Shampoo

by Karina Almeroth

  But I assume he was trying to stir up Evvy

  (God bless him)

  and not having some kind of aneurysm.

  Thank God, with Dan's help, I looked like

  (LOOKED)

  I have a life.

  I so need sex. Why can't Evvy and I just get our shit together?! I want his kisses!! I want him on top of me!! I want his love!!

  I was watching all the couples Friday night, and they got me so sad. I want a guy who wraps his arms around me in front of everyone, and kisses me! I want it so bad it hurts my heart.

  Monday 21 August 2000

  6.33pm

  Not going to the gym tonight. There was a big storm blowing in when I drove home from work at 5pm, plus I knew Dan and Josh weren't going tonight. So I'm home in bed already.

  Work was good again. Less busy, I had time to sort out all my work that needs to get done. And I got lunch. Woo hoo!

  Matt kept coming upstairs and giving me those looks (that give me goosebumps!), and Benny and I kept teasing each other and joking about the bet all day.

  He was all, "Pinky, it SO wasn't Aaron. You owe me fifty dollars!!"

  "It WAS him, Benny!!"

  He strode over to my phone, picked it up, dialled. "I am calling him." He was laughing.

  I was too, especially when he handed me the phone, and Aaron said it wasn't him.

  Benny sat perched on the edge of my desk

  (where he always sits, right on my invoices I’m trying to type)

  as Aaron and I laughed, and Benny shook his head, grinning at me.

  Aaron sounded so happy to hear from me

  (happier then Evvy sounds when I call him!),

  he asked me if I'd left Rick yet (yeah! Last year…yet still the fucker managed to ruin my 21st), and I told him about my baby (Commodore) since he is a revhead, and he told me to call him the next time I'm going clubbing.

  (!!!)

  Alright!!!! A friend!!!

  So, laughingly, I hung up, and Benny stands up, and starts yelling, "You owe me fifty bucks!! I told you!!" and I'm in hysterics, going, "Yeah, yeah, WHATEVER." Pause.

  "Then who the hell was I waving at?"

  This only made Benny laugh harder.

  "And why was he waving back!!"

  Benny limped off, in stitches.

  Was so funny.

  Ahhhh... I think I am going to give up on Evvy. At the moment, there's nothing to give up ON. I never bloody see him. We have no relationship. Time to move on.

  (crickets chirping)

  Oh God, but I love him so much!!! I crave him! I melt at the sound of his voice! His voice really does it for me. More than anything else.

  I'm in love with a voice.

  Nat said it was so funny, on Sunday, when they were all at Josie's, because in the middle of the game, Josie yells out, really excited, "Is Karina coming?" and the whole room fell silent. Nat apparently replied, "She's out, can't get a hold of her, and she never takes her mobile anywhere," and the room remained silent for ages. Ever sat there, stewing.

  Ha ha!! Totally worth missing it for causing a stir. And appearing to have a life.

  Tuesday 22 August 2000

  8.01am

  Dancing around to Bryan Adams this morning. We got the house!! I'm happy! I truly am! I'm going to have a house again! And Cleo! And my sister!

  (totally an accident, and not meaningful, that I put my sister's dog before my actual sister)

  And lots of parties!

  Hurt over Evvy though. Yeah, he called, but whoop de doo (Mr Smithers). We didn't talk. I just star 10 hashed and he’d called.

  I swore I would get over him. And I will!

  (but I love him)

  6.22pm

  VERY exhausting day at work. I am hurting from head to toe again. I'm not going to the gym tonight, because I've got to get up at four-thirty tomorrow to start the early shift, cause Julia is away on holiday. I am so sore.

  Apart from an absolute frenzied day, Nat and I signed the lease for our house! I can't wait to move in!

  Benny was still mucking around with me today, and Matt kept teasing me, too, and giving me those intense looks he gives me.

