Forever: A Friends Novel

by Monica Murphy

  “He went to your birthday bash,” Livvy reminds us.

  “That’s when he was chasing Amanda.” Ryan’s gaze never leaves mine. “I don’t think he’s chasing you anymore. Do you?”

  I slowly shake my head, not liking his tone of voice. Or the look in his eyes. “And I’m not chasing him either.”

  “Right,” Ryan drawls, pulling me in so close to him, my face is smashed against his very hard chest. I shift away, flustered. I’m not attracted to him, but being held so close to a guy is making me miss it. The closeness that comes with having a boyfriend. A relationship.

  Damn it, I miss stupid Jordan Tuttle so much, it hurts.

  “She’s definitely not chasing him,” Livvy says firmly, rushing to my defense. “She’s over that douchebag.”

  I wince. I’m the only person allowed to bag on him and Livvy’s done it twice in one night. “I am,” I say weakly. I don’t sound very convincing and Ryan knows it. Livvy probably does too. “So over him.”

  “We can find you someone new then,” Ryan says, giving my shoulders a squeeze. “Maybe even Cannon. Guy’s been down and out lately. I don’t know what his deal is. He needs to get laid. Maybe you could offer up your services.”

  Did he basically just call me a prostitute?

  Livvy slaps Ryan on the chest, making him yelp. “You’re so freaking crude! Amanda isn’t going to help Cannon with that particular problem tonight. Or ever.”

  “Oh. Right.” Ryan starts to chuckle. “Considering she’s a virgin and all. Guess she wouldn’t even know how to help him.”

  I shrug his arm away from my shoulders and start walking ahead of them, silently fuming. Livvy immediately starts chewing Ryan out and I wonder if I should stay and listen. Gloat a little bit, maybe even add a few words. But I don’t want to. Insulting Ryan in return won’t give me any satisfaction.

  Nothing will.

  Well.

  Maybe Jordan Tuttle would.

  But that’s hopeless thinking on my part.

  Ultimately, I decide to stay out of their fight. What’s the point? I don’t want to get in the middle of that. They’ve been arguing more lately too. She’s always irritated with him. He’s always irritated with her. It makes me wonder how much longer Ryan and Livvy are going to last.

  I’ve been leaning against the back of Ryan’s car for five minutes before Livvy finally approaches me, her cheeks flushed, her eyes still sparkling with residual anger. “I’m so, so sorry he said that to you.” She takes a step closer and envelopes me in a quick hug. “He’s an asshole.”

  “Yeah. He is,” I say against her hair before I pull away. “You don’t need to apologize for him. It’s not your fault he said that.”

  “But he’s my boyfriend, so I feel responsible. I told him we’re definitely not going to that party tonight. He can go alone.” She crosses her arms, even makes a little “humph” noise, but I can see the worry in her eyes.

  She doesn’t want her boyfriend to go to a party alone. He’s one of the hottest guys in our class, and he’s still relatively new, considering he moved here over the summer. This makes him a hot commodity. Lots of girls would love to snag him up. And Livvy knows it.

  “He’s going without you?”

  Livvy nods. “Yeah.”

  “Are you okay with that?” I ask carefully.

  She throws her arms up in the air in a frustrated gesture. “What am I supposed to do, huh? Control his every move? I’m supposed to trust him, right? So his going to the party alone tonight will be a moment of trust on my part.”

  “And his.”

  “Right. And his.” Livvy nods, her chin wobbly.

  Like she might start to cry.

  “We’ll go to the party.” The words rush out of my mouth quickly. I needed to say it fast or I might think too much and reconsider. “We won’t go with Ryan, though. We’ll show up later. On our own.”

  Her mouth drops open. “Why? So I can spy on Ryan? Make sure he’s being a good boyfriend?” She starts pacing, and I wonder where the hell Ryan is so we can get him to take us back to Livvy’s house. I’m desperate to get out of here.

  “You’re still mad, so if we go to the party with him, you two will just end up fighting all night. This way, you can show up looking hot like fire and he’ll chase after you the entire time,” I explain.

