Whimsy and Woe

by Rebecca McRitchie

  ‘Do you have any mirrors?’ she heard her brother ask loudly somewhere in the store. Picking up the suitcases she moved as silently as she could through Bill’s and Will’s.

  Woe hoped his sister had realised what he was doing. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep it up.

  ‘This one?’ asked Bill from his ladder. He pointed to one of the several ornate mirrors that lined the wall.

  Woe shook his head. ‘The one at the far end.’ Out of the corner of his eye, he tried to find Whimsy. Then he saw movement from behind a ceramic vase. Whimsy was slowly making her way towards the door.

  ‘What do ye children need these for?’ the pirate asked suddenly. He stepped down from his ladder and put the ornate mirror aside. He stood in front of Woe, his eye looking him up and down suspiciously.

  Woe hesitated. He hadn’t thought that far ahead. But now the pirate stood between him and the door. Bill loomed over him.

  ‘We are collectors,’ Woe tried.

  Then the man’s face turned into a scowl. ‘You can’t bluff me, boy,’ he said angrily. Then Bill dived towards him. Quickly, Woe jumped out of the pirate’s reach. He turned and ran through the store, dodging and diving around the broken antiques. He ran past the ceramic vase and joined Whimsy who was hiding expertly behind an orange lounge. They looked at each other and let their situation sink in. What were they going to do? They were trapped in a store with a pirate who they had just tried to bluff.

  Then shivers went up their spines as the room filled with the pirate’s loud cackling laugh.

  31

  In which a whistle brings wings

  ‘Come out, come out, wherever ye are,’ called the pirate. Then suddenly there were loud bangs and crashes as Whimsy and Woe heard objects hit the floor. Eloise squeaked in alarm from Whimsy’s pocket.

  Stealthily, Woe looked out from behind the lounge. He couldn’t see Bill but he saw collectibles go flying from where the man was angrily searching for them. The pirate was still too close to the door. ‘We need to wait until he moves further away,’ Woe whispered, turning back to his sister.

  Whimsy shook her head. ‘We need to keep moving,’ she said, ‘or he’ll find us.’

  ‘Find us?’ replied Woe disbelievingly.

  He was right. What the pirate didn’t know was that thanks to their parents, she and her brother were unusually good at hide-and-seek. Whimsy felt her stomach pinch at the memory of the last time they had played hide-and-seek, only to discover their parents gone. With resolve, Whimsy looked around her hiding spot. She found a small paperweight, picked it up and threw it as far as she could towards the back of the store. It clanged loudly.

  Woe recognised the skill they had learnt over the years to trick the ‘seeker’ into thinking the ‘hider’ was somewhere else, allowing the hider to move. It had worked because the loud bangs and crashes of objects behind them came to an abrupt halt. The store was silent. Woe peeked out from behind the lounge. He could see Bill standing a few feet away from their hiding spot. He had stopped his trail of destruction and was now looking towards the back of the store.

  Woe turned back to his sister. They held their breath.

  But instead of moving towards the back of the store as they had hoped, the pirate spoke.

  ‘Two on one is hardly fair,’ he called out into the store. ‘I think it’s time ye met Will.’ Then he let out a short, sharp whistle.

  Whimsy and Woe looked at each other in alarm. They had forgotten all about the other store co-owner. If escaping one pirate was bad enough, then what were they going to do about escaping two?

  A loud, high-pitched shriek echoed around the store. But it wasn’t a human shriek. Whimsy and Woe looked up from their hiding place to see a glimpse of a darkly feathered wing glide across the ceiling.

  ‘Find them,’ the pirate said. There was a squawk and the sound of large wings batting the air.

  Will was a bird? Suddenly their plan of playing hide-and-seek for as long as they could had to be cut short. If they waited where they were, Will would surely find them. They needed another plan. Whimsy motioned to her brother and the two of them slid underneath the lounge, out of sight of the bird they could hear flying overhead.

  ‘He’s still too close to the door,’ Woe whispered, displeased.

  Then Whimsy remembered the rose trinket box. She looked around the store. The display case wasn’t far away. She could see it from her hiding spot. She took a deep breath and handed Eloise to Woe. It was now or never.

