Flash Point
Page 18
After a moment’s hesitation, Kelly walked over to the opposite couch and sat down. “You know, Meredith, in all the years we were at St. Joseph’s together and even when you came to New York a few years ago, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you do that before.”
“Do what?”
“Walk past a mirror and not check out your own reflection.”
“Funny,” Meredith told her.
“Will wonders never cease? You still haven’t said a word about the tacky robe that I’m wearing.”
“You already know it’s tacky. You don’t need me to tell you,” Meredith advised her. “And if that little dig about the mirror was supposed to tick me off so that I’d leave, you’ll have to do a lot better than that. I already know that I’m self-centered and spoiled.”
“All right. Then why don’t I just tell you flat out that you and I are not buddies. And I’m not interested in discussing you or your shop or in doing any work for you. So I’d appreciate it if you’d leave.”
To her horror, Meredith felt tears prick at the back of her eyes. She got to her feet. “Fine,” she said, mortified by the wobble in her voice. She swallowed hard, then tried again. “If that’s how you feel, then I’ll go,” she told her, and started for the door. The last thing she intended to do was to humiliate herself further by crying in front of the likes of Kelly Santos.
“Great! Now I feel like I just kicked a puppy,” Kelly muttered. “Meredith, wait!”
Ignoring her, Meredith continued on to the door. “I refuse to stay where I’m not wanted,” she sniffed.
“Oh, would you please cut the Sarah Bernhardt act and come back here?”
Meredith reached the door, started to unlock it.
“Meredith, I’m sorry. I’d like you to stay. Please,” Kelly added.
Meredith hesitated. She sniffled and blinked several times to fight back the tears that still threatened. And because she really didn’t want to go back to the house where the party was going on and where she’d run the risk of seeing Alex while she was all weepy, she relented. “You’re sure? Because the last thing I want is to force my company on you if it’s not wanted.” Heaven knows, she’d done that enough with Alex, she thought, which made her feel miserable all over again.
“Will you come sit down before I change my mind?”
And because she didn’t trust Kelly not to do just that, she made her way back over to the couch and sat down. “Thank you.”
“Now, do you want to tell me what you’re doing here? And please don’t insult my intelligence by saying you’re here to talk about ads for your shop.”
“I needed to get away from the party, and since I happen to live in the house where the party’s going on that made it a little difficult.”
“So you came here instead?”
“Yes.”
“But why? Why not just rent a hotel room somewhere?”
“Because I…I didn’t want to be alone, okay?” Meredith countered. “And I…I wanted to talk to someone.”
“And you chose me?”
“Obviously,” Meredith answered.
“But why not go to one of your friends?”
“Because with my friends, I’d have to pretend and with you I don’t, all right?” she shot back, annoyed. “We may not be the best of friends, but at least with you I don’t have to watch every word I say and worry if it will make the rounds of gossip tomorrow.”
“Thank you. I think.”
“Please, Kelly. I don’t feel like fighting with you.”
“Okay,” Kelly told her. “So do you want to tell me what’s happened? And what Alex Kusak has to do with it?”
Surprised, Meredith jerked her gaze up to Kelly’s. “You really are good.”
“Save the flattery. I saw you when you came in from the gardens tonight and then I saw Alex Kusak come in behind you. Judging by the miserable expressions on both of your faces, it didn’t take a genius to figure out that something happened out there between you. So why don’t you tell me what’s wrong?”
“I’m in love with him,” Meredith admitted.
“Does he feel the same way?”
“Yes,” she replied, because in her heart she believed that Alex did love her.
“Then I don’t see the problem.”
“The problem is the man’s a pigheaded fool.” And because her emotions were still raw from his rejection, she pushed to her feet and began to pace. “He loves me,” she assured Kelly, and herself. “But he won’t admit it to me or to himself. He thinks…he thinks just because his blood isn’t blue and he doesn’t have a fortune that he and I shouldn’t be together. In his mind, I’m some princess with a pretty pedigree who belongs with someone with an equally pretty pedigree so that I can have babies and make even prettier pedigrees,” she ranted.
“Is that what he told you?”
“He didn’t have to,” she said. “I’ve known Alex since he was a teenager hell-bent on getting in trouble. But he straightened himself out, made something of himself. Only he still can’t forget where he came from.”
“Why?”
“His home life wasn’t exactly ideal when he was a kid. His mother worked on Bourbon Street and he was just a boy when she ran off and left him with that drunken father of his. The man didn’t give a damn about Alex. He practically raised himself,” she explained, angry with Alex’s parents for not valuing their son. “Anyway, Alex has these hang-ups and thinks he’s got some kind of defective gene because of them. Which is all so stupid. He’s good and honest and caring.”
“He’s obviously a well-respected member of the community if he was elected D.A.”
“That’s what I tried to tell him,” Meredith said, and sat back down again. “And I thought he’d finally got past all this garbage when he decided to run for the D.A.’s office. We were so happy working on the campaign together. I was so sure we were going to get married.”
