Dating Sarah Cooper

by Siera Maley

  I watched her for a moment, and swallowed hard. “I mean, you got us into this, so if either of us has the right to be mad or disappointed or upset, it’s me.”

  She raised her head, and I expected a snippy retort or a glare from her. Instead, she looked inspired. “Wait. I got us into this, right?”

  “I just said that,” I told her, exasperated now.

  “And you had no choice in the matter.”

  “It’s nice to hear you admit that,” I deadpanned. “Yes, I had no choice and now my reputation is gonna go down in a blaze of not-glory.”

  “Maybe not.”

  “Sarah, she knows. Give it up. We’re surrounded; just put your hands in the air and surrender.” I could tell from the way she was tapping her chin with her finger that I was about to be entirely ignored. “Sarah,” I tried again anyway, “you’re smart. If a cop caught you in the middle of committing a crime, would you really try to convince them you hadn’t done it?”

  “…No…” she answered vaguely.

  “No,” I echoed. “You’d plead guilty and hope for a laxer sentence.”

  She mulled that over for a moment, and then smirked at me. “But it’s like you said… how much of a difference can one girl make?”

  “Meaning?”

  “Meaning Jessa isn’t the cop. She’s the prosecutor, and that means we’ve just gotta convince that twelve-member LAMBDA jury.”

  Chapter Five

  Mom insisted on spending Saturday having a “girls’ day” while Dad went out for lunch with a couple of guys he’d known back in college who were visiting from Atlanta. She gave me the option to invite Sarah along, but I decided against it.

  Sarah was on this self-indulgent “I’m gonna use my superior knowledge to get us out of this” kick and also wouldn’t tell me anything about what her plan was, so I’d mostly spent Friday just going through the motions with her. We visited our lockers together, walked to class together, and generally did everything we’d done for the past several years as friends together, only with bonus hand-holding, and I tried hard not to notice Jessa throughout the day, who seemed to be watching us everywhere we went.

  Sarah, to her credit, ignored not only Jessa but also Sam – even when he blatantly stared at us and tried to get her attention at one point –, but that was the only indication I got that she had some sort of plan she was implementing. Knowing her, she probably just planned to tone down her heterosexuality for a few days and then try to talk her way out of the mess she’d made at the LAMBDA meeting next Tuesday. I wasn’t sure whether I wanted her to succeed or not anymore, honestly.

  My mom and I went to go see a movie, but before that, we grabbed lunch at this little bistro a short walk away from the theater.

  “So you’ve been quiet this week,” she observed as we ate. “Is everything okay?”

  “Fine,” I said. “Just always hate the first week back after a break. No more free time.”

  “Well, if it’s more free time you’re after, you don’t necessarily have to go to that club Sarah talked you into joining,” Mom pointed out. “What was it again? Some kind of volunteer club?”

  “Yeah, um…” I took a bite and chewed slowly to give myself some time to think. “It’s animal-based. You know I’ve always loved dogs, so.”

  “Oh, are they volunteering at shelters?” she asked. I nodded. “That’s nice. But even so, if it’s making you exhausted, it’s not worth it. Your grades are good enough that you don’t need any extracurriculars to get you into Creswell.”

  She was right. My college application, which I’d be sending out any week now, was only going to a few local schools, the best of which was Creswell State University. I was a shoe-in. Not like Sarah, who was shooting for Emory and needed all the help she could get.

  “I’m fine, Mom,” I insisted. “Don’t worry about me.”

  “Well, that’s a tall order from my only child,” she joked. “If I don’t worry about you, what am I supposed to worry about?”

  “I don’t know.” I hid a smile. “Menopause?”

  “Katie! I am not that old,” she said, and reached across the table to slap playfully at my arm.

  “Right, I forgot. You’re a young, hip Mom. Even hipper than Amy Poehler was in Mean Girls.”

  “Exactly.”

  I raised my head to grin at her. “That was a test. No one says ‘hip’ anymore.”

  “Well if I can’t be hip, at least I’m groovy,” she replied, and then smiled when I laughed through a mouthful of food.

  “Please don’t repeat that around my friends.”

