Welcome to the Galactic Shoppers Network

by Ian Rodgers

  “Please step aside,” Zane said slowly, eyeing the gun and the man wielding it.

  “I cannot do that.”

  “Just let me give my sister the medicine. Afterwards I’ll come quietly,” Zane said, a pleading note in his voice. Agent Denver shook his head.

  “Doesn’t work like that, Mr. Pendon.” The man’s eyes narrowed as he caught sight of Rob hovering nearby.

  “And I’ll have to ask that you turn over your drone as well.”

  “Sorry, but I’m my own person,” the droid retorted, causing the smile to slip from the agent’s face momentarily in shock.

  “I see. Well, no one can say I’m crazy for believing in aliens anymore,” Frank said with a laugh, his grin returning. “Still, I’ll have to ask that both of you surrender quietly.”

  The sirens had grown even louder, and from the flashing red and blue lights outside the window it was clear that the backup had arrived at the hospital.

  “Please, let me see her,” Zane begged. Agent Denver shook his head.

  “Like I said, that’s not how it works.”

  “Why were you waiting for us near the national park earlier?” Rob asked, causing everyone in the room and hallway to blink in confusion at the non sequitur.

  “It was one of the places I guessed you try and hide out in,” Frank said after a moment. “Relatively isolated with easy access to and from the highway? Perfect spot to lay low for a day or so. Which is why I went there to stand watch. Then, once I saw you, I hopped into a helicopter and flew here to wait for you.”

  “Clever son of a gun,” Zane said, impressed in spite of himself. The FBI agent smiled.

  “Thank you.” A tense silence fell on the room, before the ponytailed agent holstered his gun and stepped aside with a self-deprecating sigh.

  “Five minutes. Hurry up.”

  Zane stared in surprise but did not waste the unexpected kindness. He rushed over to Veronica’s side, his parents and Don moving to give him space while Jack and Donna looked on at the scene, watching intently as young children tended to do.

  “Hey there baby sis,” Zane said softly.

  Veronica looked awful. All her hair was gone now, and it seemed a few of her teeth had dropped out as well. Her skin looked yellow and he could see her ribs even through the hospital gown. The chemotherapy treatments had not been kind to her.

  Yet she smiled up at her brother with a smile that was still bright and caring.

  “Hey yourself. I hear you’ve been a bit naughty.”

  Zane chuckled morosely at that. He then held out the hard plastic case that contained the medicine and carefully opened it, removing the syringe. It looked like an Epi-pen, and Zane gently pressed the tip to his sister’s neck. The needle pierced flesh and Vera flinched slightly before the drug shot into her system.

  “Rob?” Zane called out, and the droid floated into the room and held up the medical scanner.

  “The anti-cancer drug has been administered completely, and is already starting to affect the afflicted parts. Based on current rates, I’d say a month or so before the body has fully purged itself of cancerous cells,” Rob revealed, ignoring the stares from the family as it did so.

  “Bro, am I hallucinating or is that a floating metal eyeball?” Veronica asked. Donna pointed and babbled in agreement.

  “No, he’s really here. Guys, meet Rob. Rob, the rest of my family.”

  “A pleasure to meet you all. Zane speaks very highly of you,” the droid said politely.

  “It’s been five minutes. Time to go,” Agent Denver called out. Zane sighed before nodding.

  “I’ve got to go now. We’ll talk later,” he said with a sad smile before walking over to the government official.

  “Don’t go yet,” Rob suddenly ordered, causing everyone to look at it. Seconds later a low pitched hum went through the building, and everyone’s heads craned upwards involuntarily to get a glimpse of the sound’s source.

  Jaws dropped, people pointed, and fearful individuals let out screams.

  Descending from the heavens was a large silvery acorn-shaped vessel, a strange emblem upon the surface: A solid gold ring with four planets in a diamond formation inside it. Zane recognized it from a few of the commercials.

  “Oh boy.”

  It stopped to hover a few feet above the hospital parking lot, and the various law enforcement personnel were nervously watching it.

  “Don’t do anything! Hold your fire, hold your tongues, hold everything!” Agent Denver shouted into a walkie-talkie. “Yes I see it, which, by the way, means I can finally say ‘I told you so,’ but first and foremost don’t start an incident by shooting what could be an ambassador!”

  A part of the hull slid open on the vessel and a dozen round metal discs floated out of the hatch to form a hovering staircase. Out of the ship four clearly armed beings emerged, glancing around before gesturing to something inside.

  The armed beings, whom Zane recognized as FIST operatives based on the armor design, formed up and acted as escorts to a quartet of alien lifeforms that descended from the belly of the vessel as well.

  One looked like a poison dart frog with a brightly colored body. One looked like a feathered ape which Zane thought looked familiar. One liked like a bald, purple humanoid with a lot of eyes while the final being was very familiar to Zane.