  ‘Get to the door,’ Whimsy said to Woe. ‘Don’t wait for me.’ Then before Woe could do anything, his sister slipped out from beneath the lounge and ran through the store. Woe almost cried out to her but stopped himself.

  Whimsy raced through the aisles as fast as she could. She headed straight for the display case, dodging everything in her path. The bird screeched loudly overhead. It had seen her. She pushed forward and stopped at the display case. Reaching inside she grabbed the rose trinket box and opened it. Ahead of her, Will the bird came swooping around the corner of a tower of linen. It was the largest bird Whimsy had ever seen. Its sharp talons glimmered dangerously as it flew towards her. Quickly, she grabbed the handful of crackers and threw them into the air back behind the bird. Will saw the crackers go flying past him and swooped around in a circle away from Whimsy and towards the shower of crackers.

  ‘Squawk!’

  Whimsy turned and caught her brother’s gaze. He had moved out from under the lounge and stood crouched with their belongings by a group of old typewriters, watching her worriedly. She gave him a smile. Her plan had worked. She was about to make a run for the door when Bill the pirate stepped out from behind the tower of linen in front of her. Whimsy backed away from him.

  ‘Time to give me that necklace, girly,’ Bill said.

  Woe watched as Bill cornered his sister. Eloise squeaked worriedly from his shoulder. Think Woe, he chastised himself. What could he do? He saw Bill hobble closer to Whimsy. Then Woe noticed it. The hobble. It looked like the pirate was placing more weight on his right leg than his left. A peg leg, Woe thought triumphantly. Hastily, he looked around him. He saw something that just might work. A big, round wooden bowling ball sat atop a broken chandelier. He ran to it and lifted it. It was so heavy that it almost took all the strength he had just to carry it. He moved to where there was a clear path between him and the pirate, who was moving closer and closer towards his sister. Gritting his teeth, Woe drew back his arm and threw the ball as hard, fast and straight as he could. It rumbled along the ground and with a loud clunk, hit the pirate square in the leg. With a loud cry, Bill toppled over, grabbing onto the nearest thing, which happened to be a large stack of heavy books that quickly collapsed in a heavy heap on top of him.

  Woe almost cheered with glee. Whimsy stared at her brother, her face a mixture of shock, pride and happiness. A groan came from the pile of books that now covered the menacing pirate in front of her. Hurriedly, she jumped over the heaving mountain of mouldy books, and together with Woe and all their prized possessions, she raced out of Bill’s and Will’s and into the welcoming daylight of Cleeth Bay.

  32

  In which they notice a noticeboard

  They ran along the walkway and kept running until it ended. Bent over and puffing, they looked around them. People continued with what they were doing, completely unaware that Whimsy and Woe had just narrowly escaped the clutches of a fearsome pirate and his pet bird. Children continued to run about happily with balloons, artists continued drawing tourists on the pier that jutted out from the walkway, families continued playing their games on the beach and the steam organ continued to puff its happy tune. Whimsy and Woe looked behind them. Amongst the crowds on the busy walkway there was no sign of an angry Bill or a squawking Will running or flying towards them. The Mordaunt siblings breathed a sigh of relief.

  Whimsy couldn’t believe they had just escaped an actual pirate. And they had managed to keep all of their treasures. She reached ove
r to her brother’s shoulder and grabbed Eloise. She was glad the mouse was kept safely away from the sharp talons of Bill’s bird.

  Woe was happy that they were as far away from Bill’s and Will’s as they could be without diving into the sea. He used to love the stories his mother would tell them about pirates and Captain Bluff, but now he thought he would be perfectly happy never to hear about another pirate again.

  At the end of the walkway, Whimsy and Woe saw that they stood below a wooden signpost. It had signs that pointed in four different directions. One sign on the signpost pointed to the walkway behind them and read WALKWAY, one pointed to the beach on their right and read BEACH, one pointed to the houses that lined the cliff in front of them and read RESIDENCES, and one read NOTICE and pointed to a small noticeboard nearby.

  ‘Which way should we go?’ Whimsy asked.