  I can feel his presence with just the slamming of the office door leading to the small upstairs kitchen then down to the warehouse. I sit with my back to that door, yet he can be silent, I have no clue who has just entered and slammed that door, and I'll feel the hairs on the back of my neck tingle, and I'll know it's him. He’ll stride straight past me, and to the back of the office for the photocopier, photocopy something, and then he'll keep his eyes on me all the way from the photocopier till he’s past me and out the door again.

  Gives me the tingles. And he does a lot of photocopying.

  Maybe I should go for Matt? Forget Evvy.

  (ugh. So didn't wanna mention him)

  Matt looked so adorable today. Hot. He has the nicest, most intense blue eyes. He's cute, in a goofy way. It's only his eyes, and the way he looks at me, that is intense or manly. The rest is adorable goofiness.

  7.08pm

  Okay, depressed. I think because I'm so tired and achy. I just want love and romance! Doesn't happen for me. Why?? Why isn't Evvy ringing me back?

  I want love.

  I need sleep.

  Thursday 24 August 2000

  7.01pm

  Very tiring day. I worked from 6am

  (really 5.45am, as I got to work super early, forgetting there is no peak hour traffic when you hoon to work at 5am)

  till 5pm. Exhausting! I've walked in my door, dumped my bag, somehow crawled down the stairs and out the back, had a shower, then practically ran from my shower, past Sharon's door and up the internal stairs, fast like Speedy Woman, cause I was too tired to deal with being trapped by her tonight, then crashed into bed, barely with enough energy to pick up the remote.

  Then, the miracle happened: Evvy rang!! And we talked!!

  And when I told him the hours I worked today

  (WITH NO LUNCH BREAK!!!),

  he put on that adorable boyfriend tone of voice that melts me more than his normal voice does!

  He asked me to the drive-in tomorrow!!

  Can you believe it?!! I'm so happy!! Stoked!!

  So why am I about to write about Matt? Cause I am. I can feel it.

  So today was so busy - end of month, which is the most awful work day of the month. All the reps pull their fingers out (of their asses) on this last day, and try to make their budgets, or beat their budgets, or beat last month's top sales rep's budget (Jessica, normally), and seriously every rep, all fucking 60 of them

  (I don't know how many, really… I should count them tomorrow),

  ring through a million, last ditch effort orders. With Julia away, I was chained to my desk, typing all these orders in frantically. And, if by RARE chance, I had one second to pause and take a sip of water, Gerry would poke his head out his doorway and yell, "Pinky!! I need one hundred more thousand to make budget!! Ring (insert name), he/she hasn't put in an order today," and off I'd go, dialling random reps for any orders.

  I literally finish the day, swaying, my hair standing on end.

  Like I've been electrocuted.

  But Matt and I managed to have a few moments in all that madness.

  That is all I will say.

  Saturday 26 August 2000

  8.11am

  OMG, I had the best night EVER with (ha ha) Ever!!!! I had so much fun.

  God, I'm in love. He makes me feel things I’ve never felt before.

  I finally had his kisses, and they were HEAVENLY.

  I have to go!! We are moving Nat and Dan today.

  Chapter 8

  WHY DO I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE I’M ABOUT TO DIE WHEN I’M WITH YOU??!!

  (THE WALK ME OUT SCENARIO PART 2)

  Sunday 27 August 2000

  12.20pm

  I'm on the beach at Kirra, sunbaking and listening to my headphones.

  It's heaven. I love the beach.

  Anyway, yes
terday was a full on day moving Nat and Dan. We didn't stop till about 7pm, then we just drank all night, played PlayStation and watched ‘Lethal Weapon 3.’

  (René Russo!! My girl obsession!!)

  Anyway, back to Friday.

  Work was amazingly busy. First of the month is just as brutal, if not more so, than end of the month. This makes no sense to me. I would think, as a sales rep, you would want to finish the month on an awesome note, and get all your orders in and your figures huge. Not so. Most hang onto their orders, and then give you 20 giant motherfucking orders on the first of the month, so they're already way ahead of budget on the very first day of the month. Then they can go drink margaritas somewhere for the rest of the month.

