by Bry Ann
“You peed on my floor you whore,” he hissed.
“I’m no whore. You tried and failed at that.”
He pulled harder on my head, and at that I actually let out a small cry. “Listen to me you little bitch. You cost me a great client, my two best men and the money you brought in, which no one does under my watch. So, this is what’s going to happen. I’m going to hand you over to your father and I’m going to watch him tie you up and fuck you. If you do anything to jeopardize that I will send the order to kill your friends. Understood?”
I didn’t say a word to that. What was there to say? Nothing, unless I wanted them to see me fall apart. He released my hair and I reached around frantically for the bedpost to stop my fall but missed. My knees slammed on the ground again and I sucked in a breath through my teeth. I tried to blink away the pain, but fuck it hurt. My dad went behind me and kicked me hard in the ass, sending me flying forward.
“Clean up Alexandra. Let’s get this show on the fucking road.”
“I’m not a dog,” I spit out as I made my way back to my feet.
I walked in the restroom and slammed the door. Not surprisingly the lock had been removed, but that didn’t matter. I had a second of privacy. I scoured the bathroom for something, anything, I could use as a weapon. If I couldn’t find a weapon I’d just find a razor or something and off myself. Something to get me out of this mess. I went through the shower, then all the drawers and in the cabinets. There was absolutely nothing to be found. I heard laughter outside the door.
“There’s nothing in there Alexandra!”
I whimpered, and my head fell to my chest. I allowed myself a minute of hopelessness before I continued my completely pointless search. I searched frantically for several minutes before the door swung open. My dad stood in the doorway. I stood my ground as hatred poured out of me.
“I said clean up you little slut!”
“Go fuck yourself!”
Pytor appeared in the doorway. The memory of me falling down the stairs and hearing the doctor tell me I’d never meet my baby girl popped in my head. If I felt hatred before, it was nothing like the all-consuming tunnel of hate I felt now. I could feel it radiating off of me, consuming me like a drug.
“I just want to remind you of the lives that you hold in your hands Alex.”
“I just want to remind you of the life you…”
Pytor whipped out his cell phone. “Finish that sentence. I dare you Alexandra.”
I bit my lip. Hard. “I’m cleaning up. No more funny business.”
“Better fucking not be,” my dad spat. I could smell the stench of alcohol on his breath. With that they both left, and I did get cleaned up… while I plotted how to get out of this. I had to keep playing their game for now or I’d get Rex killed. I cleaned up and felt bile rise up in my stomach, having to clean up my own humiliation. That’s what this was. Degrading me in the worst and most humiliating way. When I was done I walked back out with a towel around my waist. I had been in just a bra and underwear since my dad cut off my clothes. Since I peed through my fucking underwear I wasn’t going to put them back on, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to walk around naked. So, hence the towel.
Pytor laughed and shook his head, and my dad scowled as they made their way back in my room. Pytor ignored him. It was very clear Pytor was in this to get revenge on me, but truly thought my dad was scum of the earth. Pytor may have been the epitome of evil, but he was smart and successful in his own right. My father, on the other hand, was a failure, a drunk and broke as fuck. He had no redeeming or likable qualities.
“If anything, you’ve always been entertaining Alex. It’s a damn shame you screwed me over.”
I shrugged. “What happened with Anatoli and Tobias?” I dared to ask because for a moment the atmosphere felt less hostile. It appeared as if Pytor really did hate that he had to do this, and that things ended the way they did. In some sort of fucked up way that made me feel a little better, knowing Pytor wasn’t all anger and hostility.
Pytor smirked. “I thought you’d never ask.”
“Are we going to get this show on the road or keep chatting like teenage fucking girls,” my dad slurred. He’d been drinking while I was tied to a fucking bedpost. This really felt like my childhood now. The alcohol was definitely kicking in and that was not good for me. I knew from experience that he was a bad person in general, but a downright evil when he was drunk.
I caught Pytor glaring at my dad, but he quickly returned his face back to neutral. I realized how pathetic my whole situation was because Pytor didn’t even have his guards in the room. Like they knew I was too fuckin’ weak to do anything. I’d make sure they regretted that.
