Michaela

by Tracy St. John

  Male and female. Innocent and yet world-weary. This beauty was a treasure, and he’d been told his clan could keep her if they wished. Korkla did not yet know nearly enough about Michaela to make that momentous decision. Still, it took everything he had to not ask her to be their Matara in that instant.

  If her head wasn’t so full of the garbage her government had fed her, he might have obeyed that impulse. After all, his clanships with Raxstad and Govi had both been arranged, set before he’d fallen in love with them. Korkla knew how to make a union work, and he had an instinctive need to help this poor damaged creature. With Govi to care for her hurts and Raxstad to protect her from outside dangers, he felt confident Michaela would benefit from his guidance and leadership. Certainly he couldn’t make things worse than what she’d already known.

  First, he had to get her to trust him. He had to make her understand how desirable he found her.

  Korkla leaned close so that he spoke intimately in Michaela’s ear. “You have no idea how very tantalizing you are, my rare and wonderful Earther. I do hope that once you get to know us, you’ll allow us to prove that to you.”

  She swallowed. In an instant she looked every bit as young and vulnerable as she was. It made Korkla’s chest ache to see her that way. Michaela Blake had his head spinning as no one else ever had. One moment she was tough, the next tragic. Like a little lost girl, she needed strong men to shelter her.

  Her voice hesitant, she asked Korkla, “You don’t see me as a freak?”

  A low growl sounded from Raxstad. Ignoring him, Korkla said, “That’s a horrible word, Michaela, and one that does not reflect any part of you. Don’t say it again, please?”

  Govi’s tone was firmer than usual. “You’re not a freak. You are unique. Astonishing.”

  “You are Michaela,” Raxstad pronounced, as if that was the answer to all concerns. “There is no other like you.”

  Michaela looked at each of them in turn, a smile finally pulling at her lips. “Damn. Did you guys all go to school to learn how to say the right things? You must have passed with flying colors.”

  The tense moment passed, and the three men chuckled at her. Raxstad said, “If I had received such training, I wouldn’t have found half the trouble I have.”

  Michaela grinned at him and turned to Korkla. She tossed her curls back over her shoulder and asked, “What do you all do on Kalquor? Israla said you are the aide to the Crown Prince?”

  Korkla nodded. “One of them, Dramok Crown Prince Clajak. Don’t be too impressed. It’s a position that’s short on glory and long on stress.”

  Her throaty chuckle delighted him. “So is he a good prince or a lazy, spoiled pain in the ass?”

  The three men exchanged a look and burst into outright laughter. Korkla knew for himself he was not only tickled by the question about Prince Clajak himself, but by Michaela’s bluntness. She said exactly what she meant, and Korkla enjoyed that aspect of her personality.

  Korkla leaned back and considered how to answer her question. “Ah, Clajak. He’s not easily summed up.”

  Michaela snorted. “Short answer: pain in the ass.”

  “Sometimes. But there is a very good man at the heart of it all. I see him as a great emperor some day.”

  Michaela turned to Raxstad next and tapped his knee with her slippered toe. “What about you, Gorilla Man? Wait, let me guess. You walk into rooms where Kalquor’s enemies congregate; they take one look at you and surrender, begging for mercy.”

  The Nobek thrust his shoulders back, swelling his massive chest in an exaggerated display. “That’s it. That’s exactly what I do. My next stop is Earth, where I’ll tell them to leave you the fuck alone or be stomped.”

  Michaela clapped her hands in delight. “I would love it! The Holy Leader would shit himself to see you coming.”

  Korkla warmed to see her happy with his Nobek. He told her, “Actually, Raxstad does fight against those who threaten Kalquor. He’s part of Global Security, which looks after the home planet’s safety.”

  Michaela cocked her head inquisitively. “Is that a military force?”

  Raxstad explained, “It’s more of a planet-wide police force. We handle issues like smuggling, threats against the Imperial Family, human slave trafficking; the sorts of crimes that affect all of Kalquor and therefore, the Empire.”

  She looked suitably impressed. “It sounds like a huge job. Are you in charge?”

