Goodnight Children Everywhere and Other Plays

by Richard Nelson

  MACREADY: Listen to him!

  (The actors quiet down.)

  IRVING: Mr. Macready has been persuaded—to give tomorrow night a second performance of his glorious Macbeth.

  (This upsets the actors again and all speak at once: “Who’s going to perform it?” “Isn’t once enough?” “You have to be joking!” etc.)

  (Over the shouts) We believe there is no significant risk! For him. And for those of you who wish to join him on the stage.

  (In shock they quiet down again.)

  MACREADY (As if this makes everything clear): Mr. Forrest has been spoken to—

  IRVING: Mr. Forrest has agreed to perform only Metamora for some time.

  MACREADY: So there’ll be no more of this—

  IRVING (Over him): Not that he had anything to do with last night. But we can thank him for his consideration.

  (Macready bites his tongue.)

  CLARK (To others): It seems like a big risk to—

  IRVING (With sudden vehemence): Of course it’s a risk! There’s a risk in any important endeavor. And this is important!!!

  (Works to get a grip on himself) Or maybe, sir, you wish to let these hooligans determine what can and cannot be presented on our stages? In our books? By our speakers. Is that what you want, sir?

  CLARK: Of course, I don’t want—

  IRVING: Then take some responsibility!!! That is what I am saying. What I’ve been asked to say—by a delegation of citizens. (Beat) All leading citizens I hasten to add, who met together this morning. One conclusion of this meeting was the designation of a person to express for all a deep apology to Mr. Macready.

  (He bows to Macready, who accepts the apology.)

  And to you other actors as well.

  (A shorter bow to them. Then he laughs to himself and explains:)

  I told them I was probably the worst person for this job. I told them—you probably had never even heard of me. (Laughs. No one else does) Of Washington Irving.

  ARNOLD: I didn’t realize that’s who he—

  MRS. POPE: Shh.

  IRVING: But I was assured. (Takes out a letter) Together we signed a letter—with not only our apologies but also our word that should you agree to another performance, you shall be protected. You shall be safe. (Hands the letter to an actor) Police will be stationed throughout the theatre and outside.

  (This concerns the actors. They look at each other: “Police???”)

  The mayor has put the militia on notice.

  (The actors begin to panic again: “The Militia?!” “Soldiers? Why do we need soldiers?!”)

  MACREADY: Quiet. Please.

  (They turn to Macready.)

  Not that it will affect any one of you in making a decision. (Beat) But you might like to know that our producers have offered us seventy-five percent of the house. Fifty to me. Twenty-five to be split by you. (Beat) It’s generous. But I doubt if money alone would be enough to . . . to . . . But it’s generous. (Short pause) So think it over. Mr. Irving has kindly arranged for food in the dining room. So please—join us if you wish.

  (Silence as they put their hats and gloves on, etc., preparing to leave. After a moment:)

  MRS. POPE (To Wemyss, under her breath): An angel just passed.

  IRVING: Mrs. Pope?

  (She nervously turns to him.)

  Can Mr. Macready count on you to attend rehearsal in the morning?

  (She hesitates, looks at the others, who watch her, then:)

  MRS. POPE: In the morning? If it isn’t an inconvenience—the afternoon would be a lot better for me. My sister’s staying with me with her two children—

  (Everyone starts smiling, trying not to laugh, which only makes her explain more.)

  —and she works in the mornings. But maybe I could ask Mrs. Seymour, she lives just below—

  (All the actors are laughing.)

  MACREADY: Come when you can, Mrs. Pope.

  MRS. POPE: I don’t understand why you’re laughing.

  (The mood is suddenly lightened.)

  WEMYSS (To Bradshaw): Bradshaw, maybe Banquo should enter with Macbeth—as it says, I think, in the text.

  MACREADY: It says that? I should read the text more carefully.

  (Laughter.)

  ARNOLD: Perhaps Banquo should enter downstage of Macbeth!

  (Laughter.)

  SEFTON (Kidding him): Or even in front of him!

  (Big laugh.)

  BRADSHAW: Oh I don’t think my character would ever do that.

  MACREADY: We should rehearse it and see.

  (Laughter. Nearly everyone slowly starts to head off to the dining room and the promised food.)

  (To Wemyss as he passes) And how is your lovely daughter, Mr. Wemyss, does she still wish to become an actress?

  WEMYSS: She’s a thick one.

