Starbreaker

by Amanda Bouchet

  I came up beside her. Her hair hung past her shoulders in a dark wave, the shorter bits near her neck curling in the humidity. Her usually space-pale complexion reflected the warm glow of the dying sunset colors, almost making her look tan against the white cushions. She smiled up at me and patted the couch next to her. I sank down with a muffled groan of contentment, tossing my feet up on the coffee table and crossing them at the ankles. I leaned my head back. Perfection. This was it. I could stay here forever.

  Tess laid her hand on my thigh. “It’s beautiful. I’ve never seen anything like this. The house, the view, the jungle…”

  “Does that mean you like it?” I sprawled my arm over the top of the couch. The way Tess automatically curled into me made my chest muscles tighten while I waited for her answer. I’d missed this place. The Gano Jungle was home to me almost as much as Albion City. I’d lost that home. Maybe I could still have this one.

  My heart pounded as I curled my hand around her shoulder, waiting for a final judgment.

  “I’m torn.” With a sigh, Tess started drawing light circles on the top of my knee that tickled a little. She watched her slowly moving fingers. “I’m torn between thinking it’s wonderful and hating where you got the money to pay for something like this.”

  My mouth flattened. Her answer was about what I was expecting, and maybe more generous than I deserved. “If I could take back the last ten years and start over, I would. But that path also brought me to you, which is something I can’t regret. So I guess I’m torn, too. Giving away the money wouldn’t help either of us at this point. We might need it. Or not.” I shrugged. “We don’t have to spend it on stuff like this again if you don’t want to. We’re safe for now. The Endeavor and everyone on it should be, too. Maybe let’s just try to enjoy tonight and tomorrow morning before we face whatever the meeting with Bridgebane brings.”

  Tess didn’t respond. Tension built inside me at her silence. I shifted and looked around. Stars shined brighter now, still framed by the hazy outline of jungle shadows. The wide belt of the river faded, darkness swallowing up the view down the lawn in increments. It was probably a good thing. The snapper jaws and cyclodiles stalking the banks for their dinner wouldn’t help Tess settle in at the bungalow. The worst predators were known to gather upriver from here during the daytime, which meant it was more or less safe to walk the banks near the bungalows except at mealtimes.

  Tess looked over her shoulder, checking out the softly glowing interior again. The only closed-off room was the bathroom. Privacy had certain benefits. There would also be a shower I could really use—with Tess, if she was willing. But I could feel her pulling away by the second, and I had no idea how to bring her back again.

  I’d been a fool to bring her here and flaunt my bounty-hunting earnings, even if that hadn’t been my intention. The Aisé Resort was one of my favorite places in the galaxy, all wrapped up in family memories and the faded joy of youth. I’d wanted to share it with Tess, but that was just one more mistake in a long line of them. I should’ve docked at the Holy Hollow and been done with it.

  Tess sank deeper into the couch, leaning into the crook of my arm again. Her eyes focused on things beyond the netting, even though it was getting pretty dark out there. “I can hear all the jungle noises. It makes me want to find out what’s in the trees, see the animals. The bungalow in the middle of it all is…really special.” She glanced over her shoulder again. “And that bed over there could fit about ten people.”

  A chuckle forced me to stop holding my breath. Maybe she didn’t hate it. “Do you want me to go find eight others, or are you good with just me?”

  Her mouth quirked. “You’ll do.” Her tense shoulders dropped an inch or two, but she was still uncomfortable. I could tell. Tess had spent most of her life inside one metal container or another. This had to be nature overload. Along with her other objections, it was too much.

  “We can go. If this isn’t right for you, we can find something else.” I lifted my arm from around her. “I’ll look into some options.”

  Tess gripped my leg, stopping me. “I don’t want to go. I want to see what’s in that ginormous refrigerator and eat my weight in fruit, if I’m lucky. I want to swim in the pool, because I’m pretty sure you won’t let me drown. I want to sleep in that massive bed and watch the sun rise from your arms before I walk down to the river and try to spot a cyclodile—preferably from a distance.”

