“No, I feel better now – ” But then I did one of those burp/vomit things, where the vomit comes up in your mouth but you hold it in.
“I’M ON THE MOTORWAY!!! I CAN’T FUCKING STOP!!!”
He was seriously having a coronary. He started driving 240km an hour.
“That’s not helping,” I warned.
“I don’t CARE, I just DON’T WANT YOU throwing up in my FUCKING CAR –”
While I held onto my stomach, Ever started yelling, “Directions, DIRECTIONS!!! Where the fuck is your fucking aunt’s house!!”
I pointed wildly, and clung to dear life as he burned it round corners in surburbia now. If it wasn’t for how sick I was, I would’ve been impressed and enjoying myself.
He did a pull up in my aunt’s driveway much the same as mine that time at Mary Street. I opened the car door before his car had even stopped, and hurled everywhere. Then I did Evvy’s move and fell out of the car.
(luckily I’m so skilled at projectile vomiting! I spewed so far and wide-reaching that I DIDN’T land in my own vomit)
Ever started laughing wildly. “OH FUCK THAT’S FUNNY!!”
I dragged myself up off the ground, and reached in for my bag. “I feel MUCH BETTER now – ”
“And thank GOD you didn’t spew in my car!!”
“Your concern really touches me, Evvy – ”
“No worries, woman. You’re a fucking handful.”
I thanked him (for being an ass) for driving me, and slammed his door, extra hard. He flinched. Like his car door is precious.
Must admit, I am laughing now.
10.30pm
I went out with Nick and all his mates tonight. Met them at Dicey Riley’s at Garden City.
Was such a kerfuffle. Cause Dan rang, demanding I go out with them all, but after my performance last night, I really was not up for it.
But Ever and I had actually made (drunken) plans last night to go out to movies tonight, so I rang Ever telling him Dan wanted us to go out, and he can go out with him if he wants, and Ever was all, “But I’ve got plans with you,” like he did not understand changes of plan at all.
I was all, “No, go have fun with your mates, it’s the last public holiday tomorrow for awhile – ”
“You’re not gonna pitch a girl fit? Like your sister and Josie do all the time??”
“No, I’m not going to! Stop lumping me in with them – ”
“Yeah, they don’t tackle cops and get arrested and drink like a sailor and vomit over yards AND fall out of cars – ”
“Hey, two of those things YOU’VE done also!”
“THANKS TO YOU!!”
Five minutes later, he rings back, saying they’re all going to the movies and he’ll pick me up at seven. I was all, no, I’ll meet yous there…
(don’t know why I was acting like this…something to do with independence and boyfriends and I NEED MY SPACE ALREADY)
And then another phone call – he wanted me to meet them at 9pm at the cinema. Meanwhile I knew from Dan and him that they were all meeting at Josie’s at seven.
So then I felt left out, cause why couldn’t I just drive to Josie’s and meet them at seven? It’s like he didn’t want me with his mates. Or at Josie’s.
Yet he did offer to pick me up at 7 that very first time.
So then I got all confused and rang and cancelled on him, and Ever just sounded really put out.
Then Nick rang, and I thought, why not. Least I’m really wanted with Nick!!
We went out a few weeks back, remember Diary?? It was fun, drinking with them, laughing, chatting.
I only had two drinks but felt very tipsy very quickly, and probably should not have drove. THEN, as I’m pulling out of Garden City, I see a cop waving a night stick, and I thought he was pulling me over to breathalyze me, so I pulled up close to him (absolutely packing it), rolled my window down, and he went, “Yes, miss, can I help you?”
“Oh, I thought you were pulling me over – ”
“No. I’m directing traffic.”
Oh dear God. Why don’t I just ask him to breathalyze me and put me in jail (again)??
He waved me on, and I peeled away from the curb as unroarishly as possible.
Sat 3 June 2000
5.17pm
I am so fucking sick. Doc says I have whooping cough. Got all next week off work. I already rang Renee in Bali, told her, and she said I deserve the week off anyway after running the ENTIRE COMPANY while they all frolicked in paradise for over a week.