  It was crazy. I worked six till four and went hard ALL DAY invoicing, never left my desk, except for the ONE TIME I went to the loo. Was brutal.

  It was horrible actually! I started aching so bad again.

  But Evvy DEFINITELY relaxed me Friday night.

  I got to his house about 6pm, and he was all, "Come here," and pulled me to him in his bed, where we just laid there, cuddling, watching Foxtel.

  I could've laid there all night.

  But, he insisted we go, we'd made plans, and judging by his "Can't do anything on Sunday cause I've got work tomorrow" rule, he's not big on change or altering plans.

  We saw ‘Scary Movie’ at Richlands Drive-in. That was so funny. It was weird during the movie. We were in such close quarters, in his car, yet he didn't try a single thing, didn't touch me at all. But on the way to the drive-in, and after, he kept lecturing me on driving so much, and driving to the coast every weekend, and fuel costs in a V6 Commodore.

  Was so hot!!!

  He was acting like a real boyfriend… NAGGING like a real boyfriend. I love that so much. Been forever since I've had a real boyfriend nag at me.

  (and I always seem to find myself with boyfriends that nag me, not me nagging them. Because I’m the one that acts bad in a relationship, not the guy – except for the domestic violence!!!!)

  I just kept laughing at him, watching how hot he looked and sounded, as he drove and nagged. But my laughing only made him nag more, and OH GOD IT TURNED ME ON SO MUCH!! So it was only 8.30pm once the movie finished, and Evvy didn’t want to stay for the second movie, so we went back to his place, swapped cars, and I drove us to Mt Cootha.

  THAT came about because we were umming and ahhing about what to do, I suggested a drive, he said no, he's watching his fuel costs

  (UGH! Freak),

  I said I'll drive, he launched into another nag, but then when we arrived at his place, I unlocked my car, and said, "Get in!" He was all, "Oh DEAR GOD, am I gonna die if I get in the car with you??!"

  But he hopped in the passenger seat.

  (he even looks sexy in the passenger seat)

  I drove us to Mount Cootha Lookout, stereo cranking, us both singing away, dancing, teasing each other. Me hooning around and making him scream and pray to God.

  “God’s not gonna help you, Everard,” I laughed, screeching around another bend.

  “Oh FUCK I KNEW THIS WAS A BAD IDEA!! WHY DO I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE I’M ABOUT TO DIE WHEN I’M WITH YOU!!!!”

  It was SO MUCH FUN. Those are the moments with Evvy I treasure

  (as well as the hot moments),

  where we're just relaxed and mucking around. He's probably the person in my life I have the most fun mucking around with. He is just a clown when he relaxes and let's go and we just have fun.

  He kept screaming at random times, and yelling out, "WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!", especially as I burned it round corners. And I'd just laugh and go over a bump, ROAR over a bump, just to see him squeal and hit his head on the roof of the car.

  Ah, was so much fun.

  So we drove up to Mount Cootha, checked out that creepy, Gothic girls school up there, then Evvy wanted to drive

  (who can blame him??),

  he was all, “PLEASE JESUS, LET ME DRIVE!!” so we swapped, running around the car like idiots, him tickling me as he ran past, then Evvy

  8.43pm

  Sorry. Started really burning in the sun. So, Evvy then jumped in the driver’s seat, and we looked at each other, laughing, and he was all "Where to?" and I said, "Toowong Cemetery."

  I thought he'd call me a freak (I LOVE cemeteries), but his eyes lit up and he went, "Cool."

  And, oh my God, it was so romantic. Scary. Romantic. It was lightly raining, the view was INCREDIBLE, it was so silent and still. Just the sound of the rain. Evvy put his arms around me and drew me to him, and kissed me for the first time IN FUCKING FOREVER!!