  MRS. POPE (Behind him): We never learn.

  (Irving is in a conversation with Bradshaw, etc.)

  IRVING: You actors are so full of—life.

  BRADSHAW (To Bridges): I’m glad he said “life.”

  (Irving suddenly stops them from leaving.)

  IRVING: A story! During one of our amateur theatricals. There were these soldiers running through a—“wood.” The trees about so far apart. And one actor with his gun like this. (Horizontal) And he gets caught on the trees and he flips over and the whole army—all five or six of us—we flip over, too. (Laughs and laughs. Then leading them off) Every one of you must have stories like that.

  (All are gone except for Clark and Macready. Short pause.)

  MACREADY: You’re not joining us, Mr. Clark? You’re not hungry?

  (Clark looks at Macready, then:)

  CLARK: Who ever heard of an actor who wasn’t hungry, sir.

  MACREADY: Good for you, Mr. Clark.

  (Macready slaps him on the back as they go.)

  Good for you.

  (Blackout.)

  SCENE 3

  11 P.M.

  The tavern.

  Boucicault, Agnes and Fisher at one smallish table. Fisher is reading Boucicault’s play. At a nearby table, Tilton and Scott, who has a bandaged hand, sit and drink.

  Ryder has just entered, and has been stopped at Tilton’s table to be introduced to Scott.

  TILTON: Mr. Ryder played Macduff, when you—the other night—

  SCOTT: Oh yes. How do you do?

  TILTON: He was quite good.

  SCOTT: Oh how nice.

  RYDER: There wasn’t much time to . . . (Smiles) You understand.

  SCOTT: That’s how the theatre often works. If one doesn’t like it then one gets out. (Turns to Tilton and laughs)

  RYDER: How is the finger? (Beat) I hope . . . everyone was hoping . . .

  SCOTT: The finger is gone, Mr.— (Turns to Tilton)

  TILTON: Ryder.

  SCOTT: And at the moment I can’t move my hand at all. (Beat) They say that will change. Some time.

  (Beat.)

  RYDER: I heard you were a wonderful Macduff. That you are a— I’m sure I didn’t do justice . . . (Beat) No doubt your public was profoundly disappointed with me last night.

  SCOTT: My public? (Laughs and pours himself a drink)

  RYDER: Excuse me, I have friends . . .

  (He nods toward Boucicault’s table. Scott does not look at him.)

  SCOTT (To Tilton): Who’s buying by the way? I don’t have any money.

  (Ryder goes to Boucicault’s table.)

  TILTON: Don’t worry about that.

  SCOTT: I wasn’t worrying.

  RYDER (Sitting at Boucicault’s table): Sorry. I dropped by backstage. I asked Ned to join us, but— I don’t know.

  (They nod. Beat.)

  Mind if I—?

  BOUCICAULT: No, no, of course not.

  (Ryder pours himself a drink.)

  RYDER (Nodding toward Scott): I took over for him in—as Macduff. He— There had been an accident with—

  AGNES: We heard about that, didn’t we?

  BOUCICAULT: The finger?
<
br />   RYDER: That’s right.

  (Short pause. Boucicault watches Fisher for a reaction as he reads.)

  AGNES (Turning to Tilton): The performance tonight was terribly exciting. Thank you. I didn’t know this play.

  TILTON: Which play are you—?

  AGNES: We were at Metamora. The three of us. (Beat) Actually we were hoping that the rest of the company . . .

  TILTON: I don’t think they’re coming. Sometimes no one goes out. Sometimes it’s only me.

  SCOTT: But if you’re going out—

  TILTON: It’s the closest tavern. (Short pause) Some of them have to go home. (Beat) Scott here always had to go home. His wife made him.

  SCOTT: Now she’s sick of me. (Turns to Tilton) Still she doesn’t give me any money. (Shakes his head in disgust)

  TILTON: You saw it tonight? It was good tonight. I liked everything I did.

  RYDER: Forrest was extraordinary.

  AGNES: Wasn’t he? There was a rawness, like some powerful animal—

  RYDER: The nobleness of the character. That’s what I was taken—

  SCOTT: I play the Indian who betrays him.

  RYDER: That’s a very interesting role.

  SCOTT (To Tilton): Who played him tonight?

  TILTON: Jones.

  SCOTT: Jones? (Smiles and shakes his head) I knew he wanted to play my character.

