Barbarian Beast Bitches of the Badlands

by Carlton Mellick III

  She hops off the bike and gives it to Vermin.

  “Take care of it for me,” she says.

  Vermin smiles.

  “Let’s go,” Bunny says. “I’m ready to kill shit.”

  Swaggat fumes in silence as he takes a gas can out of a boat’s storage hold and fuels up the engine.

  Before they leave, Slayer looks at Hyena and says, “It’s up to you now. Finish the mission. Save Talon and the others. Don’t get yourself killed.”

  Hyena nods. “I won’t fail you.”

  “I know you won’t,” Slayer says.

  Even though she might not be coming back, they don’t say goodbye. Only Vermin waves as Hyena, Bunny, and twenty-six Zoners head off in their motor boats toward the island of the ruling class.

  As they speed toward the island, Hyena stares into the water, watching for shark men. She wouldn’t want to have to fight them in the water. They already have the upper hand on dry land; she couldn’t even imagine how deadly they would be in the sea. Swaggat can tell what she’s thinking.

  “Don’t worry about the Rashers,” he says. “We killed most of them. The survivors will regroup to protect Vinson.”

  “How many do you think are left?”

  “Ten Rashers at most,” he says. “But Rashers aren’t the only soldiers we have to worry about. There’s also Vinson’s royal guard. The Red Knights.”

  “Do we have enough men to defeat them all?”

  “No,” Swaggat says. “Not at all.”

  Hyena’s whiskers point up. “Then why didn’t we bring a larger force?”

  “We don’t have to kill all of them. Only Vinson. If he dies, the fight will be over. Avoid combat with everyone else. Just go straight for the man carrying the scepter.”

  Hyena nods.

  “That shouldn’t be a problem,” she says. “The second I see him, he’ll be dead in less than a minute.”

  Swaggat sees a fin in the water up ahead. It’s a wounded Rasher, struggling to get back to the island. Swaggat hits the gas and aims for the shark man’s head. When the boat runs over his head, Hyena can feel a loud thud rumble through the boat. Swaggat smiles and speeds up even faster toward the island.

  When they arrive, Hyena realizes that it’s not actually an island. It’s an ancient oil rig. The sides of the structure are covered with barnacles that have grown out so far that the oil rig looks like a metal building on top of a large white rocky mountain. It is almost like a small island, covered in moss and blood-red vines. The vines grow out of the tops of the platform and mushroom into brain-shaped trees.

  The Zoners pull their boats up along the craggy sides and tie them to metal hooks sticking out of the barnacle cake.

  “Let’s go,” Swaggat says.

  The Green Fish grab their spear guns and charge up the white mound to the platform.

  “He’ll be in the tower,” Swaggat tells the two wolf women.

  Hyena looks at a tall metal structure that’s shaped like a clamshell propped up on its side, with giant whale bone bridges and balconies.

  “I’ll lead the charge,” Hyena says.

  As soon as they cross the platform, several Red Fish and a few Yellow Fish retreat into the metal buildings around them. The Green Fish let them go.

  Before they get to the entrance of the clamshell tower, four Rashers step forward and block their path. They don’t engage the Green Fish, just stand guard. A living barricade of muscle and teeth.

  “The Red Knights,” Swaggat says, pointing in the air.

  From the top of the tower, figures are jumping from a balcony and gliding through the air, circling the platform. Hyena doesn’t realize they are human until they dive for her.

  Hyena drops to the ground and turns back to see a Green Fish’s head hanging from his neck, connected by a string of meat. Blood sprays at Hyena as he drops to the ground. Then she gets a good look at the Red Knight as he flies back up into the sky.

  The Red Knights are riding on top of flying stingrays, their cloaks flapping in the wind. They look like any of the other Zoners, but have two extra pairs of tentacles. And attached to the sides of each tentacle there are three razor sharp blades.

  Another Red Knight swoops down at Hyena, swinging his bladed tentacles around like a blender. There is a sound of scraping steel, as she rolls out of the way. One of the blades catches her by the shoulder and cuts through a spot on her fur. Hyena growls at the pain.

