Before Hadley

by J. Nathan

  I did as requested, dropping onto the cushy sofa.

  Hadley sat down on the small wooden stool in front of her easel. She picked up some colored pencils. “Tell me what she looked like.”

  My head recoiled so quickly you’d have thought she slapped me across the face. “What?”

  “Your mom. What’d she look like? Start with the shape of her face. I always draw that first.”

  My skin tightened. Was she serious? Did she know what she was asking me to do?

  “I’m gonna need your help, Caynan.” She lifted a nude colored pencil to the white paper, nudging me on.

  I closed my eyes, letting my head drop to the back of the sofa. I could do it. I could explain the hazy image of my mom on Christmas morning. The one of her passing me a gift she couldn’t wait for me to open. “Long. Oval. Kind of like mine.” My eyes cracked open. Hadley wasn’t looking at me. Her pencil flew across the paper. I couldn’t see the drawing, but she worked quickly.

  “How about her eyes? Were they close to her forehead?” She shook her head before I could answer. “Okay, that sounded weird. Did she have a high forehead?”

  I shrugged. “Normal, I guess.”

  She nodded. “Were her eyes close together or far apart?”

  I thought for a moment, trying to picture her pretty brown eyes. Not the way they looked in the hospital when they’d become sunken and dark once the cancer invaded her body. “My dad used to say I looked a lot like her.”

  Hadley stared across the room at me for a long time. She pulled her hair back into a ponytail and her eyes danced across my face. She was beautiful. Like really beautiful. Natural and perfect. At least perfect to me. “Were her eyes the same color as yours?”

  I nodded, a vision of my mother laughing materializing in my mind. “And her smile. It was so wide. It showed all her teeth when she laughed.”

  Hadley nodded then began drawing again. “Hair color?”

  “Dark like mine.”

  Her eyes and hand stayed focused on the paper, long strokes moving quickly to all corners of the paper. “Long or short?”

  “Long, but wavy like yours. Not curly.”

  She nodded her understanding. “I think I can take it from here.”

  I watched for the next twenty minutes while she worried her bottom lip as different colored pencils moved across the paper. I knew exactly what I wanted to do with that lip, but held off making any moves while she was so focused on doing something so nice for me. Her little body was capable of such genius. I’d seen it in the art room at school, and I could see it there in her art studio. The way she saw things. The way she contorted normal objects, giving them shadows and depth. The way she shined light on her subjects or even the insignificant background objects, spoke of her eye for detail. And the way she saw something no one else did…it’s what made her the person she was. The unique person she didn’t allow everyone to see.

  When her hands finally dropped to her sides, she stared at her work, idle for a long time. I couldn’t tell if she was satisfied or if she’d had difficulty working with the limited details I’d given her. After a long pause, her eyes jumped from the drawing to me.

  “So?” I asked, leaning forward from my spot on the sofa.

  Her eyes grew big and round as she chewed on her bottom lip. “I’m scared.”

  I stood up. “Why are you scared?”

  “I just want it to be perfect for you.”

  I tilted my head, staring back at this nervous, amazing, talented girl. “You drew it. It’ll be perfect.” I walked over and stopped beside her, brushing my hip against the side of her arm. I stared at the drawing, mesmerized by the woman with flowing dark hair and deep brown eyes staring back at me. It wasn’t quite my mom, or at least what I recalled of her, but it was as if Hadley had taken my features and made them softer—more feminine. She even added the light freckles on my nose and the dimple in my cheek. It floored me. Absolutely floored me. She’d barely looked at me while drawing, yet she saw me. She knew me. “I love it.”

  She turned her head, looking at me over her shoulder. “You do?”

  I met her eyes. “No one’s ever done something this nice for me before.”

  She laughed. “I’m sure plenty of girls have done nice things for you.”

  I leaned down and wrapped my arms around her from behind, loving the soft feel of her body against my chest. I rested my head on her shoulder and burrowed my nose in her hair, inhaling her strawberry scent. “You sure you want to go there?” I asked.

  She laughed softly. “I can handle you.”

