Twisted War

by Danielle James

  “I’m just playing with you, Camilla.” His eyes glanced over me and then back to the food. I decided to pour us both a glass of wine. I sure as fuck needed it. Alexander was making me feel shit and I didn’t want to feel anything. I knocked back the first glass so fast I almost drank it in one gulp.

  “You’re already done?” He asked as he sipped his glass.

  “Yeah, I need a drink. Probably something stronger than wine.” I started on my second glass and I saw Alexander switch into doctor mode. He narrowed his eyes at me and sighed heavily.

  “What’s on your mind, Camilla?” The wine wasn’t helping because even hearing him say my name sent chills up my spine. What the fuck Camilla? Get your shit together!

  “Stuff I can’t talk to you about, Alexander.” I laughed. He finished his glass and motioned for me to pour him another.

  “Is our friendship really bothering you that much? If you feel like you need another therapist then I can refer you to one. Or if you want us to stop hanging out we can.” My face fell into a frown when he said that.

  “No, that’s not what I want at all Alexander.” I grew quiet and he didn’t push. I noticed that whenever we were just chilling around the house he didn’t push topics like he did when we were having sessions. I appreciated that right now.

  Once the seared salmon and asparagus were done and we were sitting at the table, I started rambling about the plans for Chloe’s birthday. “So I got the invitations sent out. Now I just need to meet with the bakery and Laurel and I can get decorations on Friday when she comes.”

  “Do I get to meet Laurel? You’ve talked about her so much.”

  “Yeah, that would be nice,” I smiled. Sitting at the table like that with Alexander was so easy and natural. I wasn’t sure why the fuck I was acting weird earlier. “Can we watch Freddy vs. Jason tonight? I feel like yelling at the TV.” Alexander laughed and nodded.

  “Yeah, watching that shit will make you yell at the TV. It’s horrible.”

  “So fucking horrible,” I groaned with my head back. The wine was working its magic and I was feeling lovely.

  I was tucked in my usual spot on the couch beside Alexander while we watched the movie with the lights off. I always ended up tugging his strong arm around me but this time he pulled me close to him all on his own. My stomach churned with butterflies when I smelled his scent. He smelled like soap mixed with cologne and seasonings that he used in our dinner. I rested my back against his chest and he wrapped his other arm around me. Neither of us said anything but I noticed each time he squeezed me a little tighter.

  During the middle of the movie when someone was getting stabbed, I felt his fingers lacing between mine and I thought I was going to hyperventilate. I know he saw the goose bumps on my forearms even in the dark because he traced them, just barely hovering over my skin.

  Oh. My. God.

  I’d fucked and been fucked so many times, I’ve had countless orgasms and even squirted but Alexander running his fingers up and down my arm was the most erotic thing I’d ever experienced.

  During the credits I just stared at the shadows dancing across the walls in the living room. I didn’t know what the fuck else to do. Alexander knew what to do though; he leaned down and nuzzled his nose against the top of my head. My eyes fluttered closed and my lips parted.

  “I’m sorry,” he said into my hair. I was right up against his chest and I heard him swallow back.

  “For what?” I managed to squeak out even though my mouth was like cotton and my tongue felt stuck to the top of my mouth.

  “I know I’m doing too much right now,” he said quietly. I shook my head slowly letting him know that I didn’t want him to stop or at least I hoped that’s what I let him know. “You feel really fucking good in my arms though,” he admitted. My stomach was in knots and my limbs felt like noodles.

  “It feels really good to be in your arms,” I told him. “I mean we’re just cuddling right? We can cuddle. That doesn’t fuck things up too bad does it?” Alexander shook his head against my hair and held me tighter.

  “Do you know how long it’s been since I held a woman like this?” He asked. The credits were over and now we were staring at the menu screen, or rather it was staring at us.

  “Seven years?” I said knowingly. He nodded again. “You haven’t cuddled in seven years, Alexander?” It was rhetorical so I expected the silence. I pulled his arms around me tighter and we sat there with no TV on in the background and no talking. We just held each other. I’m not sure how but something that innocent made me feel like I was doing the most devious thing in the world.