  The angry spark in Livvy’s eyes is immediately replaced with an excited gleam. “That’s a good idea. And you should show up at the party looking hot like fire too.”

  “Ugh. Why?” And who cares? I know I just thought about crushing on someone new, but I’m not ready yet. Or am I? God, I don’t know.

  See? I’m a typical confused mass of teenage hormones.

  “Amanda!”

  I whirl around to see Ryan headed our way, a reluctant Cannon walking beside him. Frowning, I call back to him. “What’s up?”

  They stop in front of me, Cannon shoving his hands in the front pockets of his jeans, looking anywhere but at me. Weird. “Cannon asked me to ask you to go to his party tonight.”

  “What? I did not.” Cannon shoves Ryan’s shoulder, nearly toppling him to the ground. His gaze reluctantly meets mine and his smile is weak. “Ryan’s full of crap.”

  “Okay.” I draw the word out, a little thrown off by their behavior. I don’t get what Ryan’s trying to do. Humiliate Cannon? Humiliate me?

  “Stop pretending you don’t like her,” Ryan says with a smirk. The murderous glint in Cannon’s gaze makes me take a step back, and he wasn’t even looking at me. “You should drive her home so I can talk to Livvy.” Ryan turns his pleading gaze on me, oblivious to Cannon’s irritation. “What do you say, Amanda?”

  “Um…”

  “No way,” Livvy pipes up, coming to stand by my side. “I don’t want to be left alone with him.” She points at her boyfriend.

  Ugh. Their flip-flopping relationship is exhausting.

  “Come on, baby.” Ryan goes to Livvy, slipping his arms around her waist and hauling her in close. “I need to talk to you.”

  The rest is lost in intimate murmurs and—yep, I hear lips connecting—a kiss or three. I send a sympathetic glance in Cannon’s direction and he shrugs.

  “I can give you a ride if you want. Unless you’d rather go with your friend,” he offers, all traces of his earlier anger gone, just like that.

  I part my lips, ready to turn him down, but I glance over my shoulder instead. See the way Ryan and Livvy are nuzzling each other like they’re madly in love. Like they just didn’t have a raging argument only a few minutes ago.

  What the crap ever.

  “Yes.” I turn to face Cannon once more, noting the shock in his gaze. “I’ll take you up on that offer. I’d really appreciate it if you could drive me home.”

  “Yeah. Sure. Absolutely.” He bobs his head up and down like an eager puppy and takes hold of my arm, steering me toward his car.

  “You’re going home with Cannon?” Livvy screeches after us. Clearly my choice has stunned her.

  I gently pull away from Cannon’s grip and turn so I’m walking backwards. “Yes. Text me when you get home, okay?”

  “I will! We’ll go to the party together.” She winks at me just before Ryan blocks her face with his own. As in, he’s kissing her again.

  Seeing them kiss makes me miss kissing a certain someone. I turn so I’m walking like a normal person.

  “What was that all about?” Cannon asks, his voice low.

  I shrug. “What exactly are you referring to?”

  “Ryan and Livvy.”

  “They’re fighting. Now they’re making up.”

  “Right.” He pauses. “I don’t know why he said that about me wanting you at my party. It’s not that I don’t want you at my party, it’s just…”

  “I get it,” I say, wanting to reassure him. He doesn’t like me like that. I never thought he did. I know I don’t like him like that either, so we feel the same way.

  My heart—damn it—still belongs to some
one else.

  I climb into Cannon’s huge truck and slam the passenger side door, glancing around. It’s a newer vehicle and it’s absolutely immaculate. Like, everything’s clean, there’s no leftover change in the center console cup holders, nothing hanging from the rearview mirror, not even a bit of dust or dirt on the floorboards.

  Cannon hops into the car a few seconds later, scowling as he turns to look at me. “Despite what Ryan said, I don’t really like you. He’s full of crap.”

  I’m slightly taken aback by the ferocity of his tone. “Okay.”

  “He’s an asshole for saying that.” Cannon slams his door and sticks the key into the ignition like he’s trying to stab something. He cranks the car on, pressing his foot against the gas so the engine roars, and all I can do is stare at him.

  What the hell is going on?

  “Are you mad?”

