So then I said, to his silence, "Call me later in the week," and he said "I will, woman," and we said goodbye.
Fuck him!! Aargh!!!
Just when everything was going so well. I so badly wanted to see him tonight. I wanted to watch ‘Spin City’ in his arms, make love, and fall asleep wrapped in his arms.
I should have said he could stay, but God! I want him to make the effort regardless of staying over or getting laid.
I want to give up, but I've fallen even harder after Friday night.
Oh, back to Friday night…
After telling him no sex, Ever pulled himself up of me, and growled, "That's it, I'm going to rape you," and I'm pissing myself laughing while trying to keep my pants on.
Meanwhile, I'm the most turned on I've ever been in my life.
So then I went to leave, and I told him to walk me out
(the "Walk Me Out" Scenario Part 2),
and he went, "Nooooo," (again!), all stubborn like, sitting up in his bed, his arms crossed, and I said, "Don't make me say I'll never come back again," and I could just see his defences rise, and he said, "Are you threatening me?" And I grinned, thinking I actually had him figured out.
(so stupid of me. I haven’t)
So I dumped my bag on the floor again, and my car keys, and crawled back into bed, his eyes smouldering as he watched me.
I said, “Turn over,” and he said, “I’m not into that shit,” and I said, “Just do it,” and he rolled over, onto his stomach.
I started with his lower back, slid my hands up under the shirt he’d put back on in a huff, and began massaging him. He loved it, I could tell. He was putty in my hands.
After about half an hour, I murmured seductively into his ear, “Can you walk me out now?” and he growled, rolled over and grabbed me and kissed me.
But then he walked me out.
(I WON!!!! I FUCKING WON!!!!)
He pushed me up against the hallway outside his room, at two in the morning (sorry, Mum!), pinned my hands up against the wall, and kissed me till I was senseless.
He repeated this against the couch, us knocking over a lamp as we kissed and touched each other madly, then out on the verandah, up against the bonnet of my car.
It was fucking hot.
All I could do was feel. And I wanted him fucking me SO BAD.
But I stood my ground.
(I could barely stand)
Oh, it was heaven and murder at the same time.
On Saturday, I woke up happy as a loon, feeling delicious just recalling our romantic night together.
Of course, dark clouds had to set in (don’t they always??).
Saturday night, as Nat, Dan and I played Playstation in our new house
(not that I’m moved in yet),
Dan rang Tom and Evvy, and they’d spent ALL DAY with this girl Tom’s seeing, and her friend, playing golf together. THEN they went to the movies with them.
Dan told me as we lounged together on their couch/futon, him raising his eyebrows at me, as if just WAITING for me to have a shit fit.
(he is, after all, with my sister…he’s seen some SPECTACULAR Almeroth sister shit fits)
But a calm zen came over me…
The way we were, just HOURS ago, was too real, too intense. There was NO WAY this chick was better than me or could give him that.
I’m cocky, all of a sudden. But I can feel the vibes between Ever and I. No way he has that with some random chick.
And Tom and Evvy dating two best friends?? Pfft. It’s too clichéd even for them.
Plus, just no way this chick is better than me. Full stop.
I kept thinking, as we watched ‘Lethal Weapon 3’, there’s no way ANY CHICK compares to me, and I know I affect him. I spin him upside down!
(perhaps I was just talking myself into confidence)
So up your bum, Tom’s girlfriend’s best friend!!
Then Dan and I just proceeded to get drunk while Nat went to bed.
(Cleo slept with me on the couch/futon)
Anyway, so YESTERDAY, after frying off most of my face, I went to Carrara Markets, wandered around, then saw ‘Gone in 60 Seconds’ at Mermaid Beach cinemas, then drove home, got home about 4pm.
Then at 5.30pm, I drove to Dad’s, where we all of us (newly moved out Nat and Dan included) went to Ribbetts for Father’s Day. Was fun.
Today I worked 6 till 5.15pm, but got a half hour break.
I got shit ALL DAY for my bright red, burnt face.
(with the white rings around my eyes from my sunnies)
Renee said she couldn’t even look at me, she was sickened by how bad I was burnt; Sue Agnew came in and showed me all her scars from melanoma and told me off for being so stupid; Gerry kept laughing every time he saw me, like doubling over laughing; and the warehouse boys kept singing surf songs every time they saw me.
The boys pick on me enough, let alone when I just hand them material!!
Benny hooned right towards me in the morning as I was walking towards the warehouse, then slammed on his brakes a millimetre from me. I was pissing myself laughing (and half terrified), then I waited till he was out of the car and near me at the entrance, and started beating him up, which turned into the biggest mock fight, tickling fight you’ve ever seen.
We could not stop laughing, and beating each other up, and everyone in the warehouse were like “What the fuck are you two doing?” and “Get a room, you two!!”
Benny whacked his elbow, hard, on the edge of the entrance’s frame, and I just laughed harder while he grabbed his elbow and howled/laughed.
“That’s what you get!!!!” I screamed/laughed hysterically. “I think that means I win!!!!” I shouted gleefully, running up the stairs.
