Everlong: (Book One of the Everlong Trilogy)

by Nikki Morgan

  'No, I-'

  'Where's the rest of it?'

  'In Rome, I dropped it-'

  'And yet you have this page? Why?'

  I shrugged. 'I told you, that was the only page with anything on.'

  Death stared at me in silence, gathering more of the universe around her, obscuring her naked body. 'What did he want with Obadiah?'

  'He wanted to know how he could cleave his Arkhe-'

  'Cleave his Arkhe, his celestial music?'

  I nodded. 'Yes, that's why Obadiah told you about him.'

  'He didn't tell me about Hyperion's desire to cleave his music.' Death rubbed her chin with her hand. 'I suppose that's why you found him at the Forbidden Library,' she said to herself, 'He was after the Necrodemonicon?'

  'Obadiah sent him there, then contacted you-'

  'Did he find it?'

  'What?'

  'The Necrodemonicon?'

  I shrugged. 'I don't know. If he did, I didn't see him with it-'

  'But he still had his music?'

  'Yes, but it sounded strange, like nothing I've ever heard before.'

  'And how did he look?'

  'His aura was black around the edges, like it had been in a fire-'

  'Yes, yes. But how did he look?'

  'His eyes were raging with madness and I noticed he had jagged cuts running across his stomach, other than that, I don't know.' I watched as Death's face contorted with frustration. 'What do you want me to say?' I said, holding my hands up, 'You told me to remind him of his obligations and I've done that.'

  'Indeed,' She said. There was a subtle change of atmosphere and I noticed her face soften a little. 'It seems that Hyperion's tiresome God-like tendencies are becoming a bit of a problem,' She said, 'You've done well, Josh.' She stepped forward and put her hand on my shoulder, 'Go and visit Evie, put a smile back on your face, you'll need it.'

  'What do you mean?' I asked, shaking her hand from my shoulder. There was something about her voice, her choice of words.

  'I'm afraid the game's changed, Josh, and I'm going to need you fully refreshed if we have any chance of stopping him.'

  'But you said, if I reminded him of his obligations-'

  'I have said a lot of things, but things change. Now go back to Evie, spend some time with her, put a smile on that miserable face of yours,' She said, flicking me away like a fly. 'I need to work out my next move.'

  'What are The Fallen?' I asked. 'Hyperion told me-'

  'Nothing that you need to worry your pretty little head about,' She said, dismissing me with a patronising pat on my head.

  'What are they? Can I become one? If I do this for you?'

  Death smiled at me, a patronising look of disbelief. 'There is only so much of your insolence I will put up with,' She said. 'Do not think for one minute you're not expendable, and what will happen to poor Evie then?'

  'So?'

  'So?' asked Death, her eyes narrowing into slits, reminding me of a serpent.

  'So, if I do this for you, will you consider making me a Fallen?'

  Death threw her head back and cackled. 'Oh Josh, you are so naive. Of course you can't become one of The Fallen-'

  'Why? Why can't I, if I do whatever you ask, it's the least-'

  She raised her hand, 'Stop!'

  'But the page, Hyperion has written it on the page, it has to mean something.'

  Her eyes now blazed with a new fire, the destructive crone clearly visible underneath her pale white skin. 'It means nothing! Hyperion is playing with you.' She paused, composing Herself before continuing. 'You were never a pure angel. An Angel of Death is a made entity, made because you sinned in your human life. It is this sin which prevents you from becoming a Fallen. Only a true, pure angel has a place to fall from.'

  At Her words, hope left my body with the air from my lungs.

  Death put her arms around me, pulling me in close to her. I could smell her sickly sweetness and I wanted to vomit.

  'Josh, you took your own human life,' She cooed into my ear, 'Not only that, you deprived me of Evie, of a new angel to serve me. Do you really think I could ever forgive your disregard, your complete lack of respect for me?' She pulled away. 'You will do as I ask,' She said, 'Or you will pay the price. Then again, you're going to pay the price anyway.'

  Josh

  Madness had possessed me, invading my body like a poison, preventing me from thinking clearly. Death was lying to me, She had to be. Did She really think that telling me I couldn't be a Fallen would make me do Her bidding? Did She think leaving a death sentence hanging over my head would be enough?