  “I should start cleaning up,” Alexander said, trying to slide from underneath me. As much as I wanted to keep him hostage, I moved so he could get up. I had nothing else to do but help him put dishes in the dishwasher and put leftover food into containers. “Your hand still isn’t healed, Camilla. I can do this. You know how the routine goes.” He flashed me a smile and I rolled my eyes. My hand was still bandaged but at least my fingers were free now. Hell, I uncorked a bottle of wine so I thought I was doing pretty good.

  “I’m getting better though. No more pain killers,” I announced proudly. I noticed him stiffen a bit at the painkiller part and I wished I could snatch my words from the air. How could I be so fucking careless especially after he just held me for nearly thirty minutes when he hadn’t held anyone like that since his fiancé died? Stupid, so stupid.

  “That’s great,” his smile was forced though. “God my head is buzzing from that damn wine,” he remarked with a groan. I rubbed his back and looked up into his eyes. They were so dark and I knew they held more than he’d told me so far. I wanted to know everything.

  “Stay,” I said sternly.

  “Here? Overnight? No. Hell no,” he blurted.

  “Alexander, are you really going to drive when you’re clearly tipsy?” I folded my arms defiantly but he just continued to shake his head. “How am I supposed to feel if something happens to you on the way home?” My voice rose much more than I’d intended. I couldn’t hide the anxiety surging through me. Even the thought of not getting his usual ‘I’m home’ text was twisting my insides.

  “How would you feel?” He asked, slipping on his therapist hat. A lump formed in my throat at the question.

  “I’d be…heartbroken,” I stammered. “I’d be so heartbroken.” Involuntary tears rolled down my cheeks and Alexander wiped them away.

  “I honestly think I’m fine to drive.” He tilted my face up so he could look into my eyes. “Don’t cry.” He wiped away more tears. “I didn’t know you cared so much,” he chuckled. I pushed him playfully.

  “Neither did I, shit.”

  “It’s cool Camilla. I care about you too. Not sure it’s the best choice for my wellbeing, but I care,” he told me. I ignored the tightening of my stomach and tilted my head to the side.

  “It’s not the best choice for your wellbeing? Because of Emmanuel?” I sighed.

  “Yeah. Absolutely,” he admitted easily. “He’d fucking kill me if he knew I cared about you beyond a patient level.” His eyes roamed over my body and then fell on my face.

  “Tell me the story of how you and Emmanuel even came to be friends. You two seem like night and day.”

  “We do? How so?” He asked.

  “You and all the damn questions, Alexander, Jesus!” I tossed my hand in the air and he smiled. “You’re so laid back…timid, even. Emmanuel is dark and intense and…” I stopped when I realized my voice was full of lust and wonder as I spoke about Emmanuel. Alexander was laughing a little listening to me.

  “You think I’m timid?” He asked curiously. “That’s new.”

  “Well yeah,” I shrugged.

  “Why do you think that, Camilla?”

  “I’m not sure,” I frowned. I actually had no reason or idea why I thought Alexander was timid. It’s not like he hid from his own shadow or trembled in the presence of Emmanuel. Then it hit me; I thought he was timid because
he’d never tried to push himself on me. Alexander could see the realization wash over my face and he smirked at it.

  “You realize that you’re tying assertiveness to sexual aggression?” He asked. It was like he’d been waiting for me to make that connection the entire time. He was right though, I was. Because Alexander wasn’t pushy or demanding sex from me I immediately categorized him as shy.

  He finished cleaning everything up and putting the leftovers away then he turned to face me. “Just because I’m not using every opportunity I can to fuck you, doesn’t mean I’m timid.” He took one step closer to me, closing the gap between us and my heart began to race.

  Our bodies were touching and I could feel the hardness of his chest. His eyes were so intense as he stared down at me, it made me squirm a little. I never even knew he could do that. He reminded me so much of Emmanuel in that exact instant that it would have creeped me out if I let it.

  “I’m sorry,” I swallowed and tried to break his gaze but I felt hypnotized.