  Azure scales that shimmered in the late afternoon sun, with a golden crest and honest, pink eyes that the coder couldn’t forget even if he tried.

  “Charma?!” He exclaimed, staring down at his kinda-sorta-ex(?)-girlfriend.

  “Wait, that’s your mysterious lady friend?” Veronica asked, looking from the alien lizard-centaur to her brother. She had propped herself up on the bed when the humming had started and had a very clear view from the room’s window of what was happening outside.

  “Wow, she’s really foreign,” she whistled, nodding at the extremely exotic female her older sibling had repressed feelings for.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Zane muttered through gritted teeth, face red with embarrassment.

  “I assume my future grandbabies will be adopted then?” Sally Pendon inquired, causing her son to groan and massage his temples while everyone else looked at the older woman in surprise.

  “I’m not going to judge my son’s love life,” she explained with a roll of her eyes. “But I am going to expect more grandchildren to dote on.”

  “We’ll talk about this later,” Zane said with a weary sigh.

  ‘Much, much later. In fact, never again,’ he added mentally.

  Whatever else was going to be said was interrupted by the colorful alien who raised a four-fingered hand in greeting.

  “Attention citizens of ‘Earth.’ I am Chairperson-Elect Xenovida of the Solar Alliance of Independent Planets. We come here in search of a fugitive who has gained illegal access to technology beyond his remit. Will you please hand over Zane Pendon to our custody? We know he’s in the building, we’ve been tracking him for a while now so don’t play coy. Oh, and the droid that goes by ‘Rob’ as well. Please and thank you.”

  Again, everyone in Veronica West’s hospital room turned to Zane and his robotic companion. Zane, for his part, looked over at his hovering friend with an exasperated grimace.

  “You knew they were coming, didn’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Your master plan to keep me from the hands of my government was to turn me over to another one?”

  “Pretty much, yeah. But don’t worry, there’s more to this plan then you think.”

  Zane held back a retort and looked over at Agent Denver who, in all fairness, was handling this whole situation a lot more calmly than most other people would have.

  “Sorry, Agent Denver, but you heard the alien leader. Take me to them.”

  “Fine. No funny business,” Frank warned before turning to his walkie-talkie once more. “Yes, I have Zane Pendon with me. Yes, I am bringing him out to the aliens. No, I won’t just hand
him over. I know, sir, but honestly, what else can we do?”

  A bit more arguing later and the young agent sighed, put away his communication device, and beckoned for Zane and the droid to follow.

  The duo complied, and in no time at all the group had emerged from the hospital and were standing a few feet from the FIST members, who’d formed a protective cordon around the extra-planetary dignitaries.

  “Zane!” Charma cried out, a smile on her face when the human appeared. He smiled and waved, acutely aware of dozens of pairs of eyes on him.

  “So you’re the troublemaker who’s dragged me all the way out here,” the feathered ape said, clearly unimpressed. His expression brightened a bit when he saw the droid.

  “Droid 77! Or, you prefer Rob these days?”

  “Hello Chairman Aunlood. Yes, I do prefer Rob. I’d apologize for becoming a True Intelligence, but that’d be dishonest of me. I rather enjoy sapience.”

  The Ranga coughed awkwardly into his fist. “I see. Well, that can be discussed later.”

  “Indeed it can,” the Chairperson-Elect said. She turned to Agent Denver who remained a few steps away.

  “I take it you are representing your government in this matter?”

  “Much to the chagrin of my superiors, yes,” Frank said. “Agent Denver, at your service.”

  “However, while we have brought you Zane Pendon as you asked, I’m afraid I cannot just let you take him. He’s currently wanted by the United States of America.”

  “For no crimes that are his fault. Technically, he is only in trouble for ‘reckless driving.’ True, your government had the right to hold him, but not for as long as you did and his escape was aided by an outside party. He’d committed no criminal actions prior to the arrest, so any crimes he is guilty of are the remit of the Solar Alliance of Independent Planets,” the towering blue alien said, its ‘voice’ causing lots of people to flinch as it echoed in their heads.

  “Zane Pendon is a citizen of the United States. We cannot hand over a legal citizen to outside forces,” Agent Denver said blandly. A tiny smirk appeared on his face at that.

  “Ah, but he is not a citizen of your country anymore.”

  That announcement made everyone turn to Rob in shock. In response, it opened up its holographic screen, showing the audience a long, complicated looking document.

  “This is a request form to change nationalities. As of four days ago Central Bureaucracy signed off on it, so Zane Pendon is legally an intergalactic citizen of the Alliance.” The droid’s tone turned smug as it looked at Agent Denver. “That means he could sue you for imprisonment without due process. And as a foreigner, he’d have all the right to do so.”

  “You see, Mr. Denver? He is our problem now. Mr. Pendon, please come here so we can discuss your sentencing,” Xenovida began but was cut off by Rob raising a tendril to her face.

