The Winter of Regrets

by Needa Warrant

  Reluctantly, Nailz shrugged the colors off his leather jacket, looking at them remorsefully for a moment before handing them to Tramp.

  He looked in his president’s eyes. “I fucked up. I admit that. I never wanted to be part of Hunter’s plans, either. I got no problem removing myself from that damn will. Thorn leaving … fuck, I never meant for that either. This club’s my life, so you take care of my patch. I do have personal issues to fix. I know the rules, Tramp, so you don’t need to say them. I’m going home now. I’d like a word with Veiko before I go. That cool?”

  Tramp cocked his head toward V. “If he wants to talk to you, it’s fine with me. Thrash is the one who’s more pissed at you. Now, Elena doesn’t want to be around the club, so your big issue is Thrash.”

  Nailz spit blood from his mouth onto the floor and shook Tramp’s hand. “Bro, I’d have done worse to me than what you did, so thank you.”

  Veiko got up and walked toward him. He shook his head at Nailz as he reached him. Both men hugged.

  “Damn, V. I messed your pretty-boy looks up. You want a shot at me?”

  “I got you last night,” he returned with a sneer. “You’ll feel it later. You need to pull Jo back. You realize last night, you were hammered before you came into the club? My ol’ lady heard Jo’s been backstabbing her. I don’t want Jo in my business, either. Hitting Elena was stupid; you fucked up Thrash’s love life.” Veiko gave Nailz a crooked grin. “Watch your back for a few days. My brother’s a sneaky fucker and he wants Elena.”

  “I’d say I was sorry, but it ain’t gonna matter to him. I’d be pissed at me too if I were him. I gotta go home and tell Jo I cheated on her. He’ll be happy to hear I got kicked out of my house. I’m sorry about Thorn. Hell, I lost Tears too. I guess saying sorry to Elena isn’t a good idea?” Nailz’ voice softened when he said Tears’ and Elena’s names.

  “Nope, let Jersey handle it, bro. Just fix your own issues and get back to the Nailz we all love. This ain’t you, bro. I know Jo didn’t plan on having another kid so soon, but that’s no excuse for her jealousy and her backstabbing.” V’s voice was serious when he added, “You’d better watch my little sister living with you, too. Katri is no day at the beach.”

  “Katri’s living at my house?” Nailz sighed, slapping a hand to his forehead. “Oh, fuck me … Jo kept saying she needed help, but I never thought it was going to be Katri. No disrespect, but I don’t like your sister.”

  “I don’t like her much myself lately,” admitted V, “but Jo needs help and Elena tossed Katri out. At least she isn’t a stranger, and Jo does need the help. Put Katri in her place fast; she’s a pain in the ass. If she backstabs my wife, I will let Kima beat her ass. Joy already wants to do it and only Jersey is stopping her. So you got double the trouble at home with Jo and my sister. We’re good. You know Tramp won’t hold your colors for long.” He slapped Nailz on the back. “Now go home before Thrash wants to kick your ass again. I’ll call you. You’re welcome at my house, but Jo isn’t.”

  Veiko bumped fists with Nailz, then walked with him to the door. Nailz turned to look at the clubhouse one last time. His eyes met Thrash’s. He grimaced at the look the angry biker gave him. For the first time he could remember, he left a Bound for Hell clubhouse without his colors on his back, and he felt naked. It fucking sucked and he thought about how long it would take to get them back. He had some thinking to do on the drive home. Jo was not going to be happy with him.

  Nailz pulled his truck into the driveway of his house. His head ached badly and he was sure he had cracked or broken ribs. V was right; he found a huge lump on his head. Veiko liked punching people in the head. He smoked a cigarette in the truck since Jo refused to let him smoke in the house. Though he grew tired of her rules, it was really more for the boys’ sake. Slowly and painfully, he made his way out of the truck, crushing his smoke under his boot before reaching the porch.

  The door was unlocked, which struck him as odd. He walked into the living room to find Jo seated on the couch reading a magazine. She glared at him, then went back to reading. Nailz reached the couch and ripped the magazine from her hands.

  “Where are the boys and Katri?” he demanded to know.