  “Only around Sarah,” she promised. “She accepts me and all I have to do in return is talk her into eating my dinners every now and then.” I felt my smile die slightly, and Mom, being Mom, immediately caught on and went into mothering mode. “I knew it; you two are fighting, aren’t you?”

  “Mom,” I whined, drawing the word out, “Sarah and I are not fighting, okay? Everything’s seriously fine. I promise.”

  “Then why haven’t I seen her since Monday? Did you two fight that day you went over to her house?”

  “No,” I said. “We’re fine.”

  “If you use the word ‘fine’ one more time I’ll call her myself,” Mom joked. “Honey, friends fight all the time. You two have had your fair share, from what I can recall. It always works itself out.”

  “We’re not fighting!” I insisted. “Can you please just drop it?”

  I didn’t realize how loud I’d been until I caught several nearby diners shooting glances at us. Mom set down her silverware with a sigh, speaking quietly. “Katie, honey, you need to keep your voice down.”

  I chewed on my bottom lip, embarrassed. “I’m sorry. I’ve just had a rough week. That’s all. Sarah and I are fine… we’re okay. It’s just me. I’ve been…” I hesitated, and then admitted, “I’ve been getting teased again.”

  Mom’s face fell immediately, but there was an understanding in her expression that relieved me. Provided I could avoid giving her any details, this was a safe, believable, and semi-truthful route to take. “Oh, honey. About what?”

  “Just stuff,” I mumbled. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

  “Certainly not about your weight? You know you’re a beautiful girl, don’t you? You’re perfectly healthy.”

  “Yeah, I know,” I told her half-heartedly. “I’m not gonna stop eating again. People… just suck sometimes, is all.”

  “Does Sarah stick up for you?” Mom asked.

  “That’s not her job,” I deflected. “It wasn’t her job in middle school and it’s not now.”

  “But in middle school she did it anyway,” Mom reminded me.

  “Well, she has her own stuff to worry about now,” I said.

  “Oh, I see,” she said. “So like that boy and your new club.”

  “I guess.” I nudged at the food on my plate with my fork. “It’s nothing I can’t handle. Anyway, aren’t we gonna be late for the movie?”

  “Don’t change the subject,” she chided me, but motioned for our waiter to bring the check nonetheless. “You’re a strong girl, Katie. You’ve been through a lot more than most girls your age. Sarah or no Sarah, you can handle bullies. I’d just sleep easier at night knowing you have someone on your side.”

  “I do. Believe me, Sarah may be busy, but she and I are definitely in this one together.”

  “Well, good. I’m glad you have her. That girl’s always had a unique way with words; that’s for sure.”

  “I come here today, accused.”

  I pressed my lips together and tried to follow my instructions from Sarah as best as I could, but given that she’d left me completely in the dark from Thursday night through… well, five minutes before our LAMBDA meeting, and given that my only instructions were to “just look victimized” because she’s “got this”, I was a little lost and more than a little disheartened by her opening statement. Regardless of how many years she’d spent on our middle school debate team, this
seemed like the wrong way to approach our dilemma, to say the least.

  Nearly everyone else in the room, including Jake and Jessa, looked just as startled by Sarah’s statement as I felt. Five minutes into our LAMBDA meeting, she’d asked that she be given the floor in the center of our little circle in order to make an announcement, and now here we were, staring at her while she spoke, confident and indignant.

  As I watched, one eyebrow raised, she pointed an accusing finger at Jessa, who responded with an expression that probably looked pretty similar to my own. “Jessa here doesn’t seem to believe that Katie and I are a real couple.”

  Now it was Jessa’s turn to look indignant. She rose from her seat. “Because you-!”

  “Hey!” Sarah cut her off. “It’s my turn to talk. If you want the floor, you can have it when I’m done.” As Jessa let out a disbelieving laugh and took a seat with a shake of her head, Sarah addressed the rest of the group. “Look, I’ve known Katie for practically my whole life. A lot of you guys have, too. Have you ever known her to throw herself at boys? No, right? Because she’s gay.”

