Silver

by Pieslak, Dixie

  I got up before the sun, before anyone was on the streets. Like me, Sonar was restless. The confusion from yesterday was heavy, but it seemed easier to lean towards anger. I mean -ugh - how did I let him get to me?

  I dressed fast and was out the door, Sonar leading the way. The predawn air streaked my face as I ran. I didn’t take time to stretch and right away yesterday's muscles were telling me I should have. But I didn’t stop. The burning fueled my anger.

  Sonar stopped to sniff and turned to check for me. “I'm coming, speedy.” He wheeled around a corner and I sped up, following his lead.

  Brecken, I mentally screamed, what the heck's going on? Nothing makes any sense. Like a mantra, I repeated with each breath, “Suck it in.” Raise those protective walls. We crossed at a green light. A solitary car passed us from behind. “Don't think, Henna.” Just run. Sonar loped from street to street and I followed.

  The sky lightened and all around was silent, no pounding shoes, no rasping breath, just my throbbing hurt that seemed loud to me. A bird skimmed the trees ahead of me. Sonar took a quick leak on a bush then started to run faster. We turned a new corner, my steps seeming to skim the pavement behind my dog, my trustworthy companion. Him and my cousin the only ones I could really trust. It hurts less, I told myself, to be filled with anger and not worry about snake venom and lies.

  I slowed down and took a moment to see where we were. Then I stopped dead in my tracks. No way. Sonar, what have you done? There was Brecken on a porch right across the street from me. He had leaped to his feet, as shocked as I was to see me in front of his home. A home he has never invited me to. A small smile formed on my face when I saw the confusion move across his. Oh, lovely, I thought. Shock and confusion to see me? Well, suck it up.

  “Henna, what are you doing here?”

  Glad to know I caught Mister Always so Smooth completely off guard. My dog was prancing at Brecken's feet and I crossed over, staring him in the face as I paced towards him. His hand rested on my dog's head and I caught a flicker of smile. He stepped back as he got a better glimpse of my face. That and my energy. I was sending him emotions all right, and none of them were sugar and spice.

  “Going to invite me in, Brecken?”

  His lids lowered and he hid the smile, but it was there alright. “I'm surprised to see out you so early.”

  I glanced at his hand holding Sonar’s muzzle and suspicion tickled. But before I took the first step to the porch, I stopped. This wasn’t his house. I frowned and he started to say something. Back off, I glared, then crossed the lawn to the driveway. There was a second house behind there. I almost gloated. That one was his and now was my chance.

  I went for bold, grabbed the doorknob and glanced back. Sonar was crouched in the driveway, but Brecken was right behind me and I couldn’t read his face. Part of me wanted to wrap my arms around him and ask what was wrong. But my mind raced back to yesterday's lie about the emergency room and no call, no visit to me later, nothing. Like I wasn't worried out of my gourd.

  Agh! The creep. “This one is your house, Brecken. Why were you the other porch?”

  Amused twitch of lips. “House sitting for my landlady. You seem upset.”

  “Gosh, no kidding.” I refused to mention yesterday. “Why did you make my guard dog stay back there?”

  His tone mocked. “Do you really care about your guard? Isn't it something else that's bugging you?”

  I snapped. “The whole world is bugging me, Brecken. Your on and off moodiness for one.”

  He prickled. “My moodiness? Looked in the mirror lately?”

  I banged the front door open, scooted in and slammed the door in his face. My chest heaved as I checked out his home. His private place where I was never invited. Small, but big enough for him and his roommate, who was never around. Probably another creep.

  The main room was just a room and I marched straight through it into the short hall. Three doors, two opened. The first room looked like it hadn’t been touched in a while, but snooping is snooping, so I stuck my head in. Second door, a hall closet, blah. The third was jackpot.

  The front door clicked shut as I stepped into Brecken's room. A bed, a dresser, no photos. The bed wasn’t made and looked like he had tossed and turned in it during the night. Big smile at the thought of him having a sleepless night.

  His voice dripped honey. “Snooping, Henna?”

  I dripped sarcasm. “Getting to know my boyfriend, Brecken.”