  “Not so fast, ma’am! You see, while Zane Pendon is a member of the Alliance, he was technically a criminal during the filing process, so Central Bureaucracy blacklisted him and put his data into the ‘Pending’ pile immediately after legalizing him.”

  The aliens all tilted their heads, confused, until the Chairperson-Elect’s eye widened in realization.

  “No…” she muttered, and Rob bobbed up and down.

  “Yes! He is currently awaiting trial for falsifying portions of a transcript. By Article 881, Sub-Code 92, of the Intergalactic Statue of Law, while Zane Pendon is under inquiry for forgery, false records, and misdemeanors of a bureaucratic nature, he cannot be arrested or tried for any other crimes except for murder and/or treason!” Rob declared happily. Zane grinned as he realized what his friend had done and Xenovida slapped her forehead in annoyance.

  “Ah, bureaucracy: the greatest necessary evil ever conceived of by sapient minds,” the Ial ambassador said, his mental voice carrying an inflection of a laugh. “Well played, Mr. Rob, Mr. Pendon. Well played indeed.”

  “Oh, and we have something else that might make you a bit less inclined towards arresting us,” Zane said, reaching into his pocket and removing the medal.

  The alien’s eyes all locked onto it, for they recognized an Alliance medal of honor when they saw one. Xenovida’s, however, were looking at it for a different reason.

  “You’re William’s grandson after all.”

  Now the eyes were on the Chairperson-Elect who sighed from the scrutiny.

  “It was years ago, back when I was still in FIST. My team was sent in to deal with some pirates who made Pluto into a base of theirs. We destroyed it, but my escape pod was sent off course. I crashed into the backyard of a retired soldier by the name of William Pendon.”

  Xenovida smiled at the memories, even as everyone listened in. “He was surprised to see an alien, but hid me from prying eyes all the same. Truly, a kind man. He nursed me back to health, helped me gather materials for repairing my pod and its distress beacon, and was all around a good man.”

  “When my comrades came to rescue me, I gave him that very same medal as a token to remember me by, and to honor his kindness. Is he alive? And if not, did he at least die a good death?”

  “A good life, and a good death, surrounded and remembered by his friends and family,” Zane assured her, causing the most powerful female in the galaxy to smile sadly at that.

  “I see. Then in honor of William’s name and legacy I declare that I will do all in my power to see you both safely integrated into the wider galactic community. No harm will come to either of you.”

  Zane and Rob both bowed towards her in thanks, before she waved them off.

  “Enough of that. So what now? Where do we go from here?”

  “I suppose I could become an ambassador of the human race for the Alliance. In exchange for a commuting of the crimes I’m sentenced with, of course,” Zane said cheekily, making the Chairperson-Elect roll her eyes.

  “Definitely William’s progeny. Very well, we’ll discuss this on the ship. Mr. Denver? Please inform your world leaders that I’ll be getting in touch.” She turned around and walked back up into the alien vessel, her entourage following her, now augmented by Rob and Zane, the latter sidling up close to Charma as they entered the ship.

  Behind them, humanity as a whole went crazy as the revelation of life beyond their world was not only confirmed, but came to them to visit.

  Agent Frank Denver threw his head back and howled with laughter. The world would never be the same again. And he could not wait to see how it would change.

  Veronica Pendon smiled proudly as she watched her brother enter the spaceship standing very close to the alien lizard woman. That was Zane, alright. The craziest sap to ever change the world. And Charma seemed like a nice lady. She’d be a great aunt. And judging from how excited Jack and Donna looked as they’d watched the events unfold, they wouldn’t mind that either.

  Sally Pendon’s thoughts were more along of the lines of wondering whether there was a way for cross-species grandchildren. Ralph Pendon just wanted a stiff drink to get through the rest of the evening.

  In the ship the Ial stepped over to speak with the Chairperson-Elect. If he had a mouth, it would be grinning widely.

  “It seems like your plan succeeded, Madam Xenovida,” Ambassador Qwel said to her in a private telepathic link. She smirked and gave a barely perceptible nod of her head.

  “Of course it did. You think I wouldn’t know about that droid’s actions, or how Central Bureaucracy ties everything up in decade’s worth of red tape for even the slightest infraction? This way, I can incorporate the Earth into the Alliance on my terms.”

  “All for the man whom you left behind. Such loyalty and friendship is to be commended.”

  Xenovida’s thoughts turned sorrowful. “He always wanted to see the wonders of space. Always wanted to travel through the stars.”

  She looked behind her, and couldn’t help but smile as she watched Zane and Charma talking and smiling with each other, innocent love in their eyes as they looked at one another.
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  “But at least I can do this for William’s descendants. Remind me to extend an invitation to the rest of Zane’s family. I’m sure they’d love to have dinner onboard the Song of Unity sometime in the future.”

  Qwel nodded happily and moved off to talk with the new arrivals. This was what made the Alliance great, he thought. Different beings working together, living together, and of course, loving together. It made him hopeful for the future.