  (Short pause.)

  AGNES: Everyone was very good. Thank you. (Turns back to her table. To Ryder) It is a pity Mr. Macready did not feel—

  RYDER: I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t want to sit in a theatre of all places, not after last—

  AGNES: He would have a good time. He could have forgotten, at least for a short while—

  RYDER: I only asked him once, I knew there was no—

  BOUCICAULT: But to see Mr. Forrest in a native role. This is what he missed. (Beat) Tonight you could really see his talent. Couldn’t you Agnes?

  (Before she can answer.)

  The effect upon the women especially, this was most noticeable. I don’t think an Englishman could ever play such an Indian. They wouldn’t be able to create the effect—upon the women. An Irishman wouldn’t have a problem, of course, but an English actor—

  RYDER: I—I don’t know.

  BOUCICAULT: With English actors, there’s always a . . . (Turns to Agnes) What am I trying to say, Agnes?

  (She doesn’t respond. He smiles, she does not.)

  TILTON (From the other table): Shame about Mr. Macready.

  BOUCICAULT: I was there, you know. (Shakes his head) Extraordinary. The look on Macready’s face. He—I’m sure—thought they were going to kill him. (Smiles)

  RYDER: I don’t think it’s funny.

  BOUCICAULT: Of course it’s not funny. I didn’t say it was. (Beat) Anyway, I thought he could have kept performing.

  AGNES: Dion—

  BOUCICAULT: It wasn’t that many people for Christ’s sake. But . . . (Beat) Whatever, it’s all part of a day for an actor. (Laughs) Sometimes they love us, sometimes they—

  SCOTT: I think they should have shot him. That’s what I would have liked to see.

  (Fisher stops reading and looks up.)

  TILTON: Come on, that’s—

  SCOTT: I mean it. (Beat) He has no right to be here. People like him have no right. So he gets what he deserves. This is my opinion. (Beat) I mean, why the hell did we fight a war? Why did we fight two wars?! They invade us! We threw them off! We don’t need the goddamn English telling us—

  FISHER: Stop it, Scott.

  SCOTT: American actors for America! I don’t see what is so wrong with that?!

  RYDER: I doubt if the point of those hooligans was to support American actors.

  SCOTT: What hooligans? Who are you calling hooligans? You don’t even know why they did what they did.

  RYDER: And you do?

  SCOTT: If they’re like me, they’re just fed up. You fight war after war—

  TILTON: When did you fight a war? You didn’t fight, Scott.

  SCOTT: I wanted to. But I had a job. I would have if I hadn’t had the job.

  FISHER: Tilton is the only one of us who fought . . .

  TILTON: I fought and I didn’t die. That’s all that’s worth remembering.

  (Beat.)

  SCOTT (Suddenly standing and pointing to Ryder): He took my job!

  FISHER: You cut off your finger!

  SCOTT: I slipped!

  FISHER: Blame Jones too then! He’s got your role too!

  SCOTT: I do blame him! He was a friend. I was nice to him.

  FISHER: But he’s not English.

  SCOTT: He’s from Maryland. I’ve learned in my life never to trust someone from Maryland. I should have listened to myself.

  FISHER: So it’s people from Maryland, people from England. You’re talking nonsense.

  SCOTT: Is it nonsense that when we go to their country, they spit in our face?!

  TILTON: Are you talking Maryland or England now?

  SCOTT (Pointing to Ryder): Ask him, he knows what I’m talking about!

  RYDER: We have never spat in your—

  TILTON (To Scott): When have you ever been to England?

  SCOTT (Pointing to Boucicault and Ryder): You make fun of us! (Turns to Tilton) Don’t be an idiot, Tilton, you know they do! We don’t need them, that’s all I want to say. (Beat) Go home! Leave us alone! We don’t want you! We don’t need you taking our jobs!

  RYDER (To Agnes): All this is about is my playing Macduff—

  TILTON: It’s his accident. Excuse him.

  SCOTT: Don’t apologize—

  TILTON: You’re grouchy, Scott. (Beat) He’s grouchy. (Beat) Ask his wife. Why do you think she let him out? Because he’s been so grouchy. (Tries to laugh. To Scott) If your wife heard you talk like that . . .

  SCOTT: Shut up.

  FISHER: Don’t embarrass yourself!

  (Pause.)

