“Goodbye…I’m sorry…what was your name again?” I grinned.
Dylan winked at me, “I’ll see you in the morning, Nicole.”
Chapter 12
“Cards? We can play strip poker but I guess I would win since you just have on that gown.”
~Bradley Summers
Obsession and Sacrifice
Tiffany Carmouché
*Nicole*
I pushed the nurse button but no one ever showed. Once I woke up from the coma they gave me something called an intermittent catheterization--instead of leaving it in, they would just put it in every now and then. But I had to pee now! I couldn’t wait for them to put it in. I had finished that bottle of cider almost all by myself. I pushed the button again. Why weren’t they coming?
“Brad can you get Vera for me?” I had to pee and there was no way I would let him bring me to the bathroom. He left the room to go get her, and me, feeling invincible and not wanting to wet myself in front of him, decided I would try on my own.
I looked around the room and examined the tubes and lines still connected to me, wondering if I could make this journey without the help of anyone. It was only a few steps for god’s sake. A few steps and a little turn. I could do it! The cords and tubes and machines were connected to things, so in a sense--I was trapped. If I moved, I would disconnect something. I studied all the lines. It seemed most of them were connected to things that moved.
I sat up straighter and scooted over to the edge. Leaning back, I guided the IV stand around the bed on its wheels. Maybe I could use it as support as I stood up. It felt sturdy enough. I looked at the door to the bathroom—just ten feet away. I could definitely do this!
I slid a little more off the bed till my feet were touching the ground, grabbing hold of the portable pole that held my medicine. I stepped off the bed and allowed my weight to fully rest on my legs, but they were jello. They wobbled, giving out and I collapsed, hitting the cold tile floor. I pulled the medicine tower on top of me, dislodging the tubes from my veins. Blood. Blood! Blood oozed out of the tracks in my hands. Then to my horror, a warm, wet sensation seeped out of me. Pain shot through my body as I lay there on the floor soaked in my pee, mortified. Tears invaded my eyes, disgusted with myself. What the hell was wrong with my legs? They didn’t even hold me for a second.
Brad dashed into the room. “Nikki, are you okay? Nikki.” He tried picking me up.
“Get away from me.” I screamed, utterly humiliated by the urine I was drenched in, pushing him away.
“Nikki, it’s okay. Let me help you.”
“Please.” I burst out in tears. “Please leave me alone.”
“No, I’m not going to leave you alone. The nurse will be right here. Let me help you up.”
“I can’t. I—can’t” I screamed hysterically. My legs weren’t working, my veins were throbbing, I lay covered in piss and this beautiful stranger wouldn’t leave. He put his arms around me to lift me and my urine stained his shirt. I pushed and pushed at him, “Leave me alone.” My crying became hysterics. He was covered in my pee!
“Nicole, are you okay?” He placed me on the bed despite my fighting him to leave me lying there on the ground. The nurse finally ran into the room and they asked him to wait outside while they cleaned me up and got me changed.
“Vera, can you tell him, I want to be alone.”
Apparently my little fall did nothing to hurt me except totally destroy my pride. The doctor was concerned however, that my legs had given out so easily, and gave a lecture about staying in my bed until someone helped me.
I sat on the hospital bed feeling sorry for myself when I heard a knock on the door. Brad peeked his head inside.
“I’m busy.” I pouted, not wanting to ever see him again--so embarrassed.
“Yeah, you really look swamped.” He smiled, scanning the room and saw no one around.
“Please leave.” My eyes focused on the bed, I couldn’t look at him. He didn’t listen, he came closer. “The security in this place sucks!” I complained.
“Yeah, it was easy to sneak back here. They should really do something about that. You okay? How you feeling?” He had changed his clothes.
“I really want to be alone.”
“No, you don’t. Trust me. You’d die of boredom.”
“Maybe I just don’t want you in here.”
“Why Nikki? Cause you peed on me? I’ve been drenched in your blood, your pee—it’s just another bodily fluid. At least this time I can wash it. The blood stains ruined my favorite shirt.”
I looked at him in disbelief. Was he making light of this? What was he talking about? Blood stains? I raised my eyebrows. “Are you talking about when I almost died? Are you saying, I ruined your favorite shirt when I almost died?” What a jerk.
“Yeah, I couldn’t believe it. I loved that shirt and you bled all over it.” He came over to the bed, checking the IV bag as if he were some kind of expert. “Don’t worry about the pee. I needed a shower anyway. You pissing on me gave me a reason to go home and take one.” He leaned over me. “So how do I smell?”
“Are you always such a jerk?’
“You didn’t answer me. Do you like the cologne?” He wouldn’t move till I smelled his neck. He did smell really good. I took a deep breath in. “Like?” He questioned again.
“I guess.” I admitted.
“So what’s on the agenda tonight? Skiing? Mountain climbing?”
“You really are a jerk. I can’t even walk.”
“Okay so no marathon today. What do you want to do?”
“What do I like to do?”
