Having Her: Lies We Tell, Book 2

by Jackie Ashenden

  “You want me to want you, Kara?”

  She didn’t know how he managed to see through her all the time. See what she barely understood herself. “Yes.” She forced the words out because they were so damn difficult to say. “Yes, that’s what I want.”

  His thumb brushed along her jaw and she froze, the touch making everything inside her go quiet and still. “I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t want you.”

  She let out a breath she hadn’t even realized she’d been holding. “And what exactly are you offering?”

  “You know what I’m offering, baby girl. You want to lose your virginity? Then it needs to be with someone who’ll keep you safe. With someone who knows what they’re doing and who’ll make it good for you. Who won’t take advantage of you.”

  Her mouth was dry, the movement of his thumb on her skin sending little shockwaves through her. “Well that sounds kind of boring,” she said, the bravado undermined by the way her voice shook.

  Vin didn’t smile and she knew he could see beneath all her defensive sarcasm, the snarky comebacks she used to protect herself. And she’d never felt so exposed in all her life.

  “Don’t be scared,” he said. “I won’t hurt you.”

  “I’m not scared,” Kara lied and pulled away from him. “Come on then. If you’re going to fuck me then let’s get it over with.”

  But Vin’s fingers were holding her chin in a grip she couldn’t break, turning her head back to face him. And then his mouth covered hers.

  For a minute, Kara was too shocked to do anything but stand there. Then, like the sun slowly melting a fall of snow, the shock began to seep away, becoming a deep, liquid heat that crept through her body. Making her tremble. Burn.

  His mouth was so hot, coaxing her lips apart, deepening the kiss into something gentle and yet so demanding she could do nothing else but respond to it, leaning into him, her hands reaching for him.

  Until he pulled away, blue eyes glittering. “I’m not going to fuck you, Kara,” he said distinctly. “I’m going to do something else entirely.”

  Then he took her hand and led her wordlessly through the pool bar and into the night.

  Chapter Four

  “Where are we going?” Kara asked, breaking the unbearable silence as she got into the Corvette, jamming her hands into her armpits so he wouldn’t see them shake.

  “Your place.” Vin pulled the car out into the stream of traffic, his attention firmly on the road.

  Shit. She closed her eyes a second. Thought of her tiny apartment full of mismatched furniture and an eclectic mix of brightly colored throws and cushions that kind of clashed if she was honest. Then thought of Vin, standing tall and dark and stern in the middle of all the clutter and mess. About to have sex with her.

  Double shit.

  She hunched her shoulders. “Can’t we go to yours?”

  “I’m living at the office at the moment so no.”

  “The office? Why?”

  “I started work on my house out at Piha and I need to save cash. The office has a kitchen and bathroom.” He lifted one shoulder. “And a couch I can crash on.”

  “Oh but—”

  “I’m not having you on my office couch, Kara,” he interrupted with some finality. “It’s not going to happen.”

  Having her. A shiver crept over her skin. She could still feel his kiss burning her mouth, an ache deep down inside her. Tension began to grip her. No, she didn’t want that feeling, that awful feeling of pressure, of exposure, of vulnerability. Not now. Not with Vin.

  “Okay,” she said, hoping her voice didn’t sound as shaky as she suspected it did. “But you’re going to have to deal with unwashed coffee mugs and clothes, and—”

  “Stop talking now, baby.”

  Kara closed her mouth with a snap, the words of protest about the baby dying unsaid. Arrogant son of a bitch. But quite honestly it felt good not to have put up the snarky front. To obey the command in his voice and do as she was told. She had too many other things to worry about right now, Vin’s high-handedness being the least of it.

  The silence in the car grew, along with the tension.

  Her breathing had become faster the closer they got to her apartment, and she tried so hard to keep it contained, to not let him hear how that tension was getting to her.

  She didn’t want to be scared. Or nervous. Or any of the things she’d been with all those other guys. Because she’d never wanted any of them the way she wanted Vin and, Jesus, she didn’t want to ruin this.

