The devil and Jessie Webster
Page 14
"You almost make me believe it. I think you're wonderful, too. You have a beautiful body."
"You have a thing for freckles?"
"For yours, I do. I wondered when I first saw you if you had than all over."
"Now you know. I would've been happy to bare my chest sooner, if you'd asked."
"No doubt. You're disgracefully immodest. If s a very nice chest, though. All these muscles, and just enough manly hair to run my fingers through."
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"I'm glad you like it. I'm rather fond of yours, myself."
"I noticed. You pay it an inordinate amount of attention."
"It's worthy of a double portion of consideration. Ouch! Easy on my manly chest hair!''
"That was a very bad joke."
"Be honest. You love my attention."
"To my shame, I do. Tonight's the first time in my life since puberty that I've been pleased with the way Pm built."
"I don't believe it."
"No, if s true. I don't remember a single male in high school who ever looked me in the face. Allie didn't mind—she always liked our figure. But it made me self-conscious. Do you know what we were called? The Hooter Twins. Don't you dare laugh."
"I apologize on behalf of all horny teenage boys everywhere."
"You'ie forgiven. Tell me about your neighborhood program."
"Back to that again, are we? What do you want to know?"
"What do people think of it? Have you gotten the credit for a brilliant idea?"
"I'm not looking for credit. I'd just like to see it put into effect throughout the city. I think it would make a big difference, not only in improved relations between the police department and the public, but also in the crime rate, like it has here."
"If that's true, why don't they do it? Don't they know how well it works?"
"The city council has the statistics, but there's a money problem. Once the program's in place, it doesn't cost any more to run than what we have now, but there's extra expense in setting it up that has to come out of the city budget. We're talking a major revamping, and money is tight. Besides that, not everyone agrees the program would work in the inner city like it does out here in the suburbs. The police commissioner is all for it, but there's enough opposition in the ranks to keep the issue from even being brought to a vote of the council."
"How do you fed about that?"
"Damned frustrated, if you want to know the truth. Somebody's got to do something, and soon, or the gangs and crim-
inals are going to take over our cities altogether. A whole generation of kids could be lost. It's pretty clear the cops can't do it alone."
"You feel strongly about this, don't you?"
"For good reason. Can we change the subject, Jess? Or better yet, stop talking period "
"Ben?"
"Hmm?"
"Are you sleeping?"
"Uh-uh."
"What's it like being undercover?"
"Not nearly as nice as being under the covers with you."
"Be serious. I want to know. Is it terribly dangerous?"
"Sometimes. If you're careless. You learn pretty quick not to be."
"Are you one of those men who gets off on danger and close calls?"
"No way. I'm a peace-lovin' man."
"You have to be a good actor, don't you?"
"Get the stars out of those pretty eyes, Jess. Undercover work isn't a movie. There's nothing glamorous about it."
"Come on, tell me. What's it like?"
"I'll tell you this once, Jess, and then I don't want to talk about it anymore. If s lousy, if you want to know the truth. Being undercover is living a lie every day of your life. It's hobnobbing with the lowest kind of scum and pretending you like it because you're just like them. You meet people—good people—while you're on a job, and you have to ignore them or ridicule them or even hurt them to keep them and anybody else watching from fi
nding out who you are. You get to see the scorn in their eyes, or worse, fear. It's living with the knowledge that things could go bad at any minute and you've got to be ready. Sometimes it's almost forgetting who you are, you play your part so well. Sometimes you feel like you're a criminal yourself."
"Why do you do it, if you feel that way about it?"
"Because it's usually the only way to get the top dogs in an organization so you can shut it down. For that you need evidence. An undercover cop can get it. Jess?"
"What?"
"I'd rather not talk about this now."
"Oh. Well, then, can I ask you about something else? You're one of the most interesting people I've ever met."
"Interesting, huh? Considering what we've been doing for the past several hours, I'm not sure how to take that."
"It's a compliment, of course. I appreciate all your many facets. Were you ever married?"