“Well apparently you like to sleep. You did that forever. I should have known. When I met you, you were sleeping. I guess it was a sign.”
“And why did they let you in here? Just saying. Don’t you have some place you would rather be?”
“No, you are stuck with me. So are you hungry?”
“No, Dylan brought me in a really nice dinner.”
“Cards? We can play strip poker but I guess I would win since you just have on that gown.”
“Am I any good?”
“No, I’d have you out of that thing in no time. Vera might get mad.”
I started thinking about what he had said earlier. “So Brad, you said something about my blood. You were there? You were there when I got put in the hospital? What happened?”
“I was just messing with you. How about twenty-one. We can play for…”
“How about if we play for questions? The winner gets to ask the loser a question.”
“Okay, but not about the night you got put in here. Let’s keep it light. Do you remember how to play?”
I did. I didn’t know where I had played before and I didn’t remember this gentleman that sat before me. But I did remember how to play twenty-one. Somehow he got me out of spending the night feeling sorry for myself. We played for a while, asking silly questions, keeping it light and laughing at our answers. Then he dealt the cards and I picked up my hand.
“Hit me.” I had a king and a six so I needed something less than a five. I won the hand so I got to ask him a question. His blue eyes looked up at me, anticipating what I would possibly ask. Who was he? How did he know me?
“What was I like, Brad? What did you like about me?”
He laughed. “Who said I liked anything about you?”
“No, no I got a better one…” I looked at his lips. “Have you ever kissed me?”
“That’s not fair. I mean…”
“So you have?”
“Why would you ask that?”
“So that is a yes?”
“Nicole, ask a different question.”
“Okay…okay…why have you come to see me? I mean they say you have been here every
day since my accident. I was just sleeping. Wasn’t it boring?”
He got serious for a moment. “I worried about you, Nicole. You had been through a lot. I couldn’t bear to lose you.”
“What was I like?”
“Sassy, that hasn’t changed.” Then he got quiet. “It seems like a lot of things haven’t changed.” He shuffled the deck in his hands, fidgeting a little bit. “Nicole, you were full of life. And your smile, your smile lit up any room you walked in. It still does, I mean look at you. Even lying here in the hospital bed, you are breathtaking.”
The weeks that followed frustrated me. I had lost the ability to walk. My legs didn’t understand the concept. And my brain had lost the ability to communicate with them. I began the process of learning how. My legs felt numb and had a tingly feeling in them. The hospital began to feel like a prison. I longed to feel the sun on my skin and the wind on my face.
Chapter 13
“It is so beautiful.” I couldn’t describe the sense of comfort the moon brought to me.
He stood behind supporting me, and I leaned against his body so I wouldn’t fall.
“Your daughter can see that same moon.”
“I have a daughter?”
~Nicole Carlise
Obsession and Sacrifice
Tiffany Carmouché
*Nicole*
As I tried to stand I knocked over the vase with the yellow carnation that sat by the bedside. The glass shattered as the flower fell to the floor. Dylan leaned down to clean it up.
“I am sorry. I’m sorry I broke your flower.”
“That’s okay. Brad must have given that one to you.” Dylan laughed. “We won’t tell him.”
Dylan put his arm around me and allowed me to use his arm in front as a walker. I willed my legs to move, but they were still not listening to my brain. He gently pulled me forward, guiding me so I could make my destination.
When I finally arrived, I pressed my hands upon the cold pane. The vast body of black, barren of stars, stared back at me. In the darkness, the mountains seemed to become invisible, but in the midst of the night, the image of serenity illuminated the heavens and I sighed.
“It’s so familiar.” I stared at the sphere suspended in the sky. The brilliant circle stared back at me, encased in a ring of brilliant dark blue.
The moon seemed to be in its own galaxy, surrounded by a radiant glow with touches of magenta and purple highlighting its beauty.
“It’s beautiful.” A peace came over me as I got lost in the tranquility.
Dylan brushed the hair off my shoulder to my back. I liked his gentle touch.
“It is so beautiful.” I couldn’t describe the sense of comfort the moon brought to me. He stood behind supporting me, and I leaned against his body so I wouldn’t fall.
“Your daughter can see that same moon.”
“I have a daughter?” I turned and questioned. A daughter. A little girl. I closed my eyes to try and envision her. Only darkness. I stood quiet, opening my eyes. I turned back to look out into the sky and tried to hear her voice, see her face, I couldn’t even come up with a name. A sudden sadness took over me and I placed my hands on the window pane as a tear made its way down my cheek.
“I don’t remember. I…” My hands cradled my face. “Why don’t I remember her?”
“Nicole, you have been through so much. It will come back to you when the time is right and you can handle it. We will find her, somehow we will find her for you.”
“Find her? Where is she? What happened?”
“She is with your parents somewhere in Maryland. Her father tried to kidnap her so your parents went into hiding.”
“Her father? Am I married?”
