Turbocharged

by Jessie Gussman

  Bobby completely let go of Nate. He protested a little when Nate stood.

  Kaitlyn stepped in. “Bobby can sit in the front with us,” she said to Gwen and Todd.

  “What about Nate?” Bobby asked. Thankfully, he wasn’t crying and clinging anymore.

  “I’ll stay in the back with Gary,” Nate said, meeting Kaitlyn’s gaze.

  She jerked her head in acknowledgement then squared her shoulders and stood. Her chin jutted out and she gripped Bobby’s hand. “Let’s go.”

  ~*~

  Pain shot through Kaitlyn’s head, her tortured feet ached, and her face felt like plastic. She didn’t want to be ungrateful, but she wished the rest of the well-wishers who’d stayed for the meal after the funeral would just leave.

  Kaitlyn glanced at Karen’s parents, who had Bobby and Gary. They were enjoying time with their grandchildren, despite the unhappy circumstances, and both boys seemed as good as could be expected. She was grateful to Nate for helping Bobby warm up to Gwen.

  Her phone buzzed with a text from Nate.

  Need me?

  Knowing Nate was close, in the same room, even if he hadn’t been able to sit at the same table as she, had bolstered her all evening. Not looking at him, afraid she’d lose it if she showed any weakness, she texted him back.

  No.

  The minutes slowly tick by as she chatted with an older man who drove with her father forty years ago, She wouldn’t look to see if Nate had walked out without another word. She wouldn’t. Finally, her phone buzzed again.

  Going home to stick that new turbo in your truck.

  Great. Maybe I’ll get home in time to help.

  She thought longingly of the garage and her pulling truck. What she wouldn’t do to be there right now, wrench in hand, installing the new turbo. That’s where she would finally be able to open that corner of her mind where she’d shoved her dad’s death and grieve the way she needed to. And if Nate were there…it was all she needed.

  Her phone buzzed again, but she didn’t look at it until the older gentleman finished his story and walked away.

  Love you. Take care.

  It made her eyes water, and she sucked in a breath, trying to keep her emotions under control. Just a little bit more and she could leave. What should she write back?

  “Yo, Kaitlyn.”

  Her fingers paused before she’d typed anything. The urge to duck out rose strong within her, but she braced and turned. “Hey, Dusty.”

  “Dad and I are gonna split.” He grabbed a folding chair, flipping it around backward and straddling it, belying his words.

  Kaitlyn wanted to groan. “OK.” She turned back toward the table and the older man who sat across from her, hoping Dusty would take the hint.

  He didn’t. “Where’s He-Woman?”

  “I don’t know who you’re talking about. Aren’t you leaving?” The funeral had gone well. She didn’t want to ruin it, but she had almost taken all she could stand.

  “You know, the girl-woman that was at your garage.”

  “The one who flattened you?” she had to ask.

  “Won’t happen again.” Dusty leaned closer. “Buddy of mine said that weakling was a professional fighter. Said that’s why his face was all colored up today.” He looked expectantly at Kaitlyn.

  She shrugged and looked away, too tired to try to match wits with Dusty. Couldn’t he just leave?

  “That true?”

  “Whatever you say,” she said wearily. Brushing a strand of hair back from her face, she scanned the hall. It was thinning out.

  “I can take him, Kaitlyn.”

  “Sure you can.” She rolled her eyes. Halfway through the funeral, she had tuned out because if she didn’t she would start crying in front of everyone. With the return of Eve and Tank, Nate would have no need to hang around anymore. He could be gone tomorrow. Part of her wanted to run back to him right then and beg him not to, but part of her wanted him gone today, just so she could be sure she could handle it. Because she was terribly afraid that she couldn’t. She knew she couldn’t. She couldn’t homeschool Bobby, raise a baby, run the trucking company, and take care of the home all by herself.

  Karen’s parents had mentioned taking Bobby and Gary back to Alaska with them. A halfhearted offer since they still had two teenagers at home, and both of them had physical problems. They confided that they’d take the boys, but they really thought it would be best for her to step up. Hint. Hint.

