Give Me A Reason

by Jennifer Miller

  My eyes fill with tears, “But, Oliver-”

  “I already said, no buts. I want you to respect my choice too and my choice is to love you and be with you for as long as we both shall live.”

  I choke on a sob and he pulls me into his arms. My heart feels like it’s going to explode. He’s handing me everything I’ve ever wanted – him. Wiping my eyes, I look at him and confess, “I didn’t think this would ever happen.”

  “I’ve been stupid. I wish I hadn’t waited so long.”

  “No, I understand. As you know, I never spoke up about my feelings either. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship either. I thought for sure you had to know how I felt though.”

  “Sometimes I thought so, once I thought I knew so, but I wasn’t brave enough to risk it or potentially lose you if I screwed something up.”

  He reaches for my face once more, kisses my forehead, the tip of my nose, my cheek and then drags his mouth to my lips. He kisses me firmly, as if he’s desperate for my touch. He waits for me to open for him and when I do he makes his feelings clear with a kiss. It’s intense, toe-curling and feels like a dream. When he pulls away, I grin. “I think I could use some cooling off. Join me?” I stand and slide the straps from my jumper down my shoulders and remove it completely revealing my red swimsuit underneath. I know it’s a stunner. It’s a one-piece suit but it features a high cut leg and a plunging neckline that laces up. I take complete pleasure in the widening of Oliver’s eyes and smile before turning and running to the water.

  My toes barely touch the water when he catches up to me, “Hey, not fair. How about a little warning first.”

  “Warning? For what?”

  “Before you take off your clothes and look like that.”

  Laughing I roll my eyes, “Come on.”

  We wade out into the water slowly. There are waves here but they are much more tame than at our hotel. “The bellhop, Chris, told me it’s safe to swim here, that locals do all the time. He said they have bonfires here sometimes at night too which explains the ashes on the beach back there,” he points behind us.

  When the water is at our chests, Oliver turns and pulls me to him and I happily go into his arms. “I can’t get over how warm the water is.”

  He says nothing, only smiles down at me. I wrap my legs around his waist and feel excitement deep in my belly for both the close contact and simply the fact that I’m in his arms. With one arm wrapped around my waist he slides his other hand up my spine and into the back of my hair and lightly tugs, pulling my head back. He smiles wickedly and then takes my mouth. Once again I feel his kiss run through every part of me. It feels like a claiming - a statement that I’m his for now and always.

  Pulling away I smile, “I know this sounds cheesy, but I feel like I’m dreaming. I always wondered what kissing you would feel like.”

  “And? What does it feel like?”

  “It feels like my heart and soul is waking up after being asleep for a really long time. I’m not explaining it well.”

  His eyes are shining with emotion, “You did a pretty damn good job.” He traces his fingertip down my nose, across my cheek, over my lips before placing a kiss there.

  “What are you thinking?” I can’t stop staring at him – he looks gorgeous with the ocean as his backdrop. It makes his eyes shine bright, his tan skin glisten and his wet hair shine.

  “I’m thinking that I’ve always loved you, but now knowing that I’m loved by you… it makes me feel like something that’s always been missing has just clicked into place.” He grins, “Now who’s being cheesy?”

  I shake my head, “Not you.”

  “I’m also thinking that I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to handle having your wet body wrapped around mine and continue to behave,” he chuckles and I can feel his body vibrating against mine with the action.

  “Who says I want you to behave?” I ask him completely serious.

  “I’m only kidding, this is… this is perfect.”

  “I’m not kidding,” I tell him seriously and when I see the question in his eyes, I elaborate, “I’m not wasting any more time, I can’t. Not when-”

  My words are cut off when he shakes his head and squeezes his eyes closed. When he opens them, I swear I see moisture there and I open my mouth to apologize but am stopped by his mouth on mine. He kisses me softly at first and as I squeeze my legs and arms tighter around him, it becomes deeper – harder – almost desperate. Groaning, I can’t help but press my hips firmly against his, making my want clear.

  Oliver pulls away from me and we stare into each other’s eyes, our breaths coming hard and fast as he walks toward the shore continuing to hold me in his arms. While he carries me I kiss his cheek, his chin, his neck. Teasingly I bite his neck and he groans and instead of bringing me back to the blanket like I assume he’s going to, he gets as far as the edge of the shore and lays me in the sand. His body quickly meets mine and as I feel the sand rub against my skin, shallow water ebbs and flows under our bodies, he kisses me on my mouth, he kisses me on my neck, he trails kisses down my chest and after a brief look at me seeking permission, he moves my suit aside one breast and kisses me there too.

  I should be distracted by all the sand. I should be worried about sea life or hell, the human life that could happen upon the most intimate moment of my life. Something I never even dared to dream about for fear of never being able to think about anything else again. But, I can’t find the energy for any of those things when every single molecule of my being is completely and absolutely tuned into Oliver’s hands and Oliver’s lips and what he can do with them.

