I always think of my kids in the present tense. The pain in the ass therapist that the hospital sends around twice a month keeps telling me I should accept that my children are gone and start using the past tense when I speak of them. I would like to smack her in her smug little face when she says things like that. But, of course, I won’t do any such thing. I just nod and wait impatiently for her to leave my room.

  When Bald Doctor comes around he’s singing the same old tune. “Mrs. Montfort, you must be patient. You are making remarkable progress….” Blah, blah, blah. I just nod and keep my own counsel.

  After Bald Doctor leaves I get up to take a shower. Seth will be here soon. I put on the sweats that he brought me as a birthday present. I wish he hadn’t done that, but I really appreciated it. The nurses would let me wear surgical scrubs for P.T., but most of the time I wear those lovely hospital gowns or pajamas. I couldn’t ask Jan to go buy any sweats or nightgowns or panties for me. I don’t know where my purse is. And there is no way in hell I was going to let Jan or anyone else go into our home while I am not there.

  Poor Jan, she tried really hard to be a good friend to me. But I just couldn’t let her do it. I pushed her away. She still calls now and again to check in and ask if I need anything. But I try to keep the calls short. I am glad she doesn’t come by any more. I couldn’t stand to see the pity in her eyes. That’s why I keep her phone calls short, she means well, but I can still hear the pity in her voice…

  Seth is pleased that I am dressed and sitting in the chair waiting for him when he arrives, right on time, as usual. “Looking good, Dee!” Seth smiles. “You ready to rock?”

  “Always, kiddo.” I smile at Lucian, my P.T.’s sometime shadow. He shows up with Seth several times a month, and usually doesn’t say anything beyond the polite pleasantries. But he watches me so intently! I know that those odd, beautiful eyes don’t miss a thing. I feel like he knows everything about me. That he sees right through my façade. He knows I am just biding my time, waiting until I can get out of here and just disappear.

  Jeez, Dee you have way too much time on your hands! Your imagination is becoming quite fanciful.

  “Hey Dee, how you been?” Lucian asks with an interested smile on his face.

  I can’t help it I blush every time he speaks to me because I am still having strange but hot sex dreams about him. “I am good, Lucian. I am going home tonight.”

  “What?” Asks Seth, surprise evident in his voice and on his face. “That’s not in your chart.”

  “Because it’s my decision, not Bald Doctor’s.” Seth chuckles at my use of my nickname for Dr. Fortenberry. I look Seth squarely in the eyes. I can see he knows there is no point in arguing with me. He just nods and reaches into his back pocket and pulls out one of those little leather business card holders. “I probably shouldn’t be doing this. Look Dee, if you leave AMA, the insurance company may not cover anything from here on out.” He gives me a minute to absorb this and quickly realizes that this has already occurred to me.

  “Well, here’s my card Dee. Keep up your exercises and call me when you plateau. And you will plateau, Dee. I’ll help you get passed it and move on to the next level. You can get full use of the arm, hip and leg back. You may never look graceful and elegant walking, but you will be able to get back to your life. But it’s gonna take a hell of a lot of hard work on your part to get there. I know you will do it. I have never met a woman so quietly determined to get back on her feet. So call me when you need a little help to move forward, okay?”

  I am looking at Seth with my mouth wide open. “Jeez, Seth I have never heard you say that much in all the time you have been working with me!” I can’t help it, I grin at the boy. He’s so good at his job. “Thanks Seth. I will call when I can’t move forward without you. Thanks.”

  Seth just nods and says, “Well, let’s get down the hall to the ‘gym’.” He smirks at that. He hates the facility that the rehab ward has to work in. He says it’s poorly equipped. What equipment they have is worn out and according to Seth, some of it is dangerous. But he’s talented and makes due.