  I wasn't going to be Her puppet anymore and I certainly wasn't going to help Her stop Hyperion. What was the point? There was nothing in it for me, nothing to make me do it.

  She could destroy me, it didn't matter, I'd got nothing left to live for anyway.

  The number three bus pulled into its stop and Evie climbed aboard. I followed after her, intoxicated by the sweet smell of her perfumed skin. I flashed a smile at the driver and walked straight past - without even a murmur of protest from him - and took up a seat at the back of the bus.

  Evie was near the front, nursing her grey messenger bag on her lap, her face turned towards the window, looking out onto the grey morning. My wings raged under my skin, desiring release, agitated by the electrical pulses racing through my body, knowing that I was so close to her, and yet, as the cliche goes, so far away. A war was erupting in my soul, a fight between my reason and my desire, and the physical pain I felt when I was near her. The physical pain that made me feel alive.

  I would make her notice me, despite what I'd promised myself. She would have to see me!

  Evie turned around, her ebony hair falling over her face like a veil. She brushed it back and looked up at me and I watched as her face changed from shock to confusion. She quickly turned back to face the front.

  Why wouldn't she see me? I looked down at my lap, watching my knuckles turn white as I gripped my legs.

  I looked up, catching her emerald eyes staring back at me, and the breath caught in my throat. Her features softened and I think she recognised me, but she looked away again. Sliding down into her seat, she pulled her hood over her head.

  The bus pulled into a stop and Evie suddenly darted for the door, taking me off-guard. The bus started pulling away from the stop as I stood up. Evie was peering at me through the grimy window, a look of horror (or was it anger?) on her face.

  I rushed to the front of the bus. 'Sorry, can you let me off?' I asked, flashing another charming smile at the driver. He rolled his eyes, but applied his brake anyway. The bus grinded to halt, the doors opened and I stepped off.

  'What's your problem?' said Evie, coming to a halt in front of me, her eyes blazing with a fire that I hadn't seen in such a long time that it almost didn't seem to fit her anymore. But something, a long lost memory, was picking at my mind, trying to break through the wall of ice. But I couldn't quite grasp it, it was too far away.

  'What was that about?'

  'I-'

  'Why did you keep calling me on the bus?'

  'I-'

  'How do you even know my name?' she said, throwing back her hood. I caught her delicious scent on the breeze.

  'I-' What could I say, what could I tell her? That I knew her in ways that no one else could, or ever would? That I'd watched her as she'd cried herself to sleep, seen her in her most darkest of moments? If only I could tell her that I'd saved her all those long nights ago. Would she even have believed me?

  'Thank you for helping me out last night, but now you are, 'but she stopped as her eyes locked onto mine.

  'I'm sorry...' I felt my heart rip apart. I stuffed my hands into my jeans pockets. 'I wasn't calling you-'

  'So you're not following me?' she said, defiantly, like she wanted a fight.

  'No. I'm going into town and got on the bus and saw you. I did recognise you from last night, but I wasn't going to speak. That's it.' I shrugged, my hands still dee
p in my pockets.

  Evie stood there silent for a moment, her eyes staring into mine and slowly I saw the fight in them disappearing.

  'Honestly,' I said, dying inside as I lied to her. 'I'm sorry if I've upset you.' I never want to upset you.

  She sighed, her shoulders slackened, but her eyes, her eyes never left mine. And I didn't want them to.

  'No,' she said, 'it's me...I'm the one who should be sorry...I just don't know what's happening to me anymore.' She looked at the floor, and shuffled her feet. 'I just don't know,' she said, looking up and off into the distance.

  'It's ok,' I said, wanting to close the space between us, wanting to sweep her up in my arms.

  'Look, I don't want to be rude but I've got to get to school.' She looked back up at me again, and I could see the pain etched in her eyes, dulling the green.

  A storm ripped my soul apart.

  'I'll walk with you,' I said, quickly adding, 'if you want?'

  She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. 'It's okay.'

  'Where do you go? Riverside?' I asked. When she nodded, I added, 'I'm going that way, anyway.' I shouldn't have lied, I should've been a better person. She made me want to be a better person.

