Shampoo

by Karina Almeroth

  “Well IT HAS BEEN, FIVE HUNDRED FUCKING OTHER TIMES, so YOU CAN CLEAN IT JUST THIS FUCKING ONCE!!!”

  “FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER, I’m not sleeping with you, I don’t have to put up with this shit!!!”

  Then the neighbour next door started screaming at us he’s on shiftwork, and could we both “SHUT THE FUCK UP.”

  That’s when Dan and I went inside, and we were all, “Play Playstation?”

  “Sure.”

  And all was forgotten.

  So after that, later in the day, I went to Indro by myself, which is another favourite thing of mine to do – shopping by myself. No sister or mother to say, “You can’t afford that!”, just peace and quiet to blow all my money and comfort myself via material things.

  Only problem is, living with my sister again, I have to sneak my bags from my car into my room.

  Dan bloody saw me on Saturday arvo. He was standing in the kitchen making himself a sandwich

  (actually, FIVE OF THEM…he’s such a pig!!!),

  as I snuck up the back stairs and through the kitchen. “Spending money you don’t have, Kerry??”

  “Oh, shut up, poo head,” as I struggled with all my bags.

  I slammed my door shut, then immediately commenced hiding all my new purchases in different spots throughout my room.

  Don’t know why I bothered, cause Dan is such a BIG MOUTHED GOSSIP, and would’ve told Nat anyway.

  I took a lovely afternoon nap from 4 till 6pm, then got ready for Matt’s party, and Dan drove us there.

  (he’s brave. After the night before. The car still smelled like Julia’s vomit)

  So on the way there, I casually asked Dan if Evvy had said anything about me, and Dan, either still in a shit over the Julia Spew Incident, or something brand new altogether, was all, “Nut.”

  He’s normally such a big loose mouth, too.

  I sat back in the car and thought, Right. It’s over. Evvy is a shit.

  So Nat and I walked into the party together, while Dan dragged his feet and talked to some of the warehouse boys out the front. We walked up the driveway, round the back of this BEAUTIFUL mansion Matt’s parents own, to a party full of HOT GUYS.

  Seriously, I’ve never seen so many hot guys in one place.

  I was immediately in heaven.

  “No wonder you love going to work!!” exclaimed one of Matt’s friends to him, as they stared at Nat and I.

  Matt laughed his goofy laugh, and introduced us to everyone.

  Matt got us a drink, and we were surrounded by hot guys in seconds.

  (my type of party!!!!)

  Most of Sin came, but I was most excited by Daryl and Sue Agnew coming!!!!

  Oh, they are so sweet. They kept trying to set me up with hot guys all night! It was so funny. And sweet.

  I’d be standing with the two of them, all of us drinks in hand, chatting, and Sue would suddenly grab a random cute guy walking past and go, “Hi!! Have you met our Pinky?? She is the LOVELIEST girl.”

  Would’ve been really mortifying, except that all of Matt’s friends paid me so much attention I couldn’t believe it.

  They all took it so well, and I ended up surrounded by ten of Matt’s mates.

  No wonder I didn’t want to leave!!!!

  I could tell Matt was getting upset though, but I didn’t know how to tell Daryl and Sue to stop, cause I don’t officially know Matt likes me!!

  Daryl and Sue are so sweet together they make my teeth ache, so in love STILL, after more than 20 years of marriage. Daryl dotes on Sue, getting her drinks, picking up crackers and cheese for her and bringing it to her, WITHOUT HER EVEN ASKING!!!

  That blew my mind. I love how he looks after her, protects her, yet you’d never question her independence or strength. She’s stronger WITH his protection.

  Oh it’s so damn sweet it makes my heart break. For myself. I want that. I’ve ALWAYS WANTED THAT.

  I told them how much I want what they have, and a man like Daryl to dote on me, and Daryl was all, “You’ll get it, Pinky,” and Sue was all, “You have to EXPECT it, Pinky, DEMAND IT OF MEN, or you chuck them out the door! It’s all about knowing your worth, Pinky.”

