Pride Must Be a Place

by Kevin Craig

  He looks as panicked as I feel. Of course he does. I told him how much my father hates gays. He’s probably thinking my dad is downstairs hatching a plan to kill us and hide the bodies.

  But it’s not the panic he acts on. He takes a moment and just looks into my eyes. As I stare back at him, immobile, I begin to feel the calm wash over me. I don’t know what he’s doing, but all the fear and panic starts to wash away from me.

  I just look into his eyes and he looks into mine. I hear my father moving around downstairs and I think nothing of it. Who cares? I have Simon.

  “Kiss me,” Simon whispers as he puts his hand on my cheek and leans down closer. He’s got the most amazing cheekbones. As his lips approach mine, I wonder what he sees in me.

  “Huh?” I say, but I’m in a trance. I’m already moving closer. I’m already anticipating that moment when our leaning eventually has us meeting in the middle.

  With my bedroom door wide open, and my father just downstairs, I stretch that last inch and my lips finally touch Simon’s lips. And for the first time in my life I feel okay, like everything is going to be alright.

  CHAPTER 23

  Simon and I are at the mall. We’re both broke, of course, so we’re just trying on clothes and complimenting each other like mad. We’ve already convinced each other that every colour in the rainbow is your colour. Even though, with him it’s actually true. Everything looks good on him. I wonder if this is a normal relationship stage. I don’t know, because this is my first relationship.

  I get a text while sitting and waiting for Simon to come out of the change-room to model a bright orange v-neck.

  Alex Mills:Hey, sexy. Whatcha up to? At the foodcourt. Bored.1:13pm

  Oh well. I’m feeling pretty generous. Plus, I sorta want to show off our relationship to someone. Might as well be Alex.

  You:With Simon. At Modern Teen trying stuff on. Come.1:15pm

  Alex Mills:Awesome. Be right there.1:15pm

  That’s a fast response, even for Alex. He must be bored.

  “Well?” Simon says. He stands before me like some Adonis. His brown skin is a deeper brown today, even though it’s full-on Fall now. His face glows like it’s summer tan weather outside. Must be the convertible. “What do you think?”

  “I think I want to do something really bad to you in the change-room.”

  “Ezra,” he says. “That is just so not like you.” He laughs. And I stand up and look around to make sure nobody’s watching us.

  I kiss him and whisper, “This is your colour.”

  “Ha,” he says. “You said that about blue, green, grey, red, and, every other colour. I have a lot of colours.”

  “Yes you do. Go change. Alex is on his way.”

  “Alex who I never met? Alex who has the picture on his phone? Alex the slut?”

  “Simon!”

  “Sorry. But, damn, Ezra. Now I’m nervous as hell.”

  He scurries away and comes back seconds later in the blue and white striped tank top he came in with. Blue and white are definitely his colours.

  “Hey, kiddies,” Alex says as he finds us at the back of Modern Teen. “Whatcha up to?”

  “Hey, you,” I say. “Just goofing around, trying stuff on. Alex, this is Simon. Simon, Alex.”

  “Hey there,” Alex says with this stupid sexy voice that makes me want to punch his face in. So stupid. Typical Alex. “Ezra has told me everything about you.”

  “Don’t listen to him, Simon. I said nothing.”

  “Ouch,” Simon says jokingly. “You mean you don’t talk about me? I’ve told all my friends about you. Hey, Alex. How’s it going?”

  “Not what I meant, silly. Alex just has a way of making everything sound dirty.”

  “Honey, everything is dirty,” Alex says. “Where to next?”

  He turns to leave the store and we follow. Welcome to the Alex Mills Show, I think as we do our best to keep up with his swishy footsteps.

  After wreaking havoc in a couple more change-rooms throughout the mall, we decide we’ve had enough. It can only be so much fun to try on clothes without ever being able to buy any of them. We tire quickly, but not before Alex actually does buy something…a scarf.

  We leave the mall and we’re walking in the direction of the lakefront which is only a few minutes away by foot. Alex has the floor and he just keeps talking and talking and talking about nothing in particular.

  I can see them before we hear them. Great. There goes the day. It’s Will Severe. This can only go bad from here.