  Raxstad threw his hands up as if to ward off her words. “No, thank the ancestors. The higher one is promoted, the more the work becomes administrative. I’ve refused to move any higher in the organization.”

  Govi hurried to explain, “It’s not that Raxstad couldn’t be in command of his precinct, or eventually all of Global Security. He just doesn’t want it.”

  Michaela looked the Nobek over and nodded. “No, it wouldn’t suit you. I can’t imagine you stuck behind a desk. You were made to bust heads, big guy.”

  Raxstad grinned. “You’d better believe it.”

  Michaela gave Govi her attention next. “And you’re a psychologist. Someone to make me like myself.”

  Govi gave her his most charming grin. “That shouldn’t be hard. I haven’t seen anything to dislike yet.”

  Korkla told her, “Govi specializes in the sexual problems of the Earther women brought to Kalquor.”

  Michaela snorted. “You’re still sane?”

  Govi sighed. “It’s a big job. Maybe you can offer me some insight? I could use the help. I’ve never seen females of any species despise themselves so greatly or fear intimacy so much.”

  “It’s all one huge horror story. As much as I feel female, I’m glad to have presented as a male on Earth. The shit women have had to endure is crazy.” She shook her head, her nose wrinkling in disgust.

  Korkla wanted to know what he could set up for his potential Matara before they got her to Kalquor. “What about you, Michaela? You can’t be quite finished with your schooling, right? Or is it because Kalquorians still study well into their twenties that I think that?”

  “I did finish my basic requirements. I tested for my certificate at the age of sixteen and passed. I didn’t go to a typical learning institution, however. I was homeschooled after I hit puberty to keep from being found out.”

  Govi said, “It’s my understanding your parents passed away not so long ago.”

  A shadow of sadness passed over Michaela’s round face. “They died in a shuttle accident just after I turned seventeen. I never felt I got to properly mourn them because my situation was so up in the air. I was afraid my true nature would be discovered since I became a ward of the Church.” She shuddered.

  Raxstad pointed out, “You managed to get away undetected, however.”

  She nodded. “Since I’d finished my schooling, I applied to the military as a junior serviceman. It’s a program for kids who are not likely to go to college and aren’t qualified to do anything worthwhile. They pretty much stuck the juniors like me on a ship and assigned us all the shit jobs, like cleaning or working in the kitchen.”

  “How does that prepare you for the military?” Raxstad looked confused.

  Michaela shrugged. “Hell if I know. Once you get through that and reach the age of legal adulthood, you go on to basic military training. Lucky us, after that we would get to fight on the front lines in battles. It’s essentially training to be cannon fodder. Not that I’d have gotten that far. They would have found me out at the physical.”

  “What exactly did you do as a junior serviceman?” Govi asked.

  “I slung hash in the mess.” At their confused looks, Michaela offered up her wonderful throaty laugh. “I served meals in the ship’s cafeteria and cleaned up afterward. It wasn’t awful. Plus, it gave me the opportunity to try and escape Earth for good. That’s why I signed up in the first place.”

  “A plan that has succeeded,” Korkla congratulated her.

  She gave him a rueful smile. “After over a year of waiting and hoping.
I worried that I’d be shipped back to Earth to be trained when I became a legal adult. Being diverted to Plasius a few months ago saved my skin. That being said, my escape is still not quite a success. If the battlecruisers orbiting the planet find a way to send fighters to tear everything apart before I get out of here, I’m screwed.”

  Raxstad spoke in a forbidding tone. “They won’t get anywhere near you. Besides, you’re not going to be here much longer anyway.”

  Korkla grinned. “We are getting you and your friend Jessica McInness off this planet. No matter how you feel about my clan, you are going to Kalquor, where you’ll be permanently free from Earth.”

  Michaela’s sudden beaming smile was the most beautiful thing Korkla had ever seen. It was the smile of the terminally ill patient who had received a miracle cure. Her dark eyes, so brown they were almost black, brightened with unshed tears.

  She ducked her head to hide the burst of emotion. She stared down at her empty glass. In a choked voice, she said, “Well, hell. I don’t want to get stupid drunk, but I think the occasion calls for a little extra celebration.”