  Her dad had actually given his blessing to selling the business, and Tank would probably buy it, but how would she support them?

  She could run the company, but she’d have to pay for childcare, and then there was the matter of Bobby’s schooling.

  “You still going to the championship pull this weekend?” Dusty asked. Apparently, he’d wrongly assumed their silence had been companionable.

  Kaitlyn fought the urge to roll her eyes. Or scratch Dusty’s out. It was her dad’s funeral, for crying out loud. She exhaled slowly. Her dad would want her to go to the pull. “Yes.” Her head throbbed.

  “Is He-Woman going to be there?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Someone said he was your boyfriend.”

  As far as she knew he still was. And she wanted him to be. She was just confused about what that role entailed. She couldn’t lose her strength to a man. She had to be capable on her own.

  A baby cried. Gary. Thank you. Knowing it was probably rude for her to not be the last person out the door, she got to her aching feet. “Have to get my brothers. See you later, Dusty.”

  His mouth gaped like a fish out of water, but she ignored it and hurried to Gwen and Todd. Somehow, in the last month, her brothers had wormed their way into her heart. The idea of them going to Alaska was too horrible to contemplate. If nothing else, the funeral had been helpful in that regard—she would raise her brothers.

  25

  The sun was setting that evening as Nate backed into the Driver’s Door Trucking garage, the new powerful turbo he’d bought with his earnings from his fight tucked into the trunk of his car. Twenty minutes later he’d changed into the old t-shirt and jeans he’d stuffed into the trunk with the turbo, and had the hood opened on Kaitlyn’s truck, removing bolts. The man door opened and Nate’s heart thumped with excitement. Kaitlyn. He managed to keep himself from leaping off the truck. Thankfully.

  Isaac walked around the hood. “Hey, bro,” Isaac said.

  “Isaac.” Nate nodded then bent back to his work.

  “Tank said you’d probably be here.” Isaac, with a PhD in physics, was truly an intellectual and a businessman—Nate had fashioned his clothes choices from his brother’s wardrobe—and he stood watching Nate for a minute. “Changing the turbo?”

  “Yeah.”

  Isaac rolled up the sleeves on his dress shirt and grabbed a wrench.

  An hour later the old turbo had exchanged places with the new, and barely ten words had passed between the brothers.

  Nate studied the tool box, looking for the three-fourths inch wrench. “I appreciate the help.”

  Isaac shrugged. “The woman who owns this truck,” he lifted a greasy forearm and indicated the shiny large car. “She really means something to you?”

  “Yeah.” Nate yanked another bolt tight, afraid it might be lecture time.

  “Eve was telling me about her.” Isaac grunted as he tightened a nut on the other side. “Glad you finally found someone.”

  Five minutes passed.

  Finally, Nate couldn’t stand the suspense. “No lecture?”

  Isaac jerked his gaze to Nate. His serious face looked truly surprised. “Whatever you do, Nate, I’m behind you. You know that.”

  Actually, he hadn’t known it.

  “It’s your life. I might feel like a dad more than a brother sometimes, but you’re old enough to make your own decisions and face the consequences.” Isaac shrugged. “Good or bad, but hopefully good.” Isaac gave him a rare grin. “I’d like to meet her.”

/>   Nate tightened the last bolt and stepped back. “She’s something.” He grabbed a cloth and began wiping off his tools. “Thanks for your help.” He held his hand out to Isaac who shook it solemnly.

  Nate suddenly wondered if Isaac would ever find a wife. He’d always looked out for his family but didn’t seem to have a personal life of his own.

  “Anytime.” Isaac turned to leave. “I’ll see you around.”

  ~*~

  It was after eleven when Kaitlyn finally pulled into her house with the boys both asleep in their car seats. Resting her head on the steering wheel, she barely had enough energy to drag herself into the house, much less unbuckle the boys, haul them in, change them…it would require superhuman effort. And to top it off, lurking behind her eyes was the desperate need to have a sobbing, ugly cry. She shoved it back. Not now. Tempted to shut her vehicle off and just sprawl across the front seats, Kaitlyn resisted.

