Pride Must Be a Place

by Kevin Craig

  We all laugh at this. He really is a wonder. He’s like Alex in some ways, only not a hateful, self-centered, arrogant douchenozzle.

  “I’ll see you at home, Marc. If, that is, you’re coming home after school before the evening events kick in.”

  “Yeah, Dad. I’ll be there.”

  “Okay, all. It’s been lovely. The booth is divine. The Wheel of Pride is your puppy, right Nettie? It’s a thing of beauty. They’re gonna love it.”

  “Thank you, sir,” Nettie says, nodding to my brother at her side. He must have, at some time during the confrontation, made his way over to us. “Malcolm too.”

  “Well, Malcolm,” Gary says. “It’s amazing.”

  Malcolm smiles and nods his thanks.

  “Thank you so much for the wonderful t-shirts,” Nettie says. “They’re perfect.”

  “Absolutely, my dear.”

  “Yeah, thanks, Dad.” Marc hugs his father again. “They really are perfect. You’re the best.”

  “Of course, Marc. Your father and I were more than happy to do it. Now, I need to see a coffee shop about a latte. If you’ll excuse me,” he says, directing his words to Marc. “I better cash in this coupon before they realize your father’s credit card has bounced.”

  Again, a burst of laughter. And then we say our goodbyes to Gary and wave as he walks away.

  “Who was that masked man?” I say. Marc laughs first, but everyone else quickly joins in.

  CHAPTER 37

  When the laughter settles down, we realize Will is still among us. He stands there, now awkwardly, as though he doesn’t know how to make a comfortable exit.

  I catch his eye and nod in the direction of the booth. He looks to the Wheel of Pride, which is no longer spinning, and then looks back to me. He shrugs.

  “You don’t have to like us, Will. You don’t even have to get us.”

  “I know that, Ezra,” he says. He’s a bit on the defensive side when he says this, but it’s a weak defense, like he doesn’t really mean it. “I get it.”

  “Well,” I say. “I don’t know about that, but I’m willing to try if you are.”

  “I’m just really fucking tired, Ezra. I just need to catch a break.”

  “I think you just did.”

  He nods. Without saying another word, he heads to the front of the booth and lines up to take a turn at the wheel. It’s a short line at first, with only one person in it. But with his fierce magnetic attraction over people, Will uses his power for good…possibly for the first time in his life.

  But that isn’t fair. I don’t really know his story. I shouldn’t judge it by the chapter I happen to be a part of. Though it seems doubtful to me, there’s a chance in hell that Will Severe could even be a nice guy.

  At any rate, the football jocks begin to fall in behind him and the line grows a bit. And then others follow and it grows a bit more.

  A second line forms at the roulette table and soon it’s almost as long as the other one.

  I look to Nettie and she giggles. Her relief is written on her face beside her joy.

  Malcolm comes over to me and grabs me by the arm. “Come on, Ezra.” He guides me to the back of the line and we stand side by side, waiting our turn at the Wheel of Pride.

  CHAPTER 38

  Pride is a place. It’s this place. School, only different. All the booths are so beautiful at night. Each one is strung with white lights and I know that if we took a rocket ship to the moon right now, there would be a soft glow coming from Nelson High School in the little town of Nelson. The glow would be warm and filled with promise.

  Today, more than ever in all my life, I feel like I have found home. Not geographically, of course. Home is never that simple. God…never! No, home is when you let your guard down, when you don’t have to worry about being a different person in different areas of your life, when all the little boxes you strategically compartmentalized into neat little order all lose their walls—and their power over you—and you are free. This. This is pride.

  “Earth to Ezra,” Simon says. He’s standing with my little brother, Theo. Theo laughs when Simon says this. I hear him, I do. But I’m lost in a reverie I’m not quite ready to give away.

  “You’ll have to poke him, Simon,” Theo says.

  “Is he always like this?” Simon asks my father, who’s sidled up to the Debate Club booth listening to an argument about something I long ago lost interest in. Dad likes a good argument.

  “Hmmm?” Dad says. What he says next he says like he isn’t totally fed up with me. He says it like he gets me, like he might even like me. “Who, Ezra? Afraid so, Simon. Get used to it. He goes places we can only dream of going.”

  If he only knew. I’m on the moon looking down. And I like what I’m seeing.

  “Hey, Simon,” Marc says as he approaches with his two dads. Mr. Tremblay is dressed down, but only in appearance. I can still see the suit and tie, and the polished wing-tips. If you know what I mean. Gary waves as they arrive, giving smiles all around.

