How To Get Your Heart Broken

by Rose Fall

  In my head, I could hear the scratching of the turntables, the theatrical halt of the music as I turned around. The sight of Jessie scared the hell out of me, and so did the fact that he was about two inches away from my face. I felt Jared’s hands tighten around my waist as Jessie waved cheerfully. I groaned. Was one simple Jessie-free night too much to ask for?

  I ignored his questioning expression when I sent Jared away, choosing to avoid the introductions. I was already busy studying the guy standing beside him. He was slightly shorter than Jessie, with messy, curly brown hair, pale skin, and eyes an almost transparent color of blue. Dare I say, he was even prettier than his brother.

  There was a slight, subtle something their features shared. I couldn’t quite place it, but it was obvious they were related.

  Alas, Ash’s beloved Julian. He smiled cheerfully. ‘Braces? Or just good genes?’ I pondered curiously as I observed his dazzling smile. I was almost certain a brilliant light had come from his teeth, accompanied by the ding! that was customary when those guys in the Colgate commercials would smile.

  I waved, just as Jessie had, and prepared to escape. And then Rachel suddenly appeared, put an arm around my shoulder.

  “Jessie, fancy seeing you here,” she said, slurring the slightest bit.

  And then Ash was there. And Jessie said, “This is my brother, Julian.” And everyone wore these surprised faces, except for me cause I was looking down wishing a giant hole would open up and swallow me because I had this bad feeling that this would not go smoothly.

  And when I looked up Jessie was staring at me and I forgot that I was supposed to act surprised.

  Then Ash turned to Rachel and said, “Don’t pretend you didn’t know about him.”

  And Rachel looked genuinely confused, or maybe just nauseous, and Julian and Jessie’s eyebrows furrowed in weirdly similar ways, and I became certain I was still not selling the surprised look.

  I turned to Julian. “You must be a hermit,” I said smoothly.

  “Woah! We just met and you’re already calling me names. You must be Eli.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “I was kidding…” he laughed uncertainly.

  “Don’t mind her, she’s grumpy today; Ryan just changed his Facebook relationship status to ‘in a relationship.’”

  I glared at Rachel. She gave me an exaggerated frown and patted my head like you would a child. In truth, I had noticed this new development. I could even admit to attempted snooping on this Bridget person’s private Facebook profile. But I would not concede that any of that had an effect on my mood.

  My eyes moved from Ash to Julian as he motioned from her to the door. We were all looking at Ash, but I suppose I was too distracted to feign surprise because Jessie was giving me this really weird look.

  Then Julian went up to put his arm around Ash’s shoulder, and he was pulling her away from us and out of the party before any of us could react. And then she turned around with this apologetic look on her face and mouthed something that sounded like a promise for an explanation. Then Rachel said something about it always being the quiet ones. And then the three of us were left standing there awkwardly.

  And that’s when I fled.

  The Truth Hurts

  I escaped to the backyard and stayed there for a really long time. Then I figured it was time to retrieve Rachel from her audience and leave. But she was really busy with Jessie so I decided she could find her own way home. I tried to leave without them seeing me, but on my way to the front door Jessie called out my name and I think I looked kind of pissed because when I turned to look at him he didn’t say anything else.

  I don’t know why I looked pissed. It was true that some part of me was genuinely bothered by the way this night ended. But I didn’t know what that meant. I only knew that I didn’t want to think about it anymore.

  ---

  I blinked. I was still trying to forget last night’s bizarre occurrences. I’d been staring out the window so long I didn’t notice that Ash had entered my room.

  I supposed now was the time for that explanation. She smiled before coming to sit on the edge of my bed.

  “Uuummm,” she fumbled with her fingers. “Julian and I…well, there isn’t really a Julian and I. But I wish there was and…I should have told you that. I really like him and when we met, I didn’t even know he was Jessie’s brother. Not that that makes a difference. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I feel awful and I understand if‒”

  I shook my head. “You have nothing to apologize for. We practically forced you into this bet. I’m sorry.”

  I was apologizing for more than she knew. I still didn’t know how to tell her that I already knew everything she’d confessed to me because I’d been invading her privacy and reading her diary.

  The thing is, as terrible as I felt I knew I probably wouldn’t stop. For one because I was noisy, two I wanted to keep an eye on Julian, and three I was a hypocrite that liked to meddle in other people’s lives even though I hated it when they meddled in mine.

  ‘So maybe you’re a sucky person, but at least you’re self-aware.’

  “Thank you for understand Eli,” she said with a sincere smile.

  I returned it the best I could, trying to shake my thoughts away before she could suspect anything.

  “So…what’d you do last night?” I ask, wiggling my eyebrows suggestively, like in the annoying way Jessie did all the time.

  “Not much,” she shrugged.

  I used to think I was the only “mysterious” one in our group, but I was starting to realize we were all pretty evasive. Still, I supposed I’d meddled enough, so I decided to let it go.

  “That’s fun,” I said teasingly.

  She was silent for a moment.

  “Eli,” she turned to face me, making an obvious effort to sound firm and confident.

  I eyed her curiously.

  “I’m sorry; I’m out of the bet.”