“What happened?” Kelly asked.
“Near the end of the campaign some idiot dug up stuff about his parents. And this reporter located Alex’s mother out of state and she said some horrible things about him. Every time I think of that woman, I swear I could just kill her with my bare hands,” Meredith told her, furious again that the woman who had given birth to Alex could hurt him so viciously. “If it hadn’t been for Jack, Alex would have pulled out of the race.”
“Evidently the negative campaigning didn’t hurt him if he won the election.”
“Actually, I think it helped him to win. The people in this city aren’t dummies and they don’t like dirty politics. He’s a good D.A., too. He really cares about the people.”
“So what happened to the two of you?” Kelly prompted.
“By the time the campaign was over, he’d put this wall up between us. We’ve been lovers since I was eighteen, but he wouldn’t even touch me. He became so cool and distant, I just couldn’t take it anymore, so I did what I always do when something isn’t going right, I left town.”
“But you were miserable without him, so you came back.”
Meredith nodded. “A few months ago. I love him and, believe me, I’ve tried not to. I’ve gotten engaged to other men, tried starting all types of careers that would keep me away from him. But I always end up back here because it’s Alex I want to be with. I’d hoped that this time, well that maybe if he saw that I intended to stick around, that I was determined to make a go of the shop, then maybe he’d finally believe that I really do know what I’m doing and what I want. And that it’s him I want to be with.”
“Did you tell him that?”
“I tried. But he refuses to listen. And…and he keeps pushing me away, saying that he’s wrong for me. Why can’t he see that it’s who he is that matters to me, not where he came from or who his parents were?”
“Maybe because those things matter to him,” Kelly offered. “While I don’t necessarily see things the way Alex does, I can understand some of what he’s feeling.”
Meredith looked at Kell
y, noted her somber expression. “What do you mean?”
“Well, unlike Alex, I don’t know anything about my background. I don’t know who my parents were or why they left me or even if they’re still alive. There have always been question marks for me about who I am. Was I an only child? Or do I have siblings somewhere? Do I look like my parents? Why is my hair blond? Why are my eyes brown? Who did I get my height from? Was my mother from here? What kind of person was she? What kind of man was my father?”
Meredith didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t even imagine what growing up had been like for Kelly. And along with her empathy for her, she felt admiration. It made her ashamed that she had never really tried to be a friend to Kelly when they were younger. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m even more selfish than I realized because it never occurred to me what it must have been like for you, growing up without anyone.”
“I had Sister Grace,” Kelly said softly.
“And now you’ve lost her, too.”
“Yes.”
“I really am sorry, Kelly,” Meredith told her, and truly meant it.
“Thank you.”
She paused, met Kelly’s gaze. “Have you ever thought about trying to find out who your parents were?”
A shadow came into Kelly’s eyes and she lowered them. “We’re not talking about me, we’re talking about Alex and you trying to understand where he’s coming from,” she explained. “You come from a wonderful, respected family that loves you. And you’ve always known that no matter what happens they’ll go on loving you. I’m guessing Alex didn’t have that same sense of security. That makes him different. And no matter what he accomplishes, there’s always this little voice in the back of his head telling him that he really isn’t like you and that sooner or later you’re going to discover that.”
“So what are you saying? That just because I had a happy family and Alex didn’t that he and I can’t be together?”
“No, what I’m saying is that maybe Alex is pushing you away because he’s afraid if he lets you get too close that you’ll hurt him.”
“But I’d never hurt Alex.”
“You know, I honestly don’t think you would. At least not intentionally.”
“Not unintentionally, either,” Meredith insisted.
“I’m not the one you have to convince. Alex is.”
“But how?”
“That, I’m afraid, is something I can’t answer. The truth is, I’m probably the last one you should be asking for advice about relationships.”
Curious, she asked, “Have you ever been in love with anyone?”
“I thought I was once. But it didn’t work out.” Kelly stood and said, “Listen, I don’t know how much help I’ve been, but it’s been a long day and I’m really tired.”
Meredith realized at once that she’d probably probed a little too deeply. “It helped a lot, just having someone to talk to. Thanks for listening.” She slipped her shoes back on and stood.
“I hope things work out for you and Alex,” Kelly told her when they reached the door.
“I’ll just have to figure a way to make them work,” Meredith replied, feeling more hopeful than she had when she arrived and also more determined. “You know, we never did get around to discussing you doing those ads for me.”
“Meredith, I—”
“Tell you what, I’ll give you a call tomorrow,” she said, cutting off Kelly before she had a chance to refuse her. And because she truly was grateful, she reached over and gave Kelly a quick hug. “Thanks again,” she said, and hurried off toward the elevator.
Kelly turned off the blow-dryer and brushed out her hair. Not bothering to braid or clip the blond mass with a barrette, she allowed it to fall about her shoulders. Too wired to sleep after Meredith’s visit and fearful that if she lay in bed, she would only relive that scene with Jack, she decided to tackle the journals again. She retrieved another stack from the boxes that had been delivered to her by Peter’s office.