  He barely looks at me. “Just frustrated. Shit’s not going my way lately.”

  Cannon Whittaker played a terrific game tonight, so I’m not sure what he’s referring to. Maybe something personal? “Like what sort of shit?”

  His mouth drops open as his wide eyes meet mine. “Did you just curse?”

  I shrug, a little embarrassed. “I do on occasion say bad words. I’m not as prissy as everyone seems to think I am.” Where did that assumption even come from?

  “I never thought you were prissy. It’s just…you’re so smart. It’s intimidating sometimes, trying to talk to you.” He looks away. “I’m the farthest thing from smart, so I don’t feel like I measure up, you know?”

  “Cannon.” I’m shocked he would even say such a thing, but I guess we all have our own insecurities we’re dealing with. “That’s the craziest thing ever. Why are you intimidated by me? I’m nothing. You, on the other hand, are such an amazing football player.” His gaze meets mine once more, his brows furrowed in seeming confusion. “Seriously. You could probably get a scholarship somewhere. Anywhere you want to go.”

  “Aw, I don’t know about that. That’s what my mom says, but she just wants me to get out of here and make something of myself. Problem is my grades aren’t so good.” A horn suddenly honks and I glance out the passenger side window to see Ryan pulling out of the parking lot in his fancy white BMW, the tires squealing and I swear I could hear him laughing through his open window.

  Such a show off.

  “We should go,” Cannon says as he puts the truck in reverse and backs out of the parking spot. “Give me your address. I don’t know where you live.”

  I rattle it off and remain quiet for a while, my mind running over what Cannon said. What happened earlier between Livvy and Ryan. What happened between me and Tuttle during the game. It’s been an adventurous—and mostly annoying—night and there’s more to come with the party at Cannon’s.

  Great.

  “I feel bad about you taking me home, since you’re the one having the party,” I finally say. “Don’t you have to get things ready?”

  He chuckles, his mouth curving into a little smile. “Get things ready for what? I don’t need to do much.”

  Any party I’ve helped plan, there’s constant stuff to be done before it starts. “Are you sure? Don’t you have to like, set out food or whatever?”

  “I have a giant bag of tortilla chips from Sam’s Club and a couple of kegs out waiting in the backyard. Oh, and some beers chilling in the fridge, but those are for my VIP guests. Otherwise, I’m ready.” We come to a stop at a red light and he turns to look at me. “It’s no big deal, Amanda. Besides, you don’t live that far from me. After I drop you off, I’ll be home in less than five minutes.”

  Right. Because we don’t live in the rich neighborhoods like everyone else we hang out with.

  Trying to change the subject, I run my hand along the smooth, dark gray dashboard in front of me. “I like your truck.”

  He smiles. I can tell it’s a source of pride for him. “Thanks. I treat it like my baby.”

  “Did you buy it brand new?”

  “Yeah.” His smile slips. The pride I saw flashing in his eyes is gone. Now he appears uncomfortable. “My dad bought it for me at the beginning of the summer. Called it an early graduation gift.”

  More like a year-early graduation gift. Parents are so weird sometimes. “Oh.” I don’t recall ever seeing a Mr. Whittaker come to watch the games. I don’t remember ever seeing a Mrs. Whittaker there either. “So. Are you close to your dad?”

  “Not really,” he says through clenched teeth. He looks tense. Almost…angry. “He’s not a big part of my life.”

  “Oh.” I keep repeating myself. And I have no idea what it’s like to have a neglectful parent. My parents are so involved in my life I wish they’d leave me alone half the time. “Well, he bought you a really nice truck.” He must have major money to afford this.

  “Yeah. I think it’s supposed to make up for all the times he’s never around.” Cannon guns it when the light turns green, making my head jerk back and bounce against the back of the seat. “Sorry. My father is a touchy subject.”

  Fathers seem to be a touchy subject for more people than I realized.

  “It’s okay. I get it.” Not really, but I want to. “How many people did you invite to the party?”

  “Everyone. Like the entire football team and whoever else wants to come. My mom doesn’t go out of town too often, so I had to take advantage.”

  “Will she be mad if she knew you were having this party?”

