Going the Distance

by Christa Cervone

  “Our day definitely hasn’t been ruined,” I give her a reassuring smile.

  She nestles back into her seat and I turn the radio on. Both of us are quiet the rest of the way to my apartment.

  As we walk up the three flights of stairs to my apartment, my stomach lets out a huge growl. “Are you as hungry as I am?”

  “Yes, I’m starving.” She sounds relieved.

  After the life-altering sex, Salem was bound and determined to find a spot to hang our lock. Although it took us some time, we finally found one. We then enjoyed the snacks Jocelyn had packed for us and managed to polish off the entire bottle of champagne.

  My stomach lets out another growl. “Yeah, the crackers and cheese, fruit, cupcakes, and champagne didn’t fill me up.”

  “Me neither,” Salem agrees. “You want to order Chinese? My treat.”

  I give her a look.

  “It’s the least I can do after today.”

  “Fine,” I say in an exasperated breath.

  Salem smiles at me with a satisfied look on her face.

  We approach my door. “I hope Jase is feelin’ better. He looked terrible this morning.”

  “We can order him wonton soup if he isn’t.”

  I steal a kiss from her before I open the door. As we enter, it’s a similar scene from last night; the apartment is dark. I was expecting Jase to be sitting on the couch, watching TV. “Well, I guess he’s not feelin’ any better. I’m gonna go check on him. The menu for Panda Garden is in the top left drawer in the kitchen.”

  “Okay,” Salem replies, then heads in that direction.

  I knock lightly on Jase’s door. “Jase, it’s me. Can I come in?” There’s no response. Again I knock, but this time a little louder; still nothing. Slowly, I open the door, hoping it won’t squeak and startle him. His room is dark, but I can see his shadow on the bed. “Jase?” He remains quiet. Taking a few steps back to the door, I flick on the light switch.

  Turning back, I look around his room and notice that it’s exactly how it was last night, in shambles. He’s sprawled out, fully clothed, across his bed. At closer inspection, I realize there’s a belt wrapped around his bicep, and there’s a needle sticking out of his arm. I look to the floor and see a spoon lying just below his hand. My heart drops into my stomach. “Jase!” I scream at the top of my lungs, racing to his side.

  His eyes are open, his complexion is ashen, and white, foamy vomit is coming out of his mouth. Immediately, I place my ear on his chest, trying to listen for a heartbeat. “No! No! No!” I yell, pounding on the mattress.

  Salem appears at the door. “What is it? What’s the matter?” By the look on her face, I can tell she realizes what’s going on.

  “Call nine-one-one!” I beg frantically. She shuffles back and forth in the doorway, all of the color has left her face, and her eyes are wide. Sheer panic has washed over her, and she doesn’t know what to do. “Salem!”

  Finally, she snaps out of it. “Okay. Yeah… Okay, I’m going to go call nine-one-one!” She runs to the living room.

  I’m now kneeling on the floor next to Jase’s bed. I run the back of my hand across his forehead; his skin feels cold and clammy. “No, oh God, please no... Jase!” I repeatedly shake him like a rag doll. My eyes dart around the room, looking for something to splash on his face; there’s nothing. I slap him, hoping it will do something, “Wake up!” He still remains lifeless.

  I’m doing my best to keep it together, but I can feel myself coming apart at the seams. “Jase,” I cry, “please, wake up!” I take his hand in mine. “I should’ve been here. I should’ve known by the way you were actin’ this morning.” I feel myself rocking back and forth, clenching his cold hand against my cheek.

  “The ambulance is on its way,” Salem reenters the room with the phone to her ear. Tears are streaming down her face. “Is he breathing?”

  I shake my head.

  “No, he’s not. Yes, I know CPR,” Salem says into the phone. “Gabriel,” her voice sounds muffled and there’s a high-pitched ringing in my ears. “Gabriel, do you know CPR?” I remain unresponsive. Blinking my eyes several times, I try to bring her into focus. Salem’s voice is now becoming clearer, “Yes, I’ve taken a class. Gabriel, you need to take the phone. Gabriel, take the phone!”

  Finally, I snap out of the daze.