  I tried hard to keep a straight face as she pressed on. There was no way this was going to work. Sarah had school smarts, but she put her foot in her mouth way too much for this to go smoothly. She’d been a terrible debater in middle school, honestly, but I’m not sure anyone ever had the heart to tell her.

  “And I’ll admit I have a bad reputation,” she continued, “but I don’t think it’s right to just assume I’m faking a relationship with my best friend just because I like boys, too. Bisexuals can settle down, you know.”

  “She has a point, Jessa,” Hattie chimed in, looking mildly offended. “I’m bisexual, and I’ve mostly dated girls. Sarah might prefer guys but she can still commit to Katie, and I think it’s kind of offensive to imply that she’s faking a relationship with a girl just because she’s not a lesbian.”

  “They’re both faking it,” Jessa insisted. “I’m sure they’re both straight. At the very, very least, Sarah is. She’s just doing this to rile up some guy she’s trying to sleep with; I’ve seen her fawning all over him.”

  “It’s called flirting, Jessa. It doesn’t always mean I’m interested. Maybe if you knew how to do it you’d have a girlfriend, too.”

  “Alright, guys, c’mon,” Jake cut in hastily as Jessa began to get to her feet again. “Look, this is where we come for support. It’s supposed to be a safe haven to talk about how we feel. Sarah and Katie have been through a lot this week and I think we should cut them some slack.”

  “Seriously,” Sarah echoed, folding her arms across her chest and shooting Jessa a smug look. “There are some real issues we could actually be talking about here, so how about you drop this and move on?”

  Jessa, surprisingly, looked just as smug. “Fine, Sarah. I will.”

  “Good.”

  “Just do one thing for me real quick, though: Kiss your girlfriend.”

  Sarah froze in place, and my head swiveled so fast I almost pulled a muscle in my neck. Thankfully, Sarah recovered quickly. “Um, no. Do I look like your own personal porno?”

  “I didn’t say you have to make out,” Jessa shot back. “It’s just a quick kiss. That’s no big deal if you’ve been dating for months and into each other for longer, right? I mean, if you’re really so in love…”

  I tried my best to help her out there, jumping in quickly with a hasty, “Jake.”

  He came to our rescue. “Jessa, c’mon. They’re a couple. Let’s move on.”

  “If they’re a couple why won’t they kiss?” she asked the group, and I saw a few people exchange thoughtful looks, as though she had somewhat of a point. The unpleasant nervousness that’d been building in my stomach all day began to swell and creep up into my chest.

  “Maybe I’m not into PDA,” Sarah insisted, but the excuse was flimsy, and Jessa countered it easily.

  “Sarah Cooper, not into PDA. Uh huh. That’s real convincing.”

  “Uh, I’m kissing someone in front of thirteen people here, too, you know,” I cut in weakly. “I don’t like PDA.”

  “Blah blah blah, all I’m hearing right now is that both of you are making up excuses not to kiss each other. What does that tell us?”

  “Sarah. Katie,” Hattie said abruptly, drawing both of our gazes to her. “Look, just shut her up. She’s just jealous.”

  “Yeah, I’m just jealous,” Jessa echoed, smirking at us. “So go ahead and prove me wrong, ladies.”

  Sarah and I exchanged looks as she stood in the center of the group and I remained seated. In three seconds, we had a mental conversation that went a little like this:

  Her: “???”

  Me: “No. No way.”

  Her: “Are you sure? C’mon! We can’t let her win this.”

  Me: “Sarah, no.”

  Her: “Yes?”

  Me: “No!”

  Her: “Oh, just suck it up.”

  And then, aloud, she sighed heavily and announced, “Okay, this is stupid,” stalked over to me even as I gave her the most subtly withering look I could muster, heaved me to my feet by my hand, then gave me a brief look that said: “you better act like you’re enjoying this” before pressing her lips to mine.

  And I blanked. My hands, completely of their own volition, found their way to her hips and rested against them, and at some point my eyes must have fluttered shut, because right around the time her lips started moving against mine I realized I couldn’t see anything.