  The session goes long this afternoon. I guess Seth is trying to get in as much as he can before I walk out of here. Right now he’s chatting me up, and has me bouncing on the big red ball, and rocking back and forth to build up my core strength. I am very familiar with these exercise balls. I use them a lot in my classroom. In fact, I have a few of my kiddos use them for seats at their desks. It not only promotes core strength, but also promotes balance, coordination and body awareness.

  Lucian surprises me by asking me a question. He rarely speaks to me much when he comes along with Seth; “So Dee, what are you plans after you walk out of here tonight?”

  I shrug. “I haven’t thought much beyond walking out of here and going home.” And then I surprise myself by telling him about my kids. He listens attentively and makes me feel like he is genuinely interested in my children and my life before the accident.

  “I want to go home, where my babies lived. I want to see their rooms, their stuff…” Now I am angry because I am choking up.

  I take a deep breath and say, “I just have to get out of here. If I stay here I will lose my mind.” Lucian just nods and doesn’t say anymore.

  When the marathon P.T. session is over Seth and Lucian walk with me back down to my room. Not for much longer! I surprise myself, I almost feel happy at the idea of leaving this place. I immediately squash that feeling.

  I don’t deserve to feel happy about anything. It’s my fault my babies are gone. I don’t know why I feel that way, but I know it’s true, so I never examine the idea too closely.

  Once we are back at my room, Molly comes in. She’s the one nurse on this floor I don’t mind dealing with. I actually like her and don’t just tolerate her. Jeez, Dee, when did you become such a curmudgeon? When I woke up and Bald Doctor told me that I don’t have a family anymore, that’s when!

  I jerk myself out of my inner bitchy place and focus on Molly. She’s always polite, but never overly friendly. She has a wry sense of humor I can appreciate. I used to have a pretty wry sense of humor myself. But I really like Molly. She always treats everyone with respect and expects them to do the best they can because she is doing the best she can. I like that. “Molly, I am going home tonight. Is there some kind of paperwork I need to sign if I check out AMA?”

  Molly nods, “Yes, I’ll get on it for you. Can I help you pack?”

  “No thanks, Molly. I only have the sweats on my back, the contents of the drawer there and that box in the cabinet. But can I get one of those plastic bags to put the stuff from the bedside table in?”

  Molly nods and says, “Sure thing, Dee. I’ll be back as quick as I can.”

  Seth and Lucian wish me well and go on their way. Soon Bald Doctor arrives in a huff, “Mrs. Montfort, you are making a big mistake.”

  “Perhaps, but it’s my mistake to make. What do I need to sign to go home?” I ask him calmly.

  He plops a file down on the tray table and goes over his instructions, and explains the legal ramifications of the actions I am taking, adding; “Look Dee, if you do this your insurance may have grounds to stop paying for support services you are sure to need in the future.”

  “I know.”

  Bald Doctor runs his hands over his shiny bald head, just like he did the first time I spoke to him. “Look Dee, I am not surprised you are doing this. I should probably
call Social Services, but I don’t think you are suicidal, but…” He looks at me again and asks, “You aren’t suicidal, are you?”

  I scoff and raise my eyebrow.

  “No, I thought not. Look,” He hands me two pill bottles. “I know you refuse to take the pain meds here, but if you leave and try to take care of yourself, you may over do, or maybe even fall. If the pain is too much or you have spasms again… here are 30 Lortab, they are for pain. And 30 Valium, they are for spasms. Dee, please take the meds if you need them. There’s no reason for you to suffer needlessly.”

  I remain impassive and he sighs softly. “Here‘s my card, contact me if I can help in anyway. I mean it, Dee, I am here if you need me.”

  I take the bottles and mumble ‘thanks‘. He surprises me when he leans over and kisses the top of my head, “You dear harridan,” he says fondly. “Please, please take care of yourself.” I watch him go; he’s left me speechless and my jaw is hanging open. I almost chuckle at my reaction.

  When he leaves the room, I stand up, pack the two folders, Seth’s card, and my babies’ photos into the bag. I close it with the drawstring and loop it over my head and right arm. I walk over and grab the small box from my classroom and put it under my left arm. Fortunately, it’s pretty light.

