Rock Me Slowly

by Dawn Sutherland

  I happen to glance over my shoulder and Josh is walking over towards us. “They just called our flight, you ready to go babe.” I pick up my hand luggage and stare at Blaine, Zack and Tanner. I nod in appreciation of them talking to me.

  I’m more confused than I was before and this flight is going to give me a lot of thinking time, whether I want it or not.

  Josh

  The flight went quickly with no drama, which is a miracle in itself. The atmosphere in the first class departure lounge was god awful, neither Mickey nor I taking our eyes away from each other. I didn’t like Sophie being subjected to the intensity of it so I was very glad when she went over to talk to the others until our flight was called.

  Sophie seemed to be in a very hushed kind of conversation with them and I knew exactly what they were talking about, it was very obvious. They were talking about that night in question, the one where me and Mickey came to blows over that little brunette; I still don’t know what her name was.

  I know, what a douchetard!

  During the flight Sophie fell asleep on my shoulder and Blaine was sitting opposite me so I decided to grill him for info. I want to know exactly what they told Sophie about that night. I know there is no way to get around the fact that I was a complete dick to that girl. I know Soph will think that I’m a horrible person and who could blame her?

  There is something about Sophie that makes me want to be a better person and I’m beginning to regret my actions towards that girl. That is a total 360 for me, I can’t remember the last time I felt sorry for using a woman. I know for a fact I wouldn’t do that to Sophie.

  “Pssssst Blaine.” Blaine looks up from his Kerrang magazine and his eyebrows knit together in frustration, he knows exactly what I’m going to grill him about.

  “Look man she deserved to know the truth. She would of only found out in the end and I reckon she would have been more pissed then. I know it didn’t put you in a very good light but hell man that night was nuts.” Blaine shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head at the memory.

  “I know I acted like a complete ass and if I’m being completely honest I wasn’t overly attracted to her really. It was more the fact that Mickey wanted her so I decided then and there that I would go after her. You know what we were like with women. I still don’t understand his reaction, never before has he acted like that.”

  “I don’t know either man but he obviously wanted her or else he wouldn’t of acted like that, think about it.” I do think about it and it still doesn’t make sense.

  “The thing that keeps coming back to me is how he didn’t make his usual moves on her. He talked to her like he knew her or something. He spoke nicely to her; he didn’t flat out tell her that he wanted to fuck her like he always does. I mean even you know that, he leaves nothing to the imagination. I still think the same thing as I did back then; there was something more to the whole thing.”

  That thought is left hanging in the air as Sophie yawns and removes her head from my shoulder. She stretches and eyes both Blaine and I curiously as to what we have been discussing, we both try to look nonchalant but I don’t think Sophie buys it for one minute.

  “Hey baby did you sleep okay? We’re just about to land; we have another bus waiting on us to take us to the Hammersmith.” I smile reverentially at her. Sophie pouts her bottom lip out at the fact that we have another show tonight. I really want to bend down and suck her lip into my mouth and hear her little moans of pleasure. No, I won’t give Blaine the pleasure of a front row seat of a sex show.

  The plane makes a smooth landing at around 1pm and we all bundle out of the aircraft and we are escorted by Trev to our awaiting tour bus. Once again of course there is a large crowd of adoring fans waiting for us. Sophie looks a little awkward at the adoration the fans feel for complete strangers.

  “I will be two seconds Soph, I need to do a few autographs to keep the fans happy then I will be right with you. Go on ahead with Trev and he will get you safely into the bus.” It kills me for Sophie to leave my side but I don’t have a choice, her safety is paramount.

  “Okay, Josh I’ll go and get settled. I’ll be waiting.” Sophie winks at me and I can almost feel my balls tighten in anticipation of another sex session with Sophie. It’s amazing how one little action like that can have my love tool jerking in response.

  What a woman!

  I head on over to the barricades and pick a couple of random fans to sign autographs for. One girl wants me to sign her tits, I roll my eyes. Surely it would be better to sign an actual bit of paper for her; the signature will just wash off as soon as she hits the shower. I don’t understand some of our fans at all.

  “Please sign my tits; I’m never going to wash it off.” Never wash it off? Is she freaking insane?

  “Okay if you insist.” I sign her tits and cringe inwardly at how personal the fans are becoming.

  “Could you pose for a photograph with me? Please I’m your number one fan.” The girl squeals loudly in my ear. Well at least that is a little more normal, posing for pics I can do. The girl passes me her phone and I point it away from us and I pose with her and take the picture but she leans in and kisses my cheek.

  What a fucking cheek! I’m not public property!

  I hand the girl back her phone and make my way to the tour bus with one of the security personnel and I’m so glad to be away from the screaming fans. It can become very tiresome especially after a long flight.

  I head on back to the tour bus and find Sophie sitting with Zack and Mickey at the kitchen island discussing tonight’s show. I guess Sophie has managed to sort out our image for what feels like the hundredth time during the tour. God, old Tony changing things at the last minute must have Sophie under even more stress.

  As I get closer to them Sophie looks up and I’m rewarded with the most breath-taking smile any guy could ever get. She is the most beautiful creature I have had the pleasure of laying my eyes on.

