In the Dark

by Iris Sweetwater

  “I am not sure I understand the question you’re asking,” he said slowly, looking up towards the oranges of the sunset thoughtfully. “I guess a lot of them for me are stories, but some are like movies in my head. I think it depends on how much the memory meant to you, but I also guess some brains work differently. I don’t really understand what’s wrong, though. What does this have to do with you?” he questioned.

  Alex didn’t know exactly how to explain. She started with something more direct; that she saw an angel in the clocktower and was living a real-life Groundhog Day. She didn’t know if he would even compute that at all. “I was looking through some old photos today. I feel like the memories that go with them are just memorized stories. I don’t feel anything or see anything when I think about it. I mean, I see the picture in front of me. I know it happened. But I can’t connect to it. I can’t tell you, other than that moment when the picture was taken, how I felt; if it was a happy or a sad memory.”

  “Damn it,” she added under her breath as she felt a hot tear hit her cheek.

  “Keep your chin up. I know things must seem hard right now. I can understand how growing up gets tough. It makes us feel disconnected from who we once were, while we are finding out who we will be. You know I am scared to death of leaving here and not following in my parents’ footsteps with the bakery, having a different life away from them. It will get better. Wait…is this about a boy too, have you finally met a guy?”

  He would go there, wouldn’t he?

  Alex laughed and shook her head, knowing this was all lost on him, but maybe she could at least confide in him just a little. Her thoughts went to the mysterious angel she had met, and her cheeks got hot thinking about him and the way he looked.

  “I guess there was a boy of sorts, but I don’t even know his name,” she said, letting herself relax against the bench. “He’s also kind of different from anyone I have ever met.”

  “Well, it was always going to be that way with you, wasn’t it?” Wesley teased, ready to pry her for information about the guy. Alex had to be careful what she said. This was not her secret to tell, the fact that he is some kind of angel.

  “I guess you’re right. They can’t all be you,” Alex teased back, allowing herself to feel a bit normal for the first time in days. It wasn’t a crime, even if things would never be normal again. “He’s older, I think. He has facial hair and tattoos. He’s mysterious,” she told him, leaving out the part about his wings or that she met him up in the clock tower. Instinctively, though, she glanced up, wondering if he could hear and see them. She suddenly felt self-conscious. “It’s nothing. I don’t even know if I will see him again or that he likes me, it was just a moment.”

  “Isn’t that what all of life is; moments?” Wesley asked, not knowing enough about what was going on to realize how sinister that sounded reverberating through the corners of Alexandra’s mind.

  “You’re right about that. I don’t know. I am sorry. I just have not been myself lately.”

  “That’s okay. I will always be here to remind you of how you are.” Alex couldn’t let the smile that came reach her eyes because the truth was, she didn’t know he could back that statement up, whether it was because he’d be leaving for college or because of what might happen when she got her answers about the repeating days.

  The two of them talked and laughed until late; until they both said they needed to get back. Only, Alexandra wasn’t going to go back home just yet. She acted like she was and then came back around, finding to her surprise and relief that the door leading up to the tower was unlocked again. Someone really needed to get better at their job, just in case someone, that wasn’t her, would take advantage of this and use it for nefarious intentions.

  This time, she didn’t feel as winded as she wound her way up, going as fast as she could. She was out of breath when she got to the top and paused just shy of the top step to catch her breath before coming up through the hole. Part of her was afraid that he wouldn’t be there. And she didn’t know if she could take that. Sure, it might make her life simpler and make it go back to normal if he was gone if he wasn’t real. Then, she would never get to ask all the questions she had about him. She would never get to know him, and she wanted to so badly.

  Alex had no need to worry because there he was, already in the moonlight and waiting on her, surveying her. She was rendered speechless once again. Would she ever get used to this creature’s appearance?

  She didn’t know what was more mesmerizing; his black wings, or the way his eyes flashed with the hint of flames, that danced from within his dark soul. This was a tortured being, locked up here for something. She could tell that much. But why? And were there others? Did he have a name?

  “You came back. You can still see me,” he observed with no emotion in his voice. For some reason that seemed to hurt her feelings. It really shouldn’t have, but it did.

  “Yes, I did what you said. I paid attention. I got very sick for a while, though, as I tried to. I think something or someone was trying to make me forget. I don’t think I could forget an angel like you, though,” she told him boldly, covering her mouth like it had escaped her lips of its own volition.

  “What makes you so sure I am an angel?” he asked her with an eyebrow raised. She sat down with him, only a foot away as if inviting herself to have a conversation. She wasn’t leaving, no matter how late it was until he told her something worth hearing.

  “Your wings, your eyes, I think they make it pretty clear.”

  “But couldn’t I be a demon?” he asked, that fire in his eyes flashing for just a moment as if to scare her. It didn’t. She felt like it was a trick to get her to react.

  “I guess so, but I don’t believe that. My heart tells me you’re not that. But I would like to know who you are. If I am to give you information, then you should give me some in return. I am all alone in this, and if I don’t talk to someone else who knows, I am going to lose it. I get the feeling you need me.” Her voice sounded stronger than she was used to, and he chuckled as he relaxed, sitting with her, with the chains loose at his back.

