The Price We Pay

by Alora Kate

  I’m still standing in my doorway waiting for her. She’s always here between ten and ten-fifteen. It’s now twenty after ten.

  I wondered if I should worry, or if she finally changed her schedule so she didn’t have to deal with me.

  Nick really does think I’m crazy. I can’t explain it to him or myself. I just know I need to keep trying. At first, it was because I knew she was just blowing me off but now I feel like she needed me. I want to protect her and I don’t even know why. I don’t even know if she needs protecting.

  I have it bad for a girl I don’t even know.

  I heard the main door open.

  A few seconds later, her beauty embraced me at the top of the steps.

  But this time, she was in a hurry. She was almost running. This was different.

  Very different. Something was wrong.

  “Are you okay?” I asked as she rushed passed me. She fumbled with her keys because her hands were shaking as she tried to open her door.

  I did something different for the first time. I pushed off the door frame and walked towards her.

  “Are you okay?” I asked again softly.

  She managed to get her door open and she paused. “Please don’t come any closer.” Her voice was shaky just like her hands. She appeared scared of me like she’d never seen me before. Maybe even upset.

  I stopped immediately and said, “I won’t come any closer if you can just tell me you’re okay.”

  “I’m fine.” It was forced and I noticed she was staring at her hands that were on the door handle.

  “Okay.”

  I wasn’t going to push her. After the last nine weeks, I knew she would need time. I was more than okay with it. I just wanted to make sure she was safe.

  She turned her head slightly to the left to look at me.

  I felt like I had won the lottery.

  My heart started racing, a familiar feeling because I’m a runner, but this was different. She still wore the sunglasses but she was looking at me. She saw me. Being acknowledged by her settled something inside of me. What it settled, I had no idea but it felt fitting and appropriate.

  I couldn’t help the smile that broke out on my face.

  “My name is Ashton,” she blurted so fast I almost couldn’t understand her.

  I stood there smiling, staring at her door which was shut with her inside for just a few more minutes before going back to my apartment.

  Total stalker.

  But she told me her name.

  Ashton.

  I liked her name, she looked like an Ashton and I was now confident I would see her again next Monday.

  I went back to my place, showered, and made sure the door was unlocked at eleven. Nick would be here any minute. For the last three weeks, he started coming over at eleven to check on me. He wanted to make sure I hadn’t kidnapped the poor girl he thinks I made up in my mind. He hasn’t actually told me that yet, but I know that’s what he’s thinking.

  Why else would he keep coming over and asking me twenty questions every Monday at eleven am.

  I heard the door open and close. “You live to see another day,” he said as he came into the kitchen and planted himself on a stool at the island.

  I wasted no time. “Her name is Ashton.”

  I was so happy to know her name.

  “No shit?” He smirked. “Well, it’s about fucking time. What is this like, week nine or ten?”

  “Nine.”

  “You’ve been in a non-relationship longer than I’ve ever dated someone,” he admitted.

  It was a one-sided non-relationship.

  Until today.

  “Fuck man,” he muttered, shaking his head, “I thought it was bad before, but that look on your face is making me sick. I can’t continue to look at you.” He crossed his eyes. “I’ll have to do this shit that hurts my eyes, or start looking over your shoulder.”

  I couldn’t nor did I want to stop smiling. I was happy and relieved a little bit that all my time and effort had paid off. I knew it would.

  “Something was wrong with her today,” I told Nick who put his chin in his hands, staring at me.

  “Speak, I’m listening,” he said in a high-pitched feminine voice. “Yes, I know I’m a good friend. The best one you’ll ever have. Feel free to tell me that as much as you’d like, but after you tell me what happened.” He winked at me.

  “Don’t wink at me, pervert.”