  I moved my lips up the side of her neck, nibbling a soft path up to her ear. “You think you can,” I purred into her smooth skin.

  Her head rolled to the side, giving me easier access. “I know I can.”

  I released her body and grabbed her hand. She gasped as I tugged her off the stool and walked us to the sofa. I dropped down first, pulling her onto my lap so she had no choice but to straddle me. God, I loved her body. The way her breasts crushed into me when I pulled her close. The way her entire being just relaxed into me like it was the safest place she’d ever been.

  “See?” She tilted her head thoughtfully. “I can handle you.”

  My head fell back and I laughed, feeling myself getting hard with her seated directly on my growing erection. She wiggled her ass, knowing exactly what she was doing to me. I groaned. “Don’t start something you have no intention of finishing.”

  “Who said I wouldn’t want to finish?”

  Fuck me.

  She gripped the hem of her top and peeled it over her head.

  My lips parted as I stared at the lacy pink bra molded perfectly to her ample chest. Shit. My eyes jumped to her eyes. I needed to remember this was Hadley. The girl who’d just drawn my mother. She wasn’t like the others. She was the one girl who made me feel things I wasn’t used to feeling. And I wasn’t going to blow it.

  She stared down at me, meeting my eyes like she wasn’t straddling me without a top on in her big empty house. I don’t know why I expected her to be nervous, but there was a confidence in her eyes as she took the opportunity to convince me she’d forgiven me. “I believe this was your request by the train.”

  A deep guttural groan rumbled in the deep recesses of my gut. “Look. I’m in no way a saint who has any kind of restraint. So please don’t make this hard on me.”

  She lifted a brow. “Hard?”

  I laughed. “Yeah. I just want you to see that you’re different. I want you to see I’m not here for one thing.”

  Her nose wrinkled. “Are you serious?”

  I swallowed back what I really wanted to say. Especially since we were all alone with no chance of interruptions.

  She assessed my features, searching for any indication that I was bluffing. When she found none, she huffed her frustration and reached for her shirt. It was fucking adorable.

  I clasped my hand over hers, stopping her from grabbing hold of the shirt. “There is no way in hell you’re putting that back on. I want to look at you.”

  As if a cold front swept in, her cheeks flushed. “Well then look.” Even with her cheeks glowing, her voice remained confident. “And if you feel your restraint slipping, just go with it. I promise not to complain.”

  I laughed as I yanked her toward me, our mouths colliding fiercely. Hadley’s hands slipped under my shirt, trailing over my bare chest as our tongues melded together. Her smooth hands explored my body. I imagined them wrapped around another part of me and I grew harder.

  How long could I do this with her? Just this? How long could I—

  Hadley moved her body—make that her hips. Grinding slowly on the bulge in my jeans as she kissed me, her hands braced on my chest.

  I deepened the kiss, threading my fingers in her hair and tugging back just enough for her to groan into my mouth. The vibration rocked through me, coursing through my body as she continued to rub up on me. I was hard as a rock and pretty sure if I didn’t lose my
jeans soon, I was going to do some serious damage to my favorite body part.

  I released my hands from her hair and skimmed them over her neck and shoulders, lightly brushing the sides of her bra with my thumbs as I continued down. She hummed against my lips as I moved over the bare skin on her sides before gripping her hips. The ones that were still circling my hard on. Good God she was amazing. I coasted my hands over the tops of her thighs, sliding them slowly between her legs.

  She gasped into my mouth. We both knew all I had to do was slip my fingers under her shorts. Shift in just the right angle to feel her wet panties. Insert a couple fingers to hear her scream my name. The voice in my head told me I couldn’t do it. Told me if I went any further, I wouldn’t be able to stop. Instead of relieving her need, I reached for my fly and unbuttoned my jeans.

  Hadley pulled away from my mouth, her lips swollen and eyes glazed. Her soft panting and flushed cheeks told me she was close. “Change your mind?”