She also mentioned Trent from The Boyz was super impressed by how I handled him the other day. Joy, the boss’s sister and accounts manager, drummed it into my head, if any salons are 60 days overdue on their accounts, do not release their order. She like grabbed me and kept saying it over and over.
I was to call her or Gerry or Daryl Agnew (state manager and The Boyz’s shampoo rep) and get their permission.
So of course Trent calls, demanding where the fuck is his fucking order, and when I said his account needs to be paid, he just screamed louder, screaming didn’t I know who he was??
(yes, a giant pain in my ass)
So I hung up from him, rang Joy, rang Gerry, rang Renee, rang Daryl Agnew, rang DY the boss even – no go. All phones went to voicemail.
I even rang Nat. “WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE FUCKING BOSSES??” I screamed into her voicemail.
Matt chose that moment to walk upstairs. He laughed. “You’re handling this well then?” he joked.
I was all, “MATT, I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO DO!!! The Boyz want their order TODAY, but Joy told me to release NOTHING –”
Matt laughed again, and came to sit beside me. “Calm down, Karina. It’s just shampoo.”
Right, right. Good advice. So someone doesn’t get their hair done?? Big deal.
HUGE DEAL in the salon community apparently. They’re all a bunch of queens. Who demand their hair be perfect.
The phone rang. I just KNEW it was The Boyz. “Oh FUCK, it’s The Boyz again.”
Matt stood up. “Release their order, Karina. They’re one of our biggest customers.”
Turns out was good advice by Matt. Trent completely changed and was all, “You’re a good woman. What’s your name again?? And when am I taking you out to dinner??”
Then ALL of them rang, one after the other. Like they were all tagteaming calling me back AFTER THE CRISIS IS OVER, and while they were all drunk.
Joy first. She was laughing (course they all are, over there). “I just got THE most delightful phone call from Trent. I hear you released his order – ”
“Er, yeah…I couldn’t deal with his screams any more – ”
“Hairdressers!! Such bloody drama queens! You did the right thing. He’ll pay, he always does – ”
Then Gerry, the financial controller. “Pinky, I hear you released The Boyz’s order, tut tut tut, not sure that was the right thing to do, he owes us A LOT of money – ”
“Yes, but he SWORE he was sending a cheque TODAY for the 30 day amount – ”
“That’s what they all say, Pinky – ”
“Well I told him if he didn’t, I wouldn’t release the next order and I wouldn’t go to dinner with him – ”
Next was DY, a former rep himself, and all about the customer. “Don’t listen to Gerry, Pinky. He’s just a stuffy figures man – ” I could hear Gerry in the background, laughing and saying something, “ – you did the right thing. Would’ve been a huge shit fight if you’d held his order. He would’ve pulled our stock – ”
Then Daryl Agnew. “THANK FUCK YOU RELEASED THE BOYZ’S ORDER PINKY!! Those BASTARDS are my biggest PAIN and my biggest salon. If you’d held it, Trent would’ve switched shampoo companies – ”
Then Renee, office manager, “You did good, The Boyz are painful, good job!”
Then Joy again. “But DON’T RELEASE anybody else’s orders!”
Who knew shampoo could be so stressful.
Monday 5 June 2000
5.56pm
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So Dan picked me up about ten, with Cleo in his arms, her cute little dog bum waggling madly at the sight of me, and we drove to Sin to see Nat. They’d all just flown in, and most had gone straight to work (Renee was closing the office after an hour or so though).
So good to see my sister. I missed her SO MUCH. Her and Sherrie both said Bali was gross, and they would’ve rather have gone to Hawaii.
Then I came home and died.
Haven’t heard from Evvy this weekend.
Wednesday 7 June 2000
2.22pm
Oh my God, so embarrassing.