  'Okay.'

  'So, I'm Josh,' I said, begging for her to take notice of me, 'And?'

  'Oh, I'm Evelyn,' she said, looking up at me again, 'Evelyn Anderson.'

  'Hi Evie,' I said, smiling weakly, feeling my heart beat quicken as her name slipped off my tongue. I was so close to her that I could hear her heart pumping the blood around her body, could feel the invisible line that anchored me to her. All around me was electric, and I could feel every nerve in my body tingling. I was on overload. It was taking me all my time to just breathe, to work through my pain and desire. My thoughts were tangling in my head, and I couldn't form them into words.

  Was she feeling the same?

  Finally I managed a weak, 'So what happened the other night?

  I felt her shoulders tense, her arms clamp down at her side. 'Nothing...really.'

  'Who was that crazy brunette?'

  'Amber. Amber Staunton,' she replied, shrugging, 'I suppose that explains why you're talking to me-'

  'No,' I said, 'no, I'm not talking to you because...no.' I shook my head, horrified at the unspoken meaning behind her words.

  We reached the school gate. 'So, this is me,' she said.

  I put my hand on her shoulder, the touch sent a heady mix of electrical desire and the pain of a thousand knives through me. 'Are you going to be okay?'

  She turned slightly. 'Yes, I'm going to be okay.'

  She turned and walked into the school without looking back once.

  My eyes did not leave her until she had disappeared through the glass doors of Riverside Academy. But I could feel her presence, her mark on my soul, like a fingerprint.

  Was that it then?

  I dragged myself away from the school gates and headed back to my apartment, my heart torn in two.

  No, she didn't feel the same.

  Evie

  What was I doing? What was I thinking?

  I let the stranger walk me to school, trying to avoid those beautiful eyes that sucked me in and made everything far too loud.

  No one was nice to me, except for Sam, and look how I treated him. I didn't deserve it.

  I left the stranger at the school gates and didn't look back. I just couldn't deal with all that, not now I'd decided what I was going to do.

  I kept my eyes on the floor and slunk past the cafeteria, past the theatre and down the steps to the nurse's office in the bowels of the school.

  I wanted to turn and run, to hide away somewhere, but I knew I had to keep going forward.

  I couldn't go on like this.

  It was a matter of life or death; if I couldn't slay the beast inside me then I would die. Simple as that.

  I sat on the stained chair outside the nurse's office, just waiting, pulling at a frayed thread on the sleeve of my hoodie. I fidgeted in the chair, played with the clasp on my bag, bounced my legs up and down, wrapped my arms around my chest, unwrapped them, pulled at the thread on my hoodie again.

  Time had stood still and I was finding it increasingly difficult to fight the urge to run.

  I looked down the corridor, there was no one there, no one had seen me, and no one would see me leave. I grabbed my bag just as the nurse opened the office door. She shuffled out, drowning in a sea of black cardigan. She had a warm, kind look about her that worried me. Like I said, I wasn't good around nice.

  ‘Ah, hello. Evelyn Anderson isn't it?’

  I smiled and nodded.

  'Come in, ' she said, holding the door open.

  I stood up but my legs were trembling so much that I didn't think I would be able to get them to work. I took a deep breath and entered her office that smelled of bleach and polish.

  'Take a seat,' she said.

  I sat on the plastic seat, huddled next to her beech desk, and stared at the large couch in front of me, covered in what looked like oversized toilet tissue. The end of the blue roll was perched at the bottom of the bed.

  'Okay,' she said, tapping away at her computer, 'Evelyn Anderson, what's your date of birth?'

  'Seventh of November, nineteen-ninety-five.'

  She looked over to me, her smiling eyes looking over the top of her glasses, 'So what can we do for you?'

  My mouth was dry, I didn't know whether I'd be able to form the words. 'I need help. I can't seem to shake whatever it is.'

  ‘So what’s been the problem?’

  ‘Er…' Where did I start? I see shadows laughing at me at night, I'm mad, I can't think straight. I tried to kill myself.

  'I’ve been tired a lot lately, probably just all the study though, everyone gets like that. Don't they?’