  When Nate appeared from out of the darkness, opening Bobby’s door and unbuckling his belt, Kaitlyn almost wept with relief. Then she got out to help.

  His bare forearms rippled and his biceps bunched and strained under his t-shirt. Unaccustomed to the sight, Kaitlyn gaped for a moment before she began working on Gary.

  Nate glanced up once and met her eyes. His face held no expression, but the angles of his jaw bulged with tension.

  She flinched and turned back to Gary.

  Bobby moaned and whimpered. Nate whispered softly to him. Little arms went up, holding tight to Nate’s neck and the fussing quieted. Kaitlyn’s heart thumped painfully. Bobby loved Nate, and Nate obviously felt the same about him.

  Thankfully, Gwen had changed Gary before they’d left the funeral home, so when they got to the boys’ room, Kaitlyn put him straight down in his crib and walked over to Bobby’s bed. In silence she helped Nate remove Bobby’s dress clothes and put his jammies on. She breathed deeply of Nate’s spicy scent, enjoying the comfortable easing of tension it always brought, as they both stopped at the door and took a last look at the boys, slumbering sweetly.

  If Nate was tempted to taunt her for accepting his help after having told him she could do it on her own, he didn’t show it, and Kaitlyn was grateful.

  They tiptoed out.

  Nate stopped at the top of the stairs, one hand on the banister, the weak nightlight showing his white knuckles, the other in his front pocket. “Good night, Kaitlyn.”

  Kaitlyn kicked her shoes off, muffling her sigh of extreme relief. She glided over to Nate, close, but not touching. “I was talking to Gwen and Todd.”

  He hesitated, as if he was surprised she was talking to him. “Ah. I wondered why you were so late.”

  “We agreed that I would raise the boys. We’ll try to do it without getting lawyers involved.” She took a deep breath. “I want to adopt them.”

  “Hmm.” His shadowed eyes searched hers, but he didn’t say anything more. His knuckles whitened still more before he dropped his hand from the banister. He turned and moved down the stairs.

  Kaitlyn’s heart tugged painfully as he disappeared into the darkness. She couldn’t believe that he was simply leaving. Had he only been here to see that she got safely home? The kitchen door squeaked as it opened. It closed with a soft click. She’d told him she wanted to do this on her own. Why did it hurt so much to see him walk away? She bit her lips together. The tears that she’d managed to hold at bay all day pressed painfully at the back of her eyes. She wanted Nate to leave. She wanted to do this herself. She’d change her clothes and go out to the garage, work on her beloved truck. Alone.

  But she didn’t want to be alone. Not now. A sob escaped her lips as she scurried down the stairs, through the kitchen, out the door, and ran straight into Nate’s hard chest.

  His hand was raised as though he planned to open the door and walk back in.

  Tears streamed down her face as his arms pulled her close, enfolding her in comfort. Her body shook as pain and grief erupted from within.

  Nate swayed slowly, his hand tender on her back.

  She cried for her dad, for Kyle, for her mother that she barely knew, for the little boys in the house who’d lost their mother, and for Karen’s family who no longer had a daughter and sister.

  She wept for herself, for the years she’d spent after Kyle’s death, searching through dozens of male arms for someone to love and accept her. She cried for not knowing that her Dad just wanted her to be strong and he truly did care. He just hadn’t known how to show it, and she didn’t know how to ask.

  Eventually her racking sobs ceased, replaced by the occasional hiccup, and her tears dried to a slow trickle. Her clutching hold on Nate eased, and she became aware of the solid muscle under her fingers. She tucked her head down and mumbled, “I’m sorry. I suck at the whole relationship thing. “

  “I’m your first, huh?” He asked with a smile in his voice.

  Kaitlyn sniffed. “Funny.” She kept her face burrowed into his broad shoulder. “It scares me. To depend on someone.”

  “Yeah. I figured that out.” He sounded resigned.