So yesterday Sharon came upstairs (and it took me 2 hours to get rid of her) and brought me homemade chicken soup, which, IN THEORY, is really very sweet, but in reality WAS FUCKING HORRIFIC.
There were big hunks of chicken in it that still looked raw and were making me like fully retch.
BUT, she’s that type of person (stalker) to go through bins and check whether you’d actually eaten her soup
(she seriously is, I see her go through everyone’s bins all the time),
so I knew I couldn’t just throw it out, so I tried tipping it down the sink, but the chunks of meat were too big
(and gross and raw),
and I realized I was in big trouble as I was using a wooden spoon to shove it down my sink and the motherfuckers just weren’t going down.
An hour later, I was content in the knowledge I’d buried that soup forever, when there was a knock on the door.
Was Paul, the plumber. And he was cutely holding Sharon’s cat in his arms. “The pipes for you and Sharon are blocked. Looks like someone shoved a whole chicken down there.”
OOPS.
Friday 9 June 2000
12.47pm
Evvy just visited me. He’d just finished work. How sweet is that??
He just teased me lots, joking around, making statements like “I can’t believe how sick you are, woman,” and talking about what we’re doing this weekend (me, dying), and he kept going, “Nut, nut, I’m doing nothing,” then laughing madly.
He’s a bit of a shit stirrer, he is.
So I kept whacking him, then he’d grab my hands and pull me to him and kiss me. “I wouldn’t care if you had plans this weekend,” he said, and when I rolled my eyes, he started madly laughing and falling about, going, “You look SO MUCH like Nat then!! Hilarious!!” and “The Almeroth sisters can pull faces like no other!”
“You’re gonna catch whooping cough if you keep kissing me - ”
(not sure if that’s true. Should look it up)
And he was all, “I won’t get sick, I’m too healthy, CAUSE I TAKE CARE OF MYSELF, and don’t drink like a fucking fish outta water – ” and “ – you need to learn to take care of yourself, you JUST HAD back surgery, your body is RUN DOWN, I mean WHO GETS WHOOPING COUGH, except BABIES – ” and on and on.
Was really cute, actually. I love when he acts like a boyfriend. Or just caring about me.
Then he sat next to me on the couch and held my hand for hours while I looked like this and coughed and spluttered everywhere.
Hmm.
Sat 10 June 2000
1.15pm
So long in bed (AGAIN!!!) I can barely deal.
So boring. I’m SO BORED and boring.
Ever revealed yesterday (eventually) that he has a party bus to go on, and I was all FINE, JUST LEAVE ME FUCKING ALONE FOR ANOTHER WEEKEND!!!! So I’ve just been bummed, sick and lonely. This was supposed to be my triumphant return to life. Instead, I’m dying worse than I was before.
But then Nat rang last night, and mentioned she just received her invitation to Gibbo’s party bus, and I was all, “Isn’t it tomorrow though?” and she’s like no, next weekend.
So then I was faced with Evvy had lied to me. I don’t know why it bothered me so much! But it did.
So I hung up from Nat and rang Ever. Soon as he answered, I said, “I know you’re lying about this weekend!” and he just laughed and laughed.
I was all, “Shut up, you stupid ass – ” and he just laughed harder.
“I was just testing you, woman,” he laughed, “and YOU FAILED!”
Apparently it was me that said I just wanted something casual, I didn’t want a real boyfriend after all I’ve been through, and he just wanted to know how casual I really am.
(clearly, not very)
“I do have plans this weekend, though, but I promise I’ll make it up to you, woman – ”
“Yeah, when your friends are all busy!”
Then I was like, “No lying to each other! Don’t you think we should at least be honest with each other??”
And Ever went, “Fuck no!”
“Remember which one of us said that please, Ever.”
That’s it, I’m dating other guys.
Thursday 15 June 2000
9.17pm
Back at work since Monday. Thank God.
I seem to becoming friends with Julia, a new girl who started when I was off having surgery. She makes me laugh at work. And weirdly, her boyfriend Michael, Richard and I used to work with!
