The Afterworld

by Joanne Sexton

  The moment they disappear, the sexy guy eyeing me strides across the room with a friend. There are two of them. One dark, one light. Two guys at once? Can I do it? The gluttonous bad girl on drugs says yes. The normal me is buried, gone, not here, out of the building.

  “Hey, I’m Chad,” says the dark-haired god. Tall, broad shouldered and sex on a stick. “And this is Nick. How you doin’ tonight?”

  “I’m doing great,” I tell him. This is way out of my comfort zone, but all I can think about is Matty having sex with her.

  “Can we buy you a drink?” asks Chad.

  “Sure, I’ll have a vodka, lime and soda,” I reply.

  So much for not drinking on a school night. I have two hot guys in front of me, undressing me with their eyes, what else am I going to do? Add to that Matty having sex with another girl in some dark corner, and I’m ready to be naughty.

  While the two sexy men order drinks, I look for Matty. I scan the room until I find him. There he is, sexy arse in the air, fucking another girl. He’s doing it slow, sensual, like he does to me. I don’t know how I feel about him having sex with her like he does with me. Slow, loving and with desire. Maybe that is just the way he does it. If we’d only slept with each other, until recently, then maybe he doesn’t know how to do it any other way. Jealousy, gluttony and the drug high propel me to the bar. I wrap a hand around Chad and Nick’s waists and dive in.

  Chad hands me my drink and then takes my other hand. Of course I know what is about to happen and I don’t want to stop. I’m nervous and exhilarated, jealous and annoyed, so I let him lead me towards a free couch.

  Being Monday, there is more room. Less people to take up couch positions. With one last withering glance towards Matty wooing someone else, I let Chad ease me down and capture my lips. He’s a good kisser; I’ll give him that, and my new gluttonous sexy way loves every moment of his full lips capturing mine. While Chad kisses the life from me, Nick caresses my legs and, before I realise what’s happening, my jeans are off.

  Hot breath and kisses pepper my neck and passionate hands slide down my body until they reach the bottom of my t-shirt. With a swift move, it’s removed. Lips that devour my neck now make their way down across my clavicle and towards my breasts. Before I can take a breath, my bra is gone. Just as quickly, my underwear disappears, and Nick’s tongue is licking me. Chad’s lips leave mine and he undoes his jeans and all of a sudden he is in my mouth.

  These two know how to double team. I wonder how many times they’ve done this. They seem to be in sync with practiced moves. Nick’s sensual licking brings me close and ceases further musings about their talent. I take all of Chad into my mouth, enjoying being in control. I can’t stop the orgasm that Nick’s expert mouth brings me. I moan out my pure pleasure.

  With a gleam in his eye, Chad turns me over onto my hands and knees. I see all my clothes on the floor. Without warning, Nick enters me from behind. The feeling of utter pleasure leaves me breathless. While he takes me to the point of no return, Chad is still in my mouth and I’m in the middle of two men, having sex of different kinds with two men at once. I should be ashamed, it’s something I, of course, have never done before or thought I would, yet I’m so turned on I moan against Chad in my mouth, my second orgasm exploding in every part of my body.

  Before I come down from my blissful high, Chad spins me over onto my back and is inside me. Nick caresses my breasts, flicks my nipples while I groan out the thrill of the second man inside me. This isn’t me, yet I’m getting off on the sheer thrill of it all.

  I feel Chad explode inside me and then they both help me to sit up and sit either side of me. I’m in a hot man sandwich. I just had sex with two men and I don’t know what to think or feel. I should be ashamed, I probably will feel that way tomorrow, but for the moment, this moment, I feel beautiful and desired like I never have before.

  Then Matty jumps into my mind, and shame, love, and confusion overwhelms me. Do I love him? Is this why I’m doing this? Am I doing things I won’t usually do to please him?

  I must love him more than a friend. Why else will I be jealous? For the first time, since the moment I became his friend, I wonder, does he love me as I love him?