  There was an alcove with a desk and his laptop and a bunch of deep dents on the wall. Those dents looked recent, but so what. No clothes out like in my room. All neat, keys, wallet and two pens lined up on the dresser. Coins piled.

  He was beside me and I shoved him back to the doorway. “Stop peering over my shoulder.”

  “Yes, ma'am.”

  He chuckled and I moved to the bathroom. Clean for a guy. Towels hanging straight, toilet seat down - point for him. Electric tooth brush on the sink, splashes on the mirror, but nothing skanky. He’d left pants lying on the floor by the shower. They actually seemed out of place for how organized everything else was.

  Absentmindedly, I picked up the pants - the ones he wore on the hike - to lay them across the toilet seat. But as I did, something fell out of the pocket and clinked oh so lightly on the tile. I bent down and it took everything in me not to gasp out loud.

  He was still in the bedroom doorway. Giving me space? Wonderful. But he's invaded my private space before, and now I had the proof in my fingers. My dangly, hoop earring. Just one, of course, because the other was still in my room, where I always took off my jewelry and placed it immediately in the drawer, and even with Christina’s help in looking, I never could find its mate. Now here it is, after all this time, falling out of Brecken’s pocket.

  I needed a moment to breath and flashed to the times he’d been in my house. Never, not once, upstairs. Never in my bedroom. I shook my head. Was everything a lie? I missed the earring long before I ever invited him over. The break in. I had to think and couldn't, with him only feet away.

  “Henna, come out here and talk to me.”

  I shoved the bathroom door shut and stared at myself in the mirror. Anger flushed my face. What was I supposed to say? He took the cue and didn’t come in.

  I made the decision right then not to confront him about the earring. I was pissed and needed to get out of there. I tightened my fist around the hoop, but anger is an emotion I’ve been comfortable with all my life. Anger spurs me on, anger gives me answers. I tucked the earring into my sweats pocket, dropped his traitor pants back on the floor and swung open the door.

  “What?” I made my eyes cold, my expression cold. “Talk about what?” Ice crackled in my voice.

  He heard the ice and his voice rose. “Your anger, for one thing. What did I do now?”

  I stalked towards him, furious. “I don’t get you, Brecken.” I pointed at him, yelling all my frustration. “Did you see a doctor? Are you dying from poison snake bites?”

  He stepped back, irritation all over him. I followed, got right up in his face. “Are you going to lie to me some more and tell me I imagined yesterday? Or maybe you want to tell me how fascinating I am and how you love spending time with me. What do all the words mean? Beautiful words any girl would love to hear from charming and beautiful Brecken de Boer. What do you think I am? Your little plaything?” I leaned towards him, fury bouncing off the walls. “What the hell do you want from me?”

  His eyes widened. “I meant those words, Henna.”

  “Yeah?” I was almost screaming. “I’m in your home for the first time and I realize you didn’t invite me here.” I panted, the earring spinning in my head, and screamed on. “I went out running with my dog and somehow ended up here. An accident. But even then, the look you gave me? Horrified that I was at your house? What are you afraid of, Brecken? What do you think I’ll find here? What secret are you hiding?”

  Now he was yelling, too. “Henna, I don’t have any secret.” Ha, a
nd lying.

  I stabbed my finger at his chest, hard. “Don’t tell me there’s no secret. You messed with me, pretending you weren't bitten. Oooh yes, Henna. Sure, I'll see a doctor, Henna. Lies! With all that we've shared, you still stand there and look at me as if I’m the crazy one here? Well, let me help you out with that!”

  I stormed passed him and threw open the front door. I didn’t have to turn around to know he followed me. My voice oozed scorn. “I am so gone!”

  His hand on my arm was hard. “Henna, you're not leaving.”

  “Take your hands off me, mister.”

  “Not until you talk to me.”

  “Here's my talking. You obviously don’t want me here in your home and you probably want to take back all the sweet things that you've said. I get it. So I’ll make it easier for both of us.”

  Almost crazy with rage, I stepped out to the porch. He tugged me back, pulling too harshly, and for the first time in a long while I felt a twinge of fear to be around him. His fingers moved to my hand and held it, while my other hand was in my pocket, earring around my thumb, evidence that he was playing me. My heart cried out, but the proof was there.