  “Oh,” I said.

  Obviously, I’d known this was coming. Ash had only participated half-heartedly, so her quitting wasn’t really a big deal. But seeing how serious she was about her burgeoning new relationship with Jessie’s brother made me nervous.

  Eventually, she would either feel compelled to tell him the truth out of guilt, or she would spend the entirety of their relationship being tormented by our secret. Of course I wanted neither outcome, but seeing as how that wasn’t an option, I felt it was only a matter of time until disaster ensued.

  Ash clearly misunderstood my silence, and her expression turned to one of horror and guilt.

  “I’m really sorry! I feel awful and don’t worry Rachel’s already told me how horrible I am but I just can’t do it anymore,” her voice got quieter and quieter as she continued, trailing off until she finished her speech.

  “Rachel said what?” I asked in confusion.

  She shrugged, “It was nothing.”

  But the look on her face told me it was something, at least to her.

  “Ash, what did she say?”

  “She just… made me feel guilty. She said I was an awful friend and that I was putting some idiot guy who just wanted to have sex with me before you.” I could hear the little quiver in her voice that hinted at what was to come if I didn’t succeed in undoing the damage Rachel’s words had done.

  “Ash, you know better than to listen to Rachel,” I said quickly.

  She nodded.

  “You shouldn’t feel bad, it’s okay.”

  She nodded again.

  I sighed.

  I guess it was just me and Rachel now. And that, to be honest, sounded like the worst idea I’d ever heard.

  ---

  My frustration was evident as I barged into the room. “Rachel, if you can’t have a conversation with Ashton without making her cry then just leave her alone!”

  She looked at me with disbelief. “Why am I always getting yelled at because of Ashton? Especially when I was trying to help you!”

>   “Rachel, you didn’t help anyone. You just made her cry for no reason.”

  “So you’re not mad at her, you’re mad at me. But do you realize that if the roles were reversed you would still be mad at me? It’s always me. Rachel can’t do anything right.”

  “Really? You want to play the victim now? Why don’t you just admit you were wrong and apologize?”

  “Oh, well then! I’m sorry I tried to help you. I’m sorry I’m not Ashton. I’m sorry I came on this stupid trip to sit around and worry about your wallowing instead of living my life.”

  “You’re hardly ever around! I find it really hard to believe that you just sit around and worry about me.”

  She turned back to her computer, ignoring me.

  I sighed. She did have a point. If she had done what Ash did, I would have been pissed. It seemed like we’d been fighting a lot lately, and I was tired.

  “Rachel,” I sighed.

  She didn’t turn around, but I knew she was listening.

  “I know you meant well and, you just have…a really strange way of trying to help people. So…stop being mad at me.”

  She closed her laptop and turned to roll her eyes at me. I took that as a sign that all was well.

  “What are you doing?” I asked, plopping down on her bed.

  “Plotting how I’m going to take over the world.”

  “Of course you are,” I said sarcastically. Everything had to be a secret with her.

  I watched her pull out her nail polish and began painting her nails. I motioned towards the toenail she’d just finished painting a bold red.

  “You should have painted them black, to match the color of your heart,” I said.

  “Look at that, the pot calling the kettle black. Of course, no one even knows if Eliza Vega has a heart.”

  I nodded in agreement, thinking of how much I missed our banter. And then I realized how little time I’d been spending with Rachel. Between being caught up “wallowing” and spying on Ash, I had no clue what she was up to.

  I just assumed she went to party or maybe do spy work for the government, because no one ever really knew what Rachel was up to. I felt like I was neglecting her, like a parent was giving the younger child more attention than the eldest.

  “Hey, do you want to go somewhere? Just you and me, anywhere you want,” I tried to coax her.

  She raised an eyebrow at me. As if she’d read my mind, she said, “I’m not your kid Elle.”

  “You’re not?”

  She replied with a sarcastic smile.

  “Is that a no?”

  She sighed, “Why not? Guess we’ll have a lot more free time now. No more Jessie.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, with the bet off…”

  “The bet’s off?”

  “Well if Ashton is chickening out, I figure we should just forget it.”

  “But…it’s not about Ash. You were trying to cheer me up.”

  “Thought you didn’t need cheering up,” she smiled, cleverly repeating something I’d said before.

  I remained quiet.

  “You seem fine,” she shrugged.

  I hesitated. “But…looks are deceiving, right?”

  She gave me a smile that suggested she knew something I didn’t. It made me uncomfortable.

  “Right,” I said anyway, answering my own question.

  “K then,” she smiled.

  I nodded to myself as she turned back to her desk.

  ---

  I knocked on Jessie’s door, hoping he would keep his promise about me being able to use his movie collection without interruption.

  I missed mine terribly. The only DVDs I had bought with me were a few of my favorites I couldn't bear to part with, like On the Waterfront and A Streetcar Named Desire, and pretty much every other Marlon Brando movie ever made.

  Impatiently, I knocked again. Then I realized the door was unlocked and just let myself in. I wondered why that Julian kid never answered the door. Maybe he was too busy harassing Ash.

  “Jessie?” I yelled. I walked through the first floor in search of him.

