Michaela

by Tracy St. John

  It was childish of him to say such a thing, but Govi couldn’t resist. Feyom was adept at bringing out the worst in him.

  Feyom’s gentle smile tightened. “I am glad to know your woman is doing fine.”

  Govi’s smile went as tight as Feyom’s. The sarcasm in her voice was obvious as she used the term ‘woman’ to describe Michaela.

  You cannot compare, you poor self-absorbed creature. I think you know it. I think it’s killing you.

  Realizing that helped Govi feel a little better. Feyom had somehow convinced herself that Clan Korkla had not bothered to clan over the years because they pined for her. Finding out they did not carry a torch for her after all must have been a slap in the face. Discovering that they’d fallen in love with someone as rare and desirable as Michaela would have added a good kick to the rear.

  Still, Govi needed to get Feyom out of his office. Hell, he needed to get her out of the department. He had the suspicion that Feyom had shown up to start rumors that might get back to Michaela. His love did not need such a blow to her self-esteem, not when she finally showed signs of accepting herself.

  Searching for a polite manner to send Feyom on her way, Govi said, “My lifemate is fine. Thank you for your concern, Matara. How is your clan doing?”

  Feyom’s jaw clenched. She did not like to be reminded that she was supposed to be unavailable to whomever she wished. If rumors were true, few men rejected her advances. Clan Korkla had been the notable exception.

  “They are well, thank you.” Then to Govi’s relief, she added, “I should get going. Will you walk me to the transport?”

  Thanking the ancestors that his question had done exactly as he’d hoped, Govi came around his desk and motioned Feyom towards the door. He was careful to not touch her. “I would be delighted to see you off, Matara. How are your sons these days?”

  They entered the corridor. A few orderlies roamed up and down its length, but no one seemed to take undue notice of Govi’s visitor. He still kept his distance from Feyom, engaging her in aimless chatter about subjects he thought would be safe. Fortunately, it didn’t take long to reach the end of the wing. He was relieved to see the in-house conveyance just ahead.

  * * * *

  The first thing Michaela saw when she stepped off the conveyance was Govi heading in her direction. Her glad greeting died in her throat when she also saw Feyom walking next to him. Michaela froze.

  They are a perfect match was the first thought in Michaela’s head. Two gorgeous people, side by side, looking as if they’d been made for each other. They made a stunning pair.

  Govi stared at his companion, not noticing Michaela’s arrival at all. And why should he? He looked at a vision of womanhood, all the things Michaela was not. How could he see her when he must be blinded by Feyom?

  Feyom saw Michaela, however. The cool, purple eyes glinted before sliding back to look up at Govi. In a loud voice, she interrupted whatever the Imdiko was saying.

  “You are so wonderful to care so much, Govi. I am lucky that you take such interest in me.”

  Feyom abruptly moved close to Govi. His eyes widened with surprise, but he didn’t start to back away before the woman’s mouth met his in a kiss.

  Michaela’s heart stopped.

  “Govi!”

  The Imdiko jerked away from Feyom, his shocked gaze moving to Michaela. He paled. His expression turned to horror. Govi stood frozen to the spot, staring at Michaela.

  Feyom smirked, her cruel smile a dagger through the Earther’s guts. “Oh dear. We’ve been caught, Imdiko.”

  Michaela backed away from them. Her brain had turned to sludge. She couldn’t think about anything but getting away from the pair. Not after seeing that woman kiss her forever love. Not after seeing them looking so awfully right together.

  She backed right into the in-house conveyance. Her voice was weak as she said, “Doors close.”

  “Michaela! Wait!” Recovering too late, Govi raced towards her. His arms stretched out, his hands reaching desperately.

  The door slid shut between them, and he was gone.

  Chapter 25

  Govi banged on the transport door, pounding as if he’d put his fist right through it. Better the door than someone’s face. He’d never been so angry or frantic in his life.

  He heard the motor of the conveyance whirring, taking his true love away. What it couldn’t remove was the agonized look he’d seen on Michaela’s face. The Imdiko thought the memory of that might haunt his dreams forever.

