*****
Two nights later things change, but not for the better.
I head into the bathroom and start pouring hot water into the luxurious tub and add my lavender oil to the mix. It’s unbelievable how hot and sweaty it can get on a bus full of guys. They like to treat themselves to a couple of showers every day. The tub is full of bubbles and steamy hot water so I start to rid my body of my clothing. I always treasure this time of night when I get the opportunity to wash away the stresses of my job and the day in general. I didn’t realise just how tiring this job would become. I’m constantly on the go from actually styling the guys outfits to taking measurements of them. I don’t really have a minute to myself. Oh and to top it all off every time I have to work with the boys they seem to find it impossible to keep their damn hands to themselves. Usually this would have me wanting to rip their balls off of their bodies, but for some reason the vibe here is very different. It feels more like a family.
A family yes, until I come to think of Josh. There is no way the feelings I have toward Josh could constitute anything closely resembling a family connection. There’s something about him, it’s almost like I can see through to his soul. I know there’s something deeper to him but what that is I can’t fathom. I want to know him better; I want to know his deepest, darkest secrets, what makes Josh, Josh?
I shake myself out of my day dream and realise I’m still standing in the middle of the bathroom completely naked. I step into the tub and relax down into the hot water and relax, rinsing all my cares away. I’m momentarily interrupted by a soft knock on the door.
God can’t a girl have any privacy around here at all?
This happens every fucking night, if it’s not Blaine needing to have a slash its Josh using the excuse he needs one just so that he can stare unashamedly at my naked body.
“Come in and you had better make it quick. I’m not here to be ogled at every night.” I really hope the novelty wears off soon for them. It’s not as if they haven’t seen a naked girl before, in fact I could place a bet that they have seen hundreds between them all.
“Sorry Sophie I really didn’t mean to disturb you. I can come back later when you are finished if you like.” Tanner says with a stagger and his eyes are glazed over. I haven’t really had many dealings with Tanner yet but I would say that boy needs help; I have barely seen him sober the last week I have been here. He constantly has a beer attached to his hand or something stronger and I really worry for him. Surely with this tour it’s only bound to get worse for him? He will have more access to drink and drugs and I worry that he has an addictive personality. I really hope the guys look after him better.
“No Tanner come on in, do you have business to take care of?” Even if he doesn’t I will happily sit here and chat with him. I think Tanner has some inner demons that he has never exorcised and turns to alcohol to help him deal, maybe he just needs a friend that isn’t essentially a band member. I just want to help him.
“No Sophie I just had to get out of there for a few minutes. Would you mind if I just sat on the floor here for a while and chatted with you?” The look on his face has me nearly in tears. The poor guy is so hurt but he doesn’t seem to open up to the others. If I can be a supportive friend to him then I will.
“Tanner what’s going on with you, huh?” I want him to tell me, there has to be a reason why he drinks so much and parties all the time. I’ve had the opportunity to examine a few photographs that have been in the tabloids online. In every photo that was at my disposal, Tanner has not been sober in one of them. Why is that? It’s more than having a good time anyway.
“Nothing Sophie I’m just enjoying myself, you only live once after all.” His eyes are in a faraway place. He isn’t in this room with me; he is somewhere else, perhaps back to a time when he was hurt.
“Cut the crap Tanner it’s me you’re talking to. The guys might let you off with it but I sure as hell won’t. Whether you believe it or not I care about you, I care what happens to you and if you carry on with this self-destructive behaviour it’s going to finish you. Tanner, you will end up in a box six feet under. Tell me, is that what you want?” I honestly didn’t mean to be so hard on him but hell the guy looks a mess. Tough love and all that.
“Sophie you would never believe what’s gone on in my past and neither would I want anyone to have to listen to it. Only I should have to live with what’s gone on and my guilt is my punishment. Please leave it, just be my friend. Please?” Tanner has tears welling up but quickly swipes them away with his tattooed hand. Just the look on his face has my heart breaking into a thousand pieces. Why won’t he take my help? I can just see the worst thing happening to that boy and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.
“Oh, Tanner what the hell am I going to do with you?” With that said Tanner gets up off the floor and walks over to the side of the tub and wraps me up in a breath taking hug, I can feel every ounce of pain that he is suffering. If he would just talk to me then we could work some way out of it between the two of us. My heart hurts for him.
“Sophie don’t say anything to the guys they think I am just a hard-core party goer. I’m fine don’t worry about me.” And before I have time to process his words he is gone back to chill out with the lads.
Just as Tanner has disappeared I start to relax again. I hear the bathroom door close slowly and the lock being put on the catch. I turn around and see Josh smiling at me with one of his heart stopping smiles. It takes me a moment before I can catch my breath at his rugged handsomeness.
“Sorry baby had to come in and take a slash you know how it is.” Oh I know how it is alright. Every night he comes in here to take a piss just when I happen to be in the tub. I’m just about to speak to him when he undoes his fly and pulls out his cock. He usually does that discreetly whilst I’m in the bath but no, this time he doesn’t feel the need to hide it. I’m pretty sure that my expression speaks for itself.