“Хорошо, alright Eric. Alex,” Pytor turned his attention back to me. His eyes were dead and cold once again. “Get a move on Alex. Out you go.”
My dad shoved me through the doorway. I dug my heels into the ground every time we stopped. Pytor groaned and my dad shoved me harder. I saw the guards standing downstairs at attention. My heart ached a little that those men weren’t Tobias and Anatoli. They’d made Pytor’s world a little less cold and scary. And I made no mistake, I was in Pytor’s world now. My dad and I were just pawns.
Eventually I was pulled into a side room. I kept my grip on the towel firm. I squeezed my eyes as tight as I could. The room looked similar to my childhood room. The one where so many men had stolen from me before. I died a little in a room that looked just like the one in front of me. The same dead, cold fear overwhelmed me. I tried to scoot backwards, but I ran into a chest. I just kept nodding my head no.
“No. Please,” my voice was breathless as the two of them shoved me on the bed. I lost my towel on the way and I reached desperately for it knowing my chances of reaching it were just about as high as me getting off out of this house without my dad raping me.
“This will go easier if you just do it,” Pytor said sounding bored and tired of this little game. Bored of something that was about to ruin my life, again.
“I can’t. Please. Pytor.” I begged. I actually begged. Pytor of all people. I got that low. They didn’t even tie me down. They knew I was too panicked to do anything smart to get out of the situation, and not only that. If, by some miracle, I was able to fight and get out from under my dad there were now four other men in the room, because much to my horror, Pytor had texted the guards to come in and watch.
The last thing I did as my dad situated his disgusting self on top of me was look in Pytor’s dead eyes. He was the devil himself. My dad was no better. I hated them both.
“Fuck you,” I mouthed to Pytor as my own fucking dad slid inside me. “You’ll pay.”
With that last bit of innocence stolen from me I lost my mind and made the worst mistake of my life.
Chapter 22:
After my dad raped me nothing in my head made sense but revenge. All my thoughts and emotions were a controlled by my feeling of being responsibility for my daughter's death, and by the fact that all of the pain I endured under Pytor’s hand was for nothing because my dad still raped me.
My dad slid off of me and walked out to clean himself up really quick. It didn’t take him long. He was back in that motherfucking room in no time. I pretended to be frozen. I pretended they broke me. Well, they did, but not in the way they thought. The men talked amongst themselves about the whole thing, seemingly calm. I saw Pytor eye me cautiously a few times, not quite believing I was as broken as I pretended to be. He was smart and knew better than to believe I was completely subdued and broken, even if this was my worst nightmare come alive. Second only to Anna’s death.
Soon after Pytor and his men left the room I had my chance. My dad grabbed a bottle of Brandy off the dresser and took a swig. This had to be the room he was staying in. No one else would keep brandy right on their fucking dresser.
While he was turned around I had my chance. They were stupid to keep me untied. I smashed the bedroom lamp over the nightstand. When my dad turned around,
surprised, I charged him and stabbed him with a piece of broken glass. I wanted to go haywire and stab him to death. I felt crazy, but I had to play the game I planned to play. Once I stabbed him enough to subdue him I fell over his body and cried. I played the victim. I faked guilt. Guild that was not there. That asshole ruined my life.
Soon Pytor’s men came charging in. They all left when my dad went to clean up. They all seemed out of breath. They stopped in the doorway when they saw my dad’s bloody body and me crying on the floor. I had to give it to myself for my stellar performance. Pytor cursed in Russian and looked at me like he’d never seen me before.
“I have to give it to you Alex. You have officially lost your fucking mind.”
I fake cried harder. I threw myself on the floor ‘out of guilt’... Pytor looked unsure and out of his element. One of his guards approached me. Before I could think, my crazed haze overwhelmed me. I caught him off guard and slit his throat with the glass. Whether it was enough to kill him, I’m not sure, but he was done. Pytor straightened and looked at me with a combination of pride and fear.