  Neither Simon nor Alex have noticed the guys ahead of us. Alex is talking and Simon is, surprise surprise, listening.

  “Alex. I need you to not freak out. You cannot do that thing you said you were going to do.”

  “Huh? What?” he says. But he looks forward and sees what I see. They’re still about half a block away. Will is shoving a small kid around and yelling at him. Let’s face it, it can only be Hank. “Holy shit. Like hell I won’t. Look what he’s doing to poor Hank. This, Ezra, is Will Severe’s day of reckoning.”

  “No. Alex, you can’t do that to him.” It’s Simon who says this. Simon, who listened to me whine about the whole thing the day we met at the theatre. He’s on my side. Everyone with a conscience is on my side. “Come on. We’ll break it up and save Hank. And walk away.”

  “I’m done walking, Simon,” Alex says as he walks on. Is that a perfect example of irony, or what?

  Now we can hear them. Will is tossing slurs at Hank as fast as he can. And guess who’s right at his side? Jordan. Surprise, surprise.

  “Hey, Will,” Alex screeches as we close the gap between us and them. “Pick on someone your own size. Pig.”

  He turns and takes in Alex with obvious pleasure. Alex is always his favourite target. It’s almost like they have this thing between them. They’re a comedy team who, instead of playing off each other with words, occasionally punch each other in the face. But they do it with a non-stop dialogue that’s slightly, and oddly, entertaining.

  “Alex, Alex, Alex,” Will says. “Nice of you to drop by. I was getting a bit bored with the little one.”

  “Hank,” I say. “Come here.” I wave him over to my side and he kind of steps in behind me instead. “You okay?”

  “Yeah, yeah,” Hank says. “I’m fine.”

  “I’m fine,” Will mimics and pretends to cry like a baby. “I’m fine, Mr. Ezra.” He laughs. “What kind of name is Ezra, anyway?”

  I ignore him and turn to look at Hank. He’s not crying. He looks furious, actually. Like if he was three feet taller, Will Severe would be an oily speck of gore on the sidewalk by now.

  “People who live in glass houses shouldn’t shit in his own home,” Alex says.

  “Oh my God, Alex,” I say. “Stop talking. You can never get it right.”

  “Again, who cares,” Alex says. “I’m sure Will knows what I’m trying to say.”

  “Actually, no. Is it gay code for something?”

  “It means you shouldn’t be picking on people like Hank when the shit in your house is bigger than any of our shit. Combined.”

  Jordan looks at his friend. “Come on, Will. Let’s just go. You’ve made your point.”

  Jordan seems like an okay guy who doesn’t like confrontation. He was pretty much like this the last time. But he’s still an ass. Ass by association is still an ass. He’s had his moments of bigotry too.

  “No, no,” Will says. “I wanna know what Alex is talking about.”

  Will starts to push Alex around. I want to step in, but I don’t. I know the fiasco is just beginning.

  “What’s up, faggot? What are you getting at?”

  “Oh, you know.”

  He leaves it there to build up the momentum.

  “What’s going on, Ez,” Hank asks.

  “Just stay behind us…Hank, is it?” Simon says.

  “Yeah, Hank.”

  “Stay behind us. Shit’s about to get real.”

  “But—” Hank g
ets cut off by Will.

  “No, Alex. I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me?”

  Instead of addressing Will, Alex turns to Jordan. He looks him up and down like he’s the most delicious thing he’s ever seen.

  “Did you know Will Severe is gay…what’s your name again? Jordan?” Alex says. His smile is smarmy and his stance is a homosexual stereotype, hands on hips and head jauntily tilted to one side. “Did you know Will Severe’s gay, Jordan?”

  “Shut your mouth, Mills,” Will says. He moves toward Alex with his chest puffed out. He’s on his last straw. He’s like a guard dog at the end of his leash and he’s pulling with a fury strong enough to snap it. Any minute he’s gonna be on Alex, ripping him from limb to limb.

  “I will not shut my mouth, Will Severe,” Alex says, stepping back. He’s nervous, but the stage is his. He’s not backing down.

  “Don’t do it, Alex. I swear to God, I will never talk to you again,” I say. He gives me the quickest most dismissive glance.