  “Hey, Marc,” Simon says. He reaches forward and gives him a half hug. They start to catch up and I turn my attention to Marc’s fathers as they introduce themselves to my parents.

  I can’t believe Mom and Theo are even here. Theo’s in so many sports, he’s like a shadow in our house. A shadow that takes our mother away with it.

  I swear, a couple months ago I don’t think my father would have spoken two words to Marc’s dads. But he and Mom chat away now like these men are the most normal thing in existence.

  “Ezra!” Marc says. He waves his hands in my face. “I called you three times, dude. Where are you?”

  “Oh, honey. I know that look,” Gary says to me, bringing his conversation with my parents into our conversation. We all move a little closer together. “Someone is either taking off the final mask or realizing he can.”

  We’re standing in the middle of the aisle between the rows of booths. It’s like a midway, with all the twinkling lights and noise and laughter. The Wheel of Pride has been spinning non-stop since we arrived. And thanks to Nettie’s iPod, Parachute Club’s Rise Up is playing in the background. There’s music coming from other booths too. Mixed with the chaos of the crowds, Rise Up is just barely audible. But it’s there. I hear a snippet—Rise and share your power—and it’s beautiful.

  I see Will Severe walk past with his arm wrapped around a girl I don’t recognize, long blonde hair and beautiful. She’s whispering in his ear and his head is raised as though he’s looking to the heavens, but I can see that his eyes are closed. He’s laughing at whatever it is she’s telling him. His jock friends surround him. As usual, they’re moving en-masse like pack animals. What doesn’t happen this time, though…that’s what matters. He and his friends walk past the gays and they don’t look our way, they don’t call out names and they don’t shove anyone. They merely walk on past.

  I smile as I take all of this in. Only seconds have passed, but it feels like a lifetime. Change is like that sometimes. There’s a mountain of space between wishing for it to happen and having it actually happen. And then it just happens, and life goes on. A new normal replaces the old one.

  “It’s a wonderful feeling, isn’t it, Ezra,” Gary says, continuing his monologue. I can’t help but feel he’s here with me inside my head. Everyone else is happy just to listen to the singsong lilt of his voice. Or maybe that’s just me. “I remember when it happened to me. Ezra’s lost inside a tidal wave. There are so many things we can change, aren’t there? We can change every little thing but who we are. Once we make peace with that, there’s nothing nobody can do to stop what follows.”

  I don’t know about that. I really don’t. I’m guessing it’s hard to always be who you are no matter where you are. There will always be times when I’m not so sure showing all my cards will be the best idea. Tonight, though. Tonight, I am free. At this very moment, there are no masks on me.

  “Spirit’s time has come,” I say to no one in particular.


  This club is going to change things. I’m not naïve. It’s not gonna change the world. But it will definitely change my world. It already has.

  Dedicated to Michael, for making it happen. And to all those who find themselves somewhere on the beautiful spectrum looking for love and acceptance. Be who you were born to be. You are not alone. You are loved.

  Acknowledgements

  Thanks to the Muskoka Novel Marathon organizers for creating a safe space that nurtures the fearless writers who attend this yearly event.

  Much gratitude to Lorraine Segato, for being so approachable and helpful. This book wouldn’t be the same without the soundtrack that inspired it. Rise Up by The Parachute Club is a song that constantly inspires and resonates.

  This book would not have happened without the love, support, and guidance of my partner in everything, Michael Sue-Chuck. Thank you for the push and patience.

  Thank you, Lea Schizas at MuseItUp for believing in this writer once again! And more thanks and gratitude to Lea for being my editor with this book. Her guidance, wisdom, and encouragement helped to make Pride a much better book. It's great to be back at Muse.

  About the Author

  Kevin Craig is the author of young adult novels and adult-themed coming-of-age novels featuring young narrators. His previous titles are; Summer on Fire, Sebastian’s Poet, The Reasons, Burn Baby Burn Baby, and, Half Dead & Fully Broken. Kevin lives in Toronto, Canada. His poetry, fiction, and memoir have been published internationally. Kevin is also a playwright. He has had twelve short plays produced. Kevin is a member of the Writers' Community of Durham Region and has twice served on their Board of Directors. He was also a founding member on the Board of Directors for the Ontario Writers' Conference. Kevin is represented by Stacey Donaghy of Donaghy Literary Group.

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