“I underestimated you,” he said matter of factly, cocking his head. I watched his other guard carefully. Anticipating his next move, which as of now was to observe me and keep his hand on the other guard’s throat to stop blood loss.
“I’ve underestimated you too fucking much! Never the fuck again. Do you get that?”
“Wow, your guilt disappeared so fast,” he said, still assessing me. There was a hint of smugness to his tone though.
I narrowed my eyes at him. “You are going to let me out of here.”
“What about…”
“NO!” I screeched, cutting him off. “I don’t want to hear what you have to say. Your man is going to die if you keep letting him bleed out. You actually do give a shit about the people who are loyal to you. I know that about you. It’s just the whole rest of the world you don’t give a shit about. You want him to die, you keep holding me here.”
“I can put my other guard on you and then leave. You are an amateur at this Alex. Leave the blackmail and murder to the people who actually know what they are doing.”
Just then my dad gasped for air and Pytor took a step towards me. “Stay back!” I yelled, pathetically holding up my piece of broken glass. Pytor threw his head back and laughed.
“Holy shit Alex,” Pytor laughed again. “Can you not see how pathetic you’ve gotten?”
I took a quick look around. Pytor with his head back laughing, one guard down and bleeding and the other crouched down, holding his wound. I took three quick steps forward and stabbed Pytor with the glass in my hand. I didn’t even see where. I lodged the glass in him, left it there and bolted for the door. The leftover guard would have to choose between grabbing me and getting the glass out of Pytor. He’d likely pick the glass, so I had time. They had underestimated my capacity for revenge, the true degree of anger and hatred I felt. They took everything from me. They made every choice I had ever made seem worthless and stupid.
When I got outside I hid behind a branch realizing I was still freaking naked. I snuck around until I saw a bag of clothes someone had thrown out.
Perfect.
At least the universe was on my side this time.
… Or so I thought.
Chapter 23:
I open my eyes to see Rex staring at me with an unreadable expression. He is just staring at me. The blank look on his face is making me feel raw and vulnerable. Two feelings I despise. I would take his anger, rage, hurt, something. I can’t stand the silence. The lack of knowing. I curl myself in tighter. I start to get why Dana used to sit like this all the time. It feels safer.
“Rex, say something please. Yell at me anything. I know this is my fault. Hit me. I don’t care. Just… the silence….” I scrunch my face and tuck my hands under my knees. I feel the emotions swirling around me, but I am trying to shut them out this time.
“Rex?” I ask again, sounding really desperate this time.
Finally, Rex stirs. He shakes his head, clenches and unclenches his fists a few times and then take a few steps towards me. I instinctively scoot back again. I am totally unsure of what his reaction will be, and not really sure how much more I can take before I break apart completely. Rex has always held that power in his hands.
Rex slowly takes a seat next to me. I look at him confused. He’s not raging angry, but he is still unreadable and that is all the more terrifying. I hold myself in my ball and lean back slightly. Finally, Rex sighs. He reaches a hand out and I jump backwards. He isn’t deterred. He finds my face and gently sets his hand on my cheek. I feel my body shaking. Is he mad? Is he really being gentle? What’s happening? Why is my body flipping out? Why are my eyes pulsing?
Rex ducks down and finds my eyes. I try to look away, but he uses the hand on my cheek to gently hold me in place. I blink really hard, trying not to cry again. Where the fuck is the cursing, yelling, badass, I don’t give a fuck Alexa? Where did she go?
“I'm sorry,” Rex says with such sincerity I let out a whimper. My body shakes violently. I keep blinking hard.
“It’s my fault. I didn’t know. I’m sorry.” My voice is soft and tearful. “Mia didn’t…”
“Shhh, sweetie.”
My eyes flick up to meet his at the use of my nickname. I simultaneously lean towards and away from him. I want him to hold me, but I’m so scared of being rejected. He scoots closer to me. Every part of me is shaking.
“Rex please. If… I…”
“I’ve never seen you scared,” he whispers before wrapping his strong arms around me. I fall into him pathetically. No hesitation whatsoever, even though the guilt I feel around him is all consuming and the fear of being rejected by him makes it hard to breath.