  ‘Okay,’ she said, her fingers tapping on the keyboard, ‘Anything else?’

  ‘Er…’ I think I’m going nuts? ‘I passed out the other day-‘

  ‘Are you eating properly? You do know that a balanced diet is essential.’

  I shrugged.

  The nurse suddenly stopped tapping and looked back over to me. Her glasses had slipped to the bottom of her nose. ‘You’re not pregnant are you?’

  My face went into spasm just at the thought of that. ‘Oh, God no.’

  ‘Are you sure? It’s amazing what some girls believe.‘

  I shrunk back into my chair and flung my hand up to stop her. ‘No. I can’t be, not unless it was an immaculate conception.’

  She studied me for a minute, trying to work out whether I was telling the truth or not. She turned back to her computer screen. ‘Okay,’ she said, ‘let’s do your blood pressure.’

  She placed the pressure pad around my arm and started to pump it up. I hate that sensation where it cuts off the blood to your hand and your arm feels like it’s going to explode.

  ‘I feel like that,’ I said. It sort of just tumbled out, like half of my internal conversation had suddenly sprouted legs and had walked out of my mouth all on its own.

  ‘Excuse me?’ said the nurse. She stopped pumping the machine and just looked at me.

  ‘I feel like my hand now, when you’ve stopped the blood flow and it feels numb and tingly.’ Yep, my words were fleeing from me.

  ‘You feel numb? What do you mean?’

  ‘Like someone has filled me up with anaesthetic, and now, now I don't know how I feel.’ A big fat tear drop fell onto my arm lying across the desk. Why was I crying? No one was supposed to see me cry. I couldn't even get that right.

  'How long have you felt like this?'

  I shrugged.

  ‘Have you ever…’ the nurse looked troubled, maybe even embarrassed. ‘Have you ever cut yourself?’

  I shook my head.

  ‘What about suicidal thoughts?' she asked, placing her hand on my arm. 'Have you had any of those?’

  ‘No,’ I lied. That was mine to keep.

  ‘Okay,’ said the nurse, relaxing in h
er chair a little. She reached up to grab a sheet of paper from the plastic file on her desk. ‘Can you fill this in for me?’ She handed me the sheet of paper with a list of statements on it. ‘Don’t take too long but read through them, tick the boxes that apply to you, but don’t think too hard about it, okay?’ She gave me a pen, stood up and tapped me on the shoulder. ‘I’ll be back in a minute,’ she said before she left the room.

  I looked at the questions on the paper. Did I feel like impending doom was about to befall me every day? No. Did I feel like…

  Was this what my life consisted of now? A series of boxes?

  A bit fat blob of saltiness plopped in the middle of the paper. It splattered out like blood. I squirmed. I hated blood, just the thought of it. That’s why I’d decided to jump off the bridge. I could do that.

  Or maybe I couldn't.

  Something in the long list of things I couldn't get right.

  I put the pen down just as the nurse re-entered the room.

  ‘Okay, let’s have a look now, shall we?’ she said placing a gentle hand on my shoulder. ‘Don't look so worried.’ Her tone had changed with me, like I was a delicate ornament that could be broken just by words.

  She took the piece of paper. I could see her eyes tracing across the boxes, tracing across my life. She sighed and looked up at me. She took off her glasses, folded them up and placed them on the desk. ‘There’s nothing to worry about but I would like you to go and see your GP. Do you think you could do that as soon as possible for me?’

  I nodded, confused. What had she seen in those little boxes of my life?

  As if she heard what I was thinking she spoke gently, as if her words could soothe away my troubles. ‘I think you may have depression and from what these tell me,’ she said, pointing at the piece of paper, ‘a touch of anxiety too. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. A lot of people suffer.’

  She smiled at me kindly and I thought I was going to explode.

  ‘It might help if you had counselling, just talking about it can sometimes help. If you wanted you could do that here-‘

  ‘No,’ I said, cutting her off. It would somehow get around school that I was seeing a counsellor. People thought I was a freak anyway, why would I want to go and advertise the fact that I’d now officially lost the plot? ‘I’ll see my GP,’ I said in barely more than a whisper. I stood up, grabbed my coat and bag and shuffled towards the door.