  I hobble out into the hallway and Molly stops me, “Whoa, Dee! Doc’s orders. I am to wheel you out in this wheelchair. Please don’t argue.”

  I shrug. I don’t want to get Molly into trouble so I sit. She wheels me out the front door. I had made an appointment with Call A Ride for one of the vans to pick me up at 4:30 but they aren’t here yet. “Dee, how you getting home?” she asks as I am standing up.

  “Call A Ride. I can wait here for them.”

  Molly starts to push the chair back inside but she stops and turns back to face me. “Dee, Cathy Myrick is my niece.”

  I smile at the memory of my former student. “How is she doing these days? I haven’t seen her since she graduated in 94.”

  “She’s doing well. She lives in one of those duplexes on Arlington, you know the ones where adults with disabilities can live independently but have some limited support. She’s come a long ways in the years since she graduated.”

  “Yes, I know the place. I understand it’s a good place to live.”

  “Well, yeah it is. Cathy is very happy there.” Molly looks at her hands and says, “We, Cathy’s family I mean, we all know the only reason Cathy is able to live so independently is because she had you for her teacher all through junior high and high school. You put a lot of years and hard work into helping Cathy learn to take care of herself and achieve her potential. She even has a job and a boyfriend now.”

  “I am glad to hear that Cathy is doing well, but don’t kid yourself. Cathy is the one who put in the years of hard work. I was proud to be able to help her a little.”

  “Well, Dee… I just wanted to say, you never gave up on Cathy. From what I have heard, you never gave up on any of your students. I just hope… I mean, I want to say… Dee, don’t give up on yourself, okay? The world needs folks like you around.” Molly awkwardly pats my arm and turns to push the wheelchair back inside the rehab wing of the hospital.

  I can’t help it. I am smiling to know Cathy is doing so well.

  “Hey Dee!” I jump and turn to look at the man standing beside me.

  Where the hell did he come from?

  “Hey Lucian,” I say quietly, willing my heart to stop racing.

  “I had some business in the main part of the hospital and saw you standing here when I came out. I wanted to come say goodbye.” I just smile politely and murmur something inane.

  “So are you waiting for a family member or a friend to come get you?” he asks solicitously.

  “No, Call A Ride.”

  “Oh.” Lucian stands there silent for a few heartbeats and asks, “Can I give you a ride home?”

  “Thanks, but that’s not necessary. Call A Ride will be here soon.”

  He looks at his watch and says, “It’s after five, Dee. What time did you call?”

  “I called this morning when I made up my mind to leave. I only stayed long enough to see Seth before I checked myself out AMA. He’s helped me a lot, and I didn‘t want to leave without telling him myself.”

  “Well, here let me call the dispatch at C.A.R. to see if the van is on the way.” Lucian retrieves a cell phone and punches in a preprogrammed number. Dee raises an eyebrow at that. Surely this man doesn’t use Call A Ride.

  “A lot of my clients use the service. I keep them programmed into my phone.”

  Dee nods. That was spooky, it’s like he read my mind. I snort, and Lucian looks at me for a second with a secret smile hovering around his sexy lips. Jeez Dee, any more fanciful notions rattling around in your head?

  After a minute Lucian ends the call and says, “Dee, they have closed for the day. There won’t be a van coming.”

  “Crap,” I mutter. I only live a mile and half down Monte Vista Street, and then another half mile back east, but it might as well be on the moon. “Okay, thanks.” I take off walking.

  “Dee, I would be happy to give you a ride.” I stop, but I don’t turn around.

  Shit, I don’t want anyone’s charity.

  “It’s no big deal Dee. I am done for the day and I was only going to go by Butler’s and get some barbeque and go home. It’s Friday, and I am just going to go chill. Let me drop you off at home. It‘s no trouble, I promise.”

  I turn and look at him. There’s no trace of pity in his eyes, his voice or anything. Just a simple act of common kindness. “Thanks,” I say softly.