  “Then with everything that happened…”

  “Listen, Kaitlyn. I don’t care. It doesn’t matter if you need time or space or whatever. The only thing that scares me is if you don’t want this,” his chin jerked, indicating the two of them, “at all.”

  “But I do. I want to learn how to stand beside you, to support, and encourage you.”

  “You already do, sweetheart.”

  She leaned back to look in his face. “That’s not true. You’ve been here helping me with the kids and the trucks and the food and…” Waving her arm around she indicated everything.

  He studied her face, serious, and she could almost feel his indecision.

  Finally, he turned, his arm around her shoulders and guided her to the swing. “Sit with me, Katie. I’ll try to make you see.”

  She tilted her head at that odd comment but sat and allowed him to pull her to his side, snuggling next to him, his arm curving around her back. The swing creaked as he pushed gently. Crickets chirped, and Kaitlyn shivered as a crisp breeze blew across the porch, scented with the faint, earthy scent of autumn.

  “It’s true, I guess, that I’ve done more physical stuff for you—the kids and trucks and all that…” Nate spoke slowly, and Kaitlyn had the sense that he was uncovering a part of himself for her that no one else had ever seen. “But what you do for me, helps me here.” His hand tapped his chest. She had no idea what he was talking about.

  “It’s the way you look at me, as if you admire me.”

  “I do,” she exclaimed.

  “But you don’t just say it, Katie. You look at me as if you do. And you don’t look at anyone else that way. As though I stepped in and I’m all you need. You touch me as if you love the way I feel…” He paused, searching for words. “To me, admiring me says…”

  “Says what?” she prompted.

  He took a deep breath. “That you love me. It’s your admiration that I crave. I’ve never fought in the ring to be admired. That was always for the fun, for the challenge, and ultimate victory over my body and over my opponent. But when I saw your face at that last fight…you were surprised, but your eyes ran over me like a caress.” His body shivered as though he could feel it yet. “At that point, all I wanted to do was win for you. To have you look at me like that one more time.”

  He breathed out. “You’re not the type of girl who needs anything or anyone. You’re strong on your own. I think that’s what makes it so sweet, so valuable, so…addicting, when you admire me or want me or need me. And the more it happens, the more I want to do for you.” He laughed without humor. “That scares you.”

  “It does,” Kaitlyn said. “Needing someone, it makes my heart pound even now, just thinking about it. I want to be able to meet life head-on and handle it on my own.”

  “And I want to do it for you. Do it so you’ll give me that look and act as if I’m a superman.” Nate shook his head. “Isn’t that
dumb?”

  “That you want everyone to think you’re a superman?”

  “No,” he said. “Just you. I don’t give a hoot about anyone else.” He ran his hand up her arm. “So I need you to need me, and you need to know you can do everything yourself. Can we work this out?” he said it lightly, but Kaitlyn knew he was serious.

  “We have to.” Her answer came easily.

  “How?” he asked almost desperately.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Well, you know what I need, but I have no idea what you need from me.” He lay his head back on the edge of the swing.

  “I don’t either.”

  “I promised myself I wouldn’t push you. Not with everything that’s happened. But it’s hard to not know where I stand or what you want me to do. Maybe you can try to let me know when you know.”

  “This is what I need right now.” Kaitlyn wiggled against him and let one toe trail on the floor as the swing gently rocked. “I’d like you to be with us always.” She turned and looked up at him.

  He tightened his grip on her, sliding his other hand under her knees and lifting her to his lap. “I’d do anything.” His hand came up and wiped the wetness on her cheeks. “I’m glad you’re adopting the boys. It scared me to think they might go to Alaska.”

  “Me, too.” She kissed the line of his jaw. “I want them to have a mom…and a dad.”

  “Are you proposing to me?”

  “I’m accepting your proposal. Awkwardly.”

  He harrumphed. “It was awkwardly made, back when I did it.” He adjusted her slightly in his lap. “This might not be such a good idea, but it seems to me an acceptance should be sealed with a kiss.”