  His face was tight. “You're being ridiculous. Calm down and listen. If I didn't want you here, you wouldn't be here. My house is open to you, anytime.”

  “Is it? Well so sorry I can't say the same thing.” Get a grip, Henna. I looked at him, steel and ice in my eyes. “Goodbye, Brecken de Boer.”

  I jerked my hand out of his and ran down the driveway with Sonar, around the front house and fast to the street. He didn’t follow me and eventually I slowed to a slouching walk. My body ached and felt torn, both physically and emotionally. I cared so much and was beginning to trust him, but there's been too much shock and hurt.

  I had to leave. And for me - oh, Brecken - that means leave town.

  Chapter 50

  I pulled out with Sonar riding shotgun and my bags in the back. Two things I knew for sure. I wanted to be near the ocean and I wanted distance. I jumped on the 210 freeway heading west. Unwelcome tears dampened my cheeks.

  Betrayal. Lies, twists and turns. I touched the container that held my change and fingered the earring and wondered, in spite of all the talks, all the time together, the touching and kissing - who was Brecken? A master stalker? Oh yeah. But he’s absolutely special to me. Or was special.

  The man that watched me from the lawns of the university. The man whose eyes pierced mine as I sang, whose energy reached out for me. I was drawn to him and yes, I feared the strangeness that attracted me to him. How could I ever trust him again?

  That first night I saw him, he stood at the Tavern door staring at me. And I wanted to run and I wanted to breathe in the feel of him, the sense of power and my craving for that power. I had a desire to go over and touch him, as well as suspicion that he was a threat. That he was what he actually is. A mesmerizing, incredible, lying stalker.

  All this time, and how much of it phony? Most? All? Questions without answers. Miles and miles fell behind me, driven in automatic pilot, while I was lost in tears and puzzlement. Lost in a dying dream.

  A hundred miles north I exited the freeway to familiar Santa Barbara. The college crowds here had always been fans of my music and I knew the area, knew the beaches, the restaurants and clubs. I pulled in at a motel that was pet friendly and after checkin, carried my bag and guitar to the room. One big bed for Sonar and me. But first both of us needed outdoors time. I clipped on his leash.

  We walked to a spot near the pier and I released Sonar to play in the surf. The afternoon was warm and the sun felt good. I watched Sonar snapping at the waves and burned inside with disappointment and anger.

  The water was glittering in the sunlight and a two boats were out there, dipping slowly up and down, drifting lazy and peaceful, like I wanted to feel. Except, I was a long ways from peaceful. Rage simmered so deep I couldn't think and I wanted to fix me and fix the troubles with Brecken. Was that even possible? A rational person wouldn't try. But how do I leave Brecken for good?

  I took out my earring and turned it in my fingers. Was I overdoing it with the anger? Didn't I have a right to honesty? I dug my feet in the sand and kicked hard and sprayed the air and myself. Kicked again.

  I had been alone, but suddenly I noticed someone up on the pier and Sonar had dashed up from his play and stood growling and stiff at my side.

  “Shh,” I said. “Sit.” He didn't. I rubbed his back. “Sonar, quiet.” The growling stopped, but he kept his bristling stance. “Okay, okay.” Last thing I needed was being sued because my dog attacked somebody, so I clipped on his leash then frowned and glanced at the pier. Goose bumps on my arms.

  The man was leaning, leg drawn up, with the sun behind him. I couldn’t distinguish his face, but he was watching me. Totally normal for a guy to watch a girl on the beach, but I was bitchy irritated and didn’t want some stranger gawking at me. I've been stalked and lied to, tricked for weeks and all men were on my black list. Sonar trembled under my hand and I was suddenly so ticked off that I had a quirky idea. I decided to turn the tables and find pier guy if he was out this evening. Follow him and see how he liked being stared at.

  Actually, he probably wouldn’t even realize I was there, but I’d know. Plus, it would keep my mind occupied and I needed just that. Of course, he might like it, being a guy. But, being the stalker for a switch was too hard to resist. I just needed to touch his energy field and I'd find him again. And I sort of had the feel of him already. The goose bumps traveled.