  The Green Fish fire spear guns at the Red Knights, but the stingrays move so quickly through the air, they dodge the attack. Hyena can’t even count how many there are. Maybe seven.

  Another Knight swoops in, swings his tentacles out and cuts the bellies out of three Green Fish in one swoop. Only Bunny dodges his attack, flipping backward over the stingray. Bunny throws her chainsaw boomerang at his back as he passes. It cuts him through the side and he slumps forward, but the stingray flies him away from the platform before Bunny can retrieve her weapon and finish him off.

  “Forget about them,” Swaggat tells them. “We need to get into the tower. The knights won’t be airborne inside.”

  The turn their attention to the four Rashers.

  “Bunny,” Hyena says to her wolf sister. “Cut a path.”

  Bunny smiles and throws her chainsaw boomerang into the Rashers guarding the entrance. The Rashers jump out of the way and the boomerang breaks open the metal door. When the Rashers get back into place, the chainsaw weapon returns and cuts through two of them. They each lose an arm at the elbow and a faucet of gore rains from their hips. Within seconds they hit the ground.

  Bunny and Hyena charge the door. The other two Rashers close together, but Hyena springs over them, pushing off of their bulbous fishy backs with her paws. They turn around to attack Hyena, but Bunny comes up behind. Their ankles are cut out from under them as Bunny runs between their legs on all fours, holding the chainsaw boomerang in her mouth. Swaggat and some of the Green Fish follow after. The others keep the Red Knights busy.

  Inside, it is a great church with stained glass windows and rows of benches facing a podium. A few Yellow Fish hide in the aisles.

  “Upstairs,” Swaggat says.

  As they head for the stairs, the cowering Yellow Fish scream as Swaggat’s men fire spear guns at them. Red blood spreads across the yellow cloth.

  They climb the stairs up to the top floor, to Vinson’s throne room. Vinson doesn’t just think of himself as the religious leader of the Zoners. He is also their overlord. Hyena runs spear-first onto the red carpeting in the center of the room, then faces the overlord seated on the throne. Swaggat, Bunny, and the other Green Fish gather behind her. The man stares at them calmly.

  “We’re finally going to end your reign, Vinson,” Swaggat says. “I’m taking you down.”

  Vinson stands from his throne and removes his yellow hood. His bald scaly head and wide white fish eyes glimmer in the sunlight pouring in from the stained glass windows.

  “You’re such a child, Swaggat,” says the overlord, pointing with his scepter. “Like all other revolutionaries, you are just a child throwing a tantrum. You want more toys. You are angry because I said you can’t have more toys.”

  “I want justice,” Swaggat says.

  “Justice?” Vinson snickers until he gags on his laugh and coughs. “You don’t want justice. You just want to be the one on top. You want power. You want to wear a yellow robe.”

  “Kill him,” Swaggat tells Hyena.

  Hyena hesitates. The man is unarmed.

  “Ordering your furry little pet to kill for you, Swaggat?” Vinson says. “You know it’s forbidden to play with our mothers’ food.”

  Four men step out from the shadows and get in front of the overlord. They drop their red robes to reveal six bladed tentacle limbs, spiked metal armor, and metal face masks shaped like the heads of barracudas.

  “Kill them,” Vinson orders his guard.

  The Red Knights raise their bladed limbs and attack, spinning their tentacles in cir
cles like razor tornadoes.

  “Go for Vinson,” Swaggat yells.

  The Green Fish fire their spear guns at Vinson, but the Red Knights cut the spears out of the air.

  Bunny throws her chainsaw boomerang at the overlord. The Red Knights try to block with their tentacles, but the chainsaw cuts off their bladed limbs. The weapon continues through the air at Vinson.

  A red light shines out of the overlord’s scepter at the chainsaw boomerang. The weapon freezes in midair as Vinson catches it with the light. He smiles as the chainsaw blades roar in his eyes, then he swings his scepter and the light drives the chainsaw weapon back, sending it spinning toward Bunny.

  The rabbit girl ducks and grabs the handle of the boomerang, but the force of the red light is too strong. Her body is pulled with it, thrown across the room. She slams against the back wall and the boomerang ricochets through the knees of a cowering Green Fish.