My mouth is wide open and I’m pretty sure I’m drooling at the sight of his love gun. He is freaking massive and I really don’t know how the hell that is going to fit inside anything. I swallow back my surprise. He holds it with such a fierce possessiveness. I know in this instant that he knows exactly what he is doing in the bedroom department. I can’t stop staring at his cock, I find myself licking my lips in anticipation at how good that would feel inside of me. I’m also drawn to his lips and find myself wondering what it would be like to kiss him, to run my hands through his silky hair. I want to run my hands over every inch of his beautiful tattoos.
Sophie, pull yourself together now, come on.
“Awww baby if you really wanna test the goods you know where the heck I’m at.” Just that comment alone has doused my arousal for him. Why the heck does he have to make it sound so crude? I have strong feelings for him yet he always has to go ahead and cheapen the moment. He looks at me with such lust and then bang he is back to being the cocky, arrogant Josh again.
“For crying out loud Josh why the hell do you do that every time. Just when I think we are getting along just fine you have to go and ruin it all to hell!” That is the second time in two days that I have raised my voice to Josh, something I don’t do very often. Josh just seems to make me more passionate and angry. I’m not sure which annoys me more.
“Oh Sophie I’m sorry, please don’t be angry with me. Look, what can I do to make it up to you? Do you want a drink?” Bless him, he really doesn’t like to get me worked up and upset. It’s one of the things I love about him. Wait, did I just say love him? Crap.
“No I don’t want a drink Josh.” No, definitely not, there is far too much drinking going on about here.
“I know, I will wash your hair for you. It will relax you baby. Let me do this for you, okay?” I hope he manages to do this small task without trying to make it sexual. Although I don’t really want him to touch me because I just know that it will awaken the sexual desire that I feel for him again. I just can’t seem to control it at all and it
is starting to overrule me now.
“Okay Josh you can wash my hair but I mean it, none of your funny shit otherwise I will put a stop to it right away, got it?”
“Would I?” Yes you bloody well would. Any excuse with Josh just to touch me. His touch just seems to send an electric current running throughout my body; it puts every nerve ending onto red alert. I have never had a man affect me like that, it’s frightening.
“Yes mister I think you would.” He smiles his gorgeous smile once again and I can almost feel my heart stop for a moment. Why does he keep doing this to me? That smile alone could get my panties off.
“Okay beautiful just lie back and relax.” And I do. I close my eyes and drift with the soothing feel of the showerhead spraying warm water all over my head. This is what I have been needing. My stress levels have been hitting the roof the last few days. Mainly because the guy’s first gig is tomorrow night and I have been working pretty much non-stop. It’s been hard going but I think it’s all taken care of now.
“Just going to put in the shampoo now gorgeous.” The endearment isn’t lost on me; he can actually be very sweet when he wants to be. As Josh massages the shampoo into my hair I can’t help but let out a small guttural moan. Josh halts his hands mid massage and I wonder what I have done to stop his ministrations.
“Everything okay Josh?”
“Sophie I won’t be in a minute if you don’t stop that moan from your lips.”
His hands are so big and masculine and his fingers. God his fingers. I can feel the rough edge to them, no doubt from playing the guitar for so long. Josh works his way down to the nape of my neck and the action sends heat pooling in-between my legs. Josh doesn’t know it but that is one of my erogenous zones. I have to get him to move his hands back up to the top of my head otherwise I will be coming pretty soon, and that’s one thing I don’t want Josh to see yet.
“Um, Josh could you please just work on the top of my head please. You working on my nape makes me a little turned on and I don’t want to go there.” I’m embarrassed to admit it to him. I know that he will love that little bit of information, no doubt he will retain it for further reference.
“Oh, well little Sophie does get affected by me, who would of thought it?” The sarcastic bastard. He just loves making me insane with need. I’m really struggling to keep a hold of my control when I’m around him, all those little hip bumps, accidental touches and secret smiles have been chipping away at my control bit by bit.
“Attraction is too tame a word for what I feel for you.” There I have admitted how much I am drawn to him. Unlike his little groupies I’m attracted to the man not the image, not the music. I like the person underneath that tough exterior and boy, he is one hell of a man.
I’m really struggling to understand why people can be so vain as to think the guys would be interested in girls that only want them for their fame and money. If I so much as see a little skanky groupie hurt any one of these guys she will have me to contend with. I consider them family and I will fucking rip their cheap little hair extensions right out of their scalp.
Ha who would have guessed that I was the violent type!
“Sophie won’t you reconsider how this is going to go down? I really want you.” Josh kneels right beside me next to the tub and gazes adoringly at me. “I really want to fuck you. Your pussy is like a siren, it keeps on calling me.” He grabs my hand and places it upon his crotch. He is as hard as stone and I can feel my mouth begin to water.
“Let me give you this pleasure. Lets get this thing out of our system.”
Josh moves up to his feet and brushes down his jeans and lays the sweetest kiss on my forehead before turning to leave the bathroom. Not so fast buster!
I feel something much stronger than lust for him, but right now I want nothing more than to experience a connection with him.
“Okay Josh.” What was left of my self control has evaporated.
“Okay? Really?” Josh seems incredulous.
“Yes please fuck me Josh.” I cant believe I’m saying this.