  ‘I think the walkway is out of the question,’ replied Woe, looking over his shoulder once more to make sure that neither Bill nor Will were behind them.

  Whimsy looked over at the beach. She watched as other children their age splashed happily about in the water, not needing to worry about being chased by a gold-loving pirate, or a greedy mayor who wanted to buy them. She realised that she wanted that too. She was tired. The bright sand that glinted in the sun suddenly seemed soft like a cloud. Just for a moment, she didn’t want to worry about pirates and mayors. Determinedly, she stepped off the Cleeth Bay walkway and onto the sand.

  ‘Whimsy?’ Woe said questioningly as he watched his sister stride across the beach, sit down in the sand and take off her shoes. He followed her with their suitcases, one eye still warily on the walkway.

  Laying down on the sand, Whimsy closed her eyes and let the sun’s rays warm her. She remembered the last time their parents had taken them to the beach. Their father had forgotten to pack their towels and insisted that seaweed was an excellent replacement. They then had a seaweed fight and afterwards they had laid down on the sand and made sand angels.

  Whimsy moved her arms up and down at either side of her.

  Woe saw what his sister was doing and at last he understood. Forgetting about Bill and Will, he took off his shoes, laid down on the sand and did the same.

  Together they stayed on the beach for long, precious minutes, soaking up the warmth of the sun, dipping their toes in the cool water and thinking of their parents. It was only when a cloud dulled the sunlight that Whimsy and Woe got up, put their shoes back on and continued where they left off.

  Back on the walkway they stood in front of the noticeboard. It was staked into the ground and plastered with many colourful advertisements. Interested, they read a few of them. One of the advertisements had a picture of a house with the words: Come one, come all to the Fancy Fried Feast Food House — we have fancy fried food all the fancy fried time! Another read: MISSING — Bonnie the blue fish who jumped from her bowl and was never to be seen again. REWARD — Barty the red fish who is a terrible replacement.

  Then Whimsy had an idea. What if the travelling troupe had performed in Cleeth Bay like they had in Boole? ‘Let’s look through all of them,’ she said to her brother. ‘If the travelling troupe performed here —’

  ‘This might tell us,’ finished Woe. ‘All right, but let’s hurry in case Bill and Will come looking for us.’

  Woe searched the papers on his side of the board. Another flyer read: Have you heard the strange noise coming from the sea at night? Contact The Snoopers. A black and gold leaflet read: THE SQUID INN — Home of the world’s only brunchfast — breakfast, lunch and brunch together all at once! Woe’s stomach grumbled at the thought of brunchfast. He made a mental note to visit the Squid Inn. Another flyer simply had a drawing of a cat on it with the words, Aren’t they great friends? Woe grimaced. ‘I should introduce you to Vulture,’ he said to the flyer.

  Whimsy wasn’t having much luck either. She searched through the pages of the Cleeth Bay Newsletter that was stapled to the board. But besides several bad cases of sunburn and the odd mention of water safety, there didn’t seem to be much happening in the way of theatre in Cleeth Bay. She noticed that the papers stapled beneath the newsletter were yellowing. ‘Some of these have been here a really long time,’ she said, running her hands over the old and worn pieces of paper on the back of the board. Still nothing mentioned a travelling troupe. Then an old green flyer stuck to the bottom corner of the board caught her eye. It read simply: Theatre on the Pier. See Pierre Von Tyne. 18 Stone Way. Whimsy plucked it from the noticeboard. It looked many years old but it was their only lead. She showed it to Woe and with a nod from him and a squeak from Eloise, they picked up their suitcases and headed in the direction of the sign that read RESIDENCES, in search of 18 Stone Way.

  33

  In which Whimsy and Woe make a surprising discovery

  The house at 18 Stone Way sat squished between the much larger buildings of 16 Stone Way and 20 Stone Way in a dark lane not far from the beach. It was tall, thin and decidedly crooked. Its windows were covered with what looked like old newspaper pages.

  Whimsy and Woe stood outside the slanting house, thinking.

  ‘I’m not sure about this,’ Woe said eyeing the strange abode before them. It looked as though the house had been abandoned years ago and it reminded him of the trap set by the evil Count Hert in Bertie Potts: Spy King.