  She pushes the phone into my hand, “I’m going to try to resuscitate him.”

  Looking down at the phone, I can hear someone talking. I raise the phone to my ear. “Is anyone there?”

  “Yes, I’m here,” I respond vacantly.

  “Is Miss Harris performing CPR?”

  I gaze over at Salem. Without batting an eye, she tries to clear Jase’s airway with her fingers, removing the vomit from his mouth. She then carefully reaches behind him and tilts his head back.

  “Yes.”

  “Okay, good. The ambulance should be there shortly. Is the door unlocked?”

  “Yes.”

  “I need you to stay on the line with me.”

  I nod my head.

  “Are you still there?”

  “Yes.”

  “What’s your name?”

  “Gabriel.”

  “Gabriel what?” the operator tries to pull the information out of me.

  “Gabriel Vega.”

  “Gabriel, my name is Simon,” his voice is very steady and calm.

  “Are you related to Jason?”

  My breath hitches, “Yes… he’s my brother.”

  “How old is he?”

  “Twenty.”

  “Do you know how long he’s been unconscious?”

  “No.”

  “Does he have a history of drug use?”

  “Yes, but he’s been clean for a little more than six months.” I feel the need to add that; I wanted Simon to know that he’s not just some junkie.

  “We’re going to do whatever we can, Mr. Vega. But, I need you do to me a favor.”

  “Okay.”

  “When the paramedics arrive, you need to stay out of their way. Let them do their jobs. Can you do that for me, Mr. Vega?”

  I nod my head in acknowledgement.

  “Are you still with me?”

  “Yeah, I’m here.”

  “Can you tell me what Miss Harris is doing now?”

  I watch as Salem performs CPR on my little brother. “She’s pressing on his chest.”

  “Okay, good. The ambulance should be there any second.”

  “I can hear the siren,” I respond.

  “Good. Why don’t you go and meet the paramedics at the door?”

  “Okay,” I slowly rise to my feet and walk to door.

  Standing in the hallway, I hear a voice bellow from the stairwell, “The dispatcher said the fourth floor!”

  “They’re here,” I say into the phone.

  “I still need you to stay on the phone, Mr. Vega, for just a few more moments.”

  “K,” the word just barely squeaking out as the paramedics rush by me, rolling the stretcher through the doorway of my apartment.

  “Mr. Vega? Mr. Vega?”

  “Yes?”

  “I just received word from the paramedics that they’re in your apartment and are going to tend to your brother now. You did a great job.”

  I hit “end call” and walk slowly toward Jase’s room. When I reach the doorway, all I can see are the backs of the paramedics and Jase’s feet. Salem is standing up against Jase’s closet, trying to stay out of the way. This doesn’t seem real. It’s almost like an out-of-body experience. I’m totally aware of what’s going on around me, yet it’s like it’s not actually happening. Everything is in slow motion, and their voices are deep and drawn out, like in a tunnel.

  “Gabriel?” I hear the worry in Salem’s voice. “Are you okay?”

  All I can do is nod my head. Forming a sentence at this point isn’t even a possibility. I look over in the direction of Salem’s voice, but I don’t see her. Everything is blurry, I’m suddenly f
eeling hot, and that high-pitched ringing in my ears has returned.

  “Say, I’m not feelin’ so good,” I say faintly. I feel her hand touch my shoulder, and my legs give out from underneath me. “Why?” is all that comes out.

  She crouches down next to me, and when I feel her fingers lightly caress my forearm, the tears break through the dam. One after another they stream down my cheeks as I begin to unravel right in front of her; I begin sobbing uncontrollably. She tries to kiss the tears away, but she’s no match for them. My entire body is shaking as I collapse into her arms, grabbing on and clinging tightly.

  “I don’t know, baby,” she murmurs softly.

  “He’s been clean.”

  “I know.” She rocks with me.

  “I just don’t understand. He was fuckin’ clean.” I try to wrap my head around all of this. What drove him back to drugs? How, after thriving for more than six months, could this happen?

