The Damned of Lost Creek

by Danae Ayusso

  That is one cocky bitch.

  “Keep watch?” I asked.

  She nodded then stretched out on the floor and rested her head on her paws and watched me pull my shirt off.

  I discovered the black punching bag hanging in an empty stall when Shep gave me the dollar tour around the house and property. At Footlocker, I tossed a three pack of boxing wraps on the counter when Price wasn’t looking; the white ones would work tonight. Three-quarter length workout pants, sports bra, shoes, and wraps was good enough to punch on a bag for a little bit. Anything to help organize my thoughts and head.

  Each hit, each hissed breath that escaped my lips with every punch I threw, pulled me into a deep trance of contentment. With the force of each blow, a tiny bit of stress and frustration was pulled from me and slammed into the leather bag I was working over like Balboa in preparation for the comeback fight. The repetition of each movement separated me from the present and from the past, putting me in a fog of contentment and mental disconnect, almost as if I was in another world that hung between reality and something else.

  It was exactly what I needed, even if I hadn’t figured out a single answer to any of the questions plaguing me.

  Self-therapy could apparently only do so much before even that abandoned me. The way he acted at school, his sudden indifference and almost cockiness, it wasn’t like him in the least. Did I effectively freak him out, freak out the figment of my imagination that I called upon when I needed to vent or feel a sense of security that only he could make me feel, by venting on Price about him? Was it supposed to be a secret? Can you have secrets with yourself? With something, someone, that doesn’t even exist?

  The answer should be no, but I’m realizing that yes, yes you can and when you ruin that secrecy and tell another you lose the one you needed more than anything at the moment.

  Perhaps he’s gone because you don’t need him anymore.

  “You said you didn’t even know who I was talking about,” I hissed, working the bag.

  I don’t. Price said something and being the genius between us I figured it out. You’re cheating on me with another delusion, another voice, only this one is projected instead of internal. You have officially reached a whole higher level of bat shit crazy.

  “Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

  Because you’re crazy. Remember, cat lady between 11th and 12th off Huntingdon?

  “I’m not a fucking crazy cat lady, you snooty bitch,” I grumbled.

  So says the person that is having a conversation with them self while beating on a bag as if it’s a slab of cow? If you get locked up for being insane, that means I get locked up for you being insane. I am rather enjoying this new freedom, in case you hadn’t noticed. Why do you think I’ve been good? I like it here, as whitewashed and hickish as it is, I like it. Daddy isn’t bad, and he isn’t what I was expecting.

  “No shit,” I agreed. “The entire train ride, when you weren’t fighting with Cinder Dick, I was terrified that the man we now belonged to like some piece of property would be just like the crackhead back in Philly.”

  I know. But in Philly we had some connections and places to go to seek refuge. What was there for us in Montana?

  “Exactly. The sense of adventure was slightly appealing, but there were too many variables that it scared the hell out of me,” I admitted.

  It terrified me.

  “That has to be a first.”

  Yes, it was. That’s why I asked Cinder Dick, but he blew us off... I should have kicked that fucker in the balls sooner.

  “No shit. I was tempted to a few times. Well played by doing it so beautifully and theatrically,” I said.

  Thank you. I take that as a compliment since you’re usually bitching about my crotch grabbing.

  “Calling him a rent-a-cop lookin’ sonuvabitch was, quite possibly, the funniest thing you’ve ever said,” I admitted.

  Again, thank you.

  “By the time we reached Sioux Falls I was picturing in my head a short, skinny, crackhead with more open sores on his face than a Meth Awareness commercial.”

  Don’t forget the orange teeth, half of which were missing.

  “Or the greasy hair sticking up every direction with large bald spots from pulling on the thinning, oily strands while tweeking-”

  And picking at his face and arms like all tweekers do, while he waited for us to get off the train. Not to mention, this tweeker in my head was ready to try to tap his daughter’s ass…

  “Ew, I think I just threw up in my mouth,” I said, grabbing the swaying bag.