  Where he touches me, my body sizzles. When he kisses me, I burst into flames. When his hands wander lower and lower and with a shift of fabric our bodies become one, I implode. I’m aware of nothing but the two of us and this moment and the fact that I feel completely and utterly alive.

  On our last full day in Hawaii we don’t leave the hotel bedroom. When we need sustenance due to our loud and complaining stomachs, we order room service. After we refuel, we find ourselves in bed exploring and getting to know each other in new and exciting ways.

  It’s funny - our time at the beach yesterday was earth shattering, life changing and epic in every way. Yet, when we walked from the beachfront to get a taxi, feeling euphoric and happy in our love, we hire an angry cab driver who was pissed we deposited a hell of a lot of sand in his car. Oliver gave him a handsome tip though upon our return to the resort, which immediately shut him up.

  We laughingly made our way back to our room and specifically the bed, where we used our bodies again and again to demonstrate expressed words we shared from our hearts. It seems odd that even though things between the two of us have changed dramatically, none of it feels even the tiniest bit strange. In fact, we marvel at how natural and right it all feels. It’s been too long in coming – much too long.

  Late in the evening, I convince him that we should venture down to the beach. Despite a little bit of grumbling and hesitation from Oliver about leaving our love nest, his protests subside when I share my desire to enjoy its beauty and mystery one more time before leaving in the morning. The beach is practically deserted; most likely many are enjoying the nightlife or are out to dinner, which is fine with us. We pick a cabana that has the tarp pulled back from the top so we can see the sky, but still offers privacy as the flaps surround the sides and back.

  “Look at that sky. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many stars before in my life.” Shining like diamonds, the sky is crystal clear. I can’t even begin to count them all as there’s far too many.

  “Wow,” Oliver agrees and we silently look above us for a while hand in hand.

  The ocean appears black and inky, the only light provided by the moon. The glow creates a spotlight effect on the water and I get lost watching the water ripple and move underneath. I again marvel that the sky and ocean seem to go on forever and ever – a deep abyss. “It’s so beautiful. Not just the sky, all of it. Thank
you so much for bringing me here. I never imagined how amazing and life-changing the trip would be.”

  “I do have that affect on people.”

  “Ha. Ha.”

  “No, seriously, I promise I’ll bring you back here soon. If you want.”

  “I definitely want. This will forever be special to me. It’s our place. You told me you love me here,” I smile at him.

  He smiles back, white teeth flashing in the dark, “Yes - a special place always. Oh! Did you see that? It was a shooting star.”

  I didn’t see. I was too busy staring at him.

  Looking up into the night, I strain to perhaps capture another, but find myself again staring at the infinite stars instead. “I missed it.”

  “It was right there,” he grabs my hand, then points and makes a line mapping its fall.

  “Well did you make a wish? You’re supposed to make a wish when you see one.”

  “Of course.”

  “What did you wish for?”

  “I can’t tell you that because then it won’t come true.”

  “You believe that?”

  “Well yeah, don’t you?”

  I shrug, “I don’t know. I guess I’ve never really thought about it.”

  “I can tell you one thing though.”

  I look over at him and he’s still staring at the sky, “What’s that?”

  “For the first time in a long time, I changed my wish.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean – I’ve finally got the girl. I don’t need to wish for that one anymore.”

  I don’t have the ability to come up with words for a reply, so I kiss him instead. Suddenly our interaction becomes much more captivating than the stars above or the ocean below. Straddling him, I smile as I see his eyes widen at my newfound position. His hands move up my legs and settle on my hips.

  “I wish we didn’t have to leave,” I confess.

  “I know.”

  “Promise me something.”

  “Anything.”

  “Promise me that this isn’t all a dream and that when we get home things aren’t going to revert right back to how they were. Promise me that I’m going to be with you every day.”

  His grip tightens on my hips, “Remy, what’s wrong? I’m happy to make that promise, but why are you questioning that?”

  “I’m not – not really. I guess I’m just feeling a little emotional about leaving.”

  “I get it. But I swear to you that these feelings, these moments, our words and promises, they aren’t just about being here in Hawaii, they’re bound to here,” he places his hand over my heart and then his own. “They aren’t going anywhere. And neither am I.”

  I nod, then lean forward and put my lips on his. Coaxing his mouth open, I take advantage when he obeys and explore his mouth with my tongue loving when I emit a moan of pleasure from him. I pull away and with a smile we both pause a moment before making a frantic rush pawing at each other’s clothes.

  “I can’t get enough of you,” he says.

  “I hope you never do.”

  This escalates quickly. He unzips his pants at the same time I lift up my skirt. In seconds we groan in complete ecstasy.

  “We’re getting really good at this,” I manage to tease.

  He grins wickedly, “I don’t know,” he says with a push of his hips that makes me bite my bottom lip. “I think we’re going to need a lot more practice.”

  Our laughs fall away as we’re quickly lost in each other – words unnecessary.

  I feel more whole than I’ve ever felt in my life yet with a few movements and manipulations, I fracture into pieces with him following.