  “Oh, Ezra. You love me. Stop being so dramatic.”

  “Don’t do it,” I say. I can’t sound more firm or resolute. “I one hundred percent mean it.”

  “What was I saying, Jordan? Oh yeah. Will Severe’s gay. Will Severe’s gay.”

  Will rushes at him and pushes him to the ground. Alex gets the wind knocked out of him, but in seconds he’s up on his elbows laughing at Will.

  “Whatcha do that for, Will? Aren’t we friends anymore?”

  “I’m going to kill you, you little queer boy. Shut up, now. I’m not gay!”

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Alex says as he stands up and makes a big show of brushing the non-existent dirt from his clothes. “Who said anything about you being gay, Will? I would never accuse you of being gay. Nah, you’re too much of a man to be gay. Right?”

  “Alex,” Simon says, “you’ve had your fun. Let’s just leave it now.”

  “Like hell in a basket I will!”

  “Why are you calling me gay, asswipe?”

  “Oh. Oh, honey. I might have done a lot of things, but I never once called you gay, sweetie.”

  Alex, for some reason, has turned his own gay up to eleven now. He’s strutting like, well…like a gay peacock.

  “You called me gay, asshole.” Will’s face is bright red. He’s either going to beat the crap out of Alex or have a heart attack and drop dead.

  “Forget about it, Will. Let’s just go.” Jordan says as he moves in beside Will and attempts to calm him down. But Will physically pushes him away.

  “Back off, Jordan,” Will says. “This is between me and gay boy here. Why’d you call me gay, faggot?”

  “Again, I never once called you gay, big boy.”

  “So what does Will Severe’s gay mean in Alex-speak?”

  He’s ready to throw a punch. His whole body is recoiled in the windup.

  “Oh that,” Alex says. He’s ready to drop the bomb. I can see it in his face. “No, no. You misunderstood me, silly. I meant the other Will Severe.”

  “What the hell does that mean?”

  “You know, silly. The other Will Severe. Senior.”

  Will’s animal wildness gets the best of him and that leash holding him back finally snaps. He makes a move for Alex and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop him. In no time, they’re on the ground rolling around and Alex is getting the worst of it.

  “Whoa, whoa,” Hank says, stepping out into the forefront. “Stop!”

  “Get back, buddy,” Simon says, physically removing Hank from the vicinity of the melee.

  Will stops hitting Alex for a second and pins him down. He’s sitting on Alex’s trunk, holding him down with one hand and waving his other hand in a fist in Alex’s face.

  “My father’s not gay, loser,” Will says. “Why would you even say that, freak?”

  “Let me up,” Alex says. He sounds calm as a cucumber.

  “No. I’m not finished with you. I’ve been waiting a long time for this. Today, you die, you little shit.”

  “I said let me up. I have something to show you, Will.”

  “Alex, don’t—”

  “Shut up, Ezra. I’m done negotiating this with you. It’s happening. Whether you like it or not.”

  “You have about five seconds,” Will says. He climbs up off Alex. Alex makes a big deal of rubbing his wounds. He pays the most attention to the arm and shoulder that Will had pinned under him.

  “Give me a second,” Alex says. He reaches into the front pocket of his jeans and pulls out his cell phone. “Good thing you didn’t break it, sasquatch.”

  I think he meant to imply that Will was a big bully. Don’t know if I would have picked sasquatch there.

  Alex looks through his phone and puts his finger up. “Aha. Here it is.”

  As he’s swinging the phone around to show Will his screen, I make my move. I jump forward and attempt to grab the phone from him. But he’s too quick, almost like he was expecting it.

  “Ut, tut, tut, Ezra. You’re being pretty difficult today. It’s happening.”

  He returns to the task at hand and puts the screen in Will’s face. I visualize the picture of the driver’s license and the men’s underwear that I know is on the screen and I flinch. Will looks at it for a second. All the colour drains from his face. I mean, he turns white as a ghost. And then he turns whiter. Instead of lunging forward, he hunches low. And lower. He goes down on his knees right there on the sidewalk.

  And then he gets up.