  In all fairness, it was a long train ride, we hadn’t eaten, slept, and was scared. You know how paranoid I get when facing the unknown.

  “True, and I appreciate that about you,” I admitted.

  Mark that one on the calendar.

  “Shut up, Bitch. Honestly, I think Mr. Smith tracking down Price is going to be the best thing that has ever happened to us, and the only bit of luck that we’ve ever had. Even though we’re surrounded by woods, and they apparently want to eat us, my mental well-being hasn’t improved in the least, and if anything is getting worse, but I feel safe here.”

  We feel safe. It’s weird. Never did I think we’d feel that, and it’s messing with me. Even after nearly three months of it, I’m still waiting for shit to hit the fan.

  “Paranoid as always,” I commented. “I don’t think there’s anything that can take this from us, Justice. We’ve been longing to know, experience, feel this type of safety for so long that I’m not about to give it up without a fight.”

  That makes two of us, Sis.

  “I want to play.”

  I stopped in mid-punch and looked to the open barn doors.

  This little bitch is starting to get on my last nerve.

  Cujo got to her feet and joined me, her top lip snarling up over her glistening fangs.

  “I told you, I don’t want to play with your stanky ass,” I reminded the little blonde girl watching me. “Besides, I have enough crazy shit to deal with at the moment and adding you to the long list will only piss me off more than I already am.”

  Her brows pulled together and her pouty lips snarled. “I want to play,” she sneered. “You will play with me.”

  I returned to punching on the bag, but I watched her from the corner of my eye in case she attacked; I wanted to be ready to run or fight back. “I’m warning you now, Creepy Little White Bitch, you’re going to bring Justice out and I promise you won’t like it when you do,” I warned.

  Dandy looked around the doorway, her irritation clearly visible on her face. “There is more than one of you,” she commented.

  “Yup,” I agreed. “Justice is a ruthless bitch that will slice your throat given the chance. Consider yourself lucky that I’m keeping her back… For now. Keep popping in and bugging me, I’ll change my mind and sic her on you.”

  Dandy smirked. “I welcome her attempt. You will play with me, and you will lose. They always lose,” she warned.

  Let me kill her. Please, please, please let me kill her.

  “Not yet,” I said, punching even faster and harder, trying to give a clear and unmistakable warning to the little girl testing Justice’s patience that we aren’t one to be messed with. “We’ve seen and dealt with bigger bad asses in Philly. Some little bitch lost in the woods won’t beat us, and she sure in the hell can’t compete on this level.” I grabbed the swaying punching bag and looked at seething little girl. “What do you want?”

  Her head tilted to the side and she looked at me curiously.

  Even Cujo looked at me.

  “What do you mean?” Dandy asked.

  Are you seriously going to go all therapist on this bitch?

  If I do and it doesn’t work, you have permission to kill her.

  Excellent!

  Creepy bitch.

  Of course Justice laughed.

  “You want something,” I said. “What? Why are you bugging the shit out of me, trying to get
me to play with you? There has to be a reason. Are you bored, is that it?”

  Dandy snorted.

  “You are, aren’t you?” I surmised. “I’m sorry you’re bored, but I’m the last person you should want to play with. I’m not all there in the head, as you’ve noticed, and I have enough shit to deal with at the moment. You should get a puppy or goldfish or something if you want someone to talk to.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “You will play with me, or I’ll play with him,” she warned.

  “Him?”

  “The French one,” she sneered with a smirk.

  Now it was my turn; my eyes narrowed and nostrils flared.

  Dandy smiled; she found my weakness. “Yes, I will play with him.”

  Don’t let her get to you.

  “It’ll be a little hard to do since he’s a child of the sun,” I said.

  Wait, what?

  I have a theory.

  Dandy snarled.

  That’s what I thought.

  “Take your rank ass back to whatever hole you crawled out of,” I warned. “This is your last warning. The next will be bathed in blood, yours.”

  Let see if that shuts the little bitch up.

