“Yeah – ”
“I would NEVER drive that far – ”
“Lucky I’m not you!”
So that’s what I did. Did a burnout on the esplanade, hooned it back to Brissie, grabbed my stuff, stuffed it all in my pink fairy suitcase, and leadfooted it back to the Gold Coast.
I was there by 2pm.
It was like something from a dream when I pulled up to the unit block – 4 Commodores all lined up, one behind the other.
(ohhh BABY!!)
The one car garage was available, and there was absolutely no more room where all the guys had parked their cars, and no way I was parking my brand new love of my life on the busy Gold Coast Highway, so I stole the garage spot. Judging by the sheer amount of Holdens, everyone had arrived anyway.
“Hey woman!!”
“Pinky’s here!”
“Kerry!!” (Dan calls me Kerry. As payback for me never calling him Daniel)
“Nice car, Karina – ”
Ever, Dan, Tom and Mark were all on the balcony above me. “Boys, I like all your penis extensions out here – ”
Later that arvo, I tried to reverse out the garage with all the boys’ cars lined up behind me, to take me, Nat and Josie out to get alcohol. I seriously couldn’t do it, I keep reversing, swinging, coming too close to Tom’s car especially, and having to straighten up, drive back in, and try again.
(fuck Commodores ARE BIG. Coming from a tiny Honda Civic to this is an adjustment. In parking situations anyway)
Nat and Josie were absolutely cacking it. I could see and hear the boys on the balcony above me, too.
“Watch my car, Pinky!!”
“This is the funniest thing you’ve done so far, woman!!”
Evvy finally came downstairs after attempt one hundred by me, and opened my car door. “I’ll do it, woman – ”
I stepped out the car and watched how he reversed in one clean sweep.
(hot, and damn it)
He climbed out, held my door open as I hopped back in, closed it behind me.
He was still laughing.
So after the bottle-o trip, we all started drinking in the unit. I checked my Barbie watch, realizing I had to take my medicine (other than pink champagne). I started pulling them all out of my bag and lining them up on the kitchen bench.
(while I sipped my pink champers)
Nat rolled her eyes, while Ever froze. “I’m PRETTY SURE you’re NOT SUPPOSED TO DRINK on antibiotics! Look how many of them you’ve got!!” he cried.
“Yeah, my ass is infected – ”
They all fell about laughing. “Are you serious?” Ever asked when he’d calmed down. “Your scar is infected?”
“Yes – ”
The stern Evvy took over. He walked over to me, took my drink out my hand, and chucked the contents down the sink. “NO MORE, WOMAN, YOU’RE SICK,” then, “You’re gonna kill yourself the way you drink,” then
(this is sexy),
“Not on my watch!!”
No wonder I had sex with him 4 times while we were down there (gentle sex).
Thursday 22 June 2000
8.46pm
Mum’s in hospital and really, really sick.
Nat and I spent hours in the waiting room, then a doctor came out and asked us to come with him, and he led us into an empty examination room.
This is when Nat and I just looked at each other. The dread and horror was palpable.
“Is Mum…??” Nat whispered.
“Oh, no no, she’s alive, BUT BARELY – ”
Life doesn’t prepare you for these moments. It just comes along and knocks your feet out from under you.
“We think she’s going into multiple organ failure. We don’t know how long she has to live.”
Nat and I saw her. God, it was awful. She’s awake and alert. But very, very sick.
I know she’s not been the best mother to us, BUT SHE IS OUR MUM. She’s only 41. She’s suffered so much…I don’t wanna see her suffer anymore.
She seems far too young.
I came home and cried all night. Fucking sobbed my heart out. It’s moments like these I think I have nobody. I just want the love of my life to hold me in these moments.
Instead, I’m ALWAYS ALONE.
Always fucking alone.
Monday 26 June 2000
7.54pm
The highlight of my days are talking to Daryl Agnew, and mucking around with Benny.
Faye gives me big hugs every time I walk into the warehouse, and asks me when I’m marrying her son, Nick (the one that’s chasing me).
Mum’s a bit better, her docs say. Her counts back up to 3, but doc says that still leaves her at high risk of kidney and heart failure.
Ever hasn’t called. I hate how he takes this casual shit so seriously!!
It’s raining at the moment. It’s beautiful.
I love the sound of rain. I can’t wait to move to Astoria!!
(I have $26 in my bank account)
Tuesday 27 June 2000
8.34pm
Still a bit sick, I think. Cause I am feeling it right now, after work.
And the phone keeps ringing, and I refuse to answer it. I don’t want to talk to anyone.
Plus it could be Sharon from downstairs.
None of the calls are from Evvy, of course.
Oops. Just checked. That was Evvy.
Makes my heart swell! I’m not in love, but I care already, and I’m pissed off at myself about that.
I open my heart way too easily, GIVE it far too easily.
I honestly think that’s my problem, my ENTIRE problem. I care too much about everyone, and everything, and end up devastated and all alone.
But I’d hate not to feel.