  From that point, it was like we fell into touching each other again, holding hands, kissing. So easily. So natural.

  And it hit me again, just how much I completely adore him.

  We mucked around there, twirling in the rain, Evvy picking me up in his arms, spinning me while I laughed… kissing me passionately. Oh, with the rain, and all the dead people… It was so romantic!

  Then Evvy drove us to Dutton Park Cemetery, and along the river at Yeronga, where I always go, and wish he was there with me. Friday night he was!! We got out at one of the parks along the river, 11 o'clock at night, and Evvy kept hiding behind trees and play equipment and jumping out at me. Then I gave up looking for him and calling out to him, and climbed on the playground. Then Ever appeared, grabbed me, lifted me down and placed me on the steps, then stood and kissed me. With me a few steps up off the ground, we were the same height, eye to eye, and it was just damn sexy. His kisses blew me away. His hands were all up in my hair, running down my back, grabbing my ass and pulling me against his, ahem, hardness!

  Oh God, I'm swooning just remembering.

  Then he was trying to get my jacket off, and put his hands up under my shirt, but I wouldn't let him. He made a comment then, "I know how lucky I am," staring into my eyes as he said it, and he had to hold me tighter because my knees went weak! I kinda swooned, like in a romance novel.

  "I know how lucky I am, to be here with you, and I've been so stupid."

  I just grabbed on and kissed him. I couldn't formulate words by that point.

  Evvy kissed me back, then murmured, "What, no comeback? No dig?"

  I shook my head, and kissed him again. "Can't speak," I whispered.

  “Who knew this would shut you up,” he murmured. “Will have to do more of it.”

  He seemed to get it, I could see it in his eyes. He was just as sunk as I was (am). I cuddled up to him, and he ran his fingers through my hair, and I wished this moment would never end. Ever.

  But of course, it did. He practically growled, "Let's go back home," and I felt like someone had punched me in the heart. Cause the way he said it, it was like he was saying, let's go back to our home, and in that moment, I wanted Ever and I have a home together SO BAD I got all weepy. He carry/dragged me back to the car, his lips all over me the whole way. At his place, he jumped into bed, and watched me take my pink jacket off.

  "Keep going," he said, but I ignored that and crawled into bed next to him, where he opened up his arms, no hesitation to me. We watch the end of ‘Outbreak’

  (another René Russo flick!!)

  and kissed and cuddled for the next hour. It was incredible.

  I was caressing his back as he lay on top of me at one point, and just about died with love for him.

  I could feel one of his scars on his back, and my heart broke for him - as a boy, hit by a car. The pain, the recovery. I wanted to be there for him, back in time. Back then when it happened.

  I love him so much I ache with it.

  He wanted sex (so did I!! Hello!!) but I said, "No. It's been such a shit fight lately. No."

  But I added I wanted sex with him, too.

  I'm curled up in bed, very badly burnt by today, dreaming of Evvy.

  Monday 28 August 2000

  6.13pm

  Then I just get REJECTED by him!!!

  It's so up and down with him!! I can't handle it.


  I rang him the moment I got home from work, asked him if he wanted to come over tonight, and he was all "Ummm," and "Ahh"

  (in your hesitation, I found my answer),

  for like five fucking minutes, that I wanted to scream at him!

  Instead, I just said, really cheerfully, "It's okay if you don't, cause I will go to Nat and Dan's for dinner instead," then he said, "I don't really wanna come back home," and he paused, like waiting for me to say something - like stay! - but I said nothing, just to pay him back for the five minutes of ums and ahs, and plus I would have let him stay!! Plus I am very annoyed he couldn't just make the effort to see me, without the bonus of staying or sex involved!

  Then Evvy was all, "I won't come over, I'm really tired," and I couldn't help but snap, "You could try and make the effort." I just wanted to burst into tears. I'm so over his ways.