Forever: A Friends Novel

by Monica Murphy

  “Um, yeah?” If she considers tongues friendly, then most definitely.

  “Amanda.” She sighs and tilts her head, examining me closely. “You’re a good girl. You get terrific grades, you never get into trouble, yet here you sit in my office, and I’m going to send you to detention. Do you know what your problem is?”

  I’m slightly taken aback by her question. “Um, no?”

  “Jordan Tuttle, that’s what.” She leans over her desk and lowers her voice, like she’s sharing a secret with me. “He’s—troubled. Most likely too much trouble for a girl like you.”

  Now I’m just flat out offended. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “You can do much better, dear.” This is said in a whisper, and then she smiles. “Don’t you think?”

  I rise to my feet, my entire body trembling, I’m so angry. I can’t believe she’s warning me off Jordan. If I wanted to report her to someone higher up, like in the superintendent’s office, I bet she’d get in a lot of trouble. “Is that all you wanted to discuss?”

  She gapes up at me, clearly surprised by my reaction. “Yes, but—”

  “I’ll report to detention this afternoon.” I walk out of her office without another word, ignoring her when she calls my name. I’m totally stunned by her words, by my reaction, by my disregard for the rules. I’m all about the rules, I always have been. I would never go against an adult’s wishes, especially one who’s in charge of me.

  But Mrs. Maddox was so rude, so incredibly awful just now. What does she know about Jordan’s personal life? Absolutely nothing. And where does she get off calling him troubled? Warning me about him?

  My blood feels like it’s boiling, I’m so flipping mad.

  I stride through the main office, ignoring everyone sitting behind the counter or in the chairs by the window, though I know I heard someone call my name. I’m too angry to talk, too angry to do anything but just operate on autopilot and I push the main office door open with all my might, making the door creak loudly with the force of my strength.

  Stopping short, I’m surprised to find Jordan leaning against the opposite wall in the hallway, scrolling through his phone. His eyelids rise, his turbulent gaze meeting mine, and without a word I go to him, take his hand and lead him out of the building.

  I have to get out of here before I lose my mind.

  “Where do you want to go?” Jordan asks once we’re in his car and driving down the road, away from campus.

  “I don’t know. I don’t care. Just get me out of here,” I say irritably. I roll down the window and let the late fall air wash over my face. It’s barely fifty degrees outside but it’s sunny, so the air feels extra cold. It’s like a slap of reality against my cheeks, and I shiver.

  “You should close the window.”

  “Are you cold?” I turn to look at him.

  He shrugs. “I’m always hot.” Indeed. “But I don’t want you getting cold.”

  “Such a gentleman,” I murmur as I hit the button and roll up the window. “I think I’m too angry to be cold.”

  He smiles to himself and shakes his head. “You do seem fired up.”

  “Mrs. Maddox is a total bitch.”

  “Whoa, simmer down, Winters. Tell me how you really feel.”

  I ignore the fact that he’s teasing me, that he can make light of the situation when he was just as pissed as I was only a few minutes ago. But I can’t tell him why I’m so angry. No way am I repeating what Mrs. Maddox said about him. The both of us don’t need to be mad at the same time. That’ll just make everything worse. “The PDA rules are stupid.”

  “Yeah, they are.”

  “We’re practically adults. Why can’t we kiss on our lunch break? What does it matter? We weren’t even in the school.”

  “But we were on school grounds,” he points out.

  I send him an irritated scowl. “What? Are you defending her now?”

  “No. I think the no-PDA rule is stupid. And I think Mrs. Maddox must have a bug up her ass that makes her run around campus and bust people on an almost daily basis. It’s messed up.” He’s quiet for a moment and his silence starts to make me antsy. “But I think I can get us out of this mess.”

  “How?” I ask incredulously.

  “Coach Halsey will bail us out.”

  “He’ll bail you out.” I slump in my seat and cross my arms, staring ahead morosely. The lunch period is almost over and we’re going to be late getting back to school. For once in my life, I don’t care.