  “Michaela!” he shouted, anguish filling his tone.

  “Well, there’s no real harm done if she’s as resilient as you claim.”

  Govi whirled around to confront Feyom’s sneer. She stood there as poised and perfect as she ever was ... and yet he saw not one speck of her infamous beauty. No, this woman was ugly in every way, ugly to her very core. She had always been ugly no matter what the packaging promised. The Imdiko saw her for what she really was.

  He noted that his shouts had garnered attention on the wing. Orderlies, nurses, and Drs. Kivokan and Conyod stood in the corridor, watching them with wide eyes. None of them mattered, however. All that mattered was Michaela ... and the monster who had hurt her.

  Clenching his fists at his sides, Govi advanced on Feyom. He didn’t think he was capable of striking a woman in anger, but he found himself wondering. At the very least, he wanted to wear Feyom’s ass out with a firm spanking. His hands itched to give that backside the discipline it deserved.

  Instead, he settled for a browbeating. “You hateful, horrible creature. Get out. Get out and don’t you dare ever come back.”

  Feyom’s mouth dropped open in shock, her gasp joining those of the onlookers. “You can’t talk to me like that. I’m a woman. A lifebringer.”

  Govi stopped moving towards her, making sure he wasn’t close enough to be able to grab her. “The fuck I can’t talk to you like this. You may be a woman, but you are also a foul beast. You made Michaela think there was something between us! As if you could ever compare to someone as good and wonderful as my Matara.”

  Feyom folded her arms over her chest and sneered. “Compare to her? I am far better than her. She is an Earther. No matter how unique and enthralling her body may be, she is not one of us!”

  “She is my beloved, and twice the woman you will ever be.” Suddenly the anger was gone, replaced by disgust. Govi wondered how he had ever found Feyom attractive, even all those years ago when he had been younger and much more foolish.

  His lip curling, he said, “You sicken me. You cheat on your clanmates with too many men to count, you belittle those who threaten your perception of yourself, and you connive to get your way no matter how much it hurts others. You are small in spirit, ugly, and foul, Feyom. I am glad we rejected you for our clan. I am glad we waited for the better woman.”

  Govi wasn’t sure which of his statements found their mark, but at least one of them did. Feyom cringed and her eyes brightened with tears. Her face crumpled. For a moment Govi regretted his harsh words. Then he remembered the devastated look on Michaela’s face as the transport door closed, and all sympathy was lost.

  Conyod and Kivokan had drawn close, and they bracketed Feyom between them. Conyod’s tone was gentle as he spoke to his superior. “Dr. Govi, you’re upset. Perhaps you should find out where your Matara went. She no doubt needs you right now.”

  Kivokan’s voice was a little colder, but he maintained a polite facade. “Yes, doctor. Please see to your mate while we attend to this young lady.”

  Michaela. Govi had to find and take care of Michaela. Why was he standing here upbraiding this woman when his beloved needed him? She was already so uncertain of herself and Feyom had shaken the confidence she’d won.

  Besides, he was re-discovering his anger. If he didn’t walk away from Feyom right now, he might say or do something truly unforgivable.

  He nodded to his colleagues. “Thank you. If you will contact her mates so that they can see to it she g
oes where she should be? Meanwhile, I will search for my Matara.”

  Govi hurried to his office, not caring how his staff stared at him. He also did not care that Feyom cried and her sobs followed him down the corridor. Someone like her would never know the hurt Michaela had endured, or the fear and suffering. Feyom hearing the truth about her character was a paltry insult compared to all Michaela had known.

  It was up to Govi to find the right words to reassure Michaela and to call her back from wherever she’d run off to hide. He hoped that she had remembered to wear her portable com for a change. He prayed that she’d respond to his frantic calls.

  * * * *

  Half an hour after Michaela disappeared, Govi paced back and forth in his stark office. Korkla had shown up fifteen minutes earlier, summoned by Govi’s frantic call. He sat on the edge of the Imdiko’s desk, grimly punching commands into his portable com and handheld computer, which he’d attached together.