  Jo looked shocked, leaning back into the couch cushions. “I sent them to the store with Katri,” she answered. “We needed food for dinner. Where have you been, Nailz?”

  Nailz reached his recliner and sat down carefully. “I didn’t come home, as you damn well know. I let your bullshit get to me and I drank so much that I … I blacked out, and I got into some fights … lost my colors for a while and … and I may have fooled around with some slut up in Ocean Cove.” It was said so matter-of-factly that Jo didn’t quite hear what he said, it seemed.

  She said nothing. The room grew thick with silence.

  “Jo, I said I might have let some chick suck me off,” he repeated. “I was so drunk, I don’t know what happened. I don’t remember a fucking thing. I blacked out.”

  “You cheated on me?” She pushed off the couch and stood in front of Nailz, the anger bursting out of her. “You son of a bitch! You bastard! You don’t know?? What the hell is that supposed to mean? Get up and drop your jeans, you asshole. I’m checking.”

  Nailz looked at her as if she was nuts. “Sit down. You’re not checking shit.” He put his hands up as if to push her away, thought of Elena, then dropped them to his sides.

  “I’ll see if there’s lipstick,” she said. “You blacked out? You don’t remember a thing? I’ll smell perfume or pussy, but I’ll know. Just do it or get the hell out, Nailz.”

  Finally, Nailz gave in, loosened his belt, and dropped his jeans as Jo knelt down in front of him. She roughly grabbed his cock and inspected it, bringing her nose forward to sniff it. Sighing, she let it go and got to her feet. “You didn’t do a damn thing, you big fool. However, the intent was there, so you may as well have cheated on me.” With a sigh, her eyes began to fill with tears as she walked back to the couch.

  “Jo, you’re pushing every button I’ve got. I know you don’t want to be pregnant. I get that, but you are. Backstabbing Kima? What the fuck are you thinking? Putting your nose into Veiko’s business … are you nuts? That’s why I hit him last night. I lost my fucking colors! Do you understand that?? I’m done with the nonstop tears, the moaning, the jealousy and the feeling-sorry-for-yourself bullshit. It stops today! If it doesn’t, I’m leaving your ass!” Nailz’ voice was hard as nails. “I lost my daughter because I listened to your bullshit, always trying to make you happy. It isn’t about just you. I don’t want to lose another family, but I’ll be damned if I live with a shrew. You’ve made enemies. So’s Katri. You’re not even allowed at Kima’s. It ends today and you behave yourself. Get the old Jo back before we don’t have a marriage. I’m taking a shower and I’m going to lie down. I expect dinner, and keep the twins quiet.” He looked hard at his wife. “You understand me, Jo?”

  She looked stricken. “I understand, Nailz, but—”

  “No fucking ‘but’ about it. I’ll pack my shit right now and leave. Your bullshit caused me enough problems. Either agree or I’m out of here. Don’t think my parents will side with you either after they hear all the crap you’ve pulled. I’m not having another Dianna in my life. You knew what kinda man I am, so don’t try that crap either. You need to stop making waves and stop being jealous of what Kima gets. This is your last chance to tell me you understand.” Nailz’ voice was making his head ache more and more. He hated to make her feel this way but he didn’t see any other way to get through to her.

  “I understand. I won’t call anyone. I’ll keep the boys quiet so you can rest.” Jo spoke softly despite her heart pounding wildly.

  “Good. Next time, ask me before you hire somebody like Katri. I don’t like her, and if she causes any problems, she’s gone.” Nailz turned away and missed the glare Jo sent his way. He headed to the bathroom and left her sitting there.

  Jo kept glaring at the bathroom door. Nailz mi
ght have thought he’d won this battle, but she wasn’t going to argue with him today. She’d warn Katri to stay away from him. Kima wasn’t winning this battle either. She felt a slight movement and wondered if the baby had moved. Maybe she’d have a girl and name her Jean, after her mother. That would fix Kima.

  Nailz woke up with a massive headache. Having the big bed to himself was a pleasure. The house was quiet and he could smell Jo’s cinnamon rolls baking. That smell alone was able to put him in a better mood.

