Hartstrings: A Jaded Regret Novel (Jaded Regret Series Book 3)

by L. L. Collins

  The man didn’t give up; I gave him that. He lowered his head and kissed me, his hands still on my face. I closed my eyes, giving into the total body feeling of kissing him. Everything tingled and zinged and buzzed with the anticipation of his tongue stroking mine, his thumbs brushing my face and his body pressed against mine.

  “Get a fucking room!” Bex’s voice shouted out the door, and Tanner pulled back. “Get your horny ass in here!” AJ and Heath roared at her outburst. Probably because it was funny that Bex would say that. Everyone knew what she and Johnny were up to well…always.

  “I’d like to get a room,” Tanner said, his voice low and husky. Everything in my body tightened at his words. And I do mean everything. He laced his fingers with mine, and we walked to the door. Bex still stood there. She crossed her arms but her lips pulled into a smile. Despite her tough exterior, I knew how much she cared for all of them.

  “You called this damn meeting, and you’re out here sucking face.” She smiled at me again, and I knew she didn’t mean a word. She liked to bust Tanner’s balls.

  “If you had a girl that looked like her waiting for you, you’d stop to kiss her, too.”

  Bex rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Get in here, playboy.” We followed Bex into the building. Heath and AJ followed, locking the door behind them. We walked into the large studio space. Johnny, Beau, and April sat on the couch and glanced up as we walked in.

  Tanner squeezed my fingers, and we sat down on the opposite couch. Bex walked to the office to get Natalie and then everyone sat around us, waiting for Tanner to begin.

  I felt him staring at me, so I glanced over. His mouth was set in a straight line and his face lacked all color. “You got this,” I whispered. He nodded and turned back to face them.

  “Nothing you say changes how we feel about you.” Bex broke the silence, and I wanted to hug her. Tanner needed to hear that. I expected a joke from Johnny or Beau, but no one said anything else.

  Tanner took a deep breath and opened his mouth to speak. “To start, my name used to be Tanner Hartwell. When I was eighteen, I changed my name.” They nodded, waiting for the rest. “When I was a kid, my dad beat my mom on a regular basis.” April sucked in a breath and Beau put his arm around her shoulders. “I also had a twin sister, Tracey. She and I were inseparable and did everything together our entire lives. She would always come with me, every day, when I practiced with my band.” Tanner’s voice broke for a second before he continued. “She disappeared when we were sixteen years old. We never found her.”

  “Shit,” Bex murmured.

  “I wish that was it,” Tanner said. “A few years later, my father killed my mother. He’s serving life in prison without parole. He was a successful lawyer, and it shocked our community. No one had any idea. He kept my mom locked up in our house like a plaything. She only came out when he said she could. As far as anyone else knew, we were the perfect American family. Until Tracey disappeared, of course. But even then, our entire community rallied around us, searching for her.”

  “No one knows what happened to her?” April sniffed, wiping away tears. “Still to this day?”

  “Well…when I met Mac, and I found out she was a private investigator, I wanted her to check into Tracey’s case.” He swallowed, and I knew he needed help getting it out.

  “I kept getting the same information everyone already had,” I began. “The only thing I kept going back to was the only other person that was around then.”

  “Tanner’s dad,” Bex said, and I nodded.

  “He didn’t want me to see him. I understood why, with my history with Andrew and all, but…”

  “She did it anyway.” Tanner shook his head. “She went to Tennessee and stood in front of my psychotic father. For me.”

  He put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into him, kissing my temple. I smiled up at him and then turned my attention back to the band. “Anyway, I went and met with Tanner’s dad. When I asked him about what he remembered about the day Tracey disappeared, he just kind of—”

  “Admitted everything,” Tanner interjected.

  April covered her mouth with her hand, a strangled noise coming from her. Bex nodded, also figuring out what was coming. The men looked dumbfounded, and I almost giggled at their inability to read between the lines. Except it wasn’t funny at all.

  “My dad killed my sister the day she disappeared. My mom found out about it years later, and he killed her to shut her up.”

  Silence enveloped the room. I heard the hands moving on the clock and the shallow breathing of the people that thought of Tanner as family.

  “Tanner, the first thing I have to say to you is I’m sorry.” Johnny stood and pulled Tanner up, giving him that man-hug-back-pat thing that guys did. “All these years…we had no idea. We razzed you about having a perfect life and…”

  “I didn’t want you to know.” Tanner pulled back from Johnny and glanced over at the rest of the band, who also stood. “I wanted you to think I had this perfect life. I’m sorry. For not letting you in when all of you have been nothing but supportive of me since the day I started.”

  I pushed myself off the couch and linked my arm with Tanner’s. The band circled him.

  “You don’t have to be sorry to us,” Beau said. “We all know about shitty pasts and things we don’t want to talk about. Bro, I’m not going to say sorry because I know that doesn’t help shit. What I’m going to say is, that fucking sucks. You didn’t deserve to be given this lot in life. And thank you for trusting us to tell us. I want to strangle your dad for you for putting all of you through that.”

  Bex nodded. “Exactly what he said. Tanner, you’re family to us. You were before you told us and you always will be.”