  That’s my ENTIRE PROBLEM. I clearly don’t know how much pink is worth.

  The more the night wore on, the more I wanted Matt!! I suddenly CRAVED him, and the way he was here, in his surroundings, with his mates and family.

  He’s like suddenly the popular guy amongst the hottest group of guys I’ve ever seen.

  And his family is so damn perfect and adorable. I just wanted to pack my pink bags and move in.

  It’s bizarre. At work, Benny, Quinten, Paul, ALL OF THEM, pick on Matt constantly, but here, on his own turf…he was a completely different guy!!! It was a completely different world.

  Sometimes I wonder if it hurts Matt, if he went home and cried at how he’s sometimes treated by the warehouse crew…but now I see he doesn’t have to!! He has this whole great life outside of work! He has wonderful mates that ADORE him and treat him with respect and love.

  My heart was full just watching him in his wonderful life. My heart ached to be a part of it.

  What do I have with Ever?? His bedroom?? He refuses to take me on anything with his mates. His mum is very similar to my mum, a single woman with disabilities, living in a housing commission house in Inala.

  In fact, my mum’s house is a street away from Evvy’s place.

  Really it’s quite odd how similar Evvy and I’s upbringing was…

  (at least till Nat and I moved in with Dad)

  What can he offer me that I really want?? He’s offering me nothing!

  Yet look at this life with Matt laid out before me…

  Lachlan’s girlfriend Melinda, I chatted to a lot at the party, and the subject of Matt was brought up, and she was all, “You know he likes you, right??”

  And I was all, “Well, I don’t know – ”

  And she was all, “Come on, Karina!!”

  (odd, when people call me by my real name. I do a double take, like are you talking to me? Or someone behind me??)

  “You KNOW he likes you. Ask him out, what have you got to lose??”

  Ah, my dignity??

  (not much of that left anyway)

  My freedom?? My Everard??

  A little tidbit about Melinda. Just to prove further how incestuous Sin is

  (there’s lots of couples at work, and brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers),

  Melinda was part of the original group of staff that started, her, Regina, Sherrie, Katie and Sara. Apparently, while Melinda dated Lachlan down in the warehouse, Lachie and Sherrie had a bit of a flirtation or moment or affair, then Melinda and Sherrie had a big bitch fight

  (I would’ve paid to see that!),

  and Sherrie demanded of John Cash and Daryl Young that Melinda be fired.

  Sherrie wields a bit of scary power with the bosses. They trust and respect her opinion.

  Lachlan and Melinda stayed together, all these years, and I sometimes sense Lachie takes a perverse pleasure in staying with Melinda, and taking her to every work thing, where Sherrie and Melinda still don’t talk to each other and the bosses avoid her out of guilt.

  I don’t normally talk to Lachlan and Melinda at these things, I don’t know why. Lachlan is almost too cool, this hot surfer type, confident in himself, too cool, too hot, for me to ever think he’d want to hang out with someone like me.

  But at Matt’s party, I hung out with Mel, and found I really, really liked her!!

  (new friend, new friend, whoop whoop whoop – that was the new friend alarm)

  So, after MAJOR BOY REVELATIONS, Gerry drives me home, I go to bed, dreaming of Matt and not Evvy for once…and Ever rings and wakes me up at 2am!!!

  Making his presence known again.

  I just can’t escape the fucker!!!

  He rang my mobile, too, and it took me ages to find it buried under things in my room, but there was no confusion he wanted me or Dan with him ringing
my phone.

  “WOMAN!!!” he yelled, extremely loudly, background noises of the city, clubbing, to be heard. “Whatcha doing??”

  He has NEVER called me while he’s been out. “Ah, I’M ASLEEP, you big knob – ”

  “I LOVE IT WHEN YOU TALK DIRTY!!!!” he yelled.

  “Is there a reason you’re calling??”