  Sitting on the edge of the bed, he reached for his leather where his cigarettes were and saw the jacket without his colors. With a sigh, he grabbed the smokes and flicked open his lighter and lit one up. Fuck Jo’s rules. The boys slept upstairs anyway. The water glass beside the bed would serve as an ashtray. He inhaled and let the nicotine rush comfort him. Not seeing his colors hurt. It felt like a stab to the heart. He’d fucked up so badly—and over a bunch of petty bullshit, most of it due to his wife’s nagging and self-righteous attitude. He wondered how long it would take her to smell him smoking and rush in to bitch at him. He wished she would, because there was plenty more on his mind.

  He smoked until he was almost down to the filter, then tossed the butt into the water glass where it sizzled. Let her find it and bitch to Katri, he thought darkly. He looked for his jeans, but Jo must have come in while he was sleeping and taken them to be washed. He opened a drawer, grabbed another pair, then foraged for a black t-shirt with the neck cut out. Jo hated those shirts. He had a huge neck and he hated anything tight around them, so she had better get used to seeing these tee shirts again. Grabbing socks, he sat down, pulled them on, then shoved his feet into his boots. The old Nailz was back and he was not changing anymore.

  Change had gotten him into this fucking mess.

  Coming downstairs, he heard voices in the kitchen and realized the Regan’s were visiting. He peered through the window. Katri was outside with the boys, pushing them around in their twin stroller. Walking into the kitchen, he saw his wife sitting there with reddened eyes. Jean glared at him while John stood up to shake his hand.

  “Nailz, good to see you.” John was always straight to the point. “We stopped over to see if you and Jo wanted to go out to eat, but she said dinner was in the oven. Lucky man … chicken and stuffing. Our Jo sure can cook.”

  “Why don’t you stay for dinner?” proposed Nailz, eyeing Jo with suspicion. “I’ve got plans to eat at Kima and Veiko’s house. Jo could use the company and fill your ears about how jealous she is over Kima and how horrible a husband I am. Bet she will leave out how she butts her nose where it isn’t welcome and how she brought that Katri into this house where I don’t want her. I’ve had about enough of this shit.” Nailz headed for the front door, but John laid his hand on his arm.

  “A word, Nailz. Let’s sit in my car and have a smoke.” John’s voice was sincere and Nailz wasn’t going to disrespect him.

  John picked up his jacket and Nailz grabbed a sweatshirt from the coat tree as they headed outside.

  “Katri, take the boys inside,” John called out to the blonde pushing the carriage. “It’s too chilly!” He shook his head. “Damn girl has no sense. No wonder you don’t want her here.”

  They got into John’s Cadillac and he started it, taking a moment to listen to the engine purr. The man sure loved his cars; Cadillacs were top on his list.

  “We may as well take a short drive. You mind?” John looked at Nailz kindly. “I know Jean is trying to talk some sense into Jo. She says Jo has the baby blues. I don’t quite understand it, but it’s a damn woman thing.” John pulled away from the house and drove down the oiled road carefully.

  Nailz leaned an elbow against the car window. “John, I like and respect you, but has it come to your attention that your wife is hurting Kima? I got into a fight with Veiko over Jo butting her nose into his new business. Kima is your daughter first. I caused her a world of pain once, and I’ll be damned if I let my wife do it again.” Nailz grabbed the pack of smokes the older man offered.

  “Jean hasn’t said much about Kima, but Jo and her, they’ve always had this bond. I didn’t know Kima was being hurt. I’ll go see Kima and explain this baby blues thing to her. Seems Jo has too much to deal with and some hormone thing that my wife is pampering her over …” John was agitated.

  “I wish your wife would mind her own business because it’s messing with mine. If Jo needs to see a doctor, she knows she can. Jo’s jealous that Aunt Anya didn’t give her anything. I don’t know why Jo expects she’s entitled to it, either. You adopted her, not the whole family. My family has enough money and Jo knows that. It’s got to stop before she rips our marriage apart. Maybe you can explain that to Jean?” Nailz tossed his cigarette out the window as they pulled up to his house.

  John smiled grimly. “I think I’ll take a walk over to Kima’s with you, son.” They parked and began the walk to Kima and Veiko’s house.