  “Yeah?” Relief swelled my heart so big my ribs ached from the pressure.

  “Yeah.” She took a deep breath. “But I have to tell you something first.”

  Tess looked at her hands. She laced and unlaced her fingers and then sat there, seeming unsure. When her eyes finally rose, meeting mine, a chill prickled up my spine and shot little icy darts of worry through me. She looked so nervous that there was no way in hell this could be good news. My relief forgotten, I got colder and colder the longer she took to talk.

  “What is it?” I rasped, my stomach tying itself in knots. “Baby, just tell me.” Could it really be worse than the things we’d already faced, both alone and together?

  She swallowed. Cosmic-blue eyes hit me square on. “Before you risk yourself any further with me, for me, I think you should know… I’m going to inherit Starway 8.”

  I stared, having expected…I wasn’t sure what. Not that. “You can’t inherit an orphanage.”

  “I can. It’s private. The Dark Watch regulates Starway 8 to a certain extent, just like it regulates everything—I guess under the supervision of Bridgebane—but despite most people’s assumption, it’s not a galactic entity. Mareeka is full owner of the orphanage, and I’m her heir. It’s in the paperwork.”

  “But you’re wanted.” I frowned. “On the run.”

  “Well, it’s not going to happen tomorrow or anything, and who knows what’ll happen between now and then. If I have to, I’ll find a way to change my appearance and take a different name. But when the time comes, and Mareeka and Surral want to retire, I’m going to run the orphanage.”

  “That’s a huge obligation.” I squeezed the back of my neck, trying to wrap my head around Tess being responsible for that whole place—for thousands of children, their food, clothes, health, education. Everything.

  It took me all of two seconds to realize it was perfect for her. And if nothing changed in the galaxy, she’d churn out little rebels as fast and furtively as her beloved Mareeka did.

  “It’s not an obligation. It’s a gift.” Her voice thickened, dropping. “But it’s an important and difficult gift. Lives will be in my hands. People’s health and safety and education. And not just schooling—a sense of duty, justice, ethics. Starway 8 is a city, and I’ll have to run it. Make decisions. Deal with problems. Make sure supplies are coming in and repairs are made and security’s up to scratch. Hire employees, caretakers, nurses, and teachers when there are openings. There’ll never be a day off. Never a day when multiple people won’t need me. It’s what I want, but it’s also a commitment of epic proportions.” Her eyes flicked to mine before skating away again. “I’d love to have help—I’ll need it—but I also realize that not everyone’s looking for that kind of responsibility.”

  She looked off in the distance, as if expecting that to be the end of us. Did she think there was even a nanoparticle chance of that? All her words did was yank up everything I’d thought about constantly over the last ten years with a violence that left me reeling. I’d practically sold my soul to try to do exactly what she was describing. The Albion 5 docking district should have been my city. The dozens of towering buildings my responsibility to maintain. The employees mine to organize, help, and protect.

  “Why are you telling me this now? Tonight?” I practically shook from the rush of adrenaline in my blood.

  Tess took what seemed like a fortifying breath. “My uncle put a huge price on your head. Coming with me tomorrow, staying with me in gen
eral—it’s going to put you in danger. You don’t have to be a Nightchaser. You can come up with a new identity and find a nice rock out there where no one’ll look for you or bother you again. Starway 8 is my future—if I live long enough to inherit. It’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted. Well”—her gaze tipped skyward—“besides the Overseer’s timely and gruesome death, I suppose.”

  I smiled. My lips just did it, involuntary.

  Tess smiled, too, our eyes meeting for a quick shot of shared humor before she turned serious again. “I’ve known since I was a teenager. Mareeka watched and understood. She saw me take any responsibility offered to the older kids. I wouldn’t stop, kept wanting more, so she groomed me. She taught me about running Starway 8. I could go back tomorrow and take an administrative position, but they don’t need me yet. Not really. And right now, I’m a danger to them. I don’t think I should go back for a while.”