  5

  A New Feeling

  I wake up the next morning with Matty beside me. The comfort that we came home together overcomes all the memories seeping into my brain. He sleeps comfortably, like he has not a care in the world. I wish I can feel the same way, but I do have concerns, I do care about what is happening to me.

  His handsome face is relaxed, his full lips parted in sleep. He really is beautiful. His sun-kissed skin, muscles from gardening and landscaping in all the right places, his always tousled golden sandy hair and the dimple in his chin.

  Does he think I’m beautiful? Does he love Katelin? Does he want to keep up our gluttonous sexual rampage at The Afterworld?

  Matty has changed since our journeys to the club. He openly has sex with other girls, something he hasn’t done before. Has he been doing it secretly all this time or has The Afterworld changed him as it has me? Have the purple pills corrupted us both and changed who we are? I hope the change is temporary. I don’t know if I want to keep doing this and I really hope Matty doesn’t want to either. I don’t think my fragile heart can take it.

  I’m content watching him sleep. Knowing him forever means two things. One, I love him like I could love no one else. His sweet heart and witty mind endear him to me. His beautiful face and buff body are lustful. We have shared so many nights pleasuring, feeling, and loving each other that I’ve lost count. Through all of this I never considered my love growing to anything more.

  Two, what do I mean to him? There are so many questions without answers. Questions I don’t dare ask him because now I know I do truly love him; I don’t think I can handle the rejection.

  I shake it all off. He’s my best friend. We are indulging in sexual exploitations that I never imagined either of us being involved in. Last night was hot. Having sex with two hunky men was awesome, I can’t deny it. Yet I’m not sure how much longer I can keep this up for, for many reasons. I can’t have another fall asleep at my desk episode and I’m not sure how deep my love for Matty actually goes.

  Yes, I do love him as you love a best friend, but I felt jealousy and it was real, strong, so what does it all mean? Gluttony and jealousy hold hands and skip around in my mind. Sins I hadn’t considered I would ever partake in, I’ve indulged in for the past few nights. I’ve never been jealous of Matty being with someone before, but that was because I didn’t think there is anything to be envious about.

  Though, in the cold light of day, my gluttony lays guilt and disgust onto my shoulders, but I don’t think I’ll be able say no to the gorgeous man beside me if he asks me to go again. Maybe I can try and keep him to myself next time. Tell him I want to have sex alone with him in a public place. Tell him it’s a fantasy I’ve always had.

  The reason for my ruminations stirs, and he opens one eye.

  “Morning, Juicy,” He offers me a slow, sensual smile, the one that greets me whenever he sleeps in my bed.

  My heart flutters. Why am I feeling like this now? We’ve known each other forever and now I’m breathless and swoony.

  “You were a naughty girl last night. I loved it.”

  My heart plunges into my stomach. He liked watching me. He likes what I’ve done. This must mean he doesn’t love me, well, at least not more than a friend anyway. I’m not sure how I feel about this.

  “Yes, I guess I was,” I mumble, suddenly shy. Not really knowing what I want to say, I remain quiet for a moment. “I have to go to work, Matty,” is the only thing I can think of.

  “I guess I should too. What time should I come by tonight?”

  “Do we have plans?”

  I know we don’t and I most definitely know what he’s hinting at, I’m just not sure I want to go again, but I also know that if he wants to go I won’t be able to say no to him or to the insati
able sex fiend inside me.

  “Let’s go to the club again. I’m loving seeing you let go, Lucy. I didn’t know you had a sexy, dirty girl in you.”

  “I didn’t either,” I answer honestly.

  I’m not sure if it really is in me or I’m just getting caught up in the world and trying to please him. Matty being happy makes it all worthwhile.

  “I really have to get ready for work.”

  I’m not as tired today, so I manage to make it through work. My mind keeps drifting to the previous night, to all my nights at The Afterworld and I have mixed feelings about it, as I have from the beginning. Experimenting has been interesting and slightly addictive, and being naughty has definitely been a new high for me, but my feelings for Matty also keep jumping up, wanting to be clarified.