  “Where did you get that? What’s happening? Where’d you get that picture, Alex?”

  Will stands there in front of Alex, his face a contortion of pain and shock. Jordan steps forward and says, “What picture? What’s going on?”

  He looks at the screen but it’s already timed out and gone black.

  Will grabs the phone from Alex before he can retract it. I watch as Will winds up and throws the phone as hard as he can throw it. It sails through the air in slow motion and lands in the street several feet away, breaking to pieces on impact.

  “Jesus! Why’d the hell you do—” but Alex doesn’t get to finish the question because Will starts to wildly box his face in, one fist at a time. Left, right, left, right. Alex’s blood flies with every impact. The fists just keep coming until Alex falls away from Will and crumples onto the sidewalk.

  But Will’s not finished. He starts to kick Alex repeatedly and bends over him and continues to flail his fists at him. I don’t know how many more punches Alex can take. He has stopped defending himself now. He just keeps moaning.

  “My dad’s not gay, asshole,” Will says. He’s too tired to go on. He sinks to the sidewalk beside Alex and sits down. “My dad’s not gay.”

  CHAPTER 24

  “My dad hates gays,” Will says. It sounds like his throat is totally dry, like he’s about to lose his voice along with everything else that’s slipping away from him. Thanks to Alex. “He hates you people.”

  “Come on,” Jordan says. He puts his hand out to Will. Will takes it. “Let’s just go, Will. Enough’s enough.”

  “No,” Will says. But he allows Jordan to haul him up from the sidewalk. He stands in front of Alex and kicks him, but this time it’s just a nudge to get his attention.

  He waits for Alex to look up at him. When Alex lifts his face, I can’t help but gasp. His right eye is swollen shut and ten shades of red and purple. There’s blood around his mouth. His cheek is swollen and there’s a puncture in the middle of the swollen bit, like it blew out from the swelling. He’s a total wreck. But he’s still enjoying the power he has over Will. He smiles. His teeth are covered in blood and I have no idea how bad it is, because it looks really bad.

  “I said my dad hates you people.”

  “He didn’t seem to hate me that much the day he picked me up. That’s a funny way of showing you hate someone, if you ask me.”

  “Shut up. Shut up.”

  “Yeah, he really hated me that night,” Alex continues. “I had no idea h
e was your dad, though, Will. I swear. It wasn’t until after he had his way with me. While he was in the shower removing the evidence I snooped through his pants, which were tossed in a ball on the hotel room floor.”

  “Shut up. Shut up.” Will just keeps repeating himself. He’s kind of punching himself now, accentuating every shut up with a punch to his outer thigh. “Shut up.”

  “Will,” Jordan says. “We should go. Don’t listen to him.”

  I just stand there. There’s nothing I can do for anyone now. They’re both pretty much toast now, Alex physically, and Will emotionally.

  “That’s when I discovered his driver’s license,” Alex says. He looks up at Will and smiles his bloody smile again. It looks like he still has all his teeth, but I can’t be sure. “Took nothing to make the connection. Nothing at all.

  “So, yeah. Will Severe is gay. At least the one who had sex with me is.” Alex laughs after he says this. I get this thought in my head and I can’t shake it. It moves in, refuses to go away. Something inside me hates Alex Mills right now. I mean, really really hates him. Unflinchingly.

  “I told you to shut your mouth.”

  “Come on, Will,” Jordan says one more time, but this time without much determination. I’m guessing he’s hating Alex as much as everyone else.

  “Will Severe’s gay,” Alex says. None of us could possibly prevent what happens next. I thought Will had lost it earlier, but he was just gearing up. He completely loses himself this time. He’s tearing Alex apart. The punches fly faster than I can keep count. He kicks, and kicks, and kicks.

  We’re so intent on staring at them rolling around on the ground, I don’t even notice that traffic has begun to stop on the road beside us. Two men push past Hank and me and reach down in an attempt to pull Will and Alex apart. Alex is just a ragdoll now. I should have tried to stop Will at some point, but my feet are cemented to the sidewalk. I can’t move.

  I take in my surroundings and more people are leaving their cars, running toward us. A couple of people are talking on their cell phones. Some are even filming it. Of course.