  Maybe not, but she sure sounded like she wanted to. So, this was why Tess hadn’t shown any interest in moving up the rebel ranks. With the enhancers as leverage, she could’ve demanded pretty much anything, even a spot on the council. But Tess didn’t want to change her future. She just wanted to live long enough to embrace it.

  I took her fidgety hand in mine, squeezing so she’d hold still and look at me. “It would cut you to the bone and crush you if you could never go back there.”

  She nodded. “I will go back—unless it’s not what’s best for the orphanage. I have to know, Shade. I realize it’s still early in…everything. And we’ve had issues…” She glanced away, her gaze roaming the patio and landing on anything but me. “But if you can’t at all see yourself there someday, with me, with those kids, then there’s no point in going to the Grand Temple with me tomorrow. There’s no point in putting yourself in danger again.”

  I replayed her words in my head, not answering right away. There wasn’t a single thing she’d just said that I shouldn’t take very seriously. Part of it smarted. Tess had been my first choice, but I wasn’t hers—at least not yet. But none of this felt like an ultimatum, either.

  Her gaze dropped to the patio floor. She angled away from me.

  “Where are you going?” I slid my hand around the back of her neck, stopping her. “Don’t you want an answer to what you just told me?”

  Her eyes flicked up, the mix of hope and fear in them making me want to rip out my own beating heart and hand it to her like some kind of fucked-up savage. “I don’t want you to ever have to give up something you love that much. Not for me. Not for anyone. The only thing that should possibly keep you away from Starway 8 is knowing its occupants are safer without you. And even then, I know you’d keep protecting it from afar. Providing and defending.”

  Moisture rushed to her eyes, making them glisten in the low lamplight. I pulled her in until our foreheads touched. Tess’s breath sped across my cheek, and my pulse thudded heavily. This woman’s absolute dedication to things bigger than herself was why I loved her.

  I held her gaze. The whisper of air between us began to simmer with heat and the best kind of tension. “I want you, whether you come with no kids, or five thousand.”

  Her little gasp was the most satisfying sound I’d heard in ages. “More like seven thousand.”

  All right. “The more the merrier.”

  “Are you being sarcastic?” She pulled back, her eyes narrowing. Already getting her ruff up over those kids. Who better to guard them?

  “Not at all, starshine.” My heart took up a fierce beat inside me, galloping toward a finish line I could finally see again. This was my second chance. There was no way in hell I was wasting it.

  “If I’d been able to buy back my docks from Scarabin White, I would’ve been responsible for thousands of employees on two planets, for managing managers, for bookkeeping, safety regulations, building maintenance, contracts, deliveries, and about a million other things that aren’t all fun or fascinating but that would’ve been part of a whole that was mine. Mine to build, to protect, to take care of. I wanted that—the whole package. I understood the scope of the job from watching my father do it. And I understand the kind of commitment it would take to be at the head of that orphanage. It doesn’t scare me to think about helping you with that. Granted, the newborn to eighteen-years-old age group and everything that comes with it is a new element, but I can adapt.” I searched her eyes, willing her to understand. “Don’t you see? You’re offering me everything I thought I’d lost, including you in my future.”

  Tess looked completely stunned, so I kissed her. It took her a second, but she kissed me back, going from hesitant and a little unsure to hungry and eager like she had a hyperdrive switch and had just thrown it. Satisfaction gusted through me the moment she ignited. Tess always exploded like a bomb in skin. Her sexy little whimper melted into my mouth and turned my cock rock-hard in seconds.

  A low sound rumbled inside me as I slipped my hands into her hair and angled us closer. Tess gripped my sides, holding on as if she thought I might evaporate. I wasn’t going anywhere. Not willingly. I kissed her long and deep to prove it. She swept her hands under my shirt, stroking bare skin. My abdomen tightened, and the air around us blazed ten degrees hotter with each light, questing brush of her fingertips.