  Her own hands were surprisingly gentle on my cheeks as they cupped my face, and she was kind of an amazing kisser. Her lips were soft and I could taste her favorite lipgloss on them, and for a brief moment, sometime before I remembered where exactly we were, I had the briefest of thoughts: “So this is kissing a girl. Huh.”

  When I first started kissing her back, which took a few seconds, I kissed her like she was Austin. Like she was someone I cared about and wanted to have romantic feelings for, but just couldn’t quite get there with. Because that was what she was. It would’ve been much easier to be a real couple in that moment, surrounded by people who would then have loved us for who we actually were and not for who they thought we were. And it was kind of nice, kissing her like I kissed Austin, because kissing Austin was always kind of nice. Kind of okay.

  But then it hit me, really hit me that she wasn’t Austin, that she was my best friend Sarah, and it was like we’d been moving in silent slow motion and now someone had hit the “play” button.

  All of my senses were suddenly on hyperdrive.

  My lips stuttered against hers and I felt her breath, hot and heavy against my chin as we lost our kiss for a moment, and then her lips caught my bottom lip and I was kissing her like she was Sarah this time, like she was my first kiss with a girl and like there was a nervous ball of tension in my stomach and throughout my chest and like it was both our first kiss and our last. My heart thudded hard, stopped, and then thudded harder, my stomach twisted in a way that was strangely pleasant and entirely terrifying, and then every muscle in my body weakened because her tongue flicked against my lip.

  She pulled away first, and her eyes opened right when mine did, dark and blue and wow, really dark. The look in them kept my heart racing even as I registered that I was a little out of breath. Noticeably out of breath.

  Right on cue, a throat cleared and we both followed the noise to Jake, who, to put it lighter than I’ve ever put anything before in my life, looked slightly amused. Beside him, Hattie was pretending to fan herself, and on the other side of the room, even Jessa looked a little bit befuddled.

  “So,” Jake finally broke the silence, trying hard not to laugh, “I think that settles that. Henry, you had something you wanted to tell us today, didn’t you?”

  I was suddenly aware that my hands were still on Sarah’s hips, and I released them hastily as Jessa grudgingly took a seat and Henry began to tell us all about how he’d come out to his parents over the weekend and they’d reacted well. “Sorry,
” I mumbled to Sarah as we sat down, embarrassed that my hands had lingered on her sides.

  She sounded a little distracted as she replied, “No, it’s okay,” and while Henry spoke, I saw her lean forward to place an elbow on her crossed legs and rest her chin in her hand. Her fingers traced her lips at least once when she thought I wasn’t looking, and my insides twisted again in that way I wasn’t used to them twisting.

  “Katie,” Jake said some few minutes later, and I nearly jumped as I swiveled around to look at him.

  “Hmm? Yeah?”

  “You and I talked a little about how you’ve had a hard time dealing with being newly out. I wondered if you wanted to share any of that here.”

  “Oh, have you guys really had it that bad?” Hattie jumped in before I could reply, sounding genuinely interested. “I thought you were friends with the people who normally do the harassing. No offense or anything.”

  “We can’t be friends with everyone,” Sarah told her dully, her chin still in her hand. “Besides, some of it’s anonymous.”

  “Oh, the texts?” Violet asked, speaking for the first time today. “I got them too. Sometimes I still do.”

  Hattie nodded her agreement. “When guys come out as gay or bi, other guys like to use slurs and physical violence against them. But when girls come out, we get slurs, occasional physical violence, and sexual harassment.”

  “Right?” Sarah chimed in again, straightening up suddenly and gaining some enthusiasm. “Do you have any idea how many threesome requests I’ve gotten?”

  “It’s even worse because we’re bi,” Hattie agreed. “But they’ll ask any girl who isn’t straight, honestly.”

  “When I came out,” Jessa announced abruptly, and everyone looked to her, surprised she was joining the conversation after Sarah and I had, frankly, given her quite the smackdown just minutes ago.

  She cleared her throat and looked straight at us as she continued, “I had a couple guys come up to me after school and corner me in the parking lot, insisting they could turn me straight if I just gave them the chance. They wouldn’t take no for an answer. I still wonder what they would’ve done had another kid not walked by and seen them. They got spooked and backed off.”