Richard’s been calling a lot lately. All the way from England. He said the other night he hasn’t returned home yet cause of me! Then laughed like it was a joke except I kinda felt it was the truth.
I miss him all the time.
Jessica Jenkins, a rep on the Gold Coast, steps in the office today, and the world stops.
(for me, anyway)
She’s TINY, and gorgeous and so tough and business oriented, I just wanna BE her.
Despite her not even being five foot tall, she steps into a room and dominates it. She’s like the Kylie Minogue of the haircare world.
I used to be scared of her, and before I’d started work at Sin, Nat had warned me she can be brutal.
I practically SHOOK the first time I took her two hundred orders over the phone, and typed them directly into the computer. But I’ve soon realized Jessica warms to you once she realizes you’re hard working and if you take her orders accurately.
Now I just ADORE Jess. I love the days she actually comes into the office!
I love seeing Daryl Agnew and Jess together. Theirs is a special friendship. The reps all have this bond with each other, that is so fun and funny to watch.
Daryl Agnew was all, “JESS!! Could your skirt BE any shorter?”
And Jess, laughing, “Met your monthly quota this month Dag?”
(Jess is like in The Million Dollar Club – whatever the fuck that is, but it involves a million dollars – and is THE top rep each month throughout Australia. Without fail, every month. It really bugs Daryl)
“If I had tits to show like you, I WOULD –”
Whenever Daryl is in the office, and hears Gerry call out to DY, “Jessica Jenkins just put in a fifty thousand dollar order,” Daryl Agnew will yell out, “Yeah but what did she PUT out to get that?”
Oh I love them both.
Friday 16 June 2000
10.02pm
Evvy and I WERE supposed to be going to dinner tonight, and he calls here at 6.30pm, AFTER I WAS ALREADY DRESSED, and said he’s not coming to dinner, he’s too tired, but that he’s going to Mark and Josie’s and to go play Laserforce.
What. The fuck.
What do I even say to that?? I was all, “Okay! Have fun!!”
(you stupid fucker)
I was all dressed up, so rang Dan on his mobile
(gotta bypass The Sister to get them to go out with me. Dan always says yes),
and he said they’d come to Ribbetts with me.
So I drove to Dad’s, and walked into home.
It’s always good to be home. Just Dad, Nat and Dan were there, and Dad gave me a big hug like nothing has ever happened, and told me off for being outside when I’m this sick.
(I love my daddy)
Nat, Dan and I had fun at Ribbetts. My butt is super sore. Saw my surgeon yesterday, and he was all, “You know you’ve got an infection in your incision? You’ve got green pus,�
�� and I was all, “I thought my butt felt wet.”
But seriously, I can’t see my own butt crack. How was I supposed to know it’s infected.
So now I’m on two different antibiotics for whooping, and two super dooper ones for this infected scar.
I am so going to bed. I’m floored.
11.23pm
Two can play this I don’t care game Ever has started…
Sunday 18 June 2000
11.14am
Well, I played the ‘I don’t care’ game so well we had sex three times last night and once this morning…
Yesterday I decided fuck this, I can’t stay inside, in bed, watching Dawson’s Creek and pining for Joey and Pacey to get together another day. I had to get out the house.
So I took my baby down the coast. Ah. Was heaven.
I’d just done a lap on the esplanade at Surfers when Ever rang.
(thank GOD I took my mobile with me FOR ONCE)
They were all down at Broadbeach, and he asked me to meet them and stay, and go clubbing in Surfers.
“Crap. I’m already here – ”
“You’re already down here?”
“Yeah, I’m at Surfers Paradise as we speak – ”
“So come meet us – ”
“Fuck, I’m gonna need clothes for tonight, and my medicine. I’ll drive home, get it all, and be back. Text me the address, Everard.”
He sounded stunned. “You’re gonna drive ALL THE WAY back to Brisbane, then ALL THE WAY BACK –”
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