"Uh-uh. I came close once, though, when I was younger."
"Who was she?"
"A girl I met in college. Her name was Becky."
"What happened?"
"A lot of things. But mostly it was that Becky didn't want to be the wife of a policeman. It's just as well she broke the engagement. Cops don't make good husbands."
"Did you love her?"
"Not enough to give up my plans to be a cop."
"Ed told me you're very dedicated. He said you have a devil on your back."
"I'm not too pleased he was discussing me with you, but thaf s a fair description, I suppose."
"Don't blame Ed. I asked about you. Have you wanted to be a policeman since you were a little boy?"
"No."
"Why, then? Or am I being too nosy?"
"Now, why would you think that?"
"You're being sarcastic. Sorry. I didn't think you minded my curiosity."
"Careful. Here, I've got it."
"Whad are you dooink, Bed? Leggo of by dose."
"I'm just trying to help. It was starting to slip out of joint."
"Very funny. Okay, I won't ask any more questions."
"That'll be the day."
"You know, Antonio never wanted to tell me anything."
"Can we keep your ex-husband out of this bed, Jess?"
"Oops. Sorry."
"I'm a cop because of my sister."
"Your sister? Didn't you tell me you were an only child?"
"I am now. She's dead."
"Oh, Ben, I really am sorry. No wonder you wouldn't answer me. You don't have to say any more."
"It's all right. It's been eleven years."
"Was she younger or older than you?"
"Younger. Her name was Maddie."
"I like that."
"She had freckles, like me, but her hair was copper-colored. In the sunlight, it shone like a new penny."
"You loved her."
"Yeah. I didn't realize how much till she was gone. She thought her big brother set the world and all the planets in motion. And I let her down when she needed me most."
"What happened?"
"She was killed—-beaten and stabbed by a boy she thought was her friend—when she was fifteen."
"Ben, how awful!"
"The kid was high on cocaine. He hung himself when it was over."
"It must have been terrible for you and your parents."
"It was hard. Dad and Mom got through it on their faith, but I didn't have any faith left to draw on. Maddie was gone, she'd suffered, and I couldn't turn to God for comfort when he'd allowed it to happen in the first place. I blamed him for not keeping her safe. And I blamed myself, too."
"Why?"
"I was away at college, and Maddie had called me that week wanting me to come home for the weekend. It was the second time she'd asked. But I told her no, even though I hadn't seen her or my parents for a couple of months. I was too busy with classes and polishing up my master's thesis and helping Becky plan our wedding. Maybe in a few weeks, I told her. In three days she was dead."
"Ben, that wasn't your fault."
"It was. If I'd come home, she'd have been with me at my parents' place instead of with that crazy junkie. She was always so glad to see me, she hardly let me out of her sight when I was there."
"Would you have gone home that weekend if you had known what was going to happen?"
"Hell, yes. I would've left right after Maddie's call if I'd known."
"Of course you would. But you didn't know, and neither did she. Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems to me you had good reasons for not going home—finishing your education, planning your future with your fiancee. That's important stuff."
"Not more important than my sister's life."
"No, but... things happen, Ben. People live their lives the best they know how, and sometimes, like Maddie, they're in the wrong place at the wrong time through no fault of their own. You can't change that. I think you must have been a wonderful brother for her to have loved you like she did. Remember that, and let the other go."
"I can't let it go. You don't know how it was. You're right about one thing—I couldn't change what happened. That enraged me. I wanted revenge, something, anything to get rid of the pent-up feelings inside. The boy who killed her was already dead, so that avenue was closed. But I found a way to make it up to Maddie by going after the people who sold the drugs to that kid."
"You became a policeman."
"Not then. The police had closed the case as a drug-related murder-suicide, and as far as they were concerned, that was that. But I wasn't satisfied. I wanted to know where the boy had gotten the drugs. So I did a little snooping around on my own, got a few leads, and took matters into my own hands. I never did go back to finish my master's. Instead I enrolled in the private high school Maddie's killer had attended. It was my first undercover job."