  Govi laughed and took her glass away to refill it, this time with the more expensive and inebriating leshella. As he did so, Korkla took the opportunity to slip his arm around Michaela’s waist.

  She started and looked up at him. The Dramok’s chest ached to see the young, beautiful face staring into his, her expression suffusing with warmth. He would have been happy had she merely allowed him to maintain the embrace. Israla had warned him Michaela avoided physical contact with others.

  However, the little Earther leaned a little against him, her gaze hopeful. With her soft body against him, Korkla was sure more than ever that he wanted Michaela Blake to be his.

  Chapter 3

  Michaela peeled her eyes open to see the ceiling of her guest quarters in Israla’s home. Four small lighting globes, all dimmed to nearly dark, floated overhead. They bumped into each other occasionally like blundering newborn puppies.

  She stretched and yawned. It looked to be early. The first soft sunlight of a new day was only now filtering into the large picture window. Beyond the pane of glass stretched an expanse of verdant lawn. Dewdrops shimmered on the edges of tufted grasses.

  Michaela drowsily checked the firepit in the middle of the room, confirming it was dark with no smoldering remnants. She hadn’t lit it the night before. She could barely smell the perfumed dregs of the last fire that remained in the air.

  She turned over on the plush midnight blue lounger that served as her seating and sleeping surface. Her silk nightgown rustled against the downy covering that kept her toasty warm. She closed her eyes, ready to doze a little longer. And why not? The Coming of Age Festival was still a few days off.

  She and Jessica would be dancing an exhibition for the Plasians on that day. Their performance was scheduled to take place right after the young virgin men and women who had reached legal adulthood had their first taste of carnal delight in a public ritual. The Coming of Age Festival was an annual celebration on Plasius which had taken place since before the planet’s records were kept. Now that the exhibition dance to attract a Kalquorian clan was out of the way—

  Michaela gasped and sat straight up on the lounger, her blanket clutched to her chest. Her mind latched onto her meeting with Korkla’s clan. Good heavens, had she really spent over two hours talking with them last night?

  Her mind replayed the time spent in the Kalquorians’ guest quarters. Michaela had expected to have only vague, fuzzy recollections of her time with those beautiful alien men after all the drinking she’d done. Yet her memory proved to be crystal clear. She remembered everything about the clan, right down to the smallest details.

  The sweet and perfectly featured Govi, who loved to take pictures with his handheld. He must have recorded a hundred stills. Brutish but riveting Raxstad, who kept making silly faces while Govi snapped away. And commanding, kind Korkla, who laughed at it all. Speaking, joking, and teasing and – yes, they had flirted with her too.

  Michaela had expected them to send her away mere seconds after meeting her and confirming her oddity. Instead, they entreated her to stay late until she was so tired she could barely keep her eyes open. At that point, the three men had accompanied her to her quarters, making sure she got ‘home’ okay. Then there had been a lot of bowing and wishing her pleasant sleep, as if they’d found it hard to leave her there. At last Korkla had ended the long goodbye with a promise to see her again in the morning.

  Michaela had barely taken off her clothing and slipped into her nightgown before falling to the lounger and into sleep. Thank goodness leshella and shel didn’t result in hangovers. She felt perfectly fine now.

  Michaela looked out her window. A sliver of Plasius’ first of two suns was sneaking over the hedge outside her room. She had agreed to meet with Clan Korkla again at mid-morning. Her pulse slowed. She had plenty of time to ready herself before the Kalquorians’ visit.

  Michaela rose, calling for the window to dim and the lighting globes to illuminate. People, both castaway Earthers and Plasians, would soon be stirring. They’d go for strolls, enjoying the lovely lawns and gardens of Israla’s estate. Some would walk right past Michaela’s window.

  The highly sexual Plasians thought it funny that Michaela never let them peek in at her. In fact, more than one of the aliens had outright pouted. She’d been told they wished to see her rare dual-gender ‘treasures’ when they walked past. They had gone so far as to say Michaela was being selfish to keep herself hidden away from their sight.