  Mickey is eying me curiously and I can’t help but think he is plotting something but what I can’t be sure. Mickey’s phone starts ringing and he gets up and takes the call in the bathroom which piques both mine and Zack’s interest. Zack and Blaine have made me rethink that night again and I know now without a shadow of a doubt that there is something more going on with that girl. Mickey is hiding something from us all and I decide to make it my mission to uncover the truth, something is just not right about the whole situation.

  “Sophie come into the entertainment room with me, I want to talk to you.”

  “Oh okay Josh, excuse me Zack.” Sophie says politely to Zack.

  Sophie follows me into the entertainment room so that I can discuss the issue that is Mickey’s big fucking problem.

  “Okay so… erm I know that you know exactly what happened that night Soph. I realise that you will think I’m a complete dick with the way I behaved but that isn’t me anymore.” I’m having a job convincing Sophie let alone myself. I’m just waiting for me to fuck up again, it’s inevitable.

  “Look Josh, I know that it’s in the past and I know it should stay there but I just can’t seem to understand what got into the two of you that night. She wasn’t any more than twenty for Christ’s sake.”

  “Sophie, I know it was fucking stupid and it’s totally fucked up my friendship with Mickey. Although this has happened before and he never acted like that.” I need her to understand, I can’t have this standing in the way of our…our relationship? Can I even call it that yet?

  “Well Josh the damage is done now but I really think you should get to the bottom of it before things are irreparable. He was a good friend of yours once and I would hate to see the band suffer for it.” I know she’s right but can I swallow every last bit of pride I have and apologise to Mickey? I don’t know.

  “I know your right Soph, I’ll suck it up and sort things out once and for all. Please don’t let this affect us though. I love spending time with you, I love talking to you and most of all I love when you point out h
ow much of an ass I am. I don’t often do as someone tells me, but you have me questioning everything.” It’s the truth, I’m beginning to question everything about my past and it has me wanting to be a better man.

  “Good. Go and get it sorted sexy and then you can get prepared for tonight’s show.”

  Chapter 17

  Sophie

  The first show in New York has gone brilliantly and all the guys are amped at how much support they have received on the tour so far. It’s gone amazingly well and I’m proud of each and every one of them for their constant hard work into making the whole thing a success.

  As the guys come off stage Josh looks very preoccupied and I wonder what has him so worried. I hope that Mickey and Josh were able to sort out their differences and move on with their friendship. They have too much to lose and the band would suffer if they couldn’t put the demons of that night to rest for good. There has to be a reason that Mickey got upset over Josh sleeping with that girl and I really hope that Josh found out what it was.

  I stand at the side of the stage and wait patiently for Josh to put away his prized guitar and join me for a celebratory drink. Josh takes longer than anticipated and I walk across the stage to see what is taking him so long.

  When I reach my rock god I wrap my arms around his waist and snuggle into his back. He feels very warm and sweaty but I love the smell of him after performing. Josh tenses up and it’s when he does this I realise that something is terribly wrong. Josh never tenses up in my presence; we comfort and relax each other when we touch. I instantly pull away from him and my body is suddenly wracked with a feeling of dread as to the reason for his reaction.

  Josh puts his hands in his hair and pulls hard. I always know when Josh is under extreme stress when he does this, it’s a nervous reaction. He is shaking all over and he just doesn’t seem himself. He spins around to face me and he is totally emotionless, there is nothing on his face that I can associate with the Josh that I know. I’m very worried about him.

  “Josh what on earth is the matter?” My heart is now beating a crazy rhythm and that horrible feeling of dread in my stomach has returned. I dread the words that are going to come out of his mouth momentarily.

  “Soph I don’t know if I can talk to you about this. I found out something I don’t really want to face, but I have to. Maybe I have to do this alone.” This is much worse than I could have imagined but I still want to help him, I won’t let him do whatever this is on his own.

  “Josh whatever it is you don’t have to face it on your own. I’m here for you no matter what, I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

  Josh looks at me sullenly; somehow I just know that whatever he is going to tell me is going to shatter this thing we have into pieces.

  Josh looks at me warily no doubt having an internal battle in trying to decide whether he should just come out and tell me this secret he has just discovered. Josh sighs a long and laborious breath so I guess he has decided to throw caution to the wind and just spit it right out.

  “Okay Soph but I know you aren’t going to like it and it will probably end us before we really get a chance to start anything.” Okay, now I’m really worried.

  “Look Josh please just tell me, I promise I won’t interrupt you until you are finished. I want to support you in any way possible so let’s get this out in the open, huh?”

  Come on Josh let’s stop fucking about, just spit it out.

  “Okay, Well I did like you asked. I called Mickey out about that night, the one with the brunette girl. Well fuck me it’s worse than I could of ever imagined, like way worse.” Oh crap, what exactly has happened now? “Mickey wasn’t going to tell me at first, he really did want to keep it to himself but his hatred for me was there for all to see so in the end he told me. I have done something awful Sophie.” Josh grips his hair once again in an attempt to rain in his emotions but it is most definitely not working.