“No, I really don’t know that much about it. All I know is your parents moved to a new address and got a new phone number and your address book disappeared in your old house. They even changed their last name to protect Jess. We don’t know where to start. The internet hasn’t turned up anything. We have a good friend who has some amazing resources. I am sure he’ll help us when he gets off his contract and gets back to town.”
“So my daughter is lost?”
“We will find her.”
“What is her name? Dylan, I don’t remember anything.”
He combed through my hair, making it a ponytail with his hands. “Jessica. Jessica is her name. She’s an angel, just like her mother. She is sweet and bubbly and has a sense of humor. She loves princesses, playing house and she makes the best pretend soup in town.”
I stared into the darkness, tilting my head to the side, hoping for a memory. I used his arms to support me as I turned around to face him.
“What is wrong with me? I don’t even remember my own daughter. Jessica?”
“Yes, Jessica. And she’s 4 years old but has the wisdom of her mother. She’s a doll, Nicole, and beautiful –so beautiful, just like you.”
Such emptiness consumed me. Why can’t I remember? Why can’t I remember? Tears welled up in my eyes.
“I feel so stupid. I have a daughter. What kind of mother forgets her daughter?” The tears poured down my face like a fountain, “I need to remember, I need to remember! When I meet her what will I say?”
“When you meet her you will fall in love with her.”
“She must think I don’t care. She must think I don’t love her. She must think that I abandoned her and that I’m a horrible mom.”
“We will find her, Nicole. We will find her and you will see, you will remember.”
“You can’t tell her, you can’t tell her I forgot. You can’t tell her that I forgot her.”
He dabbed the tears running down my cheeks with his thumb wiping them aside. “I promise, Nicole, we will find a way to help you remember.”
Chapter 14
*Nicole*
A few weeks later, Dylan convinced the doctors to allow me to go home instead of the rehabilitation facility as long as they promised to work on my physical therapy at home and bring me to the center three times a week for developmental work. There, they would continue to observe my progress and give me exercises to try and master. I had been conscious for almost six weeks.
Soon I could command my right leg to move forward and backward, however, only short periods at a time, and only when it felt like it—very temperamental! They sent me home with a walker; however, Dylan and Bradley were much more fun to lean on.
We approached the house, both of my angels holding my arms so I didn’t have to use the clunky walker. I anticipated a flash of memories to surge through me like lightning, but when I walked through the threshold—nothing. I scanned the surroundings. Still nothing.
“Are you sure this is where I used to live?”
“Just for a little while, when you moved out of Steve’s.”
“Hmm.” Still nothing.
“Do you want some coffee?”
“How about a book?”
“Do you want to watch a movie?”
They were so cute, like popcorn their questions popped out, trying to make me feel comfortable.
After a few hours Dylan came over to me. “Nicole, how do you feel? Do you want to try again?”
“I don’t know.”
“How about just for about ten minutes.”
“Do I have to?”
“At least ten minutes.”
I hung on to Dylan and he lifted me into a hallway, perfect for our activity. He lowered me to the ground. Holding on to him, I steadied myself and let go of his arms—1,2,3,4. I began to wobble and grabbed back onto him.
“Concentrate baby you can do it. Your right foot, then your left.”
Brad stood a few feet down the corridor, coaching me from another angle.
“We won’t let you fall, you can do
it Nikki.”
I inhaled…I got this. I can do this. I steadied myself on Dylan’s arms again and peeked up at Bradley. The few feet might as well have been a mile.
I steadied my weight on my left foot, lifting my right. I used Dylan’s arm to rebalance myself.
“You can do it Nikki!”
I lifted my right foot and moved it forward about six inches and plopped it down.
“Great Job!’ Dylan said.
“That’s one, you can do it, one more.”
I stretched my arms out—I felt like a toddler. I put all my weight on both feet again until I felt stable and shifted my weight.
“Two! You did it!”
I took my last step and fell into Bradley’s arms.
He lifted me up and set me on the couch so they could make dinner. They had been sneaking food into the hospital, but they were excited to have me experience a real meal, at a table. They seemed to have fun trying to make it perfect. I sat on the couch as the smell filled the house. The fire crackled in the fire place. So this is home.
“Nikki, I don’t know if you will like this, but when you were here before, we used to watch old movies. I found this one and thought of you.” Bradley picked a DVD off the shelf.
I grabbed it from him and read the cover. “Singing in the Rain. I don’t know…let’s find out.”
Chapter 15
*Nicole*
A week went by and I still hummed the songs from the musical as I tried to move forward from my room down the hall with the walker. Bradley must have heard my clumsy voyage down the hallway. I turned when I heard his bedroom door open. He stood there--eyes dazed. He had worked late the night before and my journey at dawn was probably not on his agenda. His black hair was tossed around in soft curls and he ran his hands threw it as if it would help him get a bearing on where he was and why the hell anyone would get up at this god-awful hour. I felt a little guilty for waking him. I tried to be quiet but my banging into things with the walker was a little obnoxious.
Obsession and Sacrifice (Alaska #2) Page 7