Then he came upstairs, clutching his elbow, acting like he was some wounded soldier, and said to Renee, “Pinky slammed a door on my elbow!! It’s lucky it wasn’t my eye!”
“WHAT A LIE!!!” I yelled/laughed. “Like I could get your eye, you’re so far up there.”
Benny just laughed, and Daryl Young came out his office and boomed, “Pinky!!! Not our sweet Pinky Tuscardero??”
(he always calls me that. I don’t even know who Pinky Tuscardero is. Showing your age there, DY. Not good, not good. You’ve got a Sin – ful, young, hip haircare company to run)
“It’s always the quiet ones you have to watch out for, Benny!” John Cash called from his office.
I laughed, shaking my head. “He’s lying!!”
“Look, she’s BLUSHING,” joked DY.
Ha ha. Hahaha.
(cause I was so sunburned)
Best news yet: Richie is back tomorrow!!!
He rang me last night, from the airport, before his plane left.
I can’t wait to see him.
Chapter 9
THE TATTOOED TEDDY BEAR IS BACK
Tuesday 29 August 2000
7.12am
Still thinking of Evvy. I can’t help it!
I should be thinking of Richard.
But God, I’ve fallen for Evvy so hard. Everything about him…his voice, the way he walks, his scars…
7.32pm
Rich is back!!!!
It was SOOOOOOO good to see him! And he wrapped me in his arms.
I can’t believe he’s back!! After all this time.
Everything between us was just as it always was. Better. I love him. I’m IN love with Ever, but I love Rich. I just feel so much better about everything when he’s around. He’s a comfort to me. He’s like a big, cuddly (tattooed) teddy bear.
He has even more tattoos now! He’s like COVERED.
God, so many of my memories are with Richard…I feel a bit weepy, and overjoyed, and filled with love towards Rich, all at the same time.
My best friend is back.
His mum let me in the house, and I hugged her, who I haven’t seen in ages, then Richard was coming in from the kitchen, and I squealed, “Oh my God!” and ran to him and jumped into his arms. He laughed and held me for a
long time.
I pulled back to look up at him, still in his arms, and I was overjoyed. Just OVERJOYED to have him back, to be in his arms.
He looks good. Hot, buffed and tattooed.
So we chatted about England, and his life back there, and what he’s going to do now he’s back…then they were about to have dinner, and I’m wiped from work, so I left, even though they insisted I stay for dinner. I also knew Nat and Dan had made me dinner, and the fight that would ensue if I missed it. Was just not worth it!!
All those factors made me leave Richie’s early.
I feel so bad, cause my best friend is back after a lengthy absence, and I was so fucking tired, all I wanted to do was lie down and possibly die with as much noise as possible.
(I can’t go quietly)
So in bed now, awaiting death.
Wednesday 30 August 2000
10.14pm
Surprise – work was very busy. AGAIN. I took my break anyway (FOR ONCE), because I just had to get out of the office. Too many bitchy girls today, all on their period, I swear!!
I rang Richie on my break (from my car, sitting in the car park), and we’re going to the movies tomorrow night!!! Yipee!!!
It felt so good to have someone to ring from work!! All day long I have to suffer through hearing all the girls talk to their men, CONSTANTLY, while I have no one to call. No one that cares about me.
Sara – all condescension, talking down to her partner, everything’s a drama or his fault, and despite this, the dumbass absolutely DOTES on her…
Regina – all whispers and giggles to her man, and have they got any pot left for tonight and what are they going to eat tonight and how many other potheads are coming over…
Angie – all baby talk with her man, and all “No I love you, NO, I LOVE YOU MORE,” and “You hang up, no YOU HANG UP FIRST, no you!!”…
Julia – entire conversation is said in movie quotes and song choruses amidst much laughter…
Katie – dead silence on her phone calls to
(Nick?? What happened to Nick anyway? He just stopped calling)
her man, which is super creepy. Katie is a little bit scary. You approach her desk wearily and at your own risk…
Sherrie – ignores her partner and calls Katie now, despite the fact Katie sits two cubicles down from her…
Joy – calls whatever random black 20 year old she’s (fucking) currently dating, and is all loud, dirty giggles and raunch…
Nat – argument with Dan and a phone slammed down…
And Renee, Office Manager Extraordinaire – after 20 years of marriage, can’t stand the sound of her own husband’s voice and refuses to call him EVER, and calls her kids instead to check up on them, and her constant stream of international exchange students that live with her.
So you can see the incredible world I’m missing out on, all that joy and love and connection!!!!
So I was happy to have Richard to call, to pretend I had a boyfriend for a moment there.
Actually, I paused for a moment, after hanging up from him, and wondered what it would be like, Rich as my boyfriend…
But Evvy’s face got in the way of my damn imagining…
THEN, as I was determined to forget stupid sexy Everard, I walk back into the office just as Dan and Mark walked in to have lunch with Nat!
(no one wants to have lunch with me!! Sob)
Mark was all, “WHOA!! Get a bit of sun??” when he saw me.