  It didn’t take them long to get to her apartment, but by the end she was desperate to get out of the car and away from the silence and her own conflicted feelings.

  On the walk to her front door she was achingly conscious of Vin following behind her, not saying anything. He moved so silently for such a tall guy it was kind of unnerving.

  Her fingers trembled as she tried fitting the key into the lock, cursing when it wouldn’t go.

  Then Vin put his hand on the back of her neck, his palm warm against the top her spine, long fingers brushing the bottom of the slave collar. And the breath froze in her chest.

  The warmth of his touch washed over her, rooting her to the spot.

  “You’re nervous,” he said quietly. “If you don’t want to do this all you have to say is no and I’ll stop. At any time.”

  Beneath the fear and desire, a small spark of anger glowed. Yeah, she was nervous but she wasn’t a bloody coward. She wanted this. She really, truly did.

  “I’m not going to say no,” she said thickly and jammed her key into the lock.

  His hand slipped away as the door opened and as soon as it had gone, she wanted it back. But she didn’t know how to ask, didn’t know how to get the words out without her voice shaking, without revealing herself even more, so she said nothing, stepping inside and heading automatically down the hallway toward the lounge.

  Except that when she got there, she didn’t know what to do. Crap, why had she come here? If they were going to have sex then maybe going into her bedroom would have been better? And man, look at this stupid place. Empty coffee cups, books and comics scattered everywhere. Her art stuff on the dining table because she didn’t have a proper desk to draw on. Some cushions on the floor that she hadn’t picked up.

  Kara went to the coffee table and collected the coffee cups, turning toward the kitchen area. Only to come to a halt when she almost crashed into Vin standing right in front of her.

  “Where are you going?” he asked.

  “Oh…uh…I need to put these in the kitchen.”

  He didn’t look at the cups. He looked at her.

  Goddammit. She didn’t want him to look at her. Didn’t want him to see the fear that was probably written all over her face. Because if he did he might change his mind and more than anything in the world, she didn’t want him to change his mind.

  Wordlessly, Vin reached out and took the cups from her hands, putting them down on the dining table. Then he looked at her again and she found she couldn’t move. Couldn’t seem to speak.

  “Here’s how we’re going to do this,” he said with absolute authority. “You’re wearing a slave costume which makes you a slave girl. My slave girl.”

  She didn’t miss the emphasis. Oh Jesus. Her mouth felt dry as a desert in summer, her heartbeat thundering in her ears with shock at the implications. At the weirdness of the whole situation. Uptight Vincent Fox? Into a bit of kink? And slave kink at that.

  “You don’t have to do anything,” Vin went on, still quiet, still in charge. “All you have to do is follow my orders. Because you’re here for my pleasure and my pleasure alone. Do you understand?”

  His pleasure alone? Shit. She should be protesting, shouldn’t she? Telling him where to stick his sexist bullshit? Yet the words stuck in her throat.

  Because this is what you want. This is exactly what you want.

  Kara struggled to take a breath. Yeah, God, it was what she’d fantasized about. Someone telling her
what to do. Taking away the burden of her inexperience so she didn’t have to worry about it. And even more important than that, he was giving her a role to play. A mask to wear. Some extra armor to protect herself in a situation where she felt unprotected. A way to feel less vulnerable.

  She didn’t have to be Kara, the freaky-ass chick with the weird hair who dressed funny. The girl nobody, not even her family, wanted. She could just be a slave girl.

  Vin’s slave girl.

  “I understand,” she heard herself say hoarsely.

  The blue of his eyes darkened, a storm gathering. “I’ll keep you safe, Kara. If there’s anything you don’t want to do, say stop and I’ll stop.”

  She couldn’t look away from him. The hunger in his face, the glitter of desire in his eyes. “Okay,” she croaked.

  A seemingly endless silence fell.

  “Take off your costume,” Vin said at last. “Everything except the collar. I want my slave naked.”