  When I got no answer I started yelling “Julian?”

  Still, there was no answer. I shrugged. Now I knew Jessie wouldn’t bother me.

  I excitedly popped Milk in and basked in the silence. I enjoyed being able to watch the movie in peace without Jessie talking through the whole thing the way he’d done when we’d watched Scream 4 a few days ago. God he was annoying.

  I furiously blinked back tears as White made his way to Milk’s office. I was already anticipating his murder.

  “So you decided to take me up on my offer?”

  I closed my eyes and sighed. Of course.

  I turned my head slowly to find Jessie grinning from ear to ear.

  He was only wearing a towel around his waist and his hair was wet. I assumed he had come from the shower, but maybe he was just trying to bug me.

  “Hello, eyes up here!”

  I let out something between an exhausted sigh and a wail. It was almost over; I would have just sneaked out quietly before he showed up.

  “Look, I know I’m hard to resist but it’s not worth crying about…”

  In my mind I was sending him a death glare, but there was no way I was going to turn around again.

  ‘Objectively speaking…he’s beautiful.’

  He was ripped and he looked like he had just come right of the side of one of those Abercrombie bags with the gorgeous models. It was just a fact of life that physically, Jessie was gifted.

  ‘But this fact just makes him more annoying.’ At least that’s what I was trying to tell myself. I wondered if I was going to have to sit on my hands again.

  “Oh. Look, it’s over. Wait for me before you put the next movie in!”

  I turned to nod to him, keeping my eyes on his face. “Hurry back!” I smiled encouragingly.

  I waited until I couldn’t hear his footsteps, and then I made a dash for the door, sacrificing my shoes for the sake of a quick exit.

  His hand was on the door before I could open it. My shoulders slumped in defeat; I turned wearily to face him. He winked.

  “You’re fast,” I said matter-of-factly.

  “I’m a vampire.”

  “Ha. Ha.” I stared up at him, absentmindedly noting subtle changes in the color of his eyes and knowing by the way they looked back at me that heartless or not, I

  was fully capable of claiming his and doing with it whatever I wanted. That felt like too much responsibility. Still, a part of me was happy, even as he guided me back to the couch. He waited until I was sitting to leave.

  ‘Couldn’t this count as kidnapping?’ I thought with slight amusement.

  I crawled over to the bottom shelf of movies, skimming through, not in the mood for anything except escaping.

  “You know, I’m starting to think you really did come here for the movies,” he said when he came back. Thankfully, he was fully dressed.

  “Funny,” I mumbled.

  “Don’t you do anything else?”

  I shrugged, staring at the collection.

  “Do you want to talk?”

  “No…” I said, in a tone that implied that that had been his dumbest idea yet. Never had I met a guy that wanted to talk so much.

  He picked me up off the floor; walking the few feet back to the couch and placing me on his lap with alarming ease. “Neither do I,” he winked.

  I squirmed, extending a victorious smile when he threw me to the other end of the couch because I started kicking.

  “I see you still haven’t gone to those anger management classes I’ve been suggesting.”

  I sent him a dirty look, frustrated at the lack of effect it had on him.

  “So last night…”

  I sighed. I kind of saw this coming.

  “Rachel and I were just‒”

  “Why would I care?” I quickly returned. I hadn’t expected that.

  “We were just‒”
/>
  I used my fingers to cover my ears as I immaturely started exclaiming, “La la lah lah la.”

  He began yelling, and it turned into a competition for who could be louder. I wondered which one of us was more immature. Eventually he shook his head “I’m done,” he said resignedly.

  I slowly removed my fingers.

  “I’m not interested in her!” He yelled.

  I glared.

  “Now I’m done,” he said putting his hands up in surrender. “So…did you know about Julian and Ash?”

  I looked away. This was the conversation I had expected, but I didn’t want to talk about it either. I didn’t want anyone to know the truth about how I’d found out.

  “How’d you know?”

  “I never said I did.”

  “You didn’t have to.”

  I rolled my eyes.

  “Come on, Elle,” he sighed.

  I crossed my arms stubbornly.

  "You were the only one that didn't seem surprised. How'd you know?"

  Before I could stop myself I was sighing, “You can't tell Julian, or anyone actually."

  "I promise. You can trust me."

  I snorted, and then replied anyway. "I read Ash's diary."

  "Wow! You are quite the meddler."

  I wanted to be angry, but I knew he was right.

  "How long have you known?"

  "A while," I replied.

  "Why didn't you tell anyone?"

  "Well, if you’re his brother, how come he didn’t mention anything to you? And why did you tell me you had a little brother?"

  He laughed, “Because I’m ten minutes older.”

  “Oh, come on!” I exclaimed. “I had a whole image in my head.”

  “Hey! A lot can happen in ten minutes,” he said mischievously.

  I ignored him.

  He added, “As far as why I was so clueless about this whole thing, Julian’s not much of a sharer.” He shrugged.

  “Runs in the family,” I said matter-of-factly.

  He smiled, “Touché.”

  Like it was an afterthought he added, “What have I been secretive about? If there’s something you want to know, you can ask me.”