  6

  Addiction and Gluttony

  Each night we go back like addicts on ice. Some nights Matty and I have a threesome with Ally. Some nights I have sex one on one with other girls, other guys, two guys, another guy with Matty. I have become a sex fiend, a sinful gluttonous beast.

  Each day, I nearly, or do, fall asleep at work. I’ve been caught twice and received warnings from my boss. Sometimes Cally discovers me and frowns her concern. I even fall asleep one day on the train and have to catch another back to my stop. I am late that day.

  One day, it was a Friday, while trying to stay awake after a week of late nights and overindulging on sex, alcohol and purple pills, Cally confronts me.

  “What the hell is going on with you?” she asks, hands on hips, a scowl on her pretty face.

  “Nothing, I’ve just been having some late nights.”

  “I can see that, but this isn’t you, Lucy.”

  “How would you know who I am?” I snap, instantly sorry. “I appreciate you covering for me,” I say quietly with a smile. “I’ll sort myself out, I promise.”

  “Okay,” she says, her frown disappearing. “Just be careful. You’re one warning away from losing your job. I’m here if you want to talk.”

  “Thanks,” I say, offering another smile.

  I try to go back to work, but I can’t concentrate. Thoughts whirl around like a tornado. I have control of the situation, at least I think I do. I consider going to my shrink, but the thought of saying out loud what I’ve been doing stops me. I’m ashamed, yet that doesn’t stop me from going.

  Through all this, my feelings for Matty have increased. Now I’m aware, it’s like a big neon sign flashing in my mind. Mocking me. As I lose who I am, I feel I’m losing him along with it. Seeing him with other girls, trying to make him jealous by being with other men, has taken its toll. He doesn’t appear to be jealous of my escapades even though I desperately want him to. He mustn’t feel the way I do. We are best friends and that’s it for him. If he loves me, he wouldn’t want to go to The Afterworld night after night.

  After sleeping with all these people, I know Matty is the one. Sex with him is better than any I’ve been having at the club. Is my love unrequited? This thought depresses me. I have only ever seen Matty as I think he sees me, my best friend, but our sex club antics have brought my feelings to the surface. It was buried down deep, but now it is on the surface, tearing me apart, making my heart ache.

  Every morning when I wake I feel guilty. Guilty for the things I’ve done, shame for the things I’ve done. Am I losing who I am? Am I losing my identity? Have I become a slave to sex and drugs? Each time I vow not to go, but then the whole scene calls to me again and Matty wants to keep going, so I can’t resist.

  Dragging myself away from my daydreaming, I try to get through the rest of the day without falling asleep, again.

  After another weekend of indulging, as I have been for the last few weeks, looking half dead, and I’m late for work again on Monday and called into my supervisor’s office.

  “Lucy, you have always been one of my best workers,” Roz begins. “But lately you have fallen far behind and your productivity has dropped significantly, not to mention the late days, like today, and falling asleep at your desk. I’m sorry but I’ve got no choice, I have to let you go.”

  My stomach drops. I need this job. I live in a rental property alone. What have I done?

  “I’m so sorry. There’s been a lot happening in my life. I’ll work it out and be like I was before.”

  “I’m sorry, Lucy, but it’s too late for that.”

  My heart is in my throat as I pack up my desk. Cally is watching, not saying anything and I realise I jeopardised that friendship and I’m not sure she’ll want to continue to be in my corner, be associated with my behaviour. Not only have I lost my identity, I have also lost a friend.

  My life becomes the ultimate gluttony. Sleeping all day, having sex every night with the same and different people. I’m strung out and I can’t pay the bills. Debt collectors knock on my door. I can be evicted at any moment, yet I’m addicted to The Afterworld and I don’t know how to kick my addiction.

  I’ve become a sex fiend and I like it and I don’t want to stop. I’m living my own porn movie where I’m a dirty slut and I love it. On the one hand, I want the willpower to stop. On the other, thinking about all the things I’ve done brings me shame, I don’t want to stop.

  Matty has changed too; he’s now sexier than he was before. Watching him have sex with other people makes me jealous and excited all at once. Sex and drug addiction have attached their claws and won’t let go.