  “Keep going please.” I say this curtly, unintentional but I can’t help it, I feel so apprehensive awaiting his next words.

  “Sophie, Mickey told me, he told me, oh for fucks sake. Mickey fucking told me that I fucked his sister that night!” Josh screams the last part of that sentence out at me and I can see the beginnings of tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. No way in hell did I expect those words to coming flying out at me.

  Holy fucking shit this is huge!

  “Josh what do you mean you fucked his sister? I thought Mickey chased this girl too? I’m pretty confused right now and I need you to clarify this for me because I’m not getting this at all.”

  “Sophie, she was Mickey’s half-sister, he didn’t know about her until a week before I slept with her. Mickey wasn’t chasing her to sleep with her, he was chasing her to get her to go home. He was concerned about her. So of course what did I go and do, yep I went and had sex with her, how typical of fuck up Josh, eh?” Josh is actually beyond hysterical now and my heart is breaking for him.

  “Oh Josh you weren’t to know. Okay, so you did something that you rightly shouldn’t be proud of but Mickey didn’t exactly tell you who she was. “

  “Sophie, she was fucking seventeen and I was too fucking smashed to take any notice of how old she was, more to the point I didn’t give a damn. All I was interested in was fucking her brains out, that’s all I’m good for. I use and abuse girls at my will and what’s more I enjoyed doing it!” Josh’s words sting me and it almost feels like a slap across the face. I wonder if that’s how he views our attraction.

  “Oh Josh you have to be joking. I thought you said that you thought she was older than seventeen? You can’t really be surprised that Mickey has an issue with you now, can you?” Everything is starting to make perfect sense now. Mickey’s half-sister slept with Josh and she was underage so Mickey is going to play the protective big brother and want to kill Josh. I know I would if I was in Mickey’s position.

  “I know Sophie, god I do. I feel like a complete shit for doing this and I can’t use the excuse that I was smashed, I need to take responsibility for my actions. I have probably fucked up that girl’s future with the way I behaved.”

  Suddenly a thought occurs to me and I try to banish it back into the depths of my head but It keeps on pushing its way back to the front until I open my mouth and the words come flying out without me putting in place my filter. “Josh, please tell me you didn’t take her virginity, please don’t tell me you took that one thing away from her?” I honestly think I already know the answer to that question and it scares me.

  “Sophie, I swear I didn’t know she was a virgin, she didn’t tell me either, at least I don’t think she did.” Oh dear god give me strength. He can’t even remember if she told him if she was a virgin or not. Losing your virginity is supposed to be a special thing and that girl lost it to a one night stand with a guy older than her, and he didn’t give a damn about her. No wonder Mickey is ready to ruin everything for Josh. I hate to say it but he deserves it, Mickey was only looking out for his baby sister.

  “Josh you honestly can’t be that surprised by Mickey’s behaviour towards us can you? Mickey was only looking out for his sister. She didn’t get her special first time, instead she got a wasted rock star fucking her, she would have been sore but she wouldn’t have complained because of your status, you should have noticed. You have to do something to try and make up for what you have done. You are damn lucky you aren’t in jail.”

  “Soph I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, I’m still in shock about the whole thing. In all the years I have known Mickey, I never knew he had a sister. As far as we all knew he was an only child. Knowing this is killing me now.” Josh sinks to his knees and puts his head in his hands and begins to weep as the realisation sinks in. I do feel bad for him but I feel worse for Mickey’s sister.

  “Look Josh, I can totally understand where you are coming from but think of his sister, imagine how bad she feels. Now stop acting like a damn pussy and pull yourself together, you and Mickey need to wor
k through this and work through this now. Get your ass off this stage and sort it.”

  Josh nods repeatedly. He grabs both my hands and squeezes them before he swiftly walks off the stage to try and make amends with one of his oldest friends before it’s too late.

  Josh

  The news that I fucked Mickey’s half-sister has rocked me to the core and I can’t believe that I ruined her chances at a memorable first time with someone that loved her and could be gentle and caring with her, instead I was the guy that treated her like a bit of meat.

  I didn’t particularly find the girl attractive to my tastes but I suppose she did have a certain appeal for some guys. Both Mickey and Blaine tried to reason with me, that I didn’t need to bed a quite clearly underage girl in order to get my kicks, but would I see reason? Would I hell!

  Apparently her name with Jasmine, I didn’t know this but then I didn’t take the time to find out. All I wanted that night in the club was to fuck her brains out. Another notch in the bed post. God, I can’t even remember exactly how many notches I have collected. They all pale into insignificance.

  Not one of those girls or women ever meant anything to me. I didn’t care about their feelings when I kicked their asses to the sidewalk. I never thought anything of it when they gave me their cell numbers and I ripped it up in front of their face. I never cared a damn when I looked at them in disgust and sneered at them after sex. I had to cut myself off emotionally a long time ago and I forced myself to not care about people that could potentially hurt me, my past took care of that.

  Its highly likely that all those girls felt used and worthless after our encounters and probably will suffer trust issues in later relationships, but did I care? Did I fuck!