  “What??”

  “Is there a reason you’re – ”

  “WHAT!”

  “Is there a reason – ”

  “I CAN’T HEAR YOU, WOMAN!”

  “NEVER FUCKING MIND!!”

  A pause. “WHAT??”

  “OH MY GOD YOU’RE BEING REALLY FUCKING PAINFUL RIGHT NOW – ”

  “I heard THAT.”

  “Oh good!!”

  “Can you come out??”

  “Even for me, two in the morning is a bit much – ”

  “Or I can come there – ”

  “You’re drunk!”

  “What??”

  Oh, dear Lord.

  “YOU’RE DRUNK!!!”

  “Well, YEAH, way to state the obvious there, woman – ”

  “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Everard.”

  “WHAT – ”

  Oh my God, I so hung up on his drunken ass.

  Then dreaded he would rock up here, completely wasted.

  He didn’t, but the point was…since when do I dread seeing Ever??

  Oh my God, and I’ve completely forgotten the other major news – yesterday, after my lovely afternoon nap, Nat threw a pink envelope on my bed that all of us had neglected to pick out of the letterbox Friday night

  (now forevermore known as Spew Madly Night),

  and it was a gorgeous card with the most heartbreaking poem in it from Rich.

  My heart fluttered as I opened the envelope. I read it in tears. Was W.H. Auden’s Stop all the Clocks, with Richard twists, written in his hand:

  Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,

  Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,

  Silence the pianos and with muffled drum

  Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

  Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead

  Scribbling on the sky the message ‘He is Dead’

  Put pink crepe bows around the white necks of the public doves,

  Let the traffic policeman wear pink cotton gloves.

  She was my North, my South, my East and West,

  My working week and my Sunday rest,

  My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song.

  I thought that love would last for ever. I was wrong.

  The stars are not wanted now, put out every one;

  Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;

  Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.

  For nothing now can ever come to any good.

  He’d signed it, followed by a big heart:

  This is me without you,

  In my coffin.

  Love Rich.

  My heart stopped, and the tears POURED…

  But then I put the card on my pillow and got ready for Matt’s party.

  Monday 25 September 2000

  8.32pm

  So Sunday, Nat forced me to clean the house with her (UGH!!), then we went to the movies and saw, ‘Centre Stage,’ WHICH I LOVED SO MUCH!!!

  We got home about 4pm, I plodded around the house, washed my baby. Then Nat and Dan decided to go down the coast for dinner, and, of course, I wasn’t invited, but I really wanted to do something!!

  The three of us were all in the kitchen when I asked, “Who should I ring to do something?? Evvy, Graham, Richard, Matt??”

  “Matt,” Nat replied instantly.

  “Evvy,” Dan said, forever loyal to the butthead.

  “I’m sick of being treated like shit by Ever,” I announced, to which Dan raised his eyebrows and drawled, “REALLY??” in this fascinated manner that I knew meant he’d run and tell Evvy just what I’d said.

  “Matt,” Nat and I concluded, at the same time.

  So Nat and Dan headed down the back stairs and I dialled Matt’s number, got Matt, said, “Hi, Matt, it’s Karina,” to him yelling straight away, “SETH!!! It’s for you!!”

  (Seth is one of his friends that chatted me up all night)

  “Wait wait wait wait WAIT!!!” I yelled over him talking to who I assume was Seth. “Matt, I’m ringing for you.”

  Silence. I think he actually fell over.

  “I was ringing to see if you wanted to see a seven o’clock movie with me,” I managed to get out amongst all that silence.

  “Oh my god, REALLY??” he chuckled/laughed/goofed.

  “Yeah, really!”

  “Oh SHIT!! I’d love to, but we’re all just about to go out, how about we go during the week?”

  “Okay! Cool. Sounds good!”

  Matt laughed. “You just made my day, hahaha, SHIT!!”

  We got off the phone. I was still standing there when he rang back.