  “No one sees the freak show,” Michaela muttered to herself as she moved towards the kitchen to fix herself some breakfast. “The last thing I want to be is an object of disgust.”

  She took her time getting ready to see Clan Korkla, eating and then bathing, her mind replaying the night before all the while. The three men had been so nice to her, even the big fierce gorilla Nobek Raxstad. Could they really be attracted to one such as her?

  As Michaela soaked in the basin fed by a small waterfall in one corner of the room, she looked at her crotch, distorted by the rippling water. She swallowed hard. Last night with all the booze in her system, she’d almost thought it possible she could find love ... or at least men capable of overlooking her bizarre form. Now in the brightness of morning, her head clear and not carried away by inebriation and lust, she knew better.

  She was a freak. No one could see her as anything but that.

  Michaela left the burbling basin to dry off. Then she crossed the room to the closet that held her clothing. The door obediently slid open at her command. It was stuffed full, due to shopping excursions since she’d come to Plasius. It still contained more male than female apparel though. After all, she’d lived as Michael Blake up until seven months ago, hiding her differences from her fellow Earthers.

  Michaela spent several minutes debating. There was one purple dress, as rich in hue as eggplant, that would look stunning on her. It was cut to play up her rounded breasts and hips while minimizing the broadness of her shoulders. She had only tried it on the one time, saving it for an important occasion ... like trying to entice a Kalquorian clan. She knew how feminine it made her appear.

  Yet she hesitated to put it on. Perhaps it would be for the best if Korkla’s clan saw the other side of her, the Michael side. It would force them to acknowledge the truth of what she was. When they came face to face with her male aspect, would the three men give up their pursuit of her? Would they realize and admit that they did not want some terrible cataclysm of biology as their childbearer?

  Damn it though, Michaela had really liked what she had seen of them. She didn’t want to deal with rejection yet. Maybe she should wear the dress and let the fantasy of acceptance continue on for just a bit longer. She could pretend they might fall in love with her for at least one more day, right? Would it be so awful to have just one day of potential, one day to dream that someone would see past the exterior to find the person within?


  She trembled. It was the first time she’d ever allowed herself to contemplate the possibility of someone falling in love with her, however brief it may be. On the heels of hope came a sudden terror. Korkla’s clan would hate her for the lie she would tell by donning the dress. When they at last saw what she was, their kindness would dissipate. She could already see the disgust and disdain on their faces as they rejected her.

  Michaela took out black trousers and a dark blue shirt meant for a man. It took her no time to locate her hated elastic breast binding. She’d meant to toss that particular torture device out but hadn’t quite worked up the courage to do so. She worried that someday she would have to pose as Michael again in order to stay alive.

  She dressed, hissing at the uncomfortable binding that made her feel breathless as it squeezed her chest. She left the shirt untucked to hide the width of her hips. Then Michaela tied her shoulder-length hair back severely, giving the illusion of shortness and enhancing her identity as Michael.

  Last went on a nice pair of men’s ankle boots, still shining from their last good buffing. Being male meant no makeup, but Michaela couldn’t resist putting on moisturizer. She looked wistfully at her cosmetics. Damn, she loved being a girl so much more.

  Michaela went before the room’s full-length mirror to assess the effect of her work. No, she did not look female now. She didn’t look like a grown man either; instead she resembled a teenage boy.

  “Which I sort of am,” she reminded herself. “Well, we’ll see what Clan Korkla thinks of this.”

  For some time after dressing, Michaela wandered the confines of her small quarters, unable to settle down. Reading, entertainment vids, the meditation Jessica had taught her – she was too nervous for those distractions. She couldn’t even think about the choreography for a new dance she’d been envisioning these last few days. Time after time, Michaela approached her closet, on the brink of changing into the dress and being female again.

  She fought off the temptation with hardheaded logic. After meeting the Kalquorians last night, Michaela had the idea that the more time she spent with Korkla, Govi, and Raxstad, the more she would like them. Hope was a traitor, and she dared not to give in to it. They would ultimately reject her for being male as well as a woman. It was inevitable. Better to face it now than later. If given too long to blossom and grow, dashed dreams would not simply hurt. They had the potential to devastate her.