After grabbing a juice from the minibar, she sat on the couch, curled her feet beneath her and opened one of the journals. She felt a jolt at the sight of the neat, slanted handwriting with its beautiful loops and strokes. Perfect penmanship, she thought fleetingly, probably a product of Sister Grace’s own Catholic grade-school teachers when she was a girl. A memory of Sister Grace sitting at a table in the library with her, helping her to form her letters, surfaced, but Kelly clamped down on it. Memories could not help her now, she reasoned. What she needed to do was concentrate on the journals and hope that somewhere within those pages, she would find answers to why someone would kill Sister Grace.
She stared at the date at the top of the page. This one was dated ten years ago, the November following her high school graduation. She began to read….
I spoke with Kelly today. She seems to be settling in at college just fine and is very focused on her studies. She said she loves having four seasons for a change and is looking forward to seeing her first snowfall. She sounded content and, as always, was enthusiastic about her photography. Except for mentioning her professors and answering my questions about her dorm mate, she spoke little about the new people she’s met. I had so hoped that when she moved up north that she might come out of her shell, be a normal teenager experiencing the excitement of living on her own and making new friends. Perhaps my expectations were too much, too soon. But I will pray harder, because I know that if Kelly would only give others a chance, they would see what a beautiful, giving person she is. If only…
At the knock on her door, Kelly glanced up. After eleven o’clock, she noted, sticking a slip of paper between the pages. She put the journal down on the coffee table and rose. Another knock sounded, this one more impatient, and Kelly hurried over to the door. She glanced through the peephole and felt a mixture of irritation and apprehension at the sight of Jack standing on the other side. He was still in the dark evening jacket he’d worn to the party. But his tie dangled around his neck and the buttons at the collar of his white shirt had been opened. His hair looked like he’d jammed his fist through it more than once and his mouth was pulled into a tight frown.
When he raised his fist to bang on the door again, Kelly unhooked the safety latch and turned the lock. Only opening the door a fraction, she asked, “Don’t you Callaghans have anything better to do than bother me tonight?”
His frown deepened. “What are you talking about?”
“Never mind,” she said with a sigh, deciding there was no point in telling him about Meredith’s visit. “What do you want, Jack?”
“That’s a loaded question,” he told her, and lowered his gaze to the open neck of her robe. “You sure you want the answer?”
She flushed and yanked the robe closed. “It’s late and I’m not in the mood for juvenile games. So why don’t you tell me why you’re here.”
“We need to talk.”
“We have nothing to talk about,” she informed him, and started to close the door.
Jack wedged his foot inside. “We’re going to talk, Kelly. The question is whether we do it in private or out here in the hall? It’s your call.”
A part of her wanted to slam the door in his face. Another part of her knew she was being unfair. Saying nothing, she stepped back and allowed him into the hotel suite. “All right, you’re inside,” she said, still smarting at the knowledge that she’d been fodder for his dinner table conversation. “So why don’t you say whatever it is you have to say and leave?”
A muscle ticked angrily in his cheek at her remark. “Why don’t we start with you telling me why you ran out of my mother’s party in a snit?”
“First off, I didn’t ‘run out,’ I decided to leave. And second, I was not in a ‘snit.’ I was furious with you and your family,” she said, hurt and angry all over again to realize that Jack had discussed her with his family and friends. “How dare you use me and my life as…as entertainment at your dinner parties?”
“What in the hell are you talking about?”
“Jesus! So that’s what this is all about.” He drew in a breath, released it. “I don’t know what Alicia told you, but I didn’t say anything to her or anyone else.”
She wanted to believe him, but was afraid to believe him. “Then how did she know?”
“Because when we were at my mother’s for her birthday, Peter mentioned to Meredith that you were in town. He also told her that I’d seen you because you had mentioned it to him. One thing led to another and when I explained that I’d seen you in conjunction with work, Meredith put two and two together and came up with you being a witness in a murder investigation. I refused to discuss it, but Meredith remembered the rumors in school about you having visions and figured out what had happened. When my mother didn’t understand, she explained it to her,” he said. “I did my best to end the discussion and little else was said about it. But apparently Alicia remembered. I’m sorry, Kelly.”
Discovering that Jack hadn’t made her the subject of dinner table gossip eased the sting of betrayal she’d felt since her conversation with Alicia. Because she was feeling vulnerable, she walked over to the window and looked out. Folding her arms, she said, “I left here ten years ago because I wanted to get away from the talk, away from the stares. I should never have gone to the police station that night. All I accomplished by going was to stir up the stories again.”
“It also brought you back into my life.”
“I’m not in your life, Jack.”
“Yes, you are,” he said, moving behind her. He turned her around so that she faced him. “And I’m in your life, Kelly. That’s why I don’t understand why you would go to Peter for help instead of coming to me.”
She had hurt him. She sensed it, read it in his eyes, felt it in his touch. He deserved an honest answer, she reasoned. “Because if I’d come to you, things would have become complicated. I don’t like complications.”