  TILTON: Just a few months ago he was saying how much he wanted to visit England. (To Scott) Weren’t you? (Beat) To visit London. (Beat) It must be very nice.

  (Awkward pause.)

  FISHER (Starting a new conversation, he slaps the manuscript he has been reading) I like this play. I think I could be very interested in appearing in this play.

  (Boucicault smiles at Agnes, then:)

  BOUCICAULT: We’re just talking about the reading at this point. There’s no pay of course. For a reading. I understand this is the practice.

  FISHER: But Hackett you say is interested. Has he mentioned dates?

  BOUCICAULT (Shrugging and looking at Agnes): November?

  FISHER: I might have a problem with that. I might be doing a play in Philadelphia in November. Nothing’s set. But they want me, I know they want me.

  BOUCICAULT: But you’re available for the reading.

  FISHER: The part is Hamlet, am I right?

  BOUCICAULT: None other than—Hamlet. Who doesn’t want to play Hamlet?

  FISHER: Right. (Beat) But it appears that in your play—Hamlet, as far as I can tell, has only about five lines.

  BOUCICAULT: This is true. He comes into Shakespeare’s study and tries to help him figure out what he should do about being in love with his neighbor.

  FISHER: And he does this in five lines.

  BOUCICAULT: The part is Hamlet for God’s sake. (To Agnes) I don’t think I’ve ever met an actor who didn’t want to play Hamlet. (Moves to take the manuscript away) Maybe you’d rather play Romeo.

  FISHER (Taking the script back): How big is Romeo?

  BOUCICAULT: Five, six lines, same as Hamlet.

  FISHER: Maybe I can play them both.

  BOUCICAULT: It’s an interesting thought, but they appear in the same scene. (Opens the script) Here. Romeo arrives in Stratford while Hamlet is still there and tries to find out why Shakespeare isn’t writing anymore. Hamlet of course already knows but he can’t make up his mind whether to tell someone.

  RYDER (Holding up a pitcher of beer, to Scott and Tilt
on): We have some beer.

  (Scott turns away, ignoring him.)

  TILTON: No, thank you.

  FISHER (Continuing): Who played Hamlet in the London production?

  BOUCICAULT: What was his name? A very good actor. The next Kean everyone was saying. He found a lot to do with the part. There’s a lot there.

  FISHER: The next Kean? And he just played Hamlet?

  BOUCICAULT: Just Hamlet. He seemed satisfied.

  FISHER: And Hackett’s definitely interested?

  BOUCICAULT: I’m just talking about a reading.

  FISHER (No longer listening): I like Hackett. And he likes me. (Beat) Still I never thought he’d ever hire me for Hamlet.

  (He starts to look through the script again. Boucicault looks at Agnes and rolls his eyes—all this to cast a small role in a reading.

  Forrest enters.)

  RYDER: There he is! It’s Ned.

  AGNES (To Boucicault): He came.

  FORREST: Forgive me, I forgot where John said you were going to go.

  BOUCICAULT: Sit down, sit down. Here’s a glass.

  (Forrest sits; Boucicault pours him a glass.)

  AGNES: I can’t tell you how much we loved the performance—

  SCOTT (Calling out): Ned!

  (Forrest turns.)

  Ned? (Forrest suddenly gets up)

  FORREST: Mr. Scott, what a surprise! You weren’t in the audience tonight—

  SCOTT: No, no. I wasn’t.

  TILTON: I dragged him out of the house—

  SCOTT: My wife threw me out— (Beat) For the night.

  TILTON: He’d been driving her—

  FORREST: How’s the finger?

  SCOTT: I’m getting better. They say in a few days, I’ll . . .

  FORREST: That’s good to hear. (Beat) You’d be proud of young Jones. He’s doing his best.

  SCOTT: Good. That’s very good to hear. (Beat) They really say that in a few days—

  FORREST: Let me buy you a drink.

  SCOTT: No, no, please, it’s I who should—

  FORREST: What are you drinking? Here. (Puts money on the table) You’re looking great. (Smiles and goes back to his table. Short pause)

  BOUCICAULT: I enjoyed tonight a great deal.

  (Forrest nods.)

  It made me think perhaps I should try my hand at an American theme. (Turns to Ryder) Maybe an Indian play as well.

  AGNES: It seemed very authentic.

  (Forrest turns and looks at Fisher, who looks up.)

  FISHER: Mr. Boucicault’s play. He wants me to play Hamlet.