  “Don’t be. You’re used to men losing control around you but don’t think just because I haven’t, that I’m weak,” he told me.

  “I don’t think you’re weak,” I almost whispered. He went to step back from me but my arms wrapped themselves around his neck anchoring him to his spot. “Can you please stay?” I whined. My fingers locked between themselves so Alexander couldn’t move. Being so close to him had me feeling woozy.

  “No, I shouldn’t,” he sighed.

  “I know you shouldn’t but I still want you to. You can sleep on the couch or in the guest bedroom.” He shook his head silently. “You’re doing this out of loyalty to Emmanuel, aren’t you?” I let him pry my arms from around him feeling the weight of my hands hit my sides.

  “Yes and no, Camilla.” He sat on a stool at the island and stared at something only he could see. “I met Manny when I was in college and we’ve just been in each other’s lives ever since. We help each other,” he told me. It was so damn vague though and I didn’t like the way he said they helped each other. I knew what help meant to Emmanuel. It made me wonder what kind of dirt was on Alexander’s hands.

  “You two help each other how?” I quizzed.

  “If he needs a doctor for anything, I’m the one he calls. If I need strings pulled for a patient for any reason, I can call him. He’s a regular fucking puppeteer,” he grimaced. I walked over to him and stood between his legs and he immediately put his arms around me. “And if I were anything more than plutonic with you, he would kill me.” He stressed each word pleading with me to hear him and I did.

  I knew that Emmanuel was usually fine with whatever I did when I wasn’t around him as long as I came when he wanted me to but something about him and Alexander was different. I’d never gotten a warning to stay away from him but I had the feeling that Alexander had gotten a strong warning to stay away from me. Which is probably why he had to pretend to be married in the first place.

  “I just don’t get what’s so different about you, Alexander. I can sleep with whoever I want when I’m not around Emmanuel but you can’t even hang out with me? What the fuck sense does that make?”

  “I don’t try to make sense out of what Manny does anymore. He has his reasons though.” A yawn escaped his lips and he rubbed his face with his hands. The man was tired and tipsy, besides the fact that I loved being around him; I wanted him to stay the night because I didn’t want him getting into an accident. He didn’t even live that far but I was worried sick for some reason.

  I touched his face and looked into his dark eyes. “You’re tired. Let me get you set up in the guestroom.”

  “Camilla,” he groaned. “I’m okay to go home.”

  “Nope. We’re friends right?” He nodded sleepily his arms still looped around my waist. “Okay then, you already made it clear you’re not trying to fuck me. I’m not trying to fuck you, just get some sleep.” His thumbs rubbed circles on my lower back and I felt warmth explode on my skin wherever he touched. With his eyes closed, he pressed his soft lips to my forehead and just stayed there. I froze but every other part of me was set on fire.

  “Okay.” He finally caved. “At least I’ll already be here for breakfast right?” I felt his lips curve up into a smile on my forehead.

  “Exactly.”

  “You know how you’re always telling me I’m so good to you?” Alexander looked down into my eyes.

  “Yeah.”

  “You’re good to me too, Camilla.” I led him into the guest bedroom and hit the lights. “I live in my head most of the time.” He told me as I made the bed.

  “Of course you do. You’re a fucking psychologist,” I mused. I slid a clean sheet on the bed and tucked the edges under the mattress. I could see Alexander studying me the entire time.

  “Sometimes I let that dictate my normal life though. I don’t even know what my normal life is anymore.” He rambled as he watched my every move.

  “Well, you have me now.” I smiled at him as I draped the comforter over the bed. “I’ll take your mind off of work and get you out of your head. I don’t have a degree but I know a little something.” He laughed and nodded in response.

  “Yeah, you get me out of my head more than you know.” He rubbed the back of his neck and stood to his feet. “Thank you for making the bed for me,” he said.

  “You’re welcome, best friend.” I bumped him with my hips and then we hugged. It was one of those lingering hugs that I loved so much.