  ‘It’s our only lead,’ said Whimsy, though deep down she agreed with her brother. Her mind swirled with the possibilities of what could be behind the lopsided brown door in front of them. Pierre? A warlock? Nothing?

  Hesitantly, Whimsy and Woe walked up to the door. They noticed a small gold plaque covered in cobwebs on the wall next to the doorbell. Whimsy rang the doorbell and Woe wiped his hand across the plaque. It read: GEORGE BALLENTINE ACCOUNTING. You can count on George!

  ‘Ballentine?’ Woe read, surprised. ‘As in . . .’

  The lopsided brown door opened slowly. A man peered around the doorframe. He was dressed in a bright red suit, had a small face and long hair pulled back into a ponytail. He looked just like Miss Ballentine.

  ‘Yes?’ he said softly.

  Whimsy couldn’t help but ask the first question that came to mind. ‘Excuse me, are you related to Adele Ballentine?’

  The man looked off to the side as though he was trying to remember. Then he looked behind Whimsy and Woe and around Stone Way in a quick manner, almost as though he had suddenly heard something or expected someone to appear.

  Woe glanced behind him. There wasn’t anybody there.

  ‘Would you like to come inside?’ he asked, opening the door further and extending an arm out towards them. ‘It’s a bit windy out there.’

  Whimsy and Woe looked at each other. The air around them was still. There wasn’t even a slight breeze. Cautiously, they nodded and stepped inside. Once in, Whimsy almost tripped over what looked to be a large iron chain. Following it, the children saw that one end was attached to the opposite wall while the other was clasped tightly around one of George Ballentine’s ankles.

  George closed the door and saw them looking at his ankle. ‘Oh, this old thing,’ he said casually before shuffling down a hallway ahead of them.

  The inside of 18 Stone Way looked much like the outside in that it was dark and falling apart. Unlike the outside, there were filing cabinets along the walls and pieces of paper covered the floor and furniture. He showed them to the lounge room and mumbled his apologies about the mess. He cleared away the papers on a few chairs so they could all sit down. Woe spotted calculators in odd places like inside an empty vase and on a dinner plate. To his left, there was a single photograph on the wall.

  ‘Is my sister enjoying herself?’ he asked cheerily from his chair opposite them.

  Enjoying herself? Whimsy and Woe wouldn’t exactly call staying at the Idle Slug a joyful experience.

  ‘Enjoying herself?’ Woe repeated, confused.

  ‘On holiday,’ George said, matter-of-factly.

  Whimsy and Woe looked at ea
ch other once more. On holiday?

  Then from his pocket, George pulled out a postcard and handed it to them. ‘She sent me this a few years ago.’ On the front of the postcard was a black and white picture of a tropical island. Woe turned it over and scrawled on the back of it were the words I’m on holiday — A.

  From his place on the chair, George looked at them expectantly. Whimsy hesitated. She wasn’t sure how to answer, given that they had actually left Miss Ballentine and Mr Abernathy in the cruel hands of their aunt. But the man in front of her seemed desperate for good news so she nodded reassuringly and said, ‘Yes, she is having a . . . a wonderful time.’

  George visibly relaxed in his chair. Woe noticed the faded and smudged stamp in the top right-hand corner of the postcard. Were they wings? He made a mental note to remember it and handed the postcard to George who put it back in his pocket.

  Woe wondered how long George had been chained to his house. Who had chained him up? Why? And how did Adele end up at the Idle Slug if George thought she was on holiday?

  ‘We were actually looking for Pierre Von Tyne,’ said Whimsy holding up the green flyer. ‘We found this on the noticeboard at the beach.’

  George looked at the flyer and smiled. ‘I am Pierre Von Tyne.’

  34

  In which Whimsy and Woe meet ‘Pierre Von Tyne’

  Whimsy and Woe weren’t sure what to say. George Ballentine, Miss Ballentine’s brother, was Pierre Von Tyne? They tried not to look at each other in confusion for a third time in case George noticed. Instead they waited for him to explain himself. But seconds ticked by and he didn’t. He simply sat opposite them and smiled.