  He shrugs, keeping his eyes glued on the road. “Maybe. I don’t know. She just wants me happy, so if she ever did find out about this party, she’d probably like it. At least I’m being social. That’s what she’d say.”

  “I think you’re pretty social.”

  “Yeah, well, most of the time I’m hating on everyone, so I must do a good job of pretending.”

  I always thought Cannon was a simple guy with no problems. But he’s a lot more complex than he seems. I’m starting to realize pretty much everyone is a lot more complex than they seem.

  “Tuttle really cares about you, you know,” Cannon suddenly says.

  My entire body goes stiff. I do not want to talk about Jordan, especially with Cannon. Though I don’t think they’re close friends, so it’s not like this conversation would get back to Jordan. “He has a funny way of showing it.”

  “Yeah, I guess. I don’t think it’s easy for him to show his feelings, which I totally get. I’m not big on it either.” Cannon shakes his head as he flicks on the signal and turns right onto the main street of my neighborhood. “He never brings a girl around. Never looks at them the way he looks at you either.”

  My skin goes warm and I push the annoying feeling away. I refuse to fall back into that trap. “What do you mean? He has to fight off all the girls who want him.” Maybe a slight exaggeration, but that’s what I’ve always heard. Witnessed a time or two.

  “Well, yeah. There are a bunch of girls who want him, including Lauren Mancini, who will probably cut a bitch if she gets in her way.” He sends me an apologetic look. “Sorry. Just calling it like I see it.”

  “You don’t need to apologize. It’s true.”

  Cannon smiles and laughs. “Right. All sorts of girls are panting for his ass, but he really doesn’t want any of them. I’ve never seen him go crazy for a girl the way he acts around you.”

  “How does he act around me?” I’m almost afraid of his answer.

  “Like he can’t stop looking at you. Like there’s no one else in the world he’d rather stare at but you.” Cannon’s voice is soft. Almost reverent. “I’m not his good friend or anything, but I’ve spent a lot of time with him over the years, and I know what he’s like.”

  I’m jittery. Like my hands are shaking from what Cannon said. He’s just an observer. He doesn’t know Jordan that well, doesn’t know his thoughts. But maybe. Just maybe…

  “Do you really know what he’s like? Or are you just saying this to make me feel better?” He pulls in front of my h
ouse and I unclick the seatbelt, turning to face him. “I don’t need any sweet words to make me feel better, Cannon. I’ve given up on Jordan Tuttle, because he’s given up on me.”

  Cannon’s lips thin and that ferocious look is back in his eyes again. “He’s a total dumbass, giving up on you.”

  “Tell me all about it.”

  His jaw hardens as he stares at my house. “Is it wrong to want something you don’t think you deserve?”

  Is he talking about Jordan and me now? Or maybe someone else? “Depends on how much wanting something else ends up hurting you.”

  “I don’t mind the pain.” His smile is sad. “I just hate the waiting. And there’s only so much waiting you can do until you feel like an asshole. You know what I mean?”

  I burst out laughing, and Cannon eventually joins in. I can’t even say why I’m laughing exactly. Maybe because it’s better than crying? “Surprisingly enough, I know exactly what you mean.”

  “I’m feeling really self-conscious right now. Just thought you should know,” I tell Livvy.

  “No shit. If you’d stop tugging on your skirt, people wouldn’t notice that you’re self-conscious,” Livvy says under her breath as we make our way to the front door of Cannon Whittaker’s house.

  Once Cannon dropped me off at my house, I texted Livvy. She came over so the both of us could get ready before we took off to his party.

  And just because she was making out with Ryan while still in the school parking lot doesn’t mean they’re doing well. They fought again on the drive to her house and she was still mad at him.

  Like, out-for-revenge mad at him.

  “I can’t help it.” I tug on my skirt again, hating how short it is. I don’t wear dresses very often, but Livvy insisted I wear one tonight. Considering she was at my house and my closet was at her mercy, I didn’t have a choice.

  Plus, I can admit to myself I was secretly hoping Tuttle might show up after all and see me looking extra hot. Maybe he’d change his mind and want me back after all…