"Enrolled? As a student?"
"Uh-huh."
"That's incredible! How old were you?"
"Twenty-four. But I was pretty fresh-faced back then, and with a wild haircut and all these freckles, I passed for a kid who was big for his age. After four months I had enough information so the police would listen to me. Then I had their help, and in another four months we broke a big ring of dealers who sold mainly to kids. We were lucky enough to get a substantial cache of drugs and drug money at the same time. I'll never forget the day the arrests were made. That night I slept the whole night
through for the first time since Maddie died. Doing what I'd done helped. It was for Maddie. Then I became a cop—for her."
"What happened to Becky?"
"Her plans for her life didn't include being a cop's wife, so she called it quits. If s kind of ironic, now that I think about it."
"What?"
"I told Maddie I couldn't come home because of school and Becky. Af ter all the dust settled, I never got my master's degree and never got married. Crazy how things work out sometimes. Hey, what's this? You're not going to cry, are you?"
"I'm trying my darnedest not to. Come here, you."
"Mmm. You do feel nice all squashed up against me. Don't cry for me, Jess. Just think, if things had been different, tonight would never have happened. We probably wouldn't have even met. On second thought, maybe I'll cry with you."
"You devil. Stop trampling on my tender feelings. I'm trying to comfort you."
"Hmm. Maybe you're right. Wouldn't want to shoot myself in the foot here. Go on with what you were doing. I'm starting to feel better already."
Carefully Jessie reached over Ben's sprawled, slumbering body to turn off the lamp. He mumbled unintelligibly as her breasts brushed his chest She felt his big hand sweep up her side to gently squeeze her before he settled back into sleep.
Poor baby, she thought as she pulled up the covers and snuggled down next to him. He was exhausted, and no wonder. She'd lost count of the times they'd made love.
Jessie was tired, too, her body pleasantly aching from the night's workout. She still couldn't believe the responses Ben had pulled from her or her own greedy deman
ds—demands he'd met and fulfilled without exception. He'd awakened her sleeping sexuality and turned her into a woman she didn't recognize. In the process he'd given her something she hadn't even known she was missing—her womanhood. She was exhilarated with the prize.
Infinitely more precious, though, were the quiet moments of discovery when the two of them had lain entwined in lovers' intimacy, touching the nakedness of their souls along with that
of their bodies. In one night she'd learned more about Ben than she had about Antonio in years. To Jessie, that simple act of sharing their most private selves was far more significant than their physical joining, spectacular as that had been. In fact, for her it was what had made the sex so wonderful. She'd never felt so close to another human being, not even Allie.
Now it was hard to believe she'd fought the attraction between them. The only explanation was that the lingering scars of her marriage had blinded her to everything but her inability to control the fast-moving events that had brought Ben into her life. He was there, a handy outlet for her frustration, and she'd stupidly blamed him for all of it. It just showed that in some ways, she was still letting Antonio call the shots.
But her eyes were wide open now. The night had proved that Ben was nothing like her ex-husband.
Well, he was a little bossy, but only at those times when he was trying to do his job and keep her safe. How could she condemn him for that? He had told her how important his work was to him, and she understood, probably more than he thought she did. He was fighting demons of guilt and obligation over something that hadn't been his fault at all.
His tough-cop persona hid a warm, caring man who felt things deeply. Up till now he'd fought his battles alone, but no longer, Jessie vowed. Maybe he didn't realize it yet, but he needed her, he needed her love. Just as he had freed her from the constricting bonds left over from her past, she would help him to break loose from his self-imposed penance over Mad-die. He'd been living under that cloud for too long.
She loved him; they were meant to be together. Jessie knew it in every fiber of her being.
Chapter 10
lien's eyes shot open when the phone rang. Jessie stirred in his arms and murmured drowsily. Reluctantly he disentangled himself from her sweet warmth and whispered, "Go back to sleep, Jess. I'll get it."