  “He’ll take care of you too. You’re our water girl, remember?” He reaches out and runs his big hand over my knee. “It’s going to be okay. I’ll take care of this.”

  “What if Mrs. Maddox calls my parents?” I slap my hands over my eyes and groan. “I never get in trouble. They’ll probably want to kill me over this, especially since I got caught kissing you. They already don’t like you. We don’t need to give them any more reasons to not like you.”

  Jordan remains quiet for a moment, and I drop my hands to find him staring straight ahead, that tic in his jaw starting up again. “I wish I could change their minds.”

  I wish he could too, but that’s going to take time. I decide to change the subject. Sort of. “Do you think Mrs. Maddox will call them?”

  “Honestly? No. This is your first offense. Mrs. Maddox seems to like you. She can’t stand me. If we get caught kissing again, then she’ll probably call your parents. Or if we don’t show up for detention, she’ll call them.”

  “I thought you said Halsey will get you out of detention?”

  “He’ll definitely get us out of detention. But we have to go today. That’s what will freak coach out. I won’t be at practice and he’ll get mad, figure out I’m in detention and demand I get out of there. Then I’ll tell him he needs to get you out too, and boom. We’re done.” He smiles, looking pleased with himself.

  But whoops, I’m still stuck on one particular thing he mentioned earlier in the conversation. “You said this is my first offense. Is this your first PDA offense, too?”

  His expression turns to stone and he keeps his gaze fixed on the road. “No. It’s actually my third,” he bites out.

  I sit up in my seat and gape at him, but he’s still not looking at me. “Your third? Are you serious?” My mind is going haywire trying to figure out who he got busted with for the PDA thing. “Shouldn’t Maddox suspend you or whatever?”

  “I think our chances or whatever restart with every school year, or something like that. My first two offenses were during my freshman year, and I haven’t got in trouble since.”

  Realization dawns. Meaning his first two offenses were…

  “With Lauren?”

  “Yeah.” He doesn’t look at me. Still. So I stare straight ahead, stewing over what he just said, my mind clicking through all the many scenarios that might’ve happened between them.

  Stupid Lauren Mancini. She has so many…moments with him. They share a history that I can never have and it makes me jealous. There. I can admit it. I’m jealous of her and what she and Jordan shared. I don’t care if it was four years ago. They still spend a lot of time together. He plays football. She’s a cheerleader. And she’s linked to him because supposedly her older sister is having an affair with his dad, which is so freaking bizarre I can barely wrap my head around it.

  The entire scenario is twisted and dark and weird. Makes me wonder what I got myself into.

  “Was she your first?” I blurt out, unable to contain the question.

  “My first what? Girlfriend? Sort of. If you don’t count the girl I messed around with at camp the summer after seventh grade.”

  “You messed around with a girl the summer after seventh grade?” God, the more he says, the less I want to know.

  “It was pretty innocent.” He shrugs. “Lots of hand holding and experimental kissing.”

  “What do you mean, experimental kissing?” I snap. Oh, I sound like a jealous girlfriend right now. But it’s like I can’
t help myself.

  “I don’t know. I had zero skills. I was thirteen and clueless. She helped me out. We helped each other out.”

  I am jealous of a nameless, faceless thirteen-year old from summer camp that he probably hasn’t seen since. I’m also clearly insane. I need to stop. “And then you practiced those skills on Lauren?”

  Whoops, there goes my mouth again.

  He sighs and makes a left turn into the parking lot of the Corner Bakery Café. He pulls into a spot right in front of the restaurant, puts the SUV in park, kills the engine and turns to look at me. “I’m going to say this one more time, Amanda. Lauren Mancini doesn’t mean shit to me.”

  I blink, unable to respond.

  “She flattered my fragile ego at a time when no one seemed to give a crap about me. She was cute, she was fun, and I went for it. Our relationship only lasted a few months, and it deteriorated fast. You know this. She was a pain in the ass. We argued a lot. I never met her needs, she said. I don’t even know what her needs were, and it’s not like she told me,” he says, sounding irritated. “I think she expected me to be a mind reader.”