  From the corner of my eye I watched him stare. Do it. Why not? I’ve reached out all my life, knowing who was where, just for fun. And with my sensitivity growing lately, here was a chance to find out how much. I looked back at the horizon and literally breathed in his energy. No fluid stream, which meant he wasn't sending me anything on purpose, but he was emitting powerful vibes, just standing there.

  I definitely recognized his type of energy and noticed the strength. A man thinking about a woman? Probably. But to experiment at this distance, I tried probing deeper. Too far away for anything clear. Long moments, his eyes fixed on me and Sonar, then he walked off and I pulled my self tight and wondered. Why am I sensing all the new stuff these days? And how could I use it? Should I really try and trail him? Sure, why not.

  Tonight I’d bury my problems. It was my turn to play and have a little fun, I splashed along the beach for another hour, with no phone, no contacts, just my dog and me. Eventually I took him to the room and went out for food. No morning coffee, missed lunch. I was starving.

  The decision to follow pier guy was way out of line and of course I knew. But it seemed a satisfying idea and I looked forward to it. He wasn't much older than me, so probably a club where the girls are. The insult of Brecken's betrayal had pushed me over the edge. This once, I shoved good girl caution aside.

  I ate and called Jeff, then Gina to ask for two days off from the PR. Christina was out of town, but I'd left her a note. Nothing to do and I was feeling snarly, so I plotted about the creep on the pier and something nagged. Maybe he was in my audience before. He’d probably hit up a bar, so around 8:00 I dressed to go out. The guy’s energy would help me find him, no matter where he went. Of course, he might not be around, but that was no fun, so I didn’t even consider it.

  The night was cooler, but I was comfortable in my jeans and jacket. I made my way to State Street and meandered down the sidewalk, in and out of bars, reaching for a sense of the man. I told myself it was destiny when, wouldn't you know, he crossed at the corner ahead, energy trickling. He didn’t notice me, or maybe chose to ignore me. After passing a few places, he veered towards one. I followed.

  The bar was bigger than it appeared from the outside. Two stories, the second floor wrapped around a dance floor, which was on the first. That made it easy for people to pick out their prey before going for the attack. I already had my prey.

  I made my way to the winding stair case to join the other hunters. Th
at level was packed out, but my inner walls were raised to ward off attention and it worked. I wormed through to the railing with a great view of the downstairs. It took only a moment to find my target.

  He was leaning against the bar, seeming to not have a care in the world. It was interesting though, as I got the chance to examine his features. They didn’t match his demeanor. He came across all self assured, as if he could get any girl in here. But his looks were homely, hair in a 'just get rid of it' buzz cut. He turned towards the dance floor. Nothing about him stood out. No dashing smile, stocky but no flair to give him presence, no soft hair one would want to touch.

  If I hadn’t felt him, I would never have noticed him. And yet, there he stood, energy vibrating with color, as if he owned the bar and everything in it. His energy was the one thing in his favor, I guess.

  I watched as two attractive women slipped next to him. The bartender leaned over and grazed one of their cheeks with the back of his fingers. Now that was a man who could come off arrogant, I decided. Girls would flock to him. My prey turned to the women and I almost felt bad for him. He had no chance against the bartender, or any other guy in there for that matter. But he made his move nonetheless.

  The women began talking with him and that made me smile. Most girls would have ignored him. I decided to get closer, since I wanted to hear what they were saying. Back through the crowd to the stairs.

  When I spotted him again, he was hugging both women, each under an arm. The bartender served their drinks with a little shake of his head. I couldn’t blame him. This man, as plain as a white wall, managed to get two women to paw at him. I made my way to the bar to get within hearing distance and, slowly, reached out my senses and touched him. His eyes twitched to me - uhh - then returned to the girls.

  The man was a mess. His energy was all over the place, but I believed he was using it to pull them in, just like I do and just like Brecken does and like Conor when he sings. I’ve felt it all before, except this guy felt muddy. Untidy, familiar, but not appealing at all.