  Dandy snarled and a black, viscous substance dripped from her lips and down her chin, staining her light blue dress and white apron and petticoat. “You will play with me,” she warned. “I will take from them what was taken from me, one way or another you will play,” she snarled, touching the doorframe to brace herself against it as her body shook. The moment her hands touched the wood, she recoiled with a hiss and smoke rose from her skin. “This is not over,” she warned.

  I snorted. “From my perspective this conversation was over the moment you opened your mouth. Shoo, be gone,” I said, dismissively waving her away and turned my attention to the punching bag and started pounding on it again.

  Dandy screamed in frustration before throwing herself through the doorway, trying to get me, and she was rebounded by an invisible force and went flying through the air in the opposite direction before disappearing in the darkness.

  Huh, that was interesting.

  “Something we should talk to someone about,” I said.

  No, you will not tell anyone about this. The damn dog is already looking at us as if we’re fucking insane. Could you imagine what the others would say if they knew? Knew that we saw shut that isn’t really there? That no one else sees? Daddy and Simian didn’t see her at the greasy spoon, only we did.

  “But they saw the scratches on the glass,” I argued.

  Did they? We saw them but they never said what they saw. Daddy was pissed because of you freaking out. That’s what he went to deal with, not what they may or may not have seen, or what we saw or didn’t see. Haven’t you figured that out yet? They aren’t seeing any of the shit that we are. There’s a reason for that, and I’m not about to let you ruin this for us, for me. I’ll give you your French fuck that you are hiding from me. Have him. I don’t like white guys and you know that, so have fun. But you will not take the only home we’ve ever known, the only safety we’ve ever had, because you can’t keep your damn mouth shut. Do you understand me?

  Justice terrifies me when she gets like that, but I can understand her position. And, in theory, it mirrored mine on the subject but I was too scared to admit it.

  Sometimes she was worth having around and other times I wanted to hang a sign on her that says Free to Any Home.

  Funny.

  Sometimes.

  Cujo barked and it startled me. I spun around with my fists up, ready to give Dandy the beat down of a lifetime. But instead of the creepy little white girl, it was Shep standing there. He was staring at me with his mouth hanging open and eyes wide. The open garage doors behind him had sunlight coming through them, and Nick was loading the back of the SUV tractor thing with bales of hay for the foals. Shep was dressed in a pair of cotton workout shorts, wife beater, shoes, and his hands were wrapped. Slung over his shoulder was a pair of boxing gloves, and in his hand was a jug of water.

  Oh great. It’s the lost puppy.

  “Good morning,” I greeted with a smile.

  Shep offered a small wave. “Morning. How long have you been out here?” he asked, looking between me and the blood and sweat soaked wraps on my hands.

  I shrugged. “What time is it?”

  “Nearly six.”

  No shit? No wonder we’re starving and ready for a nap.

  “Since midnight,” I sheepishly admitted.

  His mouth fell open with a popping sound. “Are you serious!? Aren’t you exhausted?”

  I pushed my sweat soaked hair back with a shrug. “I guess. When I get sucked into my head, sometimes there’s no getting out of it. I hope you don’t mind. I needed to work some things out that were keeping me up in a violent means. I’ll wipe the bag down.” I cringed, eying the blood and sweat covering the midsection of the punching bag.

  It looked as if it was a weapon in a slasher flick.

  “I’m sorry,” I apologized. “I didn’t realize I needed to change my wraps.”

  Shep shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll clean it up. Why didn’t you ask for some gloves? I have extras.”

  I blushed, embarrassed. “I hadn’t thought to ask. I wasn’t sure if it was your bag or what. After the extreme makeover I figured it belonged to someone else.”

  His mouth fell open and he softly swatted me in the arm. “Sorry,” he instantly apologized.

  “It’s okay. I’m getting better at the whole people touching me thing,” I assured him. “If I trust you, it takes a lot to get me to swing at you. Obviously I trust you,” I teased.

  If he touches us again I’m going to finish what the other dude started.