  **

  Chapter Seventeen

  Camilla

  When I woke up the next morning, I instantly remembered Alexander was in the guest room. My heart started beating rapidly in my chest for some reason. My feet padded into the hall. The door was cracked so I pushed inside slowly. He was knocked out, sprawled across the bed with his mouth hanging open. I swallowed my laughter and raked my eyes over him. His brown skin almost glowed under the rising sun. He was shirtless, Jesus.

  Alexander was chiseled and sculpted with a dark trail of hair leading down to…somewhere I shouldn’t be looking. I couldn’t help it though. I let my eyes wander down to his morning erection and I nearly lost my breath. It was more than impressive and even through his underwear I could tell it was long and thick. If I was unsure about being attracted to Alexander before, I was absolutely sure of it now. Fuck. I pressed my thighs together so that I could control the way my pussy was throbbing.

  Just as I was backing out of the room, his eyes opened and he saw me. I was glued to the spot. “Uh…good morning,” I said nervously. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and sat up, putting all his muscles on display. I noticed a tattoo on his left pectoral of a praying angel and I focused on it.

  “Good morning,” he smiled. “You know, I hate to admit it but I do think I needed to crash here last night.” He shifted, pulling the blanket up to his waist and I pretended not to know he was smuggling a serpent beast underneath.

  “Told you.” I smiled back at him. “So, do you want me to fix breakfast or do you wanna hit our usual spot?” He rubbed his face with his palms and let out a groan.

  “I don’t know. Dr. Roth is seeing patients at my office so I’m off today, I’m thinking you should make me breakfast in bed.” He winked and I cracked up laughing.

  “Breakfast in bed huh?” I shook my head at him. “You’re just spoiled now.”

  “Maybe.” I noticed his eyes tracing my curves and I felt my skin growing hot. “You don’t sleep in much, do you?” He finally said, forcing himself to look at my eyes. I didn’t have much on though, he was right. I liked sleeping naked but since he was in the house I was modest and wore a cut off shirt and a pair of yellow boy shorts. I wondered if we both came to the same realization about each other.

  “Not usually,” I said softly. “Let me go make us something to eat. You better bring your ass in the kitchen too. I’m not making you breakfast in bed.” I heard him laugh as I walked out.

  I made sausage, bagels, and eggs for breakfast and Alexander inh
aled it like he’d never eaten before. “I’m gonna start making you fix dinner for us.” He told me once he was finished.

  “Nope. I get a break from cooking when we have dinner. I like it. Plus I like watching you in the kitchen.” I bit my bottom lip after letting that last part slip out. He raised his eyebrows and I saw a smirk playing on his lips.

  “Camilla, we need to talk.” He reached for my hand across the table and I gave it to him. “I really do feel like we’re good friends, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t say I felt like we share an attraction too.” My stomach clenched and I could feel my heart beating in my throat. “Would you agree?” He asked. All I could manage was a nod. “I know we’re not trying to but we can’t let things go further than where they’re at.”

  “I know. Trust me, for once I’m actually using control.” I stood up and cleared the kitchen table. Alexander stood up too and put his hands on my waist to stop me from buzzing around the kitchen. His hands on my skin set fire to every part of me. He spun me around and looked into my eyes.

  “I’m using control too.” He said his gaze fixed on my lips. “It’s getting harder and harder though.”

  “Is it?” I asked between shallow breaths. He nodded his head and licked his lips. I started to melt when his fingers crept up my sides I had to shut my eyes against the sensation. “Alexander,” I whispered.

  “I know. I should probably stop,” he swallowed.

  “Yeah.” I refused to open my eyes because if I did, I was going to kiss him. I knew it. I could feel it with every fucking thing I had inside of me. His hands inched up further until they were under my shirt and centimeters from my breasts. I felt my nipples standing at his touch. I wanted him to pinch them and put them in his mouth. I wanted him to press his lips against mine and I wanted to moan into his mouth.

  In an instant, his hands were gone and he was busy washing the dishes. My body sagged against the counter and I stayed there a moment to catch my breath. “Are we gonna have to stop hanging out?” I asked sadly. He looked over his shoulder at me and frowned.