  I feel Salem’s arm wrap around my waist. “Come on, Gabriel, let’s get you to the couch.” Using all of her strength, she tugs on the belt loops of my jeans and somehow gets me to a standing position. Her dainty frame manages to walk me from Jase’s room to the living room.

  “Sit right here, I’m going to get you some water and a washcloth for your face.”

  My eyes are puffy from crying, and I’m struggling to keep them open. “Here, baby, take a little a sip.” I feel a cold cup pressing up against my lips. “Take a sip for me,” she pleads. A drop of water lands on my lips and I realize how parched I am. Opening my mouth, I take a small sip. “There you go. Take another one, this time a little bigger.”

  Opening my eyes, I stare up at her; she’s smiling.

  “Sit back,” I feel her gently guiding me back, so that I’m sitting with my back against the couch. “I’m going to get your washcloth.”

  I nod.

  I just sit there until a hand touches my shoulder. “Sit up a little,” she urges me to move forward. “That’s good.” I jump when I feel the cold fabric hit my bare neck. “Okay, sit back again.” My head is resting against my shoulders. “Here, put this one on your face,” she places the other washcloth in my hands.

  “Excuse me, miss? We’re taking him to the hospital now.”

  I look over Salem’s shoulder and see one of the paramedics whisking Jase away on the stretcher.

  “Okay, we’ll meet you at St. Stan’s.”

  “I’m goin’ with Jase.” I try to stand up, but the blood goes rushing to my head, and I immediately sit back down.

  “I’ll drive you,” Salem insists.

  “I can’t leave him.”

  “He’s in good hands. You have to have faith in them. They know what they’re doing.”

  “But…” I look over at the doorway as the last paramedic walks out.

  “Gabriel,” Salem is standing over me with her hand extended, “come on.”

  Reaching out for her, I stand.

  “Have you heard anything?” I hear a familiar female voice. My eyes bolt open and I look around the room frantically, trying to figure out where I am. As things come into focus, I realize we’re in the hospital waiting area. My eyes scan the room; there are a few chairs scattered around, and a television is suspended from the ceiling with the local six o’clock news on the screen. Looking up, I see Salem’s solemn face staring down at me. I realize I’m lying on a couch with my head on her lap. She gently runs her fingers through my hair, trying to soothe me. I don’t even remember the car ride over here, let alone walking into the hospital or anything else up to this moment. I feel my chest heave a staggered breath as I try to keep my sobs at bay.

  “No, nothing,” Salem sighs heavily.

  “Let me see what I can find out.”

  “Who was that?”

  “My mother. I called her and told her what was going on.”

  “Your mother?” I clamor to get up.

  “Just rest, Gabriel,” Salem firmly presses on my chest. “As soon as she finds anything out, she’ll be back.”

  “I wish you didn’t call her.”

  “Why?” she gives me a perplexed look.

  “Because.”

  “Because why?”

  “I don’t know,” I exhale. “It’s just… embarrassing.”

  “What, you don’t think rich people have drug problems?”

  Running my hand over my face, I try to clarify, “I didn’t… God, that came out wrong.”

  “Gabriel, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. My mother has been in the medical field for close to twenty years. There’s nothing she hasn’t seen.”

  “I know, it’s just…”

  “Mr. Vega?”

  Both Salem and I immediately tense up. Swinging my feet around to the floor, I move into a sitting position. Salem squeezes my hand tightly as we face the man who’s entered the room. “Yes.”

  Within a few steps, he’s standing in front of us. “I’m Dr. Armstrong.”

  Both Salem and I rise to our feet and I look intently at him. He must be in his forties with sandy brown hair that’s combed to the side. I hold my breath pending the news of my brother’s condition. “There is no easy way to say this, Mr. Vega. We did everything we could, but unfortunately, your brother’s overdose proved fatal.”

  Salem’s hand squeezes mine tightly and I can feel her eyes on me as I try to process what the doctor’s told me.

  Exhaling the breath I’ve been holding, I feel numb when I then ask, “Can I see him?”

  “Gabriel…” Salem’s says sympathetically, her thumb gently rubbing the back of my hand.

  “Please, I need to see him.”