  “Oh.” It’s all I can manage to say. I’m feeling really stupid right now. If I don’t want to drive him away, I need to get over these jealous feelings. They’re going to ruin me.

  Ruin us.

  “And she wasn’t my first, if you’re talking about sex.” He says nothing else. Doesn’t give up any more information.

  I don’t ask for it either. It’s none of my business. If he ever wants to tell me, fine. But I can’t keep asking.

  “Would you like to know how long I had a crush on you, Amanda?”

  A self-depreciating laugh escapes me and I finally look over at him. “You really had a crush on me?”

  He doesn’t even hesitate. “For-fucking-ever. Since seventh grade. Maybe even sixth grade? I can’t remember exactly. I was a real prick back then, and you were always nice to me. Remember when you sat in front of me in English our eighth grade year? Every time you passed something to me, you’d always smile. And it was a real smile, your eyes would sparkle and everything.”

  I sort of remember that. I just wanted him to be friendly, yet he always scowled at me. He scowled at everyone. “I was scared of you.”

  “Really?” He looks surprised. “Well, you scared me too. I’m still scared of you, Amanda. The way you make me feel when I look at you, when you say my name, when you smile at me…it’s freaking terrifying.”

  God, he says the best stuff. And he doesn’t even realize it. He’s just raw and open and honest and I love it. “Why didn’t you say anything back then? Or—try anything?”

  “I didn’t think you were interested. Not like that. Plus, I didn’t think I was your type.”

  “I didn’t know you were my type until you started talking to me,” I admit.

  Jordan frowns. “What do you mean by that?”

  We’ve had this conversation before. I guess I can’t get over it, though I need to before I drive him away for good. “You were so popular and I wasn’t. We moved in different circles. I thought you were untouchable. Then you took care of me last summer at your party, after I discovered Thad and Tara together. I was a total drunken, emotional mess and you were so sweet, so thoughtful.”

  His eyes seem to catch fire as he studies me. “My thoughts about you that night were anything but sweet or thoughtful.”

  “Really?” He must be joking. He wasn’t thinking of—jumping me, or whatever. “What were you thinking?”

  “I couldn’t believe I actually had you where I wanted you, and you were really upset, so I couldn’t do anything about it. No way was I going to try anything when you were drunk and sad and crying. That would’ve been a total asshole move,” he explains.

  “But I thought you are an asshole.” I keep a straight face, hoping he knows I’m teasing him.

  “Oh, I am.” The slow smile he sends me makes my skin tingle and my breath catch in my throat. “But I never want to be an asshole when I’m with you.”

  Swoon. All I want to do is squeeze him tight and never let him go. But I’m also hungry, so I have to make a suggestion before I die of starvation. “Let’s get our lunch to go and eat it somewhere else.”

  “We’re going to miss fifth period,” he points out with a wicked smile.

  “Who cares? Let’s skip the rest of the day and get back just in time for detention,” I suggest.”

  He raises a brow. “Feeling rebellious today, Amanda?”

  “I think you bring out the bad girl in me,” I tease him.

  Jordan chuckles. “I wish.”

  We end up at a park my parents used to take me and my brothers to when we were little, but I haven’t been here in years. I remember the reason why we stopped coming too. When we were younger, it only cost a dollar a carload. Now it’s up to five dollars a carload. My parents couldn’t justify the expense. We started going to the much smaller, much more boring free park down the street from our house instead.

  Jordan finds a parking spot directly in front of a giant pond and we sit in the car eating our sandwiches and watching the ducks as they glide by on the water’s surface. People walk along the pond’s edge, and there’s an older couple sitting on a nearby park bench, the woman’s gray head leaning on the man’s shoulder.

  It’s cute.

  “We used to bring bread crumbs to this pond and feed the ducks,” I say after I finish the first half of my sandwich. I was going to wrap up the other half and save it for later, but screw it. I’m still hungry, so I might go for it.

  “Yeah?” Jordan takes a sip from his drink. “Your parents would bring you with your brothers?”