  Kara swallowed. Undress in front of him? This was where she’d always failed in the past. As if taking off her clothes meant not just physical nakedness but emotional nakedness as well. Her soul exposed along with her body because she’d never been able to divorce the two.

  “Don’t think.” Vin studied her, as if he knew exactly what was going on in her head. “And don’t speak. You’re my slave so do as I say.”

  You’re my slave…

  Yes, that’s what she was. Not Kara. And by undressing she wasn’t exposing anything but her slave’s body.

  She slipped off the coat and let it drop. Then her hands began to move toward the fastenings of her costume, unsure at first as she undid the bikini top. As the material came away, she looked down at the floor, not wanting to meet his gaze, trying to lessen the feeling of exposure.

  “Yes,” he murmured, “that’s good. Look at the ground, slave. Looking at me is a privilege you have to earn.”

  How he understood what she needed without having to ask she didn’t know. But the fact that he’d somehow managed to incorporate her need to protect herself within the game they were playing made warmth bloom inside her. Made her realize there was another reason it was Vin she’d chosen to bring here and not anyone else.

  Because she knew him. And as much as he annoyed her, she trusted him.

  The thought gave her enough confidence not to fumble when it came to getting the rest of the costume off. Yet when she finally stood there, naked but for the slave collar and chain, all her nervousness and vulnerability came rushing back, threatening to choke her. She kept her eyes glued to the floor but it didn’t seem to make any difference.

  She was naked, her less than slender curves on show. While he was still fully clothed.

  It was all she could do not to run and hide.

  Vin moved, coming close and she couldn’t seem to breathe. This whole situation was so screwed up. She felt ridiculous standing there with nothing on, goose bumps rising all over her skin, letting him stare at her. Dear God, she just wanted to—

  He took the end of the chain that dangled from her collar in his fist. Then wrapped the chain around his wrist, pulling the thing tight.

  “Breathe. I don’t want you passing out on me before I have a chance to explore you.”

  Kara closed her eyes and tried to take a calm, measured breath. Failed pitifully.

  Vin pulled on the chain, tugging her closer. He was so warm and he smelled so good. Shit, why couldn’t she get some control here? Why couldn’t she act cool and calm and with-it? Why the hell did she have to shake like the scared little virgin she was?

  “I don’t want you to hold back,” he said in her ear, his breath warm on her skin. “I want to know what you feel. How you feel it. You’re here for my pleasure, don’t forget. And my pleasure involves getting you off. Making you scream. Understand?” He tugged her even closer, so they were almost touching, her senses filled with the heat of his body, the spicy scent of his skin. “You’re a slave, remember that, baby. Your entire function is to please me.”

  A slave. That’s what she was. In this moment that’s all she was.

  For some reason the fear and the worry began to seep away, a deep sense of calm spreading through her. The tension in her muscles eased, the tightness in her chest vanishing.

  She was a slave. Here for him. She could so do that.

  “How?” she asked thickly. “I don’t know anything. And I don’t want to disappoint you.”

  “You won’t disappoint me. You can’t. I wouldn’t blame a saw for not cutting the wood properly. I’d blame myself for not sharpening it when I had the chance.” He leaned closer, so agonizingly close. “If I’m disappointed, baby, it’ll be my own fault for not instructing you well enough.”

  And something inside Kara fell away at that. The last shred of resistance. The last protest.

  “Tell me what to do,” she whispered.

  “Tell me what to do what?”

  She only hesitated a second. Then she stepped into the role he’d given her and drew it around herself like a blanket. “Tell me what to do, master.”

  The chain tightened again. “Come here.”

  Slowly he began to back toward the couch, drawing her with him. Then he sat, still holding the chain in one hand, patting one thigh with the other. “Sit.”

  On him? Naked? Didn’t ask for much, did he?

  Kara started to turn around only to be drawn up short by the chain. “No,” he ordered. “Facing me.”

  Oh God. Facing him. Naked.

  You’re a slave. Do it.

  Yeah. What had he told her? Don’t think. Just do it.