  Shut up, hateful bitch. Shep’s a nice guy and he’s super sweet. Too sweet for my liking, but sweet nonetheless. The last sweet guy we had in our lives was Papi-

  Ay Papi. Damn, I miss his fine dark ass. We really need to give him a call, let him know we’re alive. See if one of the quiet ones will let you use their computer so you can email everyone and let them know you’re alive. I’m sure they’re tripping out that we’re gone and they haven’t heard from us in almost three months.

  True.

  “Mikey?” Shep asked, waving his hand in front of my face.

  “Huh?” I asked.

  Shep chuckled. “Silly girl, come on. Let’s get you cleaned up before Price wakes to find you missing. That’s all I don’t need on my day off!” He dramatically rolled his eyes, and I laughed. “I swear you’re going to be the death of me.”

  “I hope not. That’d suck,” I informed him.

  “Aw, and here I thought you didn’t care,” he teased.

  Smart ass.

  “You want your ass kicked, huh?” I asked, giving him a look.

  Give him to Dandy to play with. He’s her type, I’m sure.

  Shut up. I’m not giving Shep to a demonic little bitch haunting the woods with a hardon for blondes… Actually.

  Now you’re talking!

  Shut up.

  Shep smooched his lips together in a single-sided kiss that made me blush.

  I started towards him when my head started spinning.

  Hours of running on pure adrenaline took its toll on me, and now that it’s out of my system, I’m running on empty.

  My eyes rolled back and my knees buckled.

  I collapsed to the ground.

  “Mikhail!” Shep cried out.

  I expected to hit the dirt and straw covered wood plank floor, but I didn’t.

  My eyes rolled around in my head and it took a few seconds, the longest seconds of my life, before I focused on the panicked face that was so close to mine that I could taste his peppermint toothpaste on my tongue.

  Ew, ew, ew. Get away from us!

  Somehow, Shep caught me and pulled me into his arms, cradling me protectively against his chest.

  Does everything in Montana move as if they’re in a vampire movie? The
re’s no way he was able to get over to us that fast.

  I don’t think… I didn’t see him or how he did it.

  Trust me, it wasn’t normal.

  “Can you hear me?” Shep asked.

  “Yeah, I hear you. There’s no need to yell…” my words trailed off.

  Wait, he’s touching me.

  Why are your arms around his neck?

  It was a natural reaction, I think.

  “You’re touching me,” I said, stating the obvious.

  He nodded. “Sorry. Did you want me to drop you on your butt?” he asked, unsure.

  I snorted, shaking my head. “No. You’re touching me and I’m not freaking out. I’m not throwing up in my mouth over the contact and Justice isn’t readying to cut-a-bitch. That’s major,” I informed him.

  Shep blushed.

  “Shep, this is a big step for me. It means I trust you on a much higher level, and that I feel safe with you. That’s major.”

  Shep sat down on one of the benches and put me down next to him. “That’s a good thing, right?”

  I shrugged and nodded at the same time.

  Honestly, I’m not sure.

  I’m sure and I don’t like it! If he touches us again, I’m cutting him.

  Shut up. You’re just in a mood because of Dandy. Next time, if you promise to play nice with Shep, you can kill her. Okay?

  Deal, for now.

  “Mikey?” he asked, trying to get my attention.

  “Usually it takes months or years, and sometimes never,” I said, looking at him. “Before I’m comfortable enough around someone to allow them to touch me. I’ve been getting better since being here, because I feel safe I guess, for the first time in my life that I can remember. I can’t promise you that I won’t accidentally knee you in the balls, but I’ll try not to. You’re good people, Misha, and I appreciate that you’ve been here for me and have had patience with me.”

  Shep nodded. “I’ll never do anything to hurt you, Mikhail,” he promised, his sparkling blue eyes working over my face many times. “You’re safe now, and believe it or not, there isn’t one person in this family that wouldn’t give up everything, even their life, in order to protect you.”

  Whatever. That’s bullshit if I’ve ever heard it. Can I cut him now?