  Veiko was trying to hold Josie and Kima at the same time. Kima had seen her parents go to Jo’s and she was crying. The one thing that ripped into Veiko’s heart was Kima crying because she rarely, if ever, did.

  “It isn’t the first time my mother has gone to Jo’s and not stopped in,” said Kima through her tears. “If I call my parent’s house, all I hear about is how wonderful the twins are, how Jo is such a saint having another baby, and it makes me feel like a failure. Even Jack has had enough of hearing about Jo. He says Jo is snotty to Deidra, and poor Dee was so close to my parents.” Kima grabbed some tissues and wiped at her eyes.

  “Nailz and your dad are walking over here,” said V. “Don’t be hard on Nailz, babe. He lost his colors and I told him he was welcome here, but Jo was not.” Veiko handed Josie to Kima so he could open the door.

  “My daddy’s here?” She put Josie in her little seat hurriedly. “Maybe he can explain why my mother is being such a bitch to me. At least he’ll make a fuss over Josie too.”

  She made her way to the bathroom to make herself look better, but didn’t make it all the way. Just as she passed through the living room, her dad grabbed her and swung her up into his arms.

  “How’s my favorite wild child?” John asked. “Still the most beautiful of my daughters, and Josie is going to be even prettier than her mama. Kima, Nailz has been filling me in on this crap with Jo and your mother. I had no idea, sweetheart. None at all. I’ll be speaking to your mother about it.” John turned Kima’s face and looked into her eyes. “I had no idea your feelings were being hurt. I’ve been wrapped up in the business with Veiko. Jo will never ever take your place in my heart. I love all of my girls, but Kima … you are my heart.”

  Kima’s smile lit up her face. “Daddy, mom has been so mean about things. She came to watch Josie and made it sound like I was not taking care of her and that my house was dirty. I don’t know why she would believe Jo and not just come over. I don’t know what I did to Jo, but I don’t want her as a sister anymore. I’ve always forgiven Jo for not being there when I needed her the most. I shared my family with her, but now that isn’t enough. Mom was acting like I’m crazy when it isn’t me, it’s Jo. Sorry Nailz, but I’ve had it, and I don’t blame you if you’ve had enough too!”

  “I’m sorry for what happened,” said Nailz, “and I’d never hit Elena if I wasn’t drunk. Jo has been pushing me, and I tried to make her happy, but I’ve had enough too. I invited myself to dinner, by the way. I can’t stand being in my own house. I’m removing myself from Hunter’s will tomorrow too.” Nailz watched Kima’s face and she smiled at him.

  “I just hope you can make things right with Tears and Elena,” she said. “As for Jo, screw her. You’re welcome to dinner every night if need be.” Kima sounded like her old self again. Nailz gave her a smile back.

  “Would you put a pot of coffee on, Kima? I think we need to sit down and talk about what we can do to help Jo and get this mess fixed.” Veiko was ever the practical man and talking things out was his forte.

  “Of course I can,
and I made some cookies. Chocolate chip mint. It will be a few minutes, I just got a new Mr. Coffee maker and it is fast.” Kima headed to the kitchen and got the coffee going. She grabbed the wall phone with the extra-long cord and dialed the Lodge. She went to the far end of the kitchen where she wouldn’t be overheard.

  Tearney answered. “Can’t talk long,” she whispered to Tears. “Nailz is off the will. I’ll call you later. Call Elena and tell her my dad’s here.”

  She hung up and got a tray ready with sugar, cream, and cookies. Taking that to the table, she saw her dad holding Josie and making baby noises at her. She looked at Nailz and Veiko talking, and she felt hope rise in her heart. Somehow, someway, everything would be alright again. It had to be; the people she loved all had to come together.

  Kima laid Josie in her crib and smiled down at her pretty baby. She looked so much like both of her parents and had her daddy wound around her finger. She stroked her blonde wispy hair for a moment and thought about Jo’s boys. One day, all of the children would play together once they solved their issues.

  Veiko had the coffee on the table and Nailz was contentedly munching on her cookies when Kima came over to her father. “Does mom know you’re here?” Kima had visions of her mother storming over to yell at them. Her dad would blow up at her mother and things would be worse.