  “That’s right.” Natalie spoke up, her voice thick with unshed tears. “We’re in this together.”

  April openly cried. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Tanner. “I’m glad you will finally get closure, Tan. But—” She broke off and stepped back, the emotion too much for her. I knew she thought about Beau’s son Robbie and his past, plus the countless kids she saw on a daily basis that had shit like this happen to them.

  “What happens now?” Bex asked.

  “That’s up to Tanner.”

  “That asshole should be brought to justice. And your sister should be found,” Bex continued.

  Tanner cleared his throat. “If it weren't for Mac, none of this would be possible. I may never have told all of you, and I definitely wouldn’t have ever known what happened to my sister unless my dad got some attack of conscience or something. I’m still shocked he admitted it to her. He told her where the body was.”

  “So we’re taking a trip to Tennessee,” Johnny said, and everyone nodded.

  “I don’t know.” Tanner said. I wasn’t going to push him. If he wanted to do this, it had to be his idea.

  “You need justice for your sister,” April said. “We’ll all be there.”

  “I have an idea,” Bex said. “It’s unorthodox, but that’s how I roll.”

  Tanner laughed, and the sound lifted a million-pound weight off of my heart. The fact that the man could laugh in a situation like this spoke volumes.

  “What’s that, Bex?”

  “You said Tracey loved to be with you when you played. So she was a rock music fan?”

  Tanner nodded, and I knew what Bex was about to say.

  “We go to Tennessee and have Tracey’s remains found. Then we do a concert to benefit victims of abuse in her honor. Beau and I will work on some new material before we go and dedicate it to her. Before we leave, we make sure your dad gets brought to justice for Tracey, too.”

  Tanner stood so still, his eyes wide and fixed on Bex, and I wasn’t sure if he understood everything she said. I tried to hold it together, but I couldn’t. The love this amazing band had for each other was evident. I knew he felt it, too. Tears dripped from my eyes, and I didn’t bother wiping them away. Natalie and April cried too, and I saw the sh
immer of tears in Bex’s eyes.

  “Thank you,” he said finally, his voice gruff. “I don’t know what I expected when I told you this today, but that wasn’t it.”

  “What do you say?” I gripped his arm. “Are we going to Tennessee?”

  His eyes searched mine for so long I almost forgot the band was around us. He leaned over and brushed his lips against mine so lightly I barely felt it. But the fire that spread throughout my body every time he touched me was there, so I knew I didn’t imagine it. He didn’t care about showing his entire band what he thought of me.

  What did he think of me?

  I knew what the feeling was that bubbled to the surface every time he looked at me, but I couldn’t go there. Not yet.

  “Let’s go to Tennessee,” he said to everyone. But his gaze never left mine.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Tanner

  I reached over and felt for her like I did every single morning when I woke up. My bed was still empty. Mac hadn’t stayed the night with me in weeks. I started out understanding, but that ship sailed. I missed her. I needed her. In more than one way. Though we spent a few hours together nearly every day, it wasn’t enough.

  I hated every second of giving her space. I wanted to call Natalie and beg her to talk Mackenzie into coming back, but I knew that was futile. Natalie would back Mac up one hundred percent. And she should. As much as I hated it.

  I lay back and crossed my arms behind my head. I watched the ceiling fan, my mind turning as fast as the blades.

  Tomorrow, we would leave for Tennessee. The thought made me sick to my stomach. I told myself I would never go back there, not once I left. But I had to. For Tracey.

  Mac was in touch with a PI she knew in the area. Once we arrived, we would meet with him, and he would gather the information before we presented it to the police. Kai, our rep from the label, made the benefit happen with rather short notice, and we would perform a week after arriving. A few weeks’ time was almost impossible to get something like that put together, but he and Natalie did it. We were going to fly this time instead of drive. The roadies already left with our equipment so they would be there when we arrived.

  Beau, Bex, and I worked on a song together over the last several weeks called Forever Free. I had zero experience with songwriting, but I had to admit it was a lot of fun to write with them. It was also therapeutic to put my feelings about my sister into a song. Even though she would never hear it. But I knew Tracey would’ve loved it if she were here. If she were here. All these years, I hoped she was alive somewhere. That was no longer the case. Would they find anything left of her after that long? I read articles online about it, and I doubted there would be any resolution to her murder. I would love to see my father get capital punishment. If he no longer took up air on this Earth, it would be worth it.

  My stomach roiled at the thought of people finding out about my past. With us in Tennessee and with the benefit concert, there was no way of hiding it. I would go from Tanner Hart, All-American Playboy, to Tanner Hartwell, son of an abuser and murderer.

  I wasn’t either of those things anymore.

  I was in love with Mackenzie Shepard.

  I sat up so fast my head spun.

  I was what?

  I stood and paced the room, my heart ricocheting in my chest. I stopped and looked at my reflection in the mirror over my dresser.

  I’m. In. Love. With. Her.

  The moments we spent together flashed through my head. The way she smiled at me, her light touch on my arm. When she rested her head against my chest. The way she smelled. How I couldn’t sleep well anymore without her nestled next to me.

  Her kisses. God, her kisses. They lit me up from head to toe. And the fact that as much as I wanted more, much more with that body of hers, kissing her was amazing.