  Hyena charges with her spear, but Vinson catches her spear with his light, freezing her weapon in place. A Red Knight comes at her. With one side of her body paralyzed in the beam of light, she catches one of the knight’s tentacles with her teeth and bites it off. As the man looks in shock at his severed limb, Hyena swings the bladed tentacle back at him. It slices through his barracuda mask and cuts the front of his face off.

  But the second Hyena slices through the man’s face, another knight attacks. Hyena’s arm disappears from her sight, replaced with a cloud of blood, as the Red Knight severs her arm. She falls to the ground, staring at her lost limb as it twitches in front of her like a lizard tail.

  As the knight swings down on Hyena with bladed tentacles, his body goes up in flames. Swaggat drives his flame-saw through his chest and the knight crumples into a ball of fire as gasoline pours down on him from Swaggat’s weapon.

  Vinson turns his scepter’s red beam on the rebellion leader. He catches Swaggat by the throat, choking him with the light. Swaggat gags as his feet lift off of the floor.

  “It’s time for your punishment, child,” Vinson says, raising Swaggat higher. “You’ve been a naughty, naughty boy.”

  Hyena stares at the worms crawling out of the bloody stump on her shoulder. As the other two Red Knights come toward her, she grabs her severed arm and examines the worms crawling out of the wound. The knights swing their blender tentacles at her. The sound of clashing metal reverberates loudly in her ears.

  Several more Red Knights pour into the room from the stairwell. They attack the other Green Fish, slicing them down. Hyena looks at Bunny unconscious on the floor, then up at Swaggat’s face turning blue as he’s being strangled to death with the beam of red light.

  As the last of the Green Fish fall to the ground in a pile of shredded fish flesh, Hyena rolls into a squatting position. She puts her severed arm back on the bloody stump where it should be. The sea worms from each of the wounds curl around each other, pulling Hyena’s arm back into place. She regains feeling in her fingers as the worms seal the wound and reattach the nerves and blood vessels. She squeezes a fist. It’s as good as new.

  When the Red Knights come down on her, Hyena rolls out of the way, grabs her spear, and jumps over the knights’ heads. As they turn around, she cuts their throats. Vinson sees her at his feet, drops Swaggat and turns his scepter on Hyena.

  She flips backward over the beam, catches the wall with her back feet, then jumps to the next wall as the beam chases her around the room. Dozens of bladed tentacles slash over her head as she runs on all fours across the wall. Then she pushes off the ceiling and soars over the heads of the Red Knights, their blades sing in a chorus of metal clangs as they miss her spotted fur, just inches out of reach.

  Just as Hyena comes down on the overlord like demon monkey, Vinson catches her with the light, suspending her in the air. His lips curl into a smile at the sight of his captured prey. She growls and thrashes above him. Then his smile falls away as Hyena stretches her spear out over her head.

  She drives the blade of her weapon down into the overlord’s face, through his left fish eye and out the back of his head. As he dies, the red light dissipates and Hyena falls to the ground. The remaining Red Knights back away.

  When Swaggat gets to his feet, rubbing his neck, he takes the scepter from Vinson’s corpse and raises it over his head.

  “I have defeated Vinson,” he tells them. “I am your ruler now.”

  All of the Red Knights in the room bow to him. Swaggat removes his green robe and asks them to bring him a yellow one.

  The Red Knights and the Rashers are now under Swaggat’s command, so they move aside as Hyena and Bunny leave the clamshell tower. There’s something about the look in Swaggat’s eyes that makes Hyena want to stay far away from him.

  As they stroll across the platform, Bunny picks up a flame-saw from a dead Green Fish and examines it.

  “I wonder how this works,” Bunny says. “It would be pretty fierce if I could apply this technology to my boomerang.”

  “A flaming chainsaw boomerang?” Hyena asks.

  Bunny chuckles as she straps the gas tank to her back and holds the chainsaw blade out like a sword.

  “I would be invincible,” she says.

  “You’re already invincible,” Hyena says.

  They continue walking across the platform. They pass Yellow Fish and Red Fish, taking care of their wounded and their dead. All of them have worried looks on their faces.