  Her hands flared out, smoothed, pressed. My senses narrowed to her touch as she slowly ran her palm down my torso to my lap and closed her hand around the bulge in my pants. Volcanic desire shot to the surface and made me want to pounce. Instead, I held as still as possible and used my mouth and tongue to show Tess just how deeply I wanted to get inside her, and not just physically. She gave back twofold, wiggling all over the place to get closer, stroking me through my clothes, and cranking up my need like a furnace.

  Breathing like I’d just run a race, I clasped her head in my hands and separated us. Tess looked at me with hazy eyes, her parted lips plump and shiny from my kisses. My heavy pulse drowned out everything except for the words forming with perfect clarity in my head.

  Her hand stayed on my cock. She squeezed as she watched me, dragging her bottom lip between her teeth. I groaned and pressed into her hand, lust ripping through me like a lightning bolt.

  Fuck, I liked clear signals. And I wanted her more than I wanted my next breath. But I wasn’t done talking yet. Maybe I was going too far, too fast, but my chest was bursting with words that wanted out.

  Hardly recognizing my own deep rasp, I said, “And maybe someday, a few of the kids running around that place will be ours, playing with the other little space rats.”

  Her breath hitched. “Shade?”

  I kissed her again, kissed her until she could barely breathe and clung to me for balance. Needing her even closer, I lifted her to straddle me. Tess came willingly, getting up on her knees to rub against me, our mouths fused, our tongues taking and giving, no air between us. My hands tightened on her hips. She rolled her ass like she loved the hard pressure. With a guttural sound, I sank my fingers into soft flesh and rocked her.

  Just as the firestorm was starting to blind me to everything else, Tess drew back. I stared at her through a dense, want-thick fog. It cleared the second I saw the worried crease slash between her eyebrows.

  “What, baby?” I half stood, getting ready to set her behind me. Had she heard something?

  “No, wait.” Tess dug her nails into my shoulders, stopping me. “It’s just… You’re thinking clearly, right? You’re not making decisions based on”—she glanced down at where our bodies met and blazing-hot need electrified everything—“want?”

  The heat in my groin pounded, intense and insistent. Despite that, I shook my head. “No. Not now, and not before. My head and my heart warred over you a lot on Albion 5, but nothing below the belt got a vote—hard as it tried.”

  Her dark brows winged up, erasing the troubled frown from her forehead. “Hard?”

  I held back a snort. “Really? You’re going ther
e?”

  Tess giggled. Little laugh lines fanned out from her eyes, and her teeth flashed in the rising moonlight. “You walked right into that. Admit it.”

  Growling, I dove in to kiss where her neck met her shoulder. Actually, I devoured it. Between nibbles and sucks, I said, “One more false accusation and I’ll call you ‘sugar.’”

  Tess gasped. “You wouldn’t.”

  “Try me.” I swatted her backside.

  Her eyes lit up. “Oh, good! The slapping’s started already.”

  Grinning, she tried to swat me back and couldn’t. Laughing, I got her again. Tess shrieked a happy sound I wanted to bottle for later and shot off the couch, running toward the huge, high bed. She hopped up, pulling off her shoes and tossing them aside as she turned back to me. Smiling, she kneeled on the edge of the bed and watched me from across the room. I’d never seen anything so inviting.

  I got up and prowled over, kicking off my boots as I went. When I reached her, she lifted a hand and braced it against my chest. Could she feel the pounding thud of my heart? Did she know it beat for her now?

  Tess leaned forward and licked me from collarbone to ear, flicking her tongue over the shell of it. I tensed all over, igniting, and caught her hips in a firm grasp. I pulled us roughly together.

  She tilted her head back, her eyes heavy with desire. “How do you want me, Shade? What’s in that mind of yours?”

  My cock pulsed at her husky whisper. Images flashed through my mind. Possibilities.

  She nipped my earlobe, sending a bullet of sensation down my back and into my legs. My chest rose and fell, brushing hers with every breath. Tess was offering to explore fantasies. I’d take her up on some of mine soon enough, but right now, I just needed to make love to her.