  I wake up alone one afternoon and emotions flood me. Love, guilt, shame, hurt and fear push themselves into my mind and heart. I can’t sort through it all as it bounces around in my mind, but the first thought I can grab onto is, you only live once.

  My pleasure-filled brain doesn’t process how dangerous it is to sleep around. My lifestyle isn’t a good one. All I know is, as much as it breaks my heart to see Matty with other girls, I also know I won’t stop while he still wants to go. I don’t know how to tell him we shouldn’t, that I need to get my life back. I’m afraid he will tell me how much he likes it and I don’t believe my heart can take it. My life is going down the drain.

  The season changes, but my lifestyle does not. I sleep all day and party all night. I live in a different world and I don’t have the willpower to say no.

  When I didn’t have romantic feelings for my best friend, life, everything was easier, but now, when I see him night after night with other girls, it tears me apart. As far as I knew Matty had never been with anyone else before The Afterworld, but again I wonder whether he has. I’ve had this thought so many times and yet I can’t bring myself to ask him.

  He’s fallen into having sex with strangers so easily and I can’t help but wonder whether he was doing it before. I guess I just thought he wasn’t or it wasn’t something I was concerned about until now. Maybe I thought he wasn’t because I assumed he loves me back and that neither of us wants to be with anyone else. Does Matty love me in a romantic way? Is he in love with me as I am him?

  How much I love him hits me square in the face. He hasn’t shown any type of romantic or loving feelings; does he feel the way I do? He encourages me at the club. He took me there. If he loves me why would he do that? Why would he put himself through what I have been going through?

  The jealousy is consuming. Matty is a different person to me now too, but that doesn’t stop me loving him. In fact, it makes me love him more, to the point that I don’t know if I can watch him have sex anymore. My life is in tatters and I have no idea how I’m going to put it back together.

  Matty

  7

  My Best Friend

  I have loved Lucy from the first moment she walked up to me all freckle- faced when we were seven and asked if I wanted to be her friend. I was new to the area and school and sat by myself at lunchtime. Her kindness has always been what kept my love for her alive.

  So, I wonder now, how I can watch her indulge with other guys. I don’t want to, but I have to. It tears me up inside, but I push that deep down as she is having too much fun.
She’s always thought she was too uptight, too vanilla. I don’t agree. Sex with her is always great. Intense, passionate, and far from vanilla. When I discovered The Afterworld I thought it might be the perfect time to allow her to really let her hair down and do the things she held back from. Explore, experiment and dive into a whole new world.

  Growing up together we were a team of two. It was just her and me against the world. As she grew up, my love for her grew with it. She went from a cute girl with pigtails and freckles to a pre-teen with long legs and thick wavy hair. When we went through puberty together, my love changed, and lust became part of the equation. When we were sixteen she declared she wanted to lose her virginity with me. It was like my dreams were coming true, literally. I dreamt about her in slumber and daydreamed while in class. Other girls wanted to date me, but my eyes were for my pretty Lucy. To say I was thrilled to have our first time together is an understatement.

  The night it happened is one I will never forget. Her parents went out for the evening and left us at home together. They trusted me, we were friends, nothing would be going on, or so they thought.

  It was a magical night. She lit candles and put on romantic music. We took our time learning everything slowly together. Neither of us had dated or been with anyone else in any kind of sexual way, so each touch, each kiss was new and exciting.

  After that night we couldn’t get enough of each other. Every moment we had alone was spent in each other’s arms. We would go from making love to lust filled sex in different positions, trying new things and new ways to please each other.

  What Lucy and I have is special. Nothing can take that away from us.

  She’s never told me exactly how she feels about me. I assume friends with benefits. It’s more for me, but I’ve never had the guts to tell her.

  Until now she has never slept with anyone else. I started that by taking her to the The Afterworld. I’d heard about the club by a client of my landscaping business. Rave reviews is what he gave it, so I went there to check it out and got pulled into the place straight away. I thought he was exaggerating. Surely it couldn’t be the way he described. When I walked in to find people indulging in sex right there for all to see, I was intrigued.