“You won’t regret this baby.” Oh, I have a feeling I will.
I feel something for Josh on an emotional level, I know its not returned but, I will take him whatever way I can get him.
“Oh, Sophie we are going to be awesome together just you wait and see. I’m going to fuck you so damn hard you will forget your own damn name.” With that Josh lifts me straight out of the tub and places me on my feet gently. He admires my body, taking every single curve in and smiling lasciviously making his intent perfectly clear. He places both his hands on either side of my face and gently strokes my cheekbones. It suggests something a little more than lust but I put it to the back of my mind.
“So damn beautiful.” Josh says this whilst looking into my eyes and I can’t help but be drawn into his stunning brown ones, smooth like chocolate. Out of nowhere his mouth is on mine and my legs almost give out at the intense contact. All the while, Josh keeps a firm grip of my shoulders whilst seeking an entrance into my mouth. I willingly open to him and our tongues meet for the first time and it’s the most intense kiss I have ever experienced in my sexual history.
The kiss gets more intense and vicious and I reach up and grab his hair with a full fist and pull hard but Josh doesn’t miss a beat. We both pull apart at the same moment. Both of us must look equally as shocked at the intensity of our passion for one another. I must look a state, I’m bound to have bruised lips and lust filled eyes but right now I don’t care.
“Wow.” Josh utters the word but looks deep in thought. Just when I think he is going to take me, he pulls away from me and grabs my robe. He wraps it around me reverentially and kisses me on the forehead once more.
Just as I thought we were finally getting intimate after me dismissing the issue of my job, he turns away from me and walks out of the bathroom with not another word.
Chapter 6
Josh
I had to get out of that bathroom after that fucking kiss. It was explosive. Her lips tasted so damn soft and full. I could feel her melting under my touch and it took everything inside of me not to pick her up and have my way with her against the wall. I have kissed literally thousands of girls and bedded pretty much the same but I have never in all my life felt anything like that. The pure intensity of it has me wanting to explode in my pants; I never thought it was possible to nearly come just from a kiss.
A kiss, fuck it felt more than that, that is exactly the reason why I had to get out of that bathroom as soon as possible. I couldn’t fucking breathe, what the hell am I getting involved with here? I want her but I’m so confused about my feelings about everything. I have never been the type of guy that wants to cuddle after fucking. I fuck until I orgasm then I either leave them or I chuck the girl out. I sound like a complete douche, but hell I can’t deal with that kind of deep emotional bearing of the souls, it’s just too personal. Sex has never been anything more than a means to an end for me. I blame my fucking mother for me having that outlook. She was a heartless bitch that never showed me one ounce of love and now I have turned into the one thing that I never wanted to become, a detached and soulless prick.
I head back into the entertainment room and pour myself a large bourbon to try and calm myself down. How could I have not noticed the signs, this is more than an attraction that I’m feeling for Sophie. I really don’t want to admit it, but I think I’m falling for her and hard. That is exactly the reason why I can’t let it go any further.
Fuck I sound like a damned hypocrite. I fucking chased her and hounded her until she admitted she felt something for me and now I’m the one backing away from her!
I rake my hands through my longish hair and brace myself against the wall. The only thing that I will end up doing to Sophie is hurting her. One way or another I will break her fucking heart into a million different pieces and there will be no way she would be able to repair it. I’m hurting myself in the process but Sophie is my main concern. I don’t know how
I’m going to be able to stomach seeing her being touched by another man but I’m doing it for her. The last thing I want to see is Sophie heartbroken and ruined for other men.
I notice that Mickey is still up and watching me curiously. Of all the guys to have watched my meltdown of sorts, it had to be Mickey. Mickey and I have a love/hate relationship, I love him he hates me. He hates me for taking a one night stand away from him a year ago. Seriously, that dude needs to lighten up. It’s not as if the one nighter would have even led to anything. Mickey just fucks then leaves, I just happened to do it first. I could totally understand it if I had took his girlfriend. In fact, I think I did the guy a favour she was a shit lay. She had absolutely no idea what the hell she was doing. I would actually doubt if she was over nineteen. Yet he still won’t let the subject drop. He’s like a god damned woman bitching 24/7 about the one that got away. Please, give me a fucking break.
“Well Josh looks like you are getting pretty flustered over little Sophie, aint ya?” Mickey says sardonically and I have to grit my teeth together to stop me from lashing out at him. This is one woman he can keep his grubby hands off of. It is besides the point that I’m not claiming Sophie for myself, but I will step into the seventh circle of hell before I let Mickey have her.
“Mickey, go fuck yourself.” Words can’t actually express how amazing Sophie is, none of us deserve her. Sophie deserves the very best of everything and not one of us here can give her that.
“It looks to me that you are very attracted to her Joshie boy. Maybe you even have strong feelings for her. Am I right? Because if I am then I just may be inclined to make your little union harder for you to achieve. I will never forget what you did to me last year. I get on with it for the bands sake but you my friend, your card is marked.” Who the fuck does he think he is talking to? She was a fucking skank; you couldn’t even put her in the same room as Sophie let alone breathe the same air as her.
Rock Me Slowly Page 6