  Just outside of the office door, Raxstad spoke in low tones with a member of the hospital’s security. He’d asked them to check the surveillance vids from the facility’s exits and entrances, hoping to get an idea of where Michaela might have run away to. There had been no luck in getting her to answer her com.

  Korkla switched off his com and handheld. “Michaela’s com signal is routing to the home. I guess I missed it when I stopped to check to see if she’d gone there. She forgot to wear it yet again.”

  Govi sucked on his lower lip, debating if that was good or bad news. “Well, at least she’s not willfully refusing to answer it. Damn that fucking Feyom.”

  Korkla’s brow rose. “If Feyom ever decides to get her act together, I don’t think you should be her therapist. That attitude would be less than helpful.”

  The Imdiko’s rare temper was still present, and it lashed out. “She’s not sick, Korkla. She’s just hateful.”

  Korkla stood and stepped up to him. His hands gripped Govi’s shoulders and squeezed. “I was making a little joke. I was trying to get you to calm down.”

  Some of the anger leaked away under his Dramok’s steady gaze. “Sorry. I guess I’m not much in a joking mood. I swear, if that woman was to show her face right now, I’d choke her.”

  Korkla frowned and shook his head. “You’re the most compassionate person I know, Govi. If anyone had ever told me you could behave like this, especially towards a woman, I would have called them a liar.”

  Govi stepped close so he could lean his forehead on the other man’s chest. He was too miserable to care what his staff might think if they saw him like this. They’d already seen him harshly rebuke a woman. Things couldn’t possibly be worse.

  Especially when he thought of his missing Matara. “You didn’t see Michaela’s face when Feyom kissed me, my Dramok. You didn’t see the hurt and betrayal. You didn’t hear her scream. You know how she feels about herself, and that awful woman made her think that I—”

  He stopped, unable to continue for the ball of agony in his throat. It was wrong to want to hurt a Matara under any circumstance. Still, the pain on Michaela’s face could not be unseen.

  Fortunately, Korkla was not interested in judging Govi’s reactions. Instead, he wrapped his arms around the Imdiko, holding him close, letting Govi wrestle with the horror of what had happened. Govi let himself sink into Korkla’s strength while his gentler nature struggled to re-assert itself.

  He said, “I guess I’m a clanmate first and a psychologist second when it comes to my Matara. I will never get Michaela’s devastated expression out of my head.”

  “You’re allowed to be as emotionally weak as the rest of us, my Imdiko. You don’t have to be a therapist all of the time, especially when it comes to those you love.” Korkla’s arms tightened around him, letting Govi feel the love he needed in that moment.

  Raxstad’s voice rose from behind Govi. “They checked the security vids at all the exits, my Dramok. Michaela never left the hospital. She’s still here, somewhere.”

  Govi pulled free of Korkla, who frowned. “Where would she go in a hospital?”

  The Imdiko could think of only one place Michaela might want to be. “The reflection gardens. She likes it there.”

  “On top of the hospital? On top of the cliff?” Worry filled Raxstad’s voice.

  Govi thought about Michaela standing on the cliff edge. He thought of the despair on her expression when she’d closed the conveyance door in his face.

  She would never do such a thing. She’s a survivor, he thought. Yet even the strongest minds had a breaking point. Michaela had been demoralized to see Feyom kiss him. It made him go cold.

  Govi was already moving towards the door when Korkla said, “Let’s go.”

  * * * *

  Michaela drifted aimlessly through the otherwise deserted cliff top garden, her thoughts in a whirl. She didn’t notice the ponds, the trees, the flowers. She took no interest in the delightful mix of sea breeze, earthiness, and floral perfumes. The brilliant sunshine overhead made no impact on her, nor the soothing rumble of the ocean.

  Instead, she saw Feyom kissing Govi. That horrible woman had been kissing Michaela’s Imdiko. She heard Feyom’s laugh.

  “Oh dear. We’ve been caught, Imdiko.”

  But it hadn’t looked as if Govi kissed Feyom back. Hadn’t he curled his lip in the instant before Michaela had cried out? Hadn’t he been jerking away? Or was it just wishful thinking on Michaela’s part that he’d done so?