I need sleep.
Thursday 7 September 2000
11.03pm
Can’t sleep. Not that I’ve actually tried!! I’ve had such a good night.
I went straight from work to Richie’s, and we drove to Carindale.
I got us SO LOST in the carpark
(don’t ask),
Rich was pissing himself laughing over it.
“I’d forgotten how clueless you are,” he laughed.
“How am I supposed to know every turn I take ends in a dead end???”
I seriously just kept driving into brick walls and random dead ends. Which was extremely funny but very time-consuming.
(what the fuck is up with Carindale’s carpark????)
Then we played games in Timezone, then saw ‘Road Trip.’
I love that movie!! I’ve fallen for Seann William Scott.
It was so nice in the cinema, having Rich beside me again. I get all warm and fuzzy with him next to me in the movies for some reason…it’s one of my favourite things in life, seeing a movie with Rich. The way it makes me feel.
I just feel so safe and protected and comforted…it reminds me of being around my dad. That same kind of comfort.
Is that really weird and creepy???
Then we looked at cd’s together, and I drove him home. I got home about 10pm. I’ve checked my phone, showered, been trapped downstairs by Sharon
(I swear she lies in wait for me),
and crawled into bed.
No missed calls. More importantly, no missed calls from Ever.
Sigh.
I desperately wanted to see him tomorrow night. He won’t make plans with me this late. He’s just not that type of spontaneous individual!
All I can think about is us in the cemetery, his arms wrapped around me, the night air blowing, the way the rain and air smelt…
Sunday 10 September 2000
5.33pm
My God, what a fantastic weekend!!!!
I am absolutely rooted right now. Can barely lift my head off the pillow. But it’s ALLLLLL GOOOD.
(have I been sneaking some of Regina’s pot??)
So I had my restful Friday night, which felt so nice and cozy…Evvy didn’t ring, and no way was I calling him. I wasn’t perturbed. I was all strangely zen and calm Friday night.
Saturday morning I rang him, but he was asleep, so I told his mum not to wake him.
I had such a busy day Saturday! It was great!! I love busy days. I went to the hairdressers at Moorooka in the morning, got my hair fully tinted a white blonde. It looks awesome! Then I picked up Richie and we drove down the coast. We had such a ball.
We had lunch at some Italian restaurant, went to the beach, went to Pacific Fair…
He made me laugh so hard at one point while I was driving and drinking from a bottle of Coke, that I spat a mouthful of soft drink all over the car and myself!! Like everywhere.
Oh we couldn’t stop laughing.
We got this charcoal portrait done of us at Pac Fair. It’s so cute.
Then Nat rang at 2pm (and for once I’d taken my mobile with me), to tell me the Beer Festival is on!! She knew I’d want to go. I live for the Beer Festival and my honey beer, Bee’s Knees.
(fucking love that beer!!!!)
So I hung up from Nat, and Rich and I were at Main Beach at this stage, and I asked him (begged him, more like) if he wanted to go, he said yes, so we went straight from the beach, me tugging him along, going, “Quick, quick, honey beer is calling,” and we drove to his place, got his stuff, then my place, fed my cat
(Rich was all, “Holy fuck,” when he walked in my door),
then to Nat’s (my future home), and the 4 of us started drinking.
Was so fun. I think my favourite thing in life is sitting around with loved ones, drinking. I mean, it’s just fun!!
So fun with Rich with us. We just sat around, drinking, Nat pulling me aside at one point to tell me Dan spoke to Evvy just before, and Evvy said he’s been ringing me since Friday night and all that day.
YES!!!!
So then I rang Dad, Joy and Aaron and Benny to ask them to come to the Beer Festival; then I rang Evvy AGAIN, and got his mum AGAIN, so then I just felt like a real dick, chasing him.
Then I just continued drinking, and had fun!! The four of us caught a cab in, met Dad and Cruz in at the Story Bridge Hotel. It was packed. People everywhere, spilling out of every corner of that place.
(I love the Story. It’s so iconic. Clearly I love iconic things)
We also ran into B
obby (as usual, we do every year), and Pete and Doug, and Mario and Mel and Scott…and Sam.
(ex boyfriend, Sam, first one to turn violent)
And surprisingly, it was really good to see him. He’s not who he was in that moment, years ago. He’s who he was for years, before his bad behaviour. I let a lot of shit go on Saturday, seeing and talking to him.
(pity I can’t do that with the worst of the violent abusers, Rick. That one will never be erased from my memory, cause it was such consistent abuse, and over such a long period of time, AND was just something so evil and purposeful about it. He could’ve killed me, and almost did, multiple times. But revealing all this, my deepest, darkest shames, to my own diary, or rehashing them again, does nothing to help my character, which is the one in the wrong, and the one so lost to have even STAYED in that dangerous, horrible situation for so long. I don’t want to look at my character. I can barely look at myself in the mirror, for being so weak)
To see Bobby again was so good. He was his usual flirty self towards me, cuddling me, holding my hand. Except he now has a girlfriend!
Shampoo Page 14