  Hyena makes sure none of them hear her as she says, “I’ve got a bad feeling about Swaggat.”

  “You think he’ll back out of the deal?” Bunny asks.

  “I’m not sure yet,” Hyena says. “It’s just a feeling. I don’t think he’s really the freedom fighter he made himself out to be.”

  They go to the center of the platform and lean against a guardrail overlooking a pit at the rig’s core. The smell of crude oil fills their nostrils.

  “What is that stuff?” Bunny asks, swinging her chainsaw blade in mock combat.

  “Oil,” Hyena says. “Tons of it.”

  The pit is split into two pools. One is full of crude oil. The other is full of sea water.

  “Where did it all come from?” Bunny asks.

  As she says that, something moves inside of the pit. Hyena squints her eyes. The movement comes from the side with the sea water. Judging by its depth, the pool must connect with the ocean outside of the rig.

  Colossal tentacles emerge from the water and curl around the walls of the pit. A large sea beast crawls out of the water into the oil pool. Bunny and Hyena step back as it blinks its eyes up at them.

  “What the . . .” Bunny says, holding out the flame-saw, as if in defense.

  As Bunny tries to figure out how to work the weapon, Hyena says, “What’s it doing?”

  The creature doesn’t attack them. It turns itself around and spews a black substance out of its rear.

  “It’s taking a shit,” Bunny says.

  The goop coming out of it isn’t shit. It’s oil. Crude oil. Several gallons of the sludge oozes out into the oil pit. When the sea mother is finished evacuating her bowels, she climbs back into the sea and submerges into the depths.

  “I guess you’ve stumbled upon our little secret,” Swaggat says from behind.

  Hyena turns to him. “Your sea mothers shit oil?”

  Swaggat nods. “That’s where we get our oil from.”

  “What about all of the oil pumps out in the wasteland? I saw hundreds of them on the way here.”

  “There hasn’t been oil out there for decades,” Swaggat says. “Our ancestors sucked out every last drop until the land was dry. We don’t pump oil anymore. We get it from the sea mothers.”

  “How?”

  “It’s how we evolved,” Swaggat says, leaning against the railing, staring into the pool of black. “Our culture has always revolved around oil. Our lives depend on it. From powering our homes, our vehicles, our farming tools. Everything runs on it. When the land was dry of oil, my people went through rapid evolution. We we
re dependent on the fuel. We wouldn’t have survived without it. So our bodies went through this change. Our women began mutating into the sea mothers.”

  Hyena watches as another sea creature crawls out of the water and excretes black liquids.

  “Oil was once a limited resource,” Swaggat continues. “It comes from living material, the remains of ancient animals. It takes hundreds of millions of years for carbon matter to transform into fuel. But not with the sea mothers. All of the beings a sea mother consumes are digested, compressed, and transformed into oil. The process that once took hundreds of millions of years now only takes a matter of days inside of the sea mother’s belly.”

  He smiles at Hyena, but she isn’t smiling back.

  Hyena says, “So all of those animals, all of those people, including my sisters, they all die just so that they can become fuel for your trucks and farming equipment?”

  Swaggat nods without remorse. “The fuel is the lifeblood of our society. If some must die so that we may live then so be it.”

  “But you don’t have to use oil for fuel,” Hyena says. “Humans can survive without it.”

  “It’s not just my society,” he says. “Your people use the same fuel as we do. Where do you think your gasoline comes from? It comes from our refineries. Your machines are powered by the blood of your people, just as much as ours are.”

  Hyena looks away from him and grinds a fist.

  Swaggat chuckles to himself and turns to walk away.

  “Hold on,” Hyena says, grabbing him by the wrist. “When are you going to heal my sisters?”

  Swaggat takes her hand from his wrist.

  “I’m sorry,” he says. “I wasn’t honest with you. There isn’t a way to neutralize the parasites. They can’t be cured.”

  “What?” Hyena yells, getting into his face.

  As Bunny steps forward with a snarl on her face, the Red Knights surround them. They point their bladed tentacles at the women until they back down.

  “I am in debt to you for all of your help,” Swaggat tells them. “But I had to lie. It was the only way to convince you to help me.”