  “Are you sure it isn’t just about how I look to you, that I am appealing. I can’t give you what you want from me, like that,” he told her, and Alex felt her cheeks getting red again. It was likely too dark for him to see, though.

  “So, you did hear that. I was just making conversation. All I want are answers to my questions.”

  “You say so, but I find, myself doubting….and disappointed.” His eyes bored into hers, and she felt stuck, frozen in place as if he was holding her there, and she might fall into nothingness if he ever looked away. Alex didn’t dare ask what he meant because she was afraid she might ruin the connection they so clearly had. No matter the reason for it, she wasn’t so keen on breaking it. Even if she never did get to touch his chest, his hands, his lips…

  “So, can you tell me something about yourself, what you are, why you’re here?” she asked in a wobbling voice.

  “You were right about what I am, for the most part. I am an angel, a certain kind of one, but that is a discussion for another time when we know more about what is going on. My name is Amon,” he said, offering her just enough and gesturing that it was her turn to speak.

  “Amon,” she tried his name out on her tongue. “So, every day is the same. Everyone here wears the same thing, does the same thing. The only one changing or moving is me, and even sometimes I catch myself trying to do that same thing. I have to force myself not to. It’s gotten easier after being sick, but it’s not a perfect system. And the news, I watch the same news stories every night. Do you know at the news is?” she asked as an afterthought. He was locked up in a clock tower, after all.

  “Of course, I know what the news is. I may be in chains, but I oversee the human species here day in and day out. I have for a ….well, let’s say a long time, now. It does seem there is a problem with time, then.” It seemed more like he was talking to himself again.

  “
I guess you talk to yourself a lot since you are all alone?” Alex asked him, getting him to meet her eyes again. The feeling it gave her was like a drug. Was this love at first sight, was it a spell that angels could put humans under?

  “I can’t tell if you mean that as an insult or just a question, but yes, I guess I do. I have to admit that it’s nice to finally talk to someone. It’s fascinating actually, the way you’re not afraid,” he told her, looking sheepish. Did angels get shy? This was just too weird.

  “You’re fascinated by me?” she asked, a slight grin coming to her face. “Well, I am just a human. You fascinate me. Why should I be scared of an angel in chains anyway? And if you wanted to hurt me, you would have done it a few nights ago when I was crazed and first found you. I think you must be an ally.”

  “An ally, that’s nice to think of. I haven’t had one of those in forever.”

  “You’re pretty good with human expressions,” she mentioned.

  “All angels have a little bit of human about them,” he explained, though it sounded almost sinister or like he regretted the fact. “Did you have more questions for me? I have to admit, I really don’t want you to leave,” he said, and she felt her whole body burn hot.

  “I want to know everything.”

  “I don’t know if I am ready to tell you everything.”

  Chapter 6

  Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye. ~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

  THE days continued to pass, slowly, dragging along with the sun high in the sky until the downpour came each night. Alex could tell each time she came in late that her parents were concerned for her, worried about where she had been, what she had been doing, why she was acting so different, but they seemed to forget it all the next day. The calendar was stuck on the same day literally. Alex had grown bored of watching the same news stories and walking through the same half-empty streets as people came back from summer vacation. She was sick of pretending she was like everyone else, everything was okay, and she found herself escaping almost every night, now, to go to the clock tower. Sometimes, she would see him, and other times, he would be hidden or didn’t feel like talking. She wasn’t quite sure yet how that worked. It was the only thing keeping her going in all of this mess, as she watched Wesley take a leap off the bridge every day or heard him talk about his worries about leaving Kingsbridge for good. It was getting harder to sit there and hear that and not just tell him that he didn’t have to worry about it; that he would never leave Kingsbridge. No one stuck there now ever would, that others would never come home.

  This time, as she got into the clock tower, it was late. It was already raining, her hair wet from the walk over. She had spent the day with her parents, worried about how much longer she would get to do that if things suddenly got fixed, sped up, or completely broken. That was what she wasn’t saying out loud. She was afraid it was all broken, and there wouldn’t be time any longer, for the world at all. Seeing an angel in chains, that was a sign, if she had ever heard of one. Surely, an omen, and she felt like there was something more to understanding all of this. Something she hadn’t been ready to know before but was ready to know now.

  Amon had been telling her bits and pieces, but nothing real, just skimming the surface. Tonight, it would be different. As her trust and attraction to him grew so did her determination to do something about this, for the both of them, for everyone, really. Wesley deserved to see what life was like at college, even if he didn’t like it. Candace deserved a chance to figure out what to do not getting into the college she wanted. Alexandra deserved to have an adventure beyond the city walls, though she knew it might mean leaving Amon behind. Then again, fixing time might free him as well.

  She dripped water all over the floor of the top of the bell tower, water coming down all around them and covering them up like a curtain. The moon was still somehow able to catch the embers against his wings and illuminate him. In fact, he seemed bright tonight, as she looked at him. It almost took her breath away.