I’m so not ringing Ever back, though. I want him to chase me, go wild, send flowers, want me more than anything.
I want that SO BAD.
But Evvy’s the wrong guy then, cause he is SO the opposite. He has a problem OPENING his heart. He doesn’t do things unless there’s something in it for him! Which really bugs me for some reason. I hate selfish people!
But I’m not sure he’s really selfish, or just hiding a great big heart under all that crap.
Like that Sunday night a week ago, when I went and got us Red Rooster, because he wanted it. We were laying about in his bed, and he went, “I would KILL for some Red Rooter
(him and Dan and their ‘Red Rooter’)
right now.”
“So let’s go get it,” I said.
And stupid, uptight Everard was all, “Nah, it’s a Sunday. I don’t go out on a Sunday, remember?”
“But it’s two minutes up the road!” I cried.
“Egg-ZACTLY!”
“How about I go get it for you, Special?”
Everard, shocked: “You’d do that? For me?”
(oh my God, he’s so strange)
“Yes. It’s no big deal.”
(except for your weirdness)
Everard, with glowing lovebeam eyes: “I can’t believe you would DO this for me. No one has ever done this kind of thing for me before.”
Me, high on his lovebeams: “Not even Tom? Your boyfriend?”
“ESPECIALLY not Tom.”
“I will even – OH MY GOD!! – pay for it, Everard.”
Evvy just started clutching his heart, like his chest was hurting. “You’re so fucking SWEET and good, woman.” Pause. “It’s almost disturbing. I thought you’d be just like Nat. And in some ways, you freakishly are. Like your looks, for example. And the way you both pull those faces, hahaha. But in others…you two are a world apart.”
“I’m pretty sure my sister has bought Dan Red Rooster before, Everard.”
He was all extra affectionate and loving that afternoon. High on me getting him Red Rooster.
Thursday 29 June 2000
9.08pm
Watching ‘Dawson’s’ in bed. Trying to recover my body from being back at work.
(still, two months later – but I’ve h
ad a lot of time off for whooping)
It’s not used to this, being back at work full-time. I’m starting to really feel it.
Arrived home from work to a pink envelope from Richard. Inside, was this letter:
Dear Karina,
Well, I’m coming home soon, and I wanted to tell you how I feel. I’ve wanted you forever; I came home once before, and felt pushed away by you.
I shouldn’t have left. I shouldn’t have let you push me away. I should’ve stayed.
But I’m coming home now, and I want to make sure I don’t get pushed away again. I want you to know how I feel.
I’ve wanted us together for a long time, but was worried about our friendship. You’ve been my best friend for so long, I didn’t want anything to happen to that. Now I think our friendship is strong enough to survive anything we could ever do to each other in a relationship.
Hearing you had a guy over the other night crushed me, but I will stand by you if you decide to have a relationship with him over me.
Always your friend,
I love you.
Rich xx
I’m swooning right now. So sweet.
(Everard was over when he called)
But not sure how I feel about it.
Rich told me all this back in November, but then he left (after flying in), and I could ignore it, cause he’s on the other side of the world…
But now he’s coming back.
Chapter 2
WHAT WOMEN WANT TALL BENNY
(ROMANCE NOVEL TALL BENNY)
Friday 30 June 2000
9.06pm
Ever, the other night, asked me to go to movies with him tonight, then rings me today at 5pm and goes, “Me, Josie, Mark and Tom want to know if you wanna come to the movies with us.”
Inside, I was like “HELLO!!!! You asked me Tuesday, JUST ME!!”
Now the whole Scooby Gang is going.
I pleaded illness and declined.
Then rang Nat and burst into tears. She was all, “Get another guy, Evvy can’t do this shit. You can’t change him.”
I don’t WANT to change another guy. I just want the guy to BE everything I’ve always wanted. I have no right to change Ever…let him be who he is. It’s just not right for me.
“I find myself trying to change you. If you were meant to be my lover, I wouldn’t have to.” No Doubt.
So then I went to a card party at Joy’s.
Yes, we made cards. Somehow, it was fun, and the most fun I’ve had in awhile.
My card I made looked so special. Phoebe, Joy’s teenage daughter, rolled about laughing.
“Like yours is any better!!” I laughed (hers was some weird looking snowman Christmas card).
“Yeah, but mine’s at least not ‘Happy Pink Day’!!!” (oh god, she was in hysterics)
I miss Joy. Before falling down stairs and being off recovering, she was my number one party friend. She’s cool at 45. So fun!!! And she always has the best advice for me, too. She was all, “You’re young and gorgeous, GO DATE LOTS OF MEN!!”
Think I’m gonna take that advice.
Matt came upstairs at work today, and stopped to talk to us invoicing girls. He was chatting to Julia about this dinner he’d cooked, and it sounded so scrumptious I found myself with that intense longing I seem to get for Matt whenever he steps anywhere near me. I wanted to be with him SO BAD in that moment.
Just because he can cook???
Most girls want a guy cause he has money. I want one to be fed.