  Nick was a good friend. He was there the night I caught my girlfriend cheating on me with my best friend, William. Shortly after that, William and I were fighting and two of our buddies jumped in, apparently siding with William, making me the odd man out. That was when Nick stepped in to help me. He didn’t know me, but I had seen him around campus and at a few parties. We’ve been friends ever since that night. I had no idea why Megan cheated, and with my best friend to top it off because neither of them spoke to me after that day. She broke my heart; I hurt for a long time. She wouldn’t even talk to me or explain anything, just said she was sorry and walked away.

  “I’m waiting,” Nick pointed out, bring back to the present and I went on to explain what happened.

  “Something was off today. She seemed nervous. She rushed to her door and I noticed her hands were shaking when she tried to open her door. I started walking towards her and she told me to stop.”

  “Did you?”

  “Of course I did, you asshole. She was already upset; I wasn’t going to upset her more. Anyways, she said she was fine, blurted out her name, then rushed inside her apartment.”

  “Anything else different?” he asked. “Like her outfit?” Nick knows everything about our past interactions.

  “Clothes, bags, sunglasses—all the same.” I finished drinking my shake and rinsed my cup out.

  “Did she happen to take off her sunglasses this time?”

  “Nope.”

  “Huh,” he said as he scratched his chin thinking.

  I was thinking the same thing but I had made progress. “I’m hoping this means she’ll start talking to me.”

  “Fuck, if you were getting laid I’d say you were pussy whipped.” I laughed it off even though he was right. “You know I’m right,” he insisted, though I ignored him.

  I wasn’t whipped. I liked her. I wanted to know her. I wanted to know what happened to make her this way. I wanted to know why today was different. Something happened. Now I would have to wait a week until I see her again.

  It was time to change the subject. “You still need me to fill in tomorrow?” Nick had fired one of the bar-backs and wasn’t able to replace him yet.

  “Yep.”

  “Good. I could use the extra hours. My boss doesn’t pay me enough.”

  He slapped his hand on the island. “Your boss is fucking awesome!”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “Eh, he’s alright.”

  “Dickhead.” He jumped to his feet. “Let’s go. I need a haircut” He gets his haircut every four weeks like clockwork. He goes to the same place, same girl. The first and only time I tagged along I knew immediately why. She had a nice rack and Nick was a boob man. It helped she always wore low cut shirts and washed his hair prior to cutting it.

  “Why the hell do I want to watch you get a haircut again?”

  “Now that you know her name it’s going to be worse. I thought you had it bad before but I can see it now, you’ll get even moodier as the week goes on. You’ll be more of an asshole than usual, and I heard your boss doesn’t like assholes,” he teased.

  Mondays are the hardest. It takes all my strength not to get up and knock on her door because I know she’s home. I’m holding out that someday she’ll surprise me and knock on my door.

  “Fine. Let me get ready.”

  “This is why I’m your best friend!” he shouted as I walked away to get my shirt and shoes on. “I know you, Linc. I know you very well.”

  I walked back into the living room where he was waiting by the door. “I love you, man,” he says
like he’s choking up with emotion. Fake emotion.

  “Fuck off, dude,” I said with a smile.

  “What the hell, Linc?” he faked being heartbroken and even put his hand over his heart. “You don’t love me back?”

  “Get your ass out of my apartment.” I grabbed my keys and followed him out. I looked at her door while locking mine and hoped that she was okay.

  Next thing I know, another week had gone by. Today was Monday Number Ten. I got ready for my run and froze when I got to the front door. Lying on the floor was a black post-it-note with white writing on it. I picked it up and opened it.

  It read: Pinky was a stupid nickname.

  Ashton. She had left me a note. Of course, I didn’t see her, but the surprise made my adrenaline rush through me, and I hadn’t even started my run yet.

  Two Mondays in a row the girl made me feel like I had won the lottery. I went and taped the note to my fridge. Fuck, I’ve got it real bad. I wasn’t going to give up now. I smiled and headed out for my run. In less than two hours, I’d see her again. My hopes were high.

  I had a good feeling about today.

  Again, Thanks for reading!

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