  He leads me to his car. He puts my small box in the back seat and opens the passenger door for me. I keep the bag with my babies’ photos in it with me, on my lap. After he starts the car up he looks at me says, “Where to?”

  I give him directions to my place and he smiles. “Right on my way. I live out near Chatsfield Corner. Hey, do you mind if I go by Butler’s before I go home? That way I don’t have to backtrack into town to get my supper.”

  I smile at him, “Of course not.” When we get there, I decide barbeque might be pretty good for supper, so I go inside with him and order a sliced brisket sandwich and a cold pop. My fridge hasn’t been opened in heaven only knows how long so, I won’t have anything cold to drink at home. I may still have some coffee in the cabinet…

  What the fuck, Dee? Who cares?

  “Ma’am? Will there be anything else?” the kid working the register asks, with forced politeness. His words drag me back from my musings.

  “Yeah, a pack of Viceroy, reds, one hundreds, and a book of matches.” I notice Lucian raises an eyebrow and I almost smile.

  When we are almost at my house Lucian says, “I didn’t realize you smoked.”

  I chuckle, “Well considering that you barely know me, Mr. Michaels, I suspect there are a lot of things you don’t know about me.” He chuckles and agrees but I get the feeling he knows more about than I realize. “I quit smoking fifteen years ago. Well, mostly. I might buy five or six packs a year. I smoke when I am stressed or really, really bored. I suspect I will be stressed before daylight comes.”

  Lucian just nods silently. “So Lucian, you mentioned clients earlier, are you already a practicing P.T.? I thought you were just a student observing Seth.”

  “Wow, sorry Dee. You have been laboring under a false assumption. I didn’t mean for that to happen. I volunteer at the hospital. I am a grief counselor. Everyone said you probably wouldn’t see me, and that you were abnormally withdrawn and taciturn. But I wanted to observe your behavior for myself. So I asked Seth if I could join him that first day. From what I observed you seemed to have a good handle on your situation, so I never approached you about counseling.”

  He sighs and says; “I wasn’t trying to deceive you or get involved in your private business. But I did go back with Seth a few times to see how you were doing. Seth and I are pool buddies. We hit about a dozen tournaments a month
throughout the county. I am sorry if we misled you. That wasn’t our intent.”

  I laugh at myself. “Well, I never did ask. You didn’t lie. But I still feel like I was duped.”

  “Sorry,” he says a little sheepishly. “Forgive me?”

  “You didn’t do me any harm. I duped myself. It doesn’t matter anyway.” I see my turnoff and point it out to Lucian. We pull up in front of my house and I exhale loudly. The house is dark, the yard and flower beds are over grown. Rolan’s old Camry is under the carport. My heart is racing a hundred miles an hour. The chasm of pain in my chest steals my oxygen, I can’t breathe. CRAP!

  “I haven’t been in there for several months. I am not even sure if there was enough in my banking account to cover the electric bills while I was in the hospital.” I steel myself for what awaits me in my house.

  I get out and hobble to the front door with my cane and my plastic bag from the hospital. I retrieve my spare key from the overgrown flower bed and let myself in. I try the light switch and I am relieved when the light comes on. I look around my living room. Oddly enough, the first thing I notice is my purse sitting on the table by the front door. I guess I forgot to take it with me to Aiden’s funeral.

  And that’s when the flood of memories really take my breath away. I hear Lucian behind me. I turn to see that he’s carrying my small box and the bag with my barbeque in it. I step aside and let him in the house.

  “You have a nice home here,” he says quietly.

  “It’s not a home anymore,” I whisper. Lucian stands there and watches me for a few minutes.

  “I’m okay. Jeez, I can feel your concern, Lucian. I am going to eat a little something and then go to bed. I am exhausted. And then tomorrow, I will tackle my future, such as it is.” I offer my hand to shake his and thank him for the ride home. My message is clear, Thanks, but you need to go.