  After a few moments of gathering myself, I move and straighten my clothes. Oliver does the same then stands and holds his hand out helping me up. Wrapped up in each other we make our way back to our room. On the way, I silently tell Hawaii goodbye, and I also offer it my thanks.

  Feeling happy and content, Oliver interrupts my thoughts when he chuckles softly.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “I was just thinking that those stars have some serious wish granting powers tonight. I wasn’t kidding when I said we would be back.”

  “Wish granting powers? Wait… are you suggesting that you wished for-“

  His only response is a mischievous grin and I laugh the rest of the way to our room.

  “I’m sure you want nothing more than to go back to your place, but I actually have somewhere I’d like us to go first if that’s okay,” Oliver says. We’ve already landed, gotten our luggage, found his car in the crowded parking lot and have pulled out of the parking lot after paying for parking.

  “You do?”

  “Yeah, I found out about it before we left and made sure to get us back here in time, but only if you’re up for it.”

  “Well, I am a bit exhausted from the long flight but I confess I’m intrigued.”

  “Okay, I’m going to drive us straight there and I’ll explain when we arrive, okay?”

  “Alright,” I agree, but give him a strange look. I’m not sure why secrecy is necessary, but whatever.

  Making small conversation on the way to our secret destination, I can’t help but smile at the things that have changed from the time we left to our return. I wonder if Oliver’s thoughts are along the same lines. With my hand in his, he keeps bringing it to his mouth and placing kisses on the top. I can’t seem to wipe the smile from my face and the sigh of contentment in my heart.

  We aren’t driving long before we pull up to our local convention center. It’s a tall and sprawling building where community events like concerts, rallies and expos are held. It’s the chosen venue for any number of events and it seems there’s always something happening. Today appears to be no exception.

  “What’s going on here that we’re attending?”

  Oliver smiles, but he appears stressed, tense. Knowing him so well, I can read the anxiety and worry around his eyes and mouth. “Well,” he gets distracted while parking the car and after we exit, he continues answering my question. “The day I made our flight reservations I happened to see in the paper that there would be an event here the day we returned. I thought it could be the perfect ending to our time together and even beneficial to attend.”

  “You said as much already.” He runs his hand through his hair in nervousness, “Oliver, just tell me.”

  “I just don’t want you to be mad.”

  “Well now you’re worrying me. Why would I be mad?”

  “It’s a Women’s Health Convention,” he blurts out really fast and it all sounds like one word.

  “A what?”

  He sighs, “It’s a Women’s Health Convention,” he says and I almost laugh because he’s literally looking at me out of one eye while squeezing the other closed like he’s expecting me to go crazy.

  “Okay,” I say drawing out the word not understanding the big deal.

  “They have all kinds of things here. Information about diabetes, heart disease, mental health, gynecological information and they’re also featuring information about breast cancer.”

  “Oh.”

  “Look, I’d like to go in and check it out. I thought it may be good - not because you needed any additional information, but because I read good things about it. It’s like the fifth year in a row they’ve had it and they have speakers and available support and outreach options a person can access here and I just thought it may be helpful?”

  His explanation ends in a question because he’s nervous I’ll be angry, but I’m not. I’m far from it. I stop walking and face him. He watches me warily but relaxes when I run my hands up his chest and wrap them around his neck. “I’m not mad at you.”

  “You’re not? Really?”

  “No.”

  “Are you sure that this isn’t you telling me you aren’t mad to fake me out and then when I’m least expecting it you’re going to beat my ass?”

  I laugh, “Not at all. I think it’s sweet and
kind and thoughtful. It shows you care, that you want to get involved, that you want to help, that you support me. I’m lucky to have you.”

  “You are? I mean… yes. Yes you are.”

  I laugh again at his joke and let go of him and take his hand. He walks me to the entrance where he presents his phone to be scanned so we can go inside. We’re immediately given a pink tote bag with a breast cancer logo on it. I smile at Oliver holding one in his had as well. When we go through the next set of doors I stop in my tracks because checking out the space requires me to stand still. There is row after row of booths, each offering their specific women-focused health information. It appears to be very diverse. People touting vitamins and supplements and various drug companies with information, to support groups, and nutrition, weight management and exercise information to what appears to be a huge area on preventative and treatment. Each entices attendees with a myriad of samples and giveaways ranging from vitamins to pens to chances at free services. It’s crowded -exceptionally so- and Oliver takes my hand and pulls me to the side. “They gave me a map and some information, just a second.”

  While he reads it I take a look around and marvel at all the women here. There aren’t as many men, but there are clearly those that are here in support of their loved one and it makes my own heart warm that Oliver is the one that brought me here. “We have a little bit of time before we need to make our way to that stage,” he points. “How about we start making our way there and stop along the way at any booth that interests you?”

  “Sounds good.” He clearly had an agenda; no wonder he was nervous. We begin and by the time we reach our destination my bag is already full of information and freebies.