  I reached for my zipper. Her anxious eyes followed my fingers as I drew it down. There was no disguising my tented boxers. Hadley slipped her right hand out from under my shirt and placed it on my dick. Sweet Jesus. Her hand moved slowly over my boxers, experimenting with the pressure that made me hiss. She tightened her grip, increasing the speed. The pressure of her hand and the friction of my boxers tainted my vision with black spots. My head fell back as I moaned my appreciation. Every part of me wanted to beg her to slip her hand underneath my boxers and put her hand—better yet her mouth—directly on me.

  Hold up.

  This wasn’t about me. For once. I wanted it to be about Hadley.

  I grabbed hold of her hand, stopping it from moving. Given the surprise on her face, I wasn’t the only one feeling needy.

  “Do you trust me?” I asked.

  Hadley

  Captivated by the wild look in Caynan’s eyes, I nodded.

  “Lay down,” he requested, his voice insanely raspy.

  My pulse throbbed in every part of my body, especially the spot between my legs. I couldn’t believe I’d been brave enough to shed my shirt and make the first move—especially after being distant for the past week.

  But how far was I willing to go? Was I ready for whatever he had in mind?

  My sudden apprehension wasn’t enough to stop me. I climbed off Caynan’s lap. He slid down to the end of the sofa and waited for me to lie down. Once my back hit the sofa, he pushed himself to his knees at my feet. “If I do anything you’re not comfortable with, you need to tell me.”

  I nodded, expecting him to cover me with his body. Maybe strip down so I wasn’t the only one missing clothing. But instead, he reached for the button on my shorts and slowly peeled them down my legs, revealing the cute pink panties that matched my bra.

  Caynan’s tongue shot out, sweeping along his bottom lip as his eyes roamed over my body. My eyes were riveted on his, awaiting his next move. He gripped my knees and spread them gently. My skin prickled with anticipation. He leaned down, his lips pressing against my inner thigh. I gasped as he kissed a path up my skin. He was so close to my core. So close to the incessant throbbing mere inches away. My heart rate accelerated as he switched to the other thigh, kissing a similar path up my skin, but not quite reaching my center.

  “I trust you,” I whispered, urging him on.

  His lips continued their assault, alternating between my thighs as his right hand slid up my leg, stopping when it reached the bottom of my panties. His thumb brushed softly over the strip of fabric between my legs. I closed my eyes, enjoying every glorious sensation. Caynan’s thumb didn’t stay there long. It swept underneath the damp fabric, gliding over my wet skin. Tremors rippled through me as I chewed on my bottom lip, stopping myself from moaning shamelessly.

  “Fuck, you’re wet,” he whispered, as his thumb continued to move, now in a long delicious path from the back of my folds to the front, circling the nub that pounded at the peak—a heartbeat of its own. The pad of his thumb was rough and focused on the pleasure it was bringing me as he circled the spot over and over again. Then his finger disappeared from my skin.

  I whimpered at the loss, but just as quickly it reemerged, sliding all the way down my seam before making its way back to the peak again where he repeated the same glorious torture. Over and over again.

  “Pull them down,” I said, shocked by my boldness.

  Caynan’s head lifted from between my thighs, his eyes meeting mine. “You sure?”

  I nodded.

  “Tell me you know you’re not like other girls to me.”

  I nodded. “I know.” And even if I didn’t know that for absolute certain, there wasn’t a chance in hell he wasn’t finishing what he started.

  His eyes stayed on mine as he slipped his pinkies into the sides of my panties and peeled them down my legs.

  I didn’t look away. My cheeks didn’t pink. My palms didn’t dampen. For some reason, I was at ease. I was completely on board with everything that was happening. It felt right.

  Without warning, Caynan lowered his head, burying his face between my legs.

  Oh. My. God.

  I grabbed the sofa cushions at my sides. I’d never had a guy go down there before. Not like that.

  His tongue touched exactly where I ached for it. I nearly screamed out at the pleasure, but bit back down on my bottom lip to stifle it. Caynan mirrored the pulsing already happening there with steady pressure as he lapped away at it. Over and over again. Good Lord. He was relentless. Flicking. Swirling. Sucking.

  My eyes crossed and my body arched off the sofa. He held my hips, stopping them from bucking him off me. I whimpered as he abandoned the nub. But like his thumb moments before, he licked a trail down the wet seam of my body. I couldn’t be embarrassed by the intimate action when it felt so good. So. Damn. Good. He licked back up to the top, hitting the throbbing spot.