  “Hi,” she said awkwardly, stopping in her tracks.

  “You’re all wet, and you look mad. You’re later than usual too. Did something happen?” he asked with genuine concern in his voice. When did that happen? When did he start getting concerned for her?

  “I just…. I am scared and worried about all of this. I want to know what it all means. I think you know more than you have said, and I feel like we are dancing around the subject.” There was no conviction in her voice. It was like she couldn’t be angry at him.

  “I was just getting to know you, Alex. Isn’t that what you all do before you give away all your secrets?” he asked with a smirk, motioning for her to sit down again. “I know there are things you want to know. I don’t know if I should tell you. I don’t know how or why you’re involved exactly. I have an idea, but not enough to warrant putting you in any danger.” He sighed, and Alex’s heart skipped a beat. He was protecting her now. This was turning into something on both sides now that she wasn’t going to be able to take back, no matter what happened. Why did the first time she finally felt something for a guy and he felt something back, did it have to be with someone off limits, someone not even human?

  “I don’t think it matters anymore. I am involved, Amon. Please, just tell me what I am dealing with, here. Tell me what you know, what you can,” she asked him softly, looking into his eyes as they flashed at her from their dark depths, making her body tingle from head to toe.

  He nodded, giving into her. He was going to tell her.

  “You’re probably right, Alexandra.” She liked the way her name sounded coming from his lips. Very few people called her by her full name, and half the time those people used it as a reprimand or to prove a point. But off of his lips, it just sounded special. She didn’t correct him even if it was strange. “You already know I am an angel, and you must understand that there is a reason there are chains around me, a reason I have black wings instead of white.”

  Alex nodded along with him to let him know she understood. This is what she had been wondering about, his purpose here, the chains, what had he done.

  “The chains, the wings, me being here, they are a punishment for something I did, Alexandra.” The way he looked down in shame, she just couldn’t stand it. His sadness was creeping into every fiber of her being, and there was something inherently wrong with an angel almost in tears. She couldn’t help herself, didn’t even think about it, as she reached out with her hand and laid it against his skin. It was the first time she had touched him. He had always kept his distance.

  Amon looked up at her with surprise shining in his eyes. She went to pull her hand away, sure she had offended him, but he reached out his hand and held it there, his skin warm against hers. She was surprised, shivering at his ongoing touch, that he wasn’t searing hot. She could feel the heat from the embers, but as always, they never touched her, never actually hurt her in any way. There were always more ways to discover him, and she was excited and nervous as she let her hand trace his skin, the tattoo she had been curious about, since the first time she saw him. “What does it mean?” she asked softly.

  “It is my name, my rank, and the punishment I received in a language you wouldn’t understand. There isn’t even anything close in human language for my name, at least not anymore. But, it tells that I am the angel of time, a dark angel, banished and bound for my crimes. My crimes against humanity and against the Revenant.”

  “What is the Revenant?” Alex asked, confused as to the foreign word. And the angel of time…. well, the clock tower certainly made sense for him now. There he was chained near all the cogs and gears at the other side of the bell, and she had never even thought about it.

  “It’s an organization, a ruling body of sorts. It makes up the light angels, the ones of us with white wings who are not bound and punished in some way. Well, not all of them are part of the group, but you get the point. I used to be a part of them, the Revenant, until I betrayed them. At least, in their eyes
. I am paying for it by being used as a slave for humans who can never see me or appreciate me. Not until you, that is.”

  A breath caught in her throat as it all started coming together. It made no sense and perfect sense at the same time.

  “I have not been touched in so long,” he said into the night, and it was barely audible over the rain.

  Alex made a split-second decision, her body going fuzzy and losing all control as she leaned forward. Her lips landed on his, exploring them, and how they were soft, his breath warm as it huffed into her mouth before his tongue followed suit. They entangled together like that, her hand caressing his cheek as his arm began to snake up her back. She was up on her knees leaning into him, and she didn’t know if she would ever make herself let go of him. Their fates were together now, tethered along with their souls and hearts, if he had one of those. She felt for him as they pulled apart, and she saw tears in his eyes, actual tears, the color of ash as it sizzled down his cheeks.

  “You shouldn’t have let me kiss you,” he said.

  “Did you not want me to?”

  “I wanted it more than I wanted anything.”

  “Then why…”

  “Because, I’m dying, Alex.”

  It was the first time he used her nickname since they met and the first time she felt like she couldn’t handle something he had to say. What did he mean, he was dying? Wait…

  “You’re the angel of time.” It was so simple, she felt dizzy in her own naivety. If he was the angel of time, it was time that was stuck, time that was broken, something was wrong with him. “But how can an angel die?”

  “Because they let me die, Alexandra.”

  She felt like she was shattering into one million pieces as it all became clear. She had been right that something was broken, the world, time. Amon. Amon was broken. She couldn’t handle it. She wanted to comfort him, wanted to refute it, wanted to say so many things that would make this right. But nothing came.