  Why had Feyom been there at the hospital visiting him? No doubt she’d known the encounter with Michaela in the market had rattled the Earther. Maybe she’d guessed Michaela would go to Govi, asking for another fertility test. Was it too farfetched to imagine Feyom hurrying over just so Michaela could catch her Imdiko in a provocative situation? Or had the Kalquorian woman gone to her lover to laugh with him over what she’d done, never suspecting Michaela would show up?

  “What the fuck am I supposed to think?” Michaela moaned.

  The trouble was that Michaela didn’t know for sure. Tears spilled down her cheeks.

  She knuckled them away, angry at herself for how she handled the situation. In the first place, she never should have run away. Michaela knew she should have marched up to the pair and demanded answers. Hell, she should have marched up and punched Feyom in the mouth.

  “Try kissing my clanmate with a busted lip and some broken teeth, you bitch,” she snarled at the breezy air. “Fuck me, why did I run?”

  Lacking Feyom’s face, Michaela punched her own thigh. The pain helped clear her thoughts a little.

  She realized the underlying problem wasn’t Feyom at all. It wasn’t even that Govi or the rest of her clan might find their former lover enticing. The problem was that Michaela was not good enough for Korkla’s clan.

  She knew it. No matter what the three men told her, she didn’t deserve them. Even taking her physical issues out of the equation, Michaela did not merit Clan Korkla.

  “I’m too young. I’m not educated enough. I curse too much, spend too much of their money on stupid things, and I whine all the damned time.”

  Michaela kicked a rock in her path. All that stuff could be fixed. She’d get older and gain life experience and maturity. She could take classes and learn something worthwhile. Given time, she’d figure out something to make her own spending money.

  “And I can stop bitching. I can stop crying about being what I am,” Michaela told herself.

  What else did she have in her favor?

  “I love them. I love them with all my heart and soul, and that’s something Feyom is not capable of. No one can love those three like I do. No one.” Of that, Michaela was sure.

  Still, the worries kept trying to crowd in. Did Govi return Feyom’s kiss? Did anything happen when that bitch visited Raxstad in his hospital room?

  “It comes down to this,” Michaela told herself. “Do I trust them? I may never feel truly worthy of them, but do I have faith in my clan?”

  She thought hard about t
hat. She examined all she’d seen of the three men since meeting Clan Korkla back on Plasius. It all came back to her: the carefulness, the ardor, the patience, the guidance, and the protectiveness. They had not been forced to clan her. They had freely chosen to make her a part of their lives forever. Any fool could see Korkla, Govi, and Raxstad were men who would not go back on a vow, not even if they realized they’d made a mistake and could have done so much better than Michael-Michaela Blake. They were steadfast and would not turn their backs on her, no matter what. They were in this with her for better or worse.

  It was as if seeing the sun break through clouds after a hurricane. “Yes. Yes I do trust them,” Michaela breathed. “I can always trust them.”

  Nothing had happened between Raxstad and Feyom in the hospital. Govi had not kissed Feyom in return. Having committed themselves to Michaela, they would never seek out another woman, not even a real woman. Not because Michaela was wonderful, but because the three men were.

  Michaela became aware of her surroundings. She’d arrived at the boundary of the cliff face, overlooking the beach and sea. She went right up to the edge and drew in a deep breath of sea salt, filling her lungs as much as she could. The air tasted like freedom, like how she felt inside.

  She was free. Trust in her clanmates had given her that. Michaela had nothing to be afraid of, not ever. She was safe and she would make herself the best Matara possible for the men she loved. She would give them everything she possibly could.

  Michaela decided that in a moment she would go find Govi and apologize for being an idiot. A faithless, frightened idiot who had doubted him when there was no reason to. The best part of it all was the knowledge that he would forgive her. No, the best part was knowing he nor the other two would toss her aside for her foolishness.

  For now, she wanted to drink in the realization of all these wonderful things. Just for a few seconds. She could be selfish for that much longer. After a moment’s wallow in her profound joy, she would go to Govi. From that moment forward, she would put her clan before all else, forevermore.