As soon as he has me in his arms I start to cry. I grab his shirt. I can feel my hands holding onto it helplessly, like he might disappear. He grabs my hands and takes them off his shirt, gently rubbing them between his palms.
“Shhhh Alexa. Alex. It’s okay. It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere. You’re incredible. Do you know that? You are a survivor. I’m sorry I doubted you.”
I can hear the emotion in his voice. Finally, when I accept he won’t run out on me I pull away from him. I stare at him hesitantly, wondering what he’ll do next. I don’t deserve his apologizes. I don’t deserve when he grabs me and pulls me into him, but I lean against him anyway. I need him in my life. I breath in his musky scent and it makes me smile. Familiar. Safe.
“You need to understand why I was so angry with you Alex.”
I straighten up and let my vulnerability slip away.
“Can you handle it?”
“Yes,” I say way too quickly and turn to face him. He cocks an eyebrow, but nods after studying me for a second. Then he begins the most heart shattering story. I always wanted to know how Rex met Gunner. What his side of the story was, but there are some things you wish you could unhear.
Chapter 24:
I went straight to football practice after Mia and Alex for the mall. I laughed to myself the whole way. I couldn’t imagine Alex going shopping. I was really happy to see Alex putting an effort into her relationship with Mia. It was generally hard for Alex to get close to anyone, but for her to actually put an effort into a relationship, well, that was a downright miracle. I felt peaceful. Content. Alex was always meant to be in my life. I felt it from a young age. That draw to her. She was my opposite in every way, but I loved having her around. I respected her attitude and sass and most of all, I understood her. I knew how to handle her vulnerability in a way few others could. That brought me some sort of fulfillment.
I was in the second quarter of the game when my phone started ringing off the fucking hook. I usually ignored my phone when I was playing, but after the fourth round of calls I picked it up. When I noticed it was Mia, my heartrate spiked.
“Mia?” I could immediately tell she was completely freaking out. She could barely catch her breath she was crying so hard.
She was sniffling, and her breath was erratic as hell on the phone.
“Rex! Oh my God! Alex is gone. Something’s wrong. I went to the bathroom,” she inhaled, gasping for air, “and I can’t find her anywhere. I told security, and no one has seen her. I don’t know… Rex?”
The last part came out as a question. Like I was responsible for her. Like I knew where the hell she was.
“Come home Mia. I’ll get you calmed down. I’ll try and get ahold of Alex. I’m sure there is a reasonable explanation.”
“Nothing is reasonable when it comes to her and her life Rex,” she said before she hung up. She had a damn point there.
I paced around the field and dialed Alex’s number about a hundred times. Then I tried to text her. When it was clear she wasn’t going to reply I headed home to meet Mia. On the road I got a call from her.
“Rex?”
“Yeah what’s up Mia? You find her?”
“No. I'm so sorry. I’m going to mom’s. It’s only a few hours away. I need a girl to talk to about this. I like Alex a lot, and, yeah, I’m gonna keep trying to call her. Keep me in the loop and let me know if there is anything else I can possibly be doing to find her.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to just come home? Are you sure you want to drive a few hours today of all days?”
“Yeah I’m sure.”
Mia sounded sad and exhausted, and suddenly I felt pissed. I swore to fuck if Alex didn’t contact us soon I was going to fucking lose it. I’d never messed around when it came to my sister. I hadn’t heard a word from Alex. I wondered where she could have gone that she wouldn’t at least fucking tell me she was leaving. Did we push her too hard? No. That’s a shit reason for her to just fucking disappear… again.
I paced around my apartment waiting for her call. For something. I contacted everyone I could think of. Her apartment manager hadn’t seen her, hadn’t received rent that day. I was worried at first, but she told me she faked her death so all the people out to get her didn’t even know she was alive. I almost wanted to believe someone took her, because as bad as it sounds, if someone took her it meant she didn’t leave me again. I know the first time she had a valid reason, but she still didn’t say anything to me once she got away. She still didn’t even give me so much as a heads up before she left. What if this was the same type of situation? I couldn’t take it twice.