  “Uh huh. Trent was too little, so he just sat with my mom and dad. George and I used to get in fights over who got to feed the ducks first. One time a duck bit his hand and he howled and cried like that stupid duck bit his finger clean off.” I giggle at the memory. “My brother was always really dramatic.”

  “Is he still?”

  “Oh yeah.” I go quiet for a moment, thinking about George. “He came home from college this past weekend. He’s not doing good there. The school is putting him on academic probation next semester and he’s finishing two online courses from home. I guess he withdrew from the rest of his classes—it was either that or he’d fail them. My parents are so mad.”

  “Is that why your parents were gone this weekend? They went and picked him up?” Jordan asks.

  I nod. “He wrecked our old car almost two weeks ago, but he only just told them a few days ago. Once he started talking to my mom, she figured out quick he wasn’t going to school hardly at all. He’s too busy partying and hanging out with his friends, I don’t know. My parents aren’t talking to me about it, and I don’t pry. George has holed himself up in his room and barely comes out, not even to eat. It’s really tense at my house right now.” Unbearably tense. I don’t like going home. I miss working at Yo Town—this week I’m only scheduled Saturday afternoon, that’s it, and I need the money. Once football is over for good, I probably need to find a new job.

  Luckily enough, I’m busy at school and that keeps me away from the house, but only till around five, and then I have to go home. If Livvy’s going to constantly chase after Dustin, then I don’t want to hang out with her anymore. At least, not right now. I don’t want to play a major part in the demise of her relationship with Ryan.

  “I know how to help you with that.” When I look up at him in confusion, Jordan’s face is impassive. Downright innocent. “Your stress. I can help relieve the tension.”

  “How?” I ask warily. This is usually the point where Jordan says something dirty and I’ll call him a pig and then we’ll both laugh because we know I don’t mean it.

  But he doesn’t say anything like that. Instead, he grabs the rest of his sandwich and starts tearing up the bread in little bits, tossing them into his empty chip bag. “Let’s go feed the ducks.”

  Okay. That’s not what I expected him to sa
y at all. “Seriously? You’ll sacrifice your sandwich for me?”

  “I shouldn’t eat the bread anyway. Too many carbs.” He tears up the rest of the bread from his sandwich, tossing it all in the chip bag until it’s gone. “Wanna help me feed them? I don’t want them to bite me, and it sounds like you have more experience with that.”

  He smiles. I smile back. I’m helpless to this. His charm. His sweet ways. He’s trying so hard. I see that. I want to give him a chance.

  Really? I’d probably give him a thousand chances, though I’d never tell him that. I don’t want to stop seeing him. Talking to him. Kissing him.

  I like kissing him a lot.

  “Let’s go,” I tell him right before I open the car door. We both climb out, Jordan clutching the chip bag full of torn up bread and me with my phone at the ready. I’m totally documenting this moment.

  The ducks see humans approach the pond and they become frantic. They all start quacking as they make their way to the pond’s shore, each of them waddling out of the water and rushing for us.

  Jordan sends me a slightly panicked look. “They’re pushy.”

  I start to laugh. “Don’t be scared. Start throwing them bread crumbs and they won’t jump you.”

  He holds the bag out toward me. “You want some?”

  “Sure.” I reach inside the bag and grab a handful, then start scattering the crumbs onto the ground. The ducks go crazy, their quacking reaching high decibels as they all scramble for the bread at once. I take a step back, bumping right into Jordan, and he sneaks an arm around me, his hand resting flat against my stomach as he pulls me closer to him.

  “They are a little pushy,” I admit, my voice shaky. Not because of the ducks, more from Jordan’s nearness. He’s so tall behind me, so big and firm. I feel protected snuggled so close to him.

  “I know,” he murmurs against my hair. With his free hand, he dumps the rest of the breadcrumbs on the ground and the ducks go wild, incessantly quacking as they peck at the ground, fighting over the last of the crumbs. “Think they’ll try to eat our shoes?”

  “Only if they think our shoes look like bread,” I joke.