  The way she learned to stand up for herself and get away from Andrew. Even how she stood up to me and did what was best for her.

  That she went to Tennessee and faced my abusive father though it probably terrified her.

  She sat and held my hand when I told my band.

  She didn’t bat an eye at going to Tennessee with me.

  Mackenzie Shepard was it for me. I thought back, wondering when it was that I fell in love with her. The same image kept coming into my mind: the first night I met her when she slept in my clothes. Though she wasn’t at all the same scared, timid woman, I’d loved her all along.

  I didn’t truly know what love felt like until right this second. It was like being hit by a train at full speed but loving every second of it.

  “Oh, my God,” I said to my reflection. “What are you doing, Tanner?” Could I tell her the truth? Would she want to know?

  What if she didn’t feel the same?

  Was she ready for that? Did she associate love with someone like Andrew? Did she realize how I felt about her?

  I thought about her past and all the things she missed out on by being with Andrew. I wanted to give her the world. Mac loved spending time with my family, but she at one time had a life of her own. Friends of her own.

  That made me think of McKenzie Konoski, her childhood friend she told me about several times. That was how she originally got the nickname Mac, which is why she liked it when I called her that.

  Now she had a choice.

  I tapped a few keys on my phone and put it on speaker.

  “Tanner.” AJ answered immediately.

  “Hey, man. I need you to do something for me.”

  “Yep.”

  “I need you to get your friend on finding another person for me.”

  AJ laughed. “Another damsel in distress?”

  “No.” My tone told him I didn’t think it was funny. “I need you to find Mackenzie’s childhood friend. Her name is—or was—McKenzie Konoski. They grew up together on the other coast.”

  “I’ll get on it. You going anywhere today?”

  I had no plans today, but suddenly I needed to do something. “Actually, no. But I need you to do a few things for me…”

  The second I hung up with AJ, I hit Mac’s name. She answered immediately like she always did.

  “Morning.”

  My heart thumped. So this was what Johnny and Beau told me about. This feeling right here. “Good morning, beautiful. You know what would’ve made this morning perfect?”

  “What’s that?”

  “If I woke up with you in my arms.”

  “I know, baby.” I loved when she called me that.

  “And if you and I were sitting on the porch right now drinking coffee while you wore my shirt.” Her favorite thing to wear to bed was one of my T-shirts.

  “That sounds so much better than what I’m doing.”

  “Which is what?”

  “Working. Trying to get a few things tied up before we leave.”

  “Can you be done by dinner time?”

  She paused. “Yes, I planned on it. Why?”

  “I want you to get dressed up. I have a surprise for you.”

  “A surprise? Should I be afraid?”

  I’m the one who will be afraid. I laughed. “No. Unless I scare you.”

  This time, she laughed. “Dress up, huh? Hmm…sounds interesting. Okay. I’ll be there. It’ll give me the motivation to get this done.”

  “Great. AJ will pick you up. See you later, sweetie.” I hung up the phone before any more of my feelings could seep through the phone.

  I headed for the shower, my step light but my stomach full of knots.

  * * *

  AJ’s SUV pulled into Mac’s driveway, and I stepped out immediately. I wore a pair of dark dress pants, a white dress shirt, and a tie. I couldn’t tell you the last time I looked like this. I didn’t particularly like it, but it would do. I had a sports jacket in the car for the restaurant.

  She opened the door the second my feet hit the front porch. She scanned me from head to toe, her gaze finally meeting mine.

  I felt sucker punched. Again.

&nbs
p; I thought she was beautiful before. But…this. This was something altogether.

  Mac wore a deep red dress that fit her body like a glove. It cut low enough for me to see a hint of cleavage, but not low enough to be inappropriate. Her hair was up off her shoulders in a sexy twist. A few pieces framed her face. She wore more makeup than usual; her lips painted a ruby red to match her dress. On her feet were red strappy heels that made me weak in the knees.

  I immediately regretted that we were going into public.

  I stepped closer to her, forcing her to step back into the house. I shut the door behind me.

  “Tan? What’s the matter?”

  “Is Natalie home?” She shook her head no. “Then I’m sorry,” I said.

  Her forehead creased. “Sorry?”

  “That you’ll have to reapply that lipstick in a few minutes.” Before she could respond, I turned her and pressed her against the front door. My mouth closed over hers, and she whimpered, her hands immediately circling my neck. She opened her mouth, and I dove in, my tongue wrapping with hers. Every other time we did this, I kept my hands to myself.

  Not this time.

  I skimmed my hands down her slim hips and around to her firm ass, pulling her into me. She stiffened for a fraction of a second before her body melted into mine. I bit and sucked on her tongue, my need for her all-consuming. She shocked the hell out of me by wrapping one of her legs around me and pulling me to her. Our bodies were closer than ever before.

  I wanted to touch her bare skin. I needed to touch her bare skin. But first, I had to tell her how I felt.

  She couldn’t be another lay for me.

  Because I read her body right now. She was just as turned on, and she would let me go as far as I wanted to.

  But we were dressed up, and I was taking her out. I was going to show her what she was worth.