  “Yes, Mr. Vega, that can be arranged. Just give us a few minutes.”

  It felt like hours before Dr. Armstrong returned to the waiting room. “Okay, Mr. Vega. You are able to see him now.”

  Salem turns to me, “Do you want me to come with you?”

  Taking her hand in mine, I look into her sad eyes and tell her, “I need to do this alone.”

  Heavily she nods, “I understand.”

  Salem and I follow the doctor down the hallway until he stops at a door. “Take all the time you need.”

  “Thank you,” we say together.

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to come in?”

  Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I respond, “Yes, I’m sure.”

  She leans up to kiss my cheek gently. “I’ll be right here if you need me.”

  Dr. Armstrong opens the door for me, and I enter into the small room. Jase is lying on a hospital bed with a white sheet covering three-quarters of his body. In a daze, I inch my way over to him. His eyes are closed and he looks so peaceful; it’s probably the most peaceful I’ve ever seen him. “Jase,” I exhale a long, shaky sigh, “I’m so sorry I let you down.” I try to swallow down the urge to cry. “You’re my little brother. I should’ve been watchin’ out for you. You deserved better than Mami, better than Papi…” I pause for a moment, “better than me.”

  I pull a chair over and sit down next to him, resting my elbows on the bed with my head in my hands. “All the pain you’ve lived through is gone now, Jase. Nothing and no one can hurt you anymore. I hope you know how much I love you and how much I’ll miss you. You’re my only real family.” I can no longer see him as the tears return. “Christ, I’m so fuckin’ pissed at you! We were supposed to go through this together. You promised me you were gonna fight and not let the drugs win, Jase! I don’t understand why you gave up.” My breath catches, “Why, Jase? Did I do somethin’ wrong? Was it ‘cause I haven’t been around? Why didn’t you tell me? We could’ve gotten you help. Put you in rehab. Called Chris. Fuck, anything but this...”

  I sit there with him for a while, crying and knowing he’s beyond answering any of my questions. Slowly I stand, wipe the tears away, and look down at his innocent face. I lean down and kiss his forehead, “Godspeed, little brother.”

  As soon as I step out the door, Salem is there taking my hand. “Are you oka
y?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Gabriel, this is not your fault.”

  I glance away and start walking. “I… I know…”

  Stopping me in the middle of the hallway, she takes my other hand into hers, forcing me to look at her. “Do you?” Her large blue eyes look up at me, radiating so much love and sorrow. My legs begin to feel weak beneath me as I try to blink away the faint feeling that’s taking me over. I’m trying to breathe, but I feel like I’m in a tunnel and everything is closing in on me. “Gabriel!” is the last thing I hear before I collapse.

  “Is he going to be okay?” I hear Salem’s voice crack.

  “Yes, he’ll be fine. It’s just his body reacting to all the stress,” another voice replies.

  “I love him, Mom.”

  I rapidly blink my eyes to clear my vision.

  “See, he’s waking up now. I’ll give you two some privacy.”

  “Say?”

  I feel her hand softly touch my forehead. “I’m here,” her voice quivers.

  My eyes finally focus in on her face. Her cheeks are tear-streaked and her eyes are red and glossy. “Why are you cryin’?”

  “Because, you scared me.”

  “It’s gonna take a little more than me passing out to take me out,” I tease, hoping to make her feel better.

  “Yeah, well, can you do me a favor and stop winding up in the hospital? I’m not sure how much more of this I can take,” she laughs through her tears.

  “This is the last place I wanna be right now.”

  “I know it is.”

  “When can I go home?”

  “Let me go get my mother.”

  As she turns to leave, I tighten my grip on her hand, keeping her by my side. “Thank you.”

  She tilts her head, “For what?”

  “For trying to save him.”

  “There’s no need to thank me, Gabriel.”

  “You stepped in when I couldn’t…” my voice begins to quake.

  “Shhh…” she presses her lips against mine. “I love you, Gabriel.”

  Letting out a hard breath, I reply, “I love you, too.”

  Salem gives me a warm smile. “Let me go see if we can get you out of here.”

  I let her hand go. “Okay, don’t be too long.”