  “It’s me, haha, why don’t you come out to dinner with us all?? It’s just all the people you met last night. Holy goly, I can’t BELIEVE THIS!!” he boomed into my ear.

  Let’s all just take a moment and examine his ‘Holy Goly’…

  What the fuck is a Holy Goly?? And why do I still like him after I’ve heard him speak this way??

  I thought about going to dinner with them all, but I’d have had to have been so ON. You know, new group of people, new people to win over, I’d have to be witty and sweet and BLAH.

  Totally didn’t feel like working so hard.

  In a movie, with a date, I wouldn’t have to speak or be on.

  So I declined, saying I really was on my way out to the movie, and we hung up.

  The phone rang, AGAIN, just as I was walking away, and this time it was Evvy.

  Sleeping dogs just never lie.

  “You hung up on me, woman!!”

  “I’m surprised you even remembered, you were so WASTED.”

  “Well, I DO remember it! What are you doing tonight?”

  “I’m just gonna go see the 7pm session of ‘Road Trip’ – ”

  “Can you stop in before the movie?”

  “Yeah, I guess…”

  So I went there. At first it was lovely, he was all over me, kissing, cuddling, trying to strip me naked but I wouldn’t let him.

  At quarter past 6, I decided I’d better get moving to make the movie, and Evvy wouldn’t let me go!!! He was really stubborn and forceful about it, which was hot and turned me on at first, then it just really started to piss me off!!

  I felt trapped!!

  He was cuddling me to his chest, kissing me, arms wrapped around me…God, I love it when he’s like that!!! I literally melt. But a part of me kept whispering it never lasts, he never keeps up this affection, he can’t maintain it, and we are bordering on it’s over because he just can’t do it.

  I suddenly just wanted to escape, I didn’t want to miss my movie (even though I’ve already seen it) for a guy who would not be around long term.

  I was so ready to push him away.

  And yes, I did not like a guy trying to control me.

  So I started stirring him up, hoping to piss him off so he’d unwrap himself from me, asking things like, “Why don’t you want to have a relationship??” and “Is it me?” and “Do you think you’ll ever want a real relationship??”

  “I know what you’re doing, woman.”

  “What am I doing??”

  “You’re trying to get me to let you go.”

  “You normally drop me like a sack of potatoes soon as I say ‘relationship.’”

  Ever just held me closer to his chest.

  “Don’t you think it’s funny I know you so well?” I asked.

  Squeeze. “Kind of.”

  “So why don’t you want a relationship?”

  “I don’t want a relationship with you, no.”

  Well that backfired on me. Knife to the heart.

  “You can let me
go then.”

  “I hope you pick a guy that will treat you better!!” he snapped into my hair.

  I raised my head off his chest to look at him; he still had me wrapped in his arms. “Seriously, Everard, you can let me go now.”

  “I don’t want to!”

  “Oh my God!! Do you listen to yourself??”

  “Yes, I can hear myself quite well.”

  “Then you know you sound mental??”

  His face was set in his stubborn, pissed off expression. I sighed. Part of me wanted to remain in his arms, but part of me wanted to get the hell out of there.

  I was so over this game with him.

  “It would mean no more you and me if I picked another guy,” I said.

  “We could still have sex.”

  I struggled then to get out of his arms. He wasn’t having a bar of it. He just held me tighter.

  I gave up. “Look, I’m happy just having sex with you now, but I will want more soon, and there’s other guys offering me more – ”

  “So go with them!”

  “Then let me go! Just let me go, Everard!”

  He didn’t seem to want to. I could FEEL the vibes coming off him. So why say that crap then??

  “I don’t want to,” he said, stubbornly.

  (oh he does stubborn so well)

  “Then stop saying that shit!!”

  “I can’t help it.”

  “I know you can’t. There’s something wrong with your head.”

  “Around you, yes!!”

  I grabbed his shirt, in fistfuls. “I want romance, Evvy! That’s all I want! Hotel rooms and pink champagne and strawberries – ”