  Flick…Swirl…Suck.

  My legs began to quiver. “Oh my God,” I breathed.

  Flick…Swirl…Suck.

  He hummed into my wet skin, causing sensations to bubble up. With one last hard suck, heat shot to the center of my core. My body splintered into pieces as I half whimpered, half moaned at the pleasure rushing through me. But that didn’t stop Caynan. He milked my body for all it had until I’d nearly crushed his head with my thighs.

  I didn’t open my eyes as my chest heaved and I gulped in a lungful of air. I felt the cushions beneath me shift as he moved, but my limp body was incapable of movement. “Where did you learn to do that?” My heavy eyelids split apart. “Wait. I don’t want to know.”

  He laughed as he held my panties at my feet and slipped them back on me. “Was it okay?”

  “Okay?” I scoffed at the ridiculousness of his question. “Seriously?”

  Before he could respond with some smug comment, his phone vibrated in his pocket. His face sobered, his eyes looking torn whether he should answer it or not.

  “Go, ahead,” I urged.

  He pulled it out and checked the screen. “Fuck,” he growled through clenched teeth.

  “What’s wrong?”

  His eyes stayed on the screen. “My dad. He needs me home.” His eyes lifted to me. “I’m sorry.”

  As much as I didn’t want him to leave, especially after what just happened between us, I didn’t want to be that girl. He’d promised me I wasn’t like other girls. I had no reason not to believe that. “No worries. We’ll just pick this up another time.”

  Surprised, he lifted his brows as he leaned down toward my face. “Oh, yeah?”

  “Oh, hell yeah.” With my taste still on his tongue, he closed the distance between us and made sure I knew how sorry he was for bailing.

  Caynan

  My father sat at the kitchen table when I walked in. He looked less wasted than he had earlier, but he didn’t say a word, just tossed a manila envelope toward me on the table.

  “What’s this?”

  “Apparently, our meeting went well. Really well.” He nodded
toward the envelope. “Open it.”

  I picked it up and flipped open the flap, pulling out an eight by ten colored picture of a gun. A very elaborate gun. More like a pistol.

  “It’s a Colt Walker. It went for over a million dollars at an auction.”

  I studied the picture of the old gun. “So?”

  “So, we get it. We get twenty percent of street value.”

  “Where is it?”

  “The address is inside.”

  I reached inside the envelope, pulling out a torn piece of paper. I stared down at the address scribbled across it. Every part of my body froze.

  Fuuuuuuck.

  * * *

  I flashed one of my many fake IDs at the bouncer at the bar two towns over. I walked inside, sliding down onto one of the few empty bar stools around the four-sided bar. The bartender approached, her black biker tank top leaving very little to the imagination.

  “What can I get ya?” she asked.

  “One of everything.”

  She laughed. “That bad?”

  “Times ten.” I tunneled my fingers through my hair.

  “How about I surprise you?”

  “I’m not a big fan of surprises.”

  “Then I’m guessing you haven’t been properly surprised.” She winked, before turning and strutting her ass over to the rows of liquor bottles on the illuminated shelves.

  No. I’d been surprised all right. That night. By Hadley—sweet Hadley—who’d allowed me to do things I wasn’t sure she’d let me do to her. And by my fucking father who’d dropped the bomb of all bombs. Twenty percent of one million dollars was no chump change, so telling him I wouldn’t get the pistol wasn’t an option.

  It seemed like every time he got into my head, it was a reality check urging me to distance myself from Hadley. We were from completely different worlds. My life was one big lie. Hers held so many possibilities. My future would take me to another rich town. Hers would take her off to college then a career in art. It had been my brilliant plan to let her in. Now I’d never be able to look her in the eyes again.

  But how could I push her away when I saw how much it hurt her last time? That was easy. I was selfish. And selfishly I wanted her. I wanted to see her smile and laugh and fall apart with my face between her legs like earlier that night. Selfishly, I wanted to know I was the cause of every bit of her pleasure.