  Kara somehow eased herself forward and into his lap without making an awkward mess of it, her thighs spread, her knees resting on the couch cushions on either side of his thighs.

  But once she was there, once the rough denim of his jeans rubbed against her bare skin, the heat of his body burning like a furnace beneath her, nervousness threatened again. With her thighs spread, her naked body on show, she felt open. Exposed.

  “Look at me,” Vin said.

  She didn’t want to. So didn’t want to. But the urge to obey him was too strong to deny. And when she did, everything drew tight inside her because his eyes were almost black with desire, hunger etched in every perfect line of his face.

  He leaned back against the sofa, his gaze hooded. Watching her. The dim light in the room picked out aristocratic cheekbones and the full curve of his lower lip.

  “You see?” he said softly. “See how you please me? I’m showing you and you want to know why?” He pulled the chain, tugging her forward a little, that hungry gaze sweeping down her body then back up again. Burning into hers. “Because you’re mine. You’re my property, slave. I can do whatever I want with you.”

  His property. She should have hated the arrogance of him. The possession implicit in his tone. But she didn’t. She’d never been anyone’s before. Had never belonged to anyone. Had never been claimed with such certainty. So there could be no argument.

  It was sexiest thing she’d ever heard.

  She shivered, the heat of him stopping the breath in her throat. Against her thigh she could feel the hard length of his erection and it made her shiver again. To know that she was doing that to him. Just by sitting on him, she was making him hard.

  “Yeah,” he murmured, “that’s right. You’re a good slave, baby. All you have to do is show your beautiful body to me and I’m hard.” His gaze moved down again and this time he lifted a hand, cupping her breast, his thumb gently circling her achingly hard nipple.

  Instinctively she tried to stifle the gasp his touch brought from her, catching her lip between her teeth and biting down as electricity crackled along her nerve-endings, making her tremble.

  “No,” Vin ordered. “I told you, no holding back. I want to see your pleasure. I want to hear it. Do as you’re told.”

  He pinched her nipple, tearing a groan from her throat before she could stop it. “Good,” a soft murmur of approva
l, “that’s what I want to hear.”

  Then he pinched her again and she made another sound, unable to keep them all inside. Taking away his hand for a moment, he licked his thumb then cupped her breast again, circling her nipple, leaving her skin slick, making it even more sensitive than it already was. Kara shuddered, her breathing hoarse and loud in her ears.

  Vin’s dark gaze shifted from the movement of his hand to her face, watching the effect of what he was doing. “You like that?” he asked, his voice soft and lazy. Seductive. “You like me touching you? You can speak.”

  But speaking was difficult. “Y-yes,” she managed to force out.

  “Good. Because I’m going to touch you some more.” His hand drifted down her side, his fingers stroking over her skin and she couldn’t stop shaking because his touch felt like a naked flame, burning her. Scorching her. There’d be marks on her tomorrow, she was sure of it.

  At least, she hoped there would be.

  Vin caressed her hip, unhurried, slow, then her thigh. Watching her as he did so, looking at her. “Beautiful.” His hand shifted, moving inward, sliding up her inner thighs. “So beautiful, slave. You please me very much.”

  Her muscles clenched as she reflexively tried to close her legs but she couldn’t because his hard body was sitting between them. God, she’d never had anyone touch her like this before. Never had anyone touch so slowly, stroking, exploring. The intensity of the pleasure scared her. Made her feel so vulnerable.

  “V-Vin…” She shifted on his lap, suddenly uncomfortable. “I don’t want you to…to…”

  But the chain pulled tight as he wrapped it tighter around his wrist, his stormy gaze catching hers. Holding it. “You’re a slave, baby.” Reminding her of her role. Reminding her that she could use it for protection. “You don’t get to choose.”

  She tried to swallow. “But you said—”

  “That’s different. If you’re scared, tell me no and I’ll stop.” Vin this time. Not the master.

  And for some reason, spread across his thighs, naked, she found this even more threatening.

  She wanted the role-play. It felt much, much safer. Paradoxically, being the slave made her feel freer than being Kara.