And he’d never DREAM of saving me a chicken wing or two.
So I’d have to wait for Avon lady and Beth, cook dinner, shower, drive over there…
Oh it’s all too exhausting!!
Avon lady and Beth didn’t arrive and leave till after 8pm. Past Evvy’s bedtime on a weekday.
But he’s been calling a lot and asking me over to his. Is he changing?? Is my ploy to look like I have a life working??
I didn’t want to go tonight either because it would make our date night less special. I know how Evvy works – if I see him tonight, he’s attentive and loving. If I see him again the very next night, he’s completely different. Withdrawn, aloof, almost resentful towards me.
I want him all loving on our date night. The first weekend in forever we’ve spent together.
That bastard better not cancel on me. His life would not be worth living!
Saturday 15 July 2000
9.31am
So date night last night!! And he didn’t cancel!!
(he gets to live!!)
So he didn’t pick me up or anything, or come here. For some reason, I really want a guy to just fucking pick me up!!! Be romantic.
But then I like driving so when they PISS ME OFF
(and they always do),
I can just leave when I want to.
So our night was both yummy and painful. He makes me crazy!!! In good and bad ways. He makes me feel so many things.
Evvy seems to make me totally overboard in my emotions.
Soon as I got there, we started watching ‘The Bone Collector’ in his bed
(on his giant ass wall to wall tv),
and for half the movie we just cuddled up to each other. THEN he started kissing me and touching me THERE, making me melt. He kept going too far, and I kept stopping him, not because I didn’t want to
(I did!! Oh boy, I did),
but because it’s been weeks since we’ve even had a real date, and he expects sex!!!
He’s gotta work a lot harder than that.
I need romance. Connection. Dare I say it??...
Love.
So he kept trying to get my clothes off, and I kept struggling with him, but we kept kissing and laughing while we struggled.
Was hot!!!
Then he got the shits, and started carrying on, pulling his Evvy mood swing, and his grumpy face
(which is still so funny),
and asked me to leave!!!
So I got up off the bed and stomped to the door, where he grabbed me, laughing, and pulled me back to bed. He smothered me in kisses then and said, “You deserve someone better than me, woman.”
Then I tried to get back under the quilt, and he was all, “Not till you take all your clothes off!!”
I stopped trying to lift the quilt back. “I’m fine here, thanks.”
He laughed. “Okay, if you kiss me I’ll let you back under.”
Still annoyed with him, I leaned over and pecked him on the lips. “You gotta do better than that!” he said.
So I leant in and pashed him for all I was worth, and he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me back and OH GOD…was just about the best kiss ever.
Then I pulled away, searching his eyes, for what?? Love?? Devotion?? Happily Ever After??
And Evvy murmured, “Whoa,” as our heads were still together.
(even he was blown away!!)
“THAT’S what I want more of!!”
Um, yeah! Me too!! But you actually have to see each other to have more of that.
Then we settled back into the movie, and he starts edging away from me!! He just suddenly turned.
“Don’t do that,” he snapped, when I draped my leg over his.
“Do what??”
“Touch me!”
Dear God. Men are such pains in the asses.
He edged away from me and complained whenever some part of me touched him in any way, for the ENTIRE BRONCOS GAME after the movie.
I don’t know WHY I stayed that long, just to be pushed away.
By this time, I was absolutely freezing in my skimpy outfit, and by 11pm I stood up, saying, “That’s it!! I’m outta here.”
Then Ever grabs me! Wraps his arms around me, pulls me to him, and practically growls, “You’re not going ANYWHERE.”
I think he does it on purpose. It’s like same game to him.
But not to me and my little heart.
So I pushed against him and said, “You’ve just snapped at me for the last two hours and pushed me away!”
“I only did that cause as soon as you touch me, I go crazy! And I want to do more.”
Then he threw us both down onto his bed. “You’re staying,” he demanded, in that hot, I’m-a-real-boyfriend voice. Then he wouldn’t let me go, and kept wrapping me tighter in his arms and going, “I’m NOT LETTING YOU GO.”
(hot)
I told him I wanted to (fuck his brains out) stay too, but it has been weeks since we’d really connected, and he expects bed privileges! It just wasn’t gonna happen.
Then he was all, “I’ve tried tonight! Really tried!”
“Yeah! FOR ONCE!!” Then I wrapped my hands around his neck and kissed him. “Now kiss me goodnight and walk me out.”
He kissed me alright. He kissed me into oblivion.
I wanted to make love so badly it was painful. Exquisite pain.
So I eventually pulled my face away from his and said again, “Walk me out, Everard.”
“I won’t walk you out. I want you to stay.”
(goosebumps)
But for some reason, him walking me out was important to me. Maybe it seemed romantic to me. Maybe I just wanted him to act like he cares.
Maybe I was just trying to control him. I don’t know. But I wanted him to walk me TO MY FUCKING CAR.
I needed this to be date like, not casual fuck like.
But he refused!! And kept refusing!!!
“Walk me out – ”
“I’m not fucking walking you out – ”
He just kept standing there, his arms wrapped around me, repeatedly going, “NO. I am NOT walking you OUT. I. WANT. YOU. TO. STAY!!!”
And me begging, “PUH-LEASE walk me out, Everard!!”
“No!”
“If you don’t walk me out, I AM NEVER COMING BACK HERE AGAIN – ”
The arms that were around me were instantly dropped. Ever HATES ultimatums. Withdrawn, horrible Evvy was here. “Bye!!”
I stood there, watching him as he hopped back into bed, sat against his headboard and stubbornly crossed his arms.
I hated him in that moment. Hated all men.
“You’re being really hurtful,” I managed to say, tears threatening to form.
“I’m making a stand!”
“Making a stand?? Should I get your tools out for you??”
He laughed. “I hate how funny you are. TAKING a stand then, SMART ASS. I want you to stay, so I’m not walking you out. I’ll walk you out TOMORROW, after you stay.”
That is when I stormed out, I was SO IRRATIONALLY MAD at him, determined this was it this time, I was done with him!!
How dare he not walk me out?? And make me feel like this nothing whore, leaving his house at near midnight.
I stormed through his darkened house, his mum and sister in bed long ago, telling myself he’ll never change, so what the fuck am I DOING HERE…
And then he grabs me from behind just as I reach the front patio, laughing, like this is some fun game!!!
I was infuriated by him.
“You always get what you want, woman,” he said softly into my hair as he engulfed me from behind with his arms.
“That’s crap,” I snapped. “If I got what I wanted, we wouldn’t be like this!”
“Oh, woman. You are endlessly amusing to me.”
I tried to elbow him in the ribs but he just wrapped his arms around me tighter. “Be nice!” he growled into my ear.
(hot)
“You first!”
Th
en I felt it, this moment pass between us. It was palpable. As he had me wrapped to him from behind, there was this THING that passed between us. Love. Feelings. Longing. Something big.
Then suddenly, he let go. I turned, to face him, and we stood, staring at each other, for ages. Waiting for the other to do or say something.
I took the few patio steps behind me backwards. Testing him (ha ha!).
He followed me, till the footpath began. “I can’t go any further,” he said. “I’ve got socks on.”
(any bloody excuse)
Ruin your socks for romance!! Just do it!!
It felt like a major letdown when I was hoping for some romantic revelation.
I stood there, waiting for him to reach out for me. My heart seriously sank when he didn’t. “I’m freezing here,” he said.
“Poor baby.”
And I turned and walked to my car parked at the curb.
He let out a frustrated scream then, “Aargh!! You’re SO FUCKING FRUSTRATING WOMAN – ”
Then he totally knocked MY socks off, by walking on his precious socks over the wet grass to me, where he grabbed me, leant me against my car, and kissed me for the longest time.
(most romantic moment of my life so far, I think!)
That kiss said A LOT.
I drove off eventually, my heart singing.
Looking back on what happened now…
I think I won that round.
5.26pm
Gotta go do this hair promotion thing for work in the city tonight.
I hope Evvy comes in.
2.05am
So pissed and upset. Drunk and pissed.
Evvy CAME IN.
But overwhelming joy and love blossoming from my eyes like love beams, stupid stupid motherfucking love beams, turned to devastation when HE IGNORED ME FOR THE WHOLE NIGHT.
This is my last straw.
I really mean it this time!
I can’t stay with a guy that can’t kiss me hello in front of his mates.
I swear, this is it. No more caring.
Sunday 16 July 2000
5.52pm
I’ve been a misery guts all day.
I was so pissed about last night, that at 2pm I finally rang him. “What were you trying to tell me last night, Everard??” I demanded as soon as he said hello.
He said, “Nothing!” all asshole like.
“That’s crap! You don’t WANT me!! You wanted to make DAMN SURE I knew it last night!!”
He sighed
(yeah, go on!!! Sigh like we’ve been together fifty damn years and this is just exhausting),
then said, “That’s not true, Karina – ”
“Bullshit!! You don’t care!! You don’t want me!! You don’t want a relationship with me!” It all came spilling out of me.
“That’s not true – ”
“Do you know how hurt I was?? That you couldn’t even kiss me hello in front of Tom and Dan?? Two guys who are like BROTHERS to me
(Tom not really, but for dramatics’ sake, it fit),
and BEST FRIENDS to YOU!!! If you can’t bloody KISS ME in front of them, then there’s NO BLOODY POINT going on with this JOKE of a relationship – ”
“I was PISSED OFF WITH YOU, okay!!” he suddenly cried. “I was PISSED you didn’t stay Friday night. THAT’S why I ignored you – ”
“GREAT!! FABULOUS!! So instead of just being an ASSHOLE, you’re just petty and childish instead!! You know what!! You NOT kissing me last night tells me all I need to know!”
He made a noise then. “GOD!!”
“He’s not gonna help you!! You don’t want me, Everard, or a relationship – ”
“That’s NOT TRUE, I DO – ”
I felt crushed.
“Look, Tom’s over – ”
“OF COURSE!!!” I shrieked.
(oh my God. I’m becoming one of them. Screechy girlfriend. This has to stop)
“ – I can’t say all the things I need to say to calm your crazy ass down with Tom and his girlfriend here – ”
(Tom has a girlfriend?? Oh thank God)
“ – so let me call you later, woman.”
“I won’t be home.” I would, but that’s not the point.
“Well, I’ll try you later – ”
“I won’t be home THEN, EITHER.”
“I’ll keep trying, till I get you.”
Does he say these things to drive me crazy?? I think he does. They’re always so double-meaning full.
I didn’t even say goodbye. I just slammed my pink phone down, again and again and again.
(God, it felt good)
This is not good enough. I’m not settling. I want SPECTACULAR.
The strawberry cheesecake ice-cream in the freezer sure looks good right about now.
I might just stick my whole face in it.
9.18pm
Richie rang, and made me laugh for 45 minutes, like he always does.
Am I meant to be with him?? Sometimes I feel it, deep down inside of me…
But something stops me.
Chapter 4
IT’S JUST A BIT OF SPEW MADLY
Sunday 23 July 2000
8.21pm
So much has been happening. Been working crazy hours…till 6pm at night then starting at 6am.
(which means getting up at 4.30am to do my hair and make up)
Beth and I went to the movies Friday night, saw ‘Gone in 60 Seconds’
(my new fav movie…and my car is now called Elanor),
then Saturday night most of us from Sin went out to Panchos
(my FAV PLACE ON EARTH)
at Balmoral – me, Nat, Dan, Benny, Melissa, her boyfriend Nathan, Sars, Ryan, Paul, Little Jonny, oh my God who else…so many of us.
First we went to the Balmoral Hotel, where apparently
(according to Dan and Nat)
I kept standing on tables and yelling “My name is Otto, and I love to get blotto!”
So I was in fine form off of tequila shots by the time we reached Panchos.
Now I love Panchos cause it’s the one place in Brisbane I can get on tables and not get kicked out. They seriously have a blackboard on the ceiling that you stand on the table and draw on.
This family pizza restaurant is full of penis drawings on their ceiling.
I didn’t even make it onto the tables at Panchos however. I was so drunk Sara was taking care of me
(stern, serious Sars was laughing her head off at me – forever here to entertain, I am),
and I WOULD’VE BEEN FINE, if damn Nathan hadn’t dared me to eat that anchovy.
Soon as I bit it, I started retching, then started vomiting right there, at the table.
(it was the damn anchovy that made me spew madly, not all that tequila)
Luckily everyone found it so funny. I can only get away with this behavior with these people.
Then I rolled down my window in Dan’s car and spewed, causing massive vomit streaks all along the side of his car.
(not the first time, and won’t be the last!!)
THEN I woke up to Sharon from
(the loony bin)
downstairs informing me I threw up all in her flower bed and asked me was I aiming for her cat, cause I seemed to be chasing it around and trying to spew all over it.
Worse, I was wearing my pink Sin shirt at The Balmoral Hotel and Panchos. Dreading Monday.
Dinner was sure over in a hurry after I spewed all over everyone’s pizzas.
Monday 24 July 2000
6.34pm
Word got round very quickly about my performance at Panchos. Someone dobbed me in I’d been wearing my Sin shirt too.
“Pinky!!” John Cash boomed. “I hear you projectile vomited all over a restaurant in Balmoral while wearing your Sin shirt??”
(oh God. Here’s where I get fired)
“Good job, Pinky!” DY yelled out. He came out of his office. “You make us look young and hip acting like that!!”
“Don’t you mean drunk and
stupid?” chimed in Gerry.
Renee laughed her ass off (best office manager ever!!).
“Everyone, I want you to take a page from Pinky’s book!! Spew in public places while wearing your Sin shirts!”
Nat was shaking her head. John Cash added, “Maybe we should give Pinky a bonus for promoting young, hip haircare so well?? She should be the new face of Sin!!”
Oh God, only in this office could that happen.
Chapter 5
EVER OVER…ALREADY??
Tuesday 25 July 2000
5.55pm
Got a bad cough AGAIN. That’s about it.
Evvy has soccer tonight.
The bastard.
6.53pm
Oh my god, so he calls. And it was AWFUL.
I can’t believe I’m wasting body liquid on him by crying.
He has hurt me FOR THE LAST TIME.
“I never wanted a relationship,” he began.
Shampoo Page 7