Evvy never cooks. I’m not sure he even knows how to put bread in a toaster. His mummy does it for him.
And then there’s Benny at work. I kinda already love Benny. He’s such a great guy and friend. Tall, too…
I mean, he is SO TALL. What women want tall.
The other day I was leaving work, and Benny was all, “What’s the go with that sticker on your car, Pinky?”
(he did not seem happy about it!!)
“What sticker?” I asked sweetly. Then my eyelashes got stuck together and I had to use my fingers to pry them apart.
Benny didn’t even blink. He works with like 20 twenty year old girls. Nothing fazes him. You could insert a tampon in front of him and he wouldn’t blink. He’s seen it all with us office girls. “That sticker!!”
He pointed to ‘Guys Wanted: Must be Rich and Good-looking’ on my VN. “So you’ll only go out with rich or good-looking guys??”
All huffy like, he was.
(was hot!!)
“But of course!!” I replied, walking backwards to my car.
“But I don’t have any money!!” he called ADORABLY after me as I got in my car.
“But you’re good-looking, Benny!!” I called out my window.
I roared away, looking back in my rearview window.
He was grinning.
But when I’m daydreaming on the phone at work…
(when reps are yelling or demanding things, like can I take the earth and rotate it in the opposite direction)
It’s always about Matt.
Oh, okay, and Benny. Benny and his damn height.
Saturday 1 July 2000
11.12pm
Had Beth’s sister’s wedding today/tonight.
Oh, it was beautiful. Just depressed me.
(like weddings ALWAYS DO)
Ever turned up here last night after the movies. And he was all surprisingly sweet and loving.
Which completely fucked with my head, cause I was telling him this ‘not relationship’ is not good enough for me.
And he just kept grabbing my hand, and trailing his fingers along my jaw, going, “I’m just not used to being with anyone. I’ll get better at this - ”
“I don’t think I can do it, Ever, like this – ”
“But I WANT to be here, and you come to mine – ”
“You do?”
“Yes!! Of course! You’re just so sick all the time, and you seem to kick me out every time I come here – ”
Then he just held and kissed me all night. He seemed to sense I was fragile, and so sick still.
Was sweet, how he just held me. “I’m not sure I can do this, if it’s not everything I want it to be, Ever – ”
“We will try properly then. I like you so damn much already, woman. I’m just not very good at showing it.”
Aw.
7.37pm
‘Pretty in Pink’ is on!!! The movie that stole my life story!!
Ever and I had a GOOD TIME today. I had to leave, I was just too hot under the collar.
I went to his, after he stayed the night here, and all he did was kiss me senseless. OH GOD, IT WAS HEAVENLY.
I was all, “We need to talk about us,” and he was all over me with kisses, cupping my boobs, grabbing handfuls of hair, trailing kisses down my neck, murmuring hot things in my ear (‘I wanna TASTE YOU’)…I mean, how is a girl supposed to nag when he does all that??
I ended up just leaving. Was so not giving sex to the fucker.
Oh, it was delicious!!
Sunday 2 July 2000
6.20pm
I plodded all day. Everard and I were SUPPOSED to do something
(other than each other),
then Tom rang Ever and Ever decided he just HAD to go go-carting, and did I want to meet them there.
No, I do not want to drive halfway down the coast to watch Ever and Tom go on a date with each other.
So I went for a drive along the river at Yeronga, and read the paper by the water while stuffing my face with a cream doughnut and drinking a can of Coke, while I stewed over the fact I wanted to be doing romantic things (like stuffing my face) WITH A BOYFRIEND, not by myself, LIKE ALWAYS.
Nobody wants to do romantic things BY THEMSELVES.
It’s too much. I’m over it. Time to go watch ‘Dawson’s’. God, Dawson was so annoying last episode. Pacey is SO HOT. Joey is too bitter for a 16 year old. But still you root for her and her grumpy bitchy face.
Monday 3 July 2000
8.17pm
Sherrie’s been so weird lately. We normally do lunch together each day, we have gone magazine shopping together every week for like a year (even with me off), we went out with her and her boyfriend for her birthday…and now suddenly she’s stopped spending lunch breaks with Nat and I.
I went up to her today, going “Yaay!! It’s mag day!!” and this look came over her face, kinda like regret, but happy regret, like she wanted to be sad she couldn’t go with me, but was secretly happy with the other plans she had instead.
She said, “Oh, I’m sorry, Pinky. I totally forgot!! Katie asked me to go to lunch with her, and I said I would. (Insert bummed, fake regretful face here) Is that okay?? You understand, right? It’s KATIE.”
She said Katie like one would say God.
Which, to Sherrie, Katie really is her God. She worships the ground she walks on.
And clearly has dumped me for Katie, now that Katie is talking to her again.
(after a year and a half of NOT talking to each other)
“Sure,” I replied, hiding the knife protruding from my heart well. “Sure, babe. Have fun!” Then I walked my Pinky walk (so all happy and bouncy like) back to my desk, and